My recent Spiritual Care Volunteer training presentation on "Growing in Emotional Inteligence." This was a spiritual - pastoral care training for new volunteers at UVRMC.

1. Growing in
Emotional Intelligence
Based on ideas at mindtools.com and wikihow.com

2. What is emotional intelligence?
“Emotional intelligence (E.I.) is the ability to
recognize your emotions, understand what
they're telling you, and realize how your
emotions affect people around you. It also
involves your perception of others--
understanding how they feel.”
(http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newCDV_59.htm)

3. What does E.I. look like?
“We probably all know people, either at work or in our personal lives, who
are really good listeners. No matter what kind of situation we're in, they
always seem to know just what to say – and how to say it – so that we're
not offended or upset. They're caring and considerate, and even if we don't
find a solution to our problem, we usually leave feeling more hopeful and
optimistic.
“We probably also know people who are masters at managing their
emotions. They don't get angry in stressful situations. Instead, they have
the ability to look at a problem and calmly find a solution. They're excellent
decision makers, and they know when to trust their intuition. Regardless of
their strengths, however, they're usually willing to look at themselves
honestly. They take criticism well, and they know when to use it to improve
their performance.
“People like this have a high degree of emotional intelligence, or EI. They
know themselves very well, and they're also able to sense the emotional
needs of others.”

4. Why attempt to develop your E.I.?
“Being in touch with your feelings allows you to manage
stress levels and communicate effectively with other people,
two skills that enhance your life both personally and
professionally.”
Additional potential benefits of having high E.I.:
• Able to quiet or silence your inner critic
• Slowing down or preventing escalation of hostility
• Not absorbing—taking personally—others' emotional
state/energy
• Avoiding overwhelm when traversing challenging emotional
terrain
• Others will be honest with us
• Closer interpersonal relationships

5. E.I. and effective spiritual care
“There are several ways a spiritual care volunteer can utilize E.I. in
patient visits to provide a more healing presence:
1. Using E.I. to “read a room”--perceive the emotional dynamic—
and respond appropriately.
2. Using E.I. to notice and manage one's own feelings so that they
don't get in the way.
3. Using E.I. to better understand the emotions of patients and
their families, and to convey to them that you indeed understand.
(Richard Behers, “Embraced by the Heart of Hospice” blog)
http://embracedbytheheartofhospice.blogspot.com/2014/10/emotional-intelligence-3-benefits-for.html

6. The good news is that E.I.
can be learned and developed!

7. Practice these strategies to grow
in emotional intelligence:
● Notice your emotional reaction to events throughout the day. Pay attention to the
feelings you are experiencing. Give them a name.
● Pay attention to your body's physical response (sweating, heart racing, tension
headache, butterflies, increased energy, etc.) for clues to underlying emotions.
● Observe how specific emotions and behaviors of yours are connected. (When you're
feeling down, do you start criticizing others? When your brother keeps calling about the
money you owe him and you feel overwhelmed, do you avoid answering the phone?
When you're happy, do you laugh at yourself and take things lightly?)
● Avoid judging your feelings. Notice when difficult feelings surface, and observe them
with curiosity. Try to label them accurately. Pay attention to what may have triggered
them, and accept that there are reasons you now feel the way you do.
●
Practice deciding how to respond. Instead of letting your emotions overwhelm you or
lead you to compulsive behavior, take a few moments to step back and understand your
feelings. THEN, decide what you are going to do.

8. Additional tips for
emotional intelligence
● Be open-minded and agreeable. Listen to both sides of debates.
Believe in your ability to learn from every experience and yet be
humble about your conclusions.
● Practice “walking in others' shoes.” Actively imagine how others
feel, or what life is like for them. Listen carefully as they try to
explain themselves.
● Notice the effect you have on others—especially their body
language—to see if they perceive you as hostile. Work on making
your interactions “safe” for everyone.
● Be emotionally honest. Don't pretend to be in a different mood
than you're in. Don't hide your feelings from others, but also don't
blame them for “getting you mad” (etc.) Share what you're feeling
and what you intend to do.

9. Enjoy the sweet peace that comesEnjoy the sweet peace that comes
with growing inwith growing in emotional intelligence!emotional intelligence!