This presentation describes how the ability to empathize can be utilized to connect with people, establish trust and build productive relationships.

1. Intelligent Leadership Styles
Empathize to Connect
and Build Emotional
Credit with Your Peers
and Staff

2. Empathy is not the Same as Sympathy
Many people confuse empathy with
sympathy – they are not the same. When
you sympathize with someone you attempt
to feel the same way they feel by recalling
a time in your past when you felt the same
way. One typically attempts to “mirror”
the other person’s facial expressions and
body language to demonstrate and confirm
your sympathy for the other person.
We typically sympathize in an attempt to make the other person feel
better. You know what they say…”misery loves company.” This is true
because we typically sympathize when the other person feels ill, is
experiencing some tragedy, or has recently failed at something. When
we sympathize we are saying…”I know how you feel because I’ve been
there myself.”

3. Empathy has Two Elements – First Identify
The first thing you must do to
express empathy effectively is to
correctly identify the emotion in
question. Emotions are most
readily identified by facial
expressions and body language.
To become skilled at identifying
emotions, the first thing you
must learn to do is PAY
ATTENTION to others.

4. Empathy has Two Elements – First Identify
You should begin developing your ability to identify emotions by
beginning with the six basic, universal emotions. What do you think are
the most and least commonly expressed emotions in the workplace?
Happiness
–Gain something of value
Sadness
–Lose something of value
Surprise
–Something is happening
Anger
–Blocked from getting
something
Fear
–Possible threat
Disgust
–Rules are violated

5. The Most and Least Commonly Expressed Emotions
Anger
53%
Happiness
19%
This finding suggests we
tend to often be frustrated
at work and find little
happiness there. Learn to
identify anger first, so you
can empathize with your
angry co-workers. Also,
don’t be surprised if you
infrequently notice
happiness at work.

6. The Keys to Identifying Emotions
Pay attention – too often we are concentrating on
ourselves. We are thinking about what we are going to
say and do next. How do we look? What are other
people thinking about us? To develop your ability to
identify emotions in others, you have to pay attention
to the facial expressions and body language of others.
Genuine expressions are often brief – so concentrated
your focus on the initial responses people make on their
faces and in their body language. Reactive bursts of
emotion or “micro-expressions” are impossible to fake.
We quickly mask certain expressions – many people
think about what emotion they “should” feel to be
“politically correct” in a situation and then as fast as
they can display that emotion. The most common
example is the “insincere” or fake smile.

7. Empathy’s Two Elements – Understanding is the Second
Once you have identified the
emotion, the next step is to
understand why that person feels
that way. To understand why the
person is feeling the emotion you
have identified you will need to ask
some questions. It is best to be
subtle and sincere in the way ask
your questions to help you identify
the source for the emotion.

8. Empathy’s Two Elements – Understanding is the Second
You don’t want to ask to many
questions or the other person will
think you are prying and being too
“nosey.” A good rule of thumb is to
stop questioning when you believe
you know enough to explain why this
emotion is being felt…because that is
what you are going to do next,

9. The Empathy Formula
Of course you need to express this in your own words, but you make
an empathetic statement in two parts:
“You are feeling __________
because ________ , am I right?”
First you describe the emotion you believe other person is feeling
and then you explain your understanding of why the other person is
feeling this way. If you are correct on both points – then you have
successfully empathized. Congrats!

10. Why Bother to Empathize?
People “connect” with one another through
empathy. The ability to empathize has been
the hallmark of many great leaders. Empathy
promotes trust, builds productive
relationships and produces “emotional
credits” that will come in handy when you
need a member of your staff to stay late or
work a little harder to meet a deadline.

11. Intelligent Leadership Styles
Questions?
Contact:
Dr. Phillip R. Ash
professorash@ymail.com