Thoughts become actions, actions become habits, habits become character, and character reaps a destiny There was once an optimistic farmer who couldn’t wait to greet each new day with a resounding, "Good morning, God!" He lived near a woman whose morning greeting was more like, "Good God... morning?" They were each a trial to the other. Where he saw opportunity, she saw problems. Where he was satisfied, she was discontented. One bright morning he exclaimed, "Look at the beautiful sky! Did you see that glorious sunrise?" "Yeah," she countered. "It’ll probably get so hot the crops will scorch!" During an afternoon shower, he commented, "Isn’t this wonderful? Mother Nature is giving the corn a drink today!” And if it doesn’t stop before too long," came the sour reply, "we’ll wish we’d taken out flood insurance on the crops!" Convinced that he could instill some awe and wonder in her hardened attitude, he bought a remarkable dog. It could perform remarkable and impossible feats, which, the farmer thought, would surely amaze even his neighbor. So he invited her to watch his dog perform.” Fetch!" he commanded, as he tossed a stick out into a lake. The dog bounded after the stick, walked on the water, and retrieved it. "What do you think of that?" he asked, smiling. "Not much of a dog" she frowned. "Can’t even swim, can he?" Just as optimism & pessimism are diametrically opposed to each other, Like oil & water, Greed & godliness do not mix! In order to pursue the one, we must flee the other.
Three Chefs: Three chefs were working in a restaurant one day, when their kitchen supervisor approached them with an order, and instructions on how to properly prepare it. The first chef looked at the instructions, and said "You can show a recipe to 100 different people, and each of them get a different meaning. You can’t understand recipes, so why even read them?" The second chef took a slightly different angle. He said "I don’t believe this recipe to be the literal directions of our supervisor. I believe the ingredients all have hidden meanings. I think the meat represents one thing, the spices and other ingredients symbolize something else, and the time and cooking temperature are some sort of mysterious allegory." While the other two were engaging in their debate, the third chef simply took the recipe, and prepared the dish according to instructions. The dish turned out to be delicious, and I’m sure you can guess what happened next. This chef was rewarded for following directions properly, while the other two were reprimanded, or worse. While this little story may seem somewhat silly, it sadly illustrates the attitude that many people take toward God and His Word, the Bible, which is to be OUR instructions, our "recipe," for how to live our lives.
“ The Prayer of Cyrus Brown”: “ The proper way for a man to pray,” Said Deacon Lemuel Keyes, “ And the only proper attitude Is down upon his knees.” “ No, I should say the way to pray,” Said Reverend Doctor Wise, “ Is standing straight with outstretched arms And rapt and upturned eyes.” “ Oh, no, no, no,” said Elder Slow, “Such posture is too proud. A man should pray with eyes fast-closed And head contritely bowed.” “ It seems to me his hand should be Austerely clasped in front With both thumbs pointing toward the ground,” Said Reverend Doctor Blunt. “ Well, I pray while resting every day,” Said Mr. Henry Pack. “So I should think you say your prayers While lying on your back.” “ Last year I fell in Murphy’s well— Headfirst,” said Cyrus Brown. “With both my knees a’stickin’ up And my head a’pointin’ down.” “And I made a prayer right then and there, The best prayer I ever said, The prayingest prayer I ever prayed, A’standing on my head.” “So, if your prayers come From mouth and not from soul; God may just someday let you Fall into a hole!”
An American, British and Filipino pastor got talking about giving money to God. The American pastor says: "when God tells me so, I just empty my wallet in the collection plate." The British pastor is quite impressed with this impulsive but charitable attitude of his American colleague and is ashamed to tell of his approach. He says: "I draw a circle of about a meter or three feet around me, I throw the money in the air and everything that lands within the circle, I’ll put in the collection plate." The Filipino pastor, thrifty and penny pincher that he is, is not ashamed of his own approach. "I just throw everything in the air and everything that God wants, He’ll just keep and the rest that falls to the ground is mine again."
Holy Land Conversion A Jewish man had a son who did not take his faith seriously. The father warned him that if his attitude did not change, he would send the boy to the Holy Land to become a good Jew. The son continued to refuse and true to his word, the father sent the son off to the Holy Land. Six months later the son returned, and to his father’s dismay, the boy had become a Christian. The father was absolutely dumbfounded, so he went to share his confusion with his best friend. His friend replied, "Funny you should mention. I too had trouble with my son. I too sent him to the Holy Land to become a good Jew, and he too came back a Christian. What DO we do?" After discussing it a while, they decided to go seek counsel from the Rabbi. They said, "Rabbi, what do we do? We both have the same problem. We both have trouble with our sons. We both sent them to the Holy Land to become good Jews. And they both come back Christians. What do we do?" With an incredulous look, the Rabbi replied, "Funny you should mention. I too have trouble with my son. I too sent him to the Holy Land to become a good Jew, and he too came back a Christian. What DO we do?" After discussing it for a while, they decided to pray. They said, "God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, what do we do? We all three have the same problem. We all three have trouble with our sons. We all three sent our sons to the Holy Land to become good Jews. And all three sons came back Christians. What do we do?" Then lightning flashed, thunder clapped, and a booming voice said, "Funny you should mention . . ."