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The Law of Averages, Chapter 2: The Not-So-Average Family
1. Hello, mere mortals. I am Luxor, your smart and handsome host. And if anyone says different, I’ll scratch their eyes out. Anyway, you may have noticed that last chapter I was violently dragged out of CAS and into a house with two humans I can only describe as mentally unstable.
2. One was boring, obsessed with ghosts and cleaning, and named Daxton.
3. The other was a threat to cats the world over. Known as Oriana the ‘Orrible, she would torture me and my kin for hours with her presence, seemingly taking great delight in throwing us in the air and rubbing her head in our faces.
4. Unfortunately, these two humans have been allowed to breed, and have produced two offspring to further their causes: sheer boredom and cat torture. The female offspring was named Xyris.
6. These two would have to be watched and studied. We could not let them bring horror and terror to future generations. So my kin and I took it upon ourselves to investigate these small humans and stop them from growing into humans such as their sires, if at all possible.
7. Unfortunately, as I carried out my investigations on the female, I was captured... ...Hmmm, everything seems normal here. “Heeee, kitty...” Stay away from me, small human...
12. However, our investigations are still incomplete and we will continue to monitor the human offspring in order to be sure that— Luxor. What? What are you doing? I’m introducing the chapter, like you told me to. Yes, but I didn’t mean like this! I just meant, you know, say hello and welcome everybody back. At this rate the chapter will be about you and no-one else. Suits me. Well it doesn’t suit me, so stop it and let me get on with the story. You spoil all my fun. Look, I’ll let you hiss at Oriana later if you want. Ha, you say that now...
13. In that case, I’m going to eat the humans’ dinner. And there’s nothing you can do to stop me!!! *sigh*
14. Anyway.... Like Luxor said, last chapter Daxton and Oriana had twins, Xyris and Kyran. Who, thankfully, are turning out to be a lot more interesting than their parents. Xyris here is absolutely obsessed with the pink bunny head, even though I’ve provided her with every kind of toddler toy there is. She’s so obsessed with it that she’s got 5 charisma points already and it’s only her first day as a toddler.
15. Kyran, on the other hand, spends most of his time at the activity table, picking up and chewing on the blocks rather than doing anything else with them. He always seems to be chewing something...
16. And when he doesn’t get a bottle fast enough, he has no problems with munching on cat food.
18. Most of the time though, the twins are living off smart milk, because although I’m usually a rubbish player and my sims all have aspiration meters which are lurking in the red zone, this time I’ve been quite successful and Daxton generally always has a platinum meter. For a fortune sim, he’s surprisingly easy to keep happy. So I’ve been using the smart milk, because I never manage to get toddlers to learn all their skills, and this time I’m determined to.
19. Xyris loves it because it means she can skill charisma faster. Also, I’m sure she bangs that bunny on the ground faster when she’s on the milk...
21. I had thought that Kyran was the more gentle, more innocent twin, until I realised something. Every time Kyran’s awake and Xyris is in her crib trying to sleep, Kyran seems to delight in rushing over to the xylophone, banging out a few notes and continually waking his sister up, to the point where I have to remove him from the nursery to save both my ears and his sister’s sanity. Maybe he does have a bit of a sneaky streak in him...
22. “Me tired.” I know sweetie, go back to sleep. I’ll ban him from the nursery, don’t worry.
23. “Hee hee, Kyran make pretty noises and wake silly Xyris up!!” *sigh* I could just delete the xylophone, but I really want them to skill up on creativity as much as possible. And, you know... It’d break Kyran’s little heart. And I’m a sucker for spoiling my sim toddlers.
24. Xyris is the first of the twins to get potty trained, which makes sense as she’s usually the first to get anything. She’s incredibly outgoing, after all. Oh, and check out how happy Daxton looks to see his daughter potty trained. Cheer up, Daxton, at least look a little happy! “I am happy. This is my happy face.”
25. She’s also the first to learn how to walk, but no sooner has she learnt that than this happens...
26. Urgh, guys, I don’t think the kids need to see that...
27. As for the cats? Well, Heidi and Inky have suddenly taken a violent dislike to each other for some reason, and are often found hissing at each other. I have no idea why. Maybe their jealous because they both get on with Luxor really well...
28. It’s usually Inky who wins the fight though; Heidi may act vicious but she’s not at all. Inky, however, gets the mean streak from her dad.
29. But they all have one thing in common, at least. They all hate Oriana. I hate her more than you, father! Don’t be ridiculous, Inky; I was the one who hated her first! Well what about me; I have double hate bubbles!!
30. Mind you, Luxor just hates everything and everyone in general. Like the repairman. “Awww, cute little cat!”
31. I see the jugular, all I have to do is POUNCE!!! Luxor, you leave him alone this instant!! He just fixed our eternally leaking bathtub; I don’t want him to charge us extra for getting chewed on by the insane cat!
32. Of course, Daxton never changes. “Hmm. A fire.”Daxton, get the heck out of the kitchen!!!
33. “Urgh, that smells horrible.” DAXTON!!! You’re about to get burnt to a crisp and so is everything else unless you CALL FOR THE FIRE BRIGADE!!! “Dada?” NOOOO!! Xyris, go back to the nursery!!! *regrets teaching the child with all the outgoing points to walk*
34. “Hello child. Why has your aspiration meter dropped?”Hmmm, I don’t know Daxton, maybe because there’s a FIRE?!! Now get her out of there!!!!!
35. Eventually, Daxton remembered he was a father and got Xyris to safety while Ichelle the firewoman put out a fire in our house for the third time in a week... *sigh* Oriana and Kyran slept through the entire thing, by the way.
36. I think Daxton felt a little guilty after that, because he immediately took Xyris into the nursery and read to her. But this is Daxton we’re talking about... “Cars are extraordinarily interesting. They are made up of so many pieces. Firstly, there is—”Er, Daxton? I think Kyran might be more interested in that book, and even then just because he’d eat it.
37. Because I felt slightly sorry for Oriana (only slightly, mind you) and because her aspiration meter is dangling somewhere in the red, I went with the only affordable thing she wanted and bought her a pottery wheel. However, she sucks at it.
38. Um... Oriana? What is that?!“It’s my plate... At least it’s supposed to be a plate... Where are the instructions for this thing? I’m sure it’s faulty...”Well I’m sure it’s your rubbish skill level, but never mind.
39. Surprise surprise, Xyris is the first to learn to talk, too, meaning she’s now learnt all her toddler skills. She’s a little dynamo. Kyran, on the other hand, has only just learnt to use the potty. He’s a little slower than his sister.
40. Here are their new portraits. Aren’t they cute? I’d like to have one for each life-stage they go through.
43. “Your belongings now belong to me!! I have the power!! I am invincible!! Mwahaha!!!!!” Yeah, whatever. Creepy idiot. These guys have always freaked me out. Hey, where’s Luxor when you need him?!
44. Oriana? What’s wrong?“He took the bunny head....” That’s it? Puh. Lousy Repo Man. “Xyris will be so disappointed.” Nah, she and Kyran are growing up today. They’ll forget about it soon enough. Besides, we can always buy another one for the next ba– er, I mean, in case we need another one.
45. So, it’s time for the twins’ birthdays, and just because Xyris usually does everything before him, I’ve let Kyran go first with the cake. Sorry he hasn’t had much face-time this chapter, but really, he was a dull toddler. Just ate everything he came across and woke up his sister every two minutes with the xylophone.
46. Wow. They actually look like a normal, happy, exciting, interesting family...
47. “I say, jolly good birthday party we’re having!!!” Shame Daxton has to ruin it.
48. “Yum yum!!” No, Kyran, you can’t eat it until the candles come off.“Yum yum, canduwls!!!” You can’t eat the candles either. *sigh*
50. “Wow, my hand looks good enough to eat!!” Oh joy, it carries on into childhood...
51. Now it’s time for Xyris, the daddy’s girl... Seriously, she’s the only thing he ever takes any interest in. He pretty much ignored Kyran after the first day, same as Oriana ignored Xyris.
53. Hmmm, not at all bad... She has rather big lips, but I’m sure she’ll grow into them.
54. “Er, hello!!! You let me grow up badly! My aspiration meter’s in the red!!” Oops... Sorry Kyran, it’s just that you were sooooo boring as a toddler, I just kind of... Forgot to teach you the other skills... “It’s so not fair; Xyris gets everything!!”True story... Still, I really am sorry, Kyran. “Huh. Do I get a nice makeover, at least?” Now that I can promise you. Off to the mirror with you, boy!
55. “I’ll be at the mirror in a minute, I just need to wash these dirty plates up...”Aw, come on, Xyris; I know you inherited all your neat points from Daxton but still; you’ve just grown up! You should be having fun, not cleaning.“This is fun.” Whatever; just go to the mirror, get made pretty and then pose for a picture with your brother!
57. I think Xyris looks more like Oriana; although I think she has Daxton’s cheekbones. Either way, she turned out quite cute.
58. Whereas Kyran definitely looks more like Daxton. He’s fairly cute as well, though I think he’s got one of those faces that might explode when he becomes a teen, especially the lower half.
59. So, now the toddlers are children, we can start preparing for the next baby. I didn’t think I could deal with two toddlers and a baby all at once, you see, so I’m better prepared for it now. “There were no fires today, wife.”
60. “You are so weird, Daxton...”Have I mentioned before that I pity Oriana?
61. I hear a lullaby... I’m lucky Oriana still wants to do this. With a husband as boring as hers, I think I’d have run screaming from the house.
63. Seems like Kyran can’t help but think about his dad either... Weird family.
64. And Daxton’s influence doesn’t stop there. He’s even got Xyris to enjoy cleaning out the litter tray... *sigh*
65. And the pet house! Whilst Daxton supervises, of course. “You missed a spot, daughter.”“Oh yes, of course dad! How did I not see? Silly me.” Welcome to the Average household, where children really know how to have fun...
66. Meanwhile, Kyran has found a much more normal hobby to pass his time... Painting. He’s obsessed. Every chance he gets, he rushes to the easel. “I’m going to be a world-famous artist!!”
68. Xyris is turning out to be a real brainbox. Like I said before, she skilled most of charisma when she was a toddler, and she’s racking up skill points now she’s a child like nobody’s business. Plus she’s the only one so far who seems to have figured out Luxor’s evil; perhaps from her experiences with him as a toddler. “Please don’t bite me Mr Kitty, please don’t bite me...”Give me a stroke behind the ears and I won’t, kid.
69. Xyris and Kyran do the autonomous hug thing all the time; it’s so sweet. They’re really close; they do everything together. It’s like I don’t even have to tell them to be cute; they just do it :D
70. And they’re constantly gossiping about their mother. “Hey Xyris; mum’s gonna be a crazy old cat lady!”“Hahaha; I know, it’s so funny!!” I love these two... :D
71. However, at a family breakfast one morning, I started to get a little worried about Kyran... It started with Xyris, as most things usually do. “Hey mum, dad; now I’m older, can I start wearing makeup?”
75. “And a dress, too. A nice, pretty pink dress.” .....
76. “Hey bro... Are you feeling okay? ‘Cos, you know.... Boys don’t wear dresses. Or high heels.” I can’t help sharing Xyris’ concern...
77. I think I’m going to be monitoring Kyran quite closely from now on. Still, at least he doesn’t need monitoring in one area...
78. Homework. He’s actually doing really well at it right now. Which is more than can be said for his sister...
79. “I don’t understand it!!” Xyris may be a little know-it-all at home, but stick a pile of homework in front of her and it’ll take her days to complete it. Hence her continued low grades at school. Please don’t let the social worker come, please....
80. What’s more, the headmaster’s round for dinner today. Good thing bad grades don’t affect your score, otherwise Xyris would have failed us straight away.
81. The poor guy tries to make conversation with Daxton and Oriana, but he has no chance. “Ah, what a lovely day it is outside. A little cloudy, but still bright sunshine.” Daxton: “Quite.” Oriana: *slurp slurp nyom nyom gobble gobble*
82. We interrupt our story now to bring you this guy, who walked past our lot when I was supposed to be concentrating on getting the kids into private school... *drools* *more drooling* ... Ahem. Anyway... Er, back to the story... *tries to stop drooling*
83. In order to make up for Daxton’s completely lame conversational skills and her complete lack of them, Oriana tries to turn the conversation towards something guaranteed to get Dax talking... Ghosts. “So, Mr Headmaster, what do you think of ghosts?”
84. “Oh, I don’t believe in all that silly nonsense about ghosts. They can’t possibly exist.”
86. Still, somehow we managed to get the twins’ into private school. Oh and by the way, Oriana IS pregnant. You just can’t tell because her CC clothes won’t show it.
87. Luckily, the next day after school, there’s a bit of a difference...
89. Meanwhile, inside, Heidi and Inky were scratching the heck out of each other... “Oh dear, the cats... Oriana will not be pleased if they should kill each other.”
91. But Heidi wins this time round, for once... Hey wait, what have you done to Inky’s head?! She deserved it. You flattened your own daughter’s head? *makes a mental note not to believe Heidi’s so innocent from now on...*
92. That night, a familiar scene takes place... “DAXTON!!!!”“ *mumble mumble* Quiet, wife... *mumble mumble* “
93. Thank the heavens, it’s just the one baby this time. And the only person awake to see the birth is Kyran. Happy to have a younger sibling, Kyran?
94. “Aw man, I did NOT need to see that...”Yeah, I guess you didn’t... Sorry Kyran; hope we haven’t traumatised you...
95. The baby’s a boy, and thanks to a suggestion made by Callie (ImmatureStrikes) at boolprop.com, we’re calling him Zephyr. He looks pretty much like Kyran did as a baby to be honest; more like his dad than his mum.
96. And how do you feel about having a baby brother, Xyris?“Mum and Dad had another baby? Huh. Whatever.” Right-o then...
97. At the moment Daxton seems quite taken with Zephyr, but he’ll probably get tired of him soon enough, just like he did with Xyris. To be honest I’d be quite glad, cos it would mean no more feeding the baby bottles every ten seconds...
98. Kyran seems to have developed a new obsession now. Aliens. Matches his dad’s liking for ghosts, I suppose. “Hey Xyris, did you know that scientists have discovered that aliens do visit earth, and sometimes they do this thing called probing people, which means that they—”“That’s quite enough of that, Kyran.... Heavens, what sort of books have you been reading?!”
100. “Kyran, aliens don’t exist, you silly boy. It’s just people’s imaginations playing tricks on them.”
101. “Yes they do; they live on the other planets in the sky, and when I grow up I’m gonna be an astronaut and I’m gonna visit those other planets and I’m gonna marry an alien and have alien babies and—”Enough now, Kyran!! Jeez, just go read a book with your mum and stop talking about aliens.
102. “So then the knight slayed the evil dragon and—” “Mum, can I have a rocket for my next birthday?”
103. “Wouldn’t you prefer a nice bear instead?”Poor Oriana. She’s got a husband obsessed with ghosts and a son obsessed with aliens.... Mind you, she’s the one obsessed with cats. It’s just Xyris who’s obsession-free right now.
104. Speaking of Xyris, she does so well at everything she tries that she’s always getting those hobby people coming round and trying to convince her to join their clubs. It freaks me out a bit really; I thought it only happened to adults. Still, Xyris is more than capable of dealing with them. “Thank you for the offer Mr Stranger Man, but I don’t want to join some loser’s club for obsessions. I think you have me confused with the rest of my family. Now beat it.” See? :D
105. *sigh* I told you Daxton would get bored of Zephyr soon enough. And it’s no good crying for Oriana, little dude; she never normally bothers with sons until they’re at least in their toddler years.
106. I’m still worried about Kyran... He spends hours in Xyris’s room, playing with toys like horses and dolls, even though he has his own toybox with his own, more masculine, toys inside... Is there something you’d like to tell me, Kyran?“I like horsies!!!” Right then...
107. Jeez, you wouldn’t know it was a birthday party and that all three of their children are growing up today, would you? Come on guys, smile!“These are our happy faces.”*sigh* Of course, Daxton.
109. “I wish for lots and lots of things to chew. And rockets. And horsies! And dresses. And make-up. And aliens, of course! And—” All right; all right, just blow the candles out Kyran or we’ll be here all day.
110. Oh dear... Remember what I said about his face exploding when he hit teenage years? Yeah... Well.... *sigh* Never mind, hopefully he’ll look better with a little makeover.
111. Notice the only one who seems to be excited for Xyris is the headmaster. Daxton looks surprised she’s even there, the random townie guy is wandering off, the repairman is wondering why he’s even there and Oriana is half-heartedly blowing the party horn thing. Gee, great birthday party, huh?
112. Yay, she’s pretty! And her face didn’t explode!! I think that’s mainly thanks to her inheriting most of her genetics from Oriana, but still, I’m happy :D
113. Doesn’t Kyran look better after his makeover? Okay, so he’s still got a huge nose and lips, but there’s not much we can do about that. Anyway, he’s a family sim with the LTW to reach a golden anniversary.
114. Xyris, on the other hand, is a romance sim with the LTW to woohoo with 20 different sims. Hmmm, uni should be interesting then.... :D
115. Zephyr is the last to grow up. Let’s hope he’s cute!
117. Well, we’ll have to spruce him up a little but overall I think he’s quite cute! He’s got a heck of a personality though; 10, 1, 10, 3, 10... Extremely neat, active and nice. I thought I’d had my fair share of neat freaks in this family, but clearly not...
118. So I think I’ll leave you here, with this picture of spruced-up Zephyr enjoying his new toy :D Hope you enjoyed, and as always please comment and review over at boolprop.com. Thanks, and see you next chapter! :D
