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Chapter 4.pptx
- 1. CHAPTER4 Revising and proofreading Business Messages
- 3. Improving content and sentence structure May involve adding, cutting, and recasting. Correcting grammar, spelling, punctuation, format, and mechanics Proofreading Revising
- 4. Memo Revised for Conciseness NorthStar Telecommunicat ion Services Interoffice Memo DATE: November 12, 200x TO: Rodney Hawkins FROM: Sierra McKinneyt , SUBJECT: Cow.retL ors r Investigation of Web Sites of eoffio of Our Ceffipetitere " 9' c v€St t € This is just a short note to inforffi you lha(. as you requested , I have A'lBEie an in>rostigation of several of our competitors' Web sites. Attached horod fis a summary of my findi n g · • K . : o t of ffi)' in>restigation 'rl was reanf 'most interested in A'leiEin§ e eoffi riaon of the effiployrflent of" strategies lor ffiarl otin&'as well as tl9e uee 6 rnavigational graphics uae3"to guide visitors €eco..vse SOO'tl 9 ' through the sites. In view of tl'le feet tl'let we will be revising our own Web site in tho Roar future', I was m<troffiel.f'lntrigued by the organization, l1 inel f5fmarketing tactics, and navigation at each and e>rerf site I visited. D In tl'le e...ent tl'lefryou would like to discuss this information with me, feel free tt fcall me at Extension 219. Attachment
- 5. 01.Revising for Conciseness a. Eliminating flabby word/expression b. Limit long leads introductory… c. Omit the fillers of it and there d. Remove redundant word 02.Revising for Clarity a. Dumping trite business phrases b. Avoiding jargon and slang c. Dropping cliches 03.Revising for Vigor and Directness a. Unburying verbs b. Controlling exuberance c. Choosing clear and precise words 04.Designing Documents for Readability 05. Recording Proofreading Edits Manually and Digitally
- 6. Revising Business Messages Revising business message includes avoiding- Flabby expression rather using concise wording 1. Wordy prepositional 8. Jargon 2. Long lead-ins 9. Slang 3. Outdated Expressions 10. Clichés 4. Needless adverbs 11.Precise verbs 5. Fillers 12. Concrete nouns 6. Repetitious words 13. Vivid adjectives 7. Redundant words
- 7. Concise Wording Revise your messages to eliminate flabby expressions. Flabby Expressions Concise wording At a later date Later At this point in time Now Afford an opportunity Allow Are of the opinion that Believe, think that At the present time Now presently Despite the fact that Though Due to the fact that Because, since Feel free to Please Fully cognizant of Aware of In addition to the above also During the time While
- 8. Avoid Wordy Prepositional Phrases Replace wordy prepositional phrases with adverbs whenever possible. For example, in the normal course of events can be written as normally and as general rule as generally. Wordy: MCI approached the merger in a careful manner. Concise: MCI approached the merger carefully.
- 9. Limit Long Lead-Ins Instead of this This memo is to inform you that all employees meet today. I am writing this letter to say thanks to everyone who voted. Try this All employees meet today. Thanks to everyone who voted.
- 10. Drop Unnecessary Fillers Revise sentences to avoid fillers such as there is/was and it is/was when used merely to take up space. Instead of this There was only one employees who should be promoted. It was Lisa and Jeff who were honored. Try this Only one employee should be promoted. Lisa and Jeff were honored.
- 11. ick Qu Ch ck Revise the following sentences to avoid flabby I would like to take this opportunity to inform everyone that in all probability we expect to win eWe probably will the contract. expressions, long lead-ins, and unnecessary there is/it is fillers. This e-mail message is to A new health benefit inform you that there is a plan is available for new health benefit plan employees. available for employees. win the contract.
- 12. ick Qu Ch ck Revise the following sentences to achieve conciseness. eAlthough most In addition to the above, Two contracts are there are contracts that are also attached. attached hereto. Despite the fact that most information is posted on the company intranet, please feel free to call whenever information is posted necessary. whenever necessary. on the company intranet, please call
- 13. Remove Redundant Words advance warning close proximity exactly identical filled to capacity final outcome necessary requisite new beginning past history refer back serious danger Avoid unnecessarily repetitious words. What words could be omitted in these expressions?
- 14. Remove Redundant Words advance warning close proximity exactly identical filled to capacity final outcome necessary requisite new beginning past history refer back serious danger Avoid unnecessarily repetitious words. What words could be omitted in these expressions?
- 15. Dump Outdated Expressions Trite and Outdated as per your request pursuant to your request attached hereto under separate cover Modern at your request at your request attached separately
- 16. Jargon Computer Jargon queue export bandwidth Alternative list of documents waiting to be printed transfer data from one program to another Internet capacity Avoid technical terms and special terminology that readers would not recognize. Is jargon ever permissible?
- 17. Slang to “bag on” clueless turkey chill/chill out to tease, to nag, or to complain unaware, naïve someone stupid or silly relax Avoid slang (informal expressions with arbitrary or extravagantly changed meanings).
- 18. Clichés Avoid clichés (overused expressions). Substitute more precise words. Instead of this Last but not least, you should keep your nose to the grindstone. We had reached the end of our rope. Try this Finally, you should work diligently. We could go no further.
- 19. ick ec k Q u Ch warning, we could have sold out before our stocks tanked. Revise the following sentences to avoid redundancies, trite business expressions, jargon, and slang. Last but not least, the Finally, the attorney attorney referred back to an referred to an exactly identical case. identical case. With a little advance With warning, we could have sold out before our stocks hit bottom.
- 20. Revise the following sentences to avoid redundancies, trite business expressions, jargon, and slang. Ms. Miller, who shoots straight from the shoulder, demanded final completion by January 1. Ms. Miller, who is straightforward, demanded completion by January 1. Pursuant to your request, enclosed please find a check for $150. As you requested, a check for $150 is enclosed.
- 21. Buried Verbs Revise verbs that have been converted to nouns. Look for words ending in tion or ment. Could they be more efficiently and forcefully converted to verbs? Tip
- 22. Instead of this The manager came to the realization that telecommuting made sense. A job seeker must make application Try this The manager realized that telecommuting made sense. A job seeker must apply before Using Precise Verbs? before May 1. May 1.
- 23. • Instead of this Once we have the establishment of a • Web site, our • business will grow. • Please give • Try this • Once we establish a Web site, our business will grow. • Please seriously • consider a Buried Verbs company intranet. company intranet.
- 24. Control Exuberance workable. To sound credible, don’t overuse intensifiers such as very, definitely, quite, completely, extremely, really, actually, and totally Excessive The manager is actually quite pleased with your proposal because the plan is definitely Businesslike The manager is pleased with your proposal because the plan is workable.
- 25. Precise Words to stagger hours. proposal. Revise your writing to include precise words. Strive for specific verbs, concrete nouns, and vivid adjectives. Beware of unclear pronouns. Unclear The man asked for a raise. An employee presented a More Precise Jeff Jones asked for a 10 percent salary increase. Kelly Keeler, production manager, presented a plan
- 26. Precise Words get in touch. send you an e-mail. Revise your writing to include descriptive, dynamic adjectives instead of overworked, all-purpose ones. Instead of this They thought her report was good. She said she would Try this The management council thought Erin’s report was factual and well written. Sheila said she would
- 27. ick ec k Q u Ch The seller promised to e-mail (telephone or fax) you. The seller said he definitely would contact you. We must give encouragement to our team. We must encourage our team. In the following sentences, unbury verbs and control exuberance.
- 28. In the following sentences, unbury verbs and control exuberance. Moviegoers actually show a total preference for buttered popcorn. Moviegoers prefer buttered popcorn. Please make an assessment of the home’s value. Please assess the home’s value. Ann made a suggestion that we hire Lee. Ann suggested that we hire Lee.
- 29. Designing Documents for Readability Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e Chapter 4, Slide 29 Employ white space. Headings Short paragraphs Ragged-right margins
- 30. Choose appropriate typefaces. Serif typefaces have small features at ends of strokes. Useful for body text. Times New Roman Century Georgia Garamond Designing Documents for Readability Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e Chapter 4, Slide 30
- 31. Choose appropriate typefaces. Sans serif typefaces are cleaner without features. Useful for headings, signs, and noncontinuous reading material. Arial T ahoma Verdana Calibri Designing Documents for Readability Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e Chapter 4, Slide 31
- 32. Designing Documents for Readability Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e Chapter 4, Slide 32 Use bulleted and numbered lists. Break up complex information into smaller chunks. Use numbered lists for sequences. Use bulleted lists for items that don’t require a certain order.
- 33. Instead of this T o clean the printer, you should do the following. First, you should disconnect the power cord. Then you open the front cover, and the printer area should be cleaned with a soft cloth. Try this T o clean the printer, do the following: 1. Disconnect the power cord. 2. Open the front cover. 3. Clean the printer with a soft cloth. Designing Documents for Readability Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e Chapter 4, Slide 33 Use a numbered list for instructions.
- 34. Instead of this On April 3 we will be in T oledo, and the speaker is Troy Lee. On May 20 we will be in Detroit, and the speaker is Sue Wu. Try this Date City Speaker April 3 May 20 T oledo Detroit Troy Lee Sue Wu Designing Documents for Readability Organize information with column headings. Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e Chapter 4, Slide 34
- 35. Instead of this Our team constantly tries to achieve our goals, customer service must be improved, and our production targets must be met. Try this Our team constantly tries to (a) achieve our goals, (b) improve customer service, and (c) hit our production targets. Designing Documents for Readability Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e Chapter 4, Slide 35 Use letters to list items within sentences. Strive for parallelism.
- 36. Instead of this The next topic is vacations. A new vacation schedule will be available on May 1. T o assist employees, we will begin a flex schedule in the fall. Try this Vacations. A new vacation schedule will be available on May 1. Flextime. T o assist employees, we will begin a flex schedule in the fall. Designing Documents for Readability Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e Chapter 4, Slide 36 Use paragraph headings to improve organization and readability.
- 37. uick hec k Q • Creating podcasts programs • Maintaining an Internet directory. create podcasts, how to C • Sharing multiple The next training session will demonstrate In the next training session, the trainer will demonstrate how to Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e Chapter 4, Slide 37 share multiple programs, and how to maintain an Internet directory. Arrange the following in a concise, bulleted vertical list.
- 38. uick hec k C • Study the job description. • Itemize your most strategic skills and qualifications. • Practice giving responses in a mock interview. interview, you should begin by Qinterviews by doing the Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e Chapter 4, Slide 38 Improve the readability of the following instructions that will become part of a student’s employment booklet. In preparing for an employment You can prepare for studying the job description. following: Itemizing your most strategic skills and qualifications is also important. Giving responses in a mock interview is another good practice technique. Last, you should be prepared to ask relevant questions.
- 39. What to Watch for in Proofreading • Spelling • Grammar • Punctuation • Names and numbers • Format © ISTOCKPHOTO.COM / DMITRY SHIRONOSOV
- 41. Marked Copy This is to inform you thalteginning eptember 1 4the doors @leading to the Wes ide of the building will have alarms. door-s Because of the faet that!these e x i talso function as fire exitsA ' they car[)10t a.etuan;{be lockedA--consequently'-'we are instaling use.. ol ' ' f a l s . Please -utilizs&'the east side ex ts to avoid setting off the ear;piercing alarms.
- 42. How to Proofread Complex Documents • Allow adequate time. • Print a copy, preferably double-spaced. • Be prepared to find errors. • Read once for meaning and once for grammar/mechanics. • Reduce your reading speed.
- 43. Chapter 4, Slide 42 Mary Ellen Guffey, Essentials of Business Communication, 8e For documents that must be perfect: Have someone read aloud the original while someone else checks the printout. Spell names. Spell difficult words. Note capitalization. Note punctuation. How to Proofread Complex Documents