This is the transcript of the Amateur radio which takes place in the Planetside 2 universe in the fictional world of Auraxis. It's all in good fun but I'll definitely prod the developers if they do things I don't like.

1. Auraxis Radio
Pilot Episode
Hello Planetmans and welcome to Auraxis radio, your only source
for free press on Auraxis.
In today's news the dark gods known only to us lowly peons as
"developers" have hinted at the creation of a miniature rocket
launcher for the light assault. Those on the sacrificial server
who have tested this weapon have expressed mixed feelings about
the gun, saying that it's an interesting idea but the slug and
smoke ammo are problematic. In a brief editorial this reporter
would like to mention that this new tool was created for the
construction update and should focus on the construction update.
More from this situation as it develops.
And now we go to traffic.
The roads of Indar were clogged with heavy traffic this evening
as a Vanu push from Scarred Mesa to Regent Rock Garrison was
rudely interrupted by a player made base on the bridge between
the two. A bystander on the scene expressed his disappointment
in our dark overlords for repairing much of the Indar map yet
leaving this single bridge alone and so easily blockable. He
then proceeded to repeatedly fire his lancer at the base before
a nearby infiltrator put a bullet between his eyes. The
infiltrator may have been available for comment but quickly fell
to his or her death soon after, which did not make the person he
just killed feel any better.
Breaking News!
We have just received a notice that an infiltrator has been
spotted at Jaeger’s Crossing. We are unaware of his or her

2. Auraxis Radio
Pilot Episode
intentions but we are certain of one thing, he is not a member
of the faction that owns Jaeger’s Crossing. Thanks to the new
cortium powered radar provided to us by our dark overseers we
can clearly make out a bright pink camo, a small notepad, and a
very large crossbow which appears to only have half its ammo
remaining... oh... it appears that one of you was certainly
listening as the infiltrator has just been brutally killed by a
member of the faction that does own Jaeger’s Crossing. The
infiltrator leaves behind a wife and four children. They loved
him dearly, though he did tend to disappear a lot.
Next, we move on to the weather.
The weather in Indar is currently being described to us as "hot
enough to melt the spandex from your skin".
The weather in Esamir is currently being described as "cold
enough to freeze the spandex to your skin".
The weather in Amerish is currently being described as "nice and
pleasant with nary a cloud in the sky".
The weather in Hossin is not actually being described. The other
line appears to fill with laughter at the very mention that
anyone would care about Hossin.
The weather in Koltyr is being described with a flat "nobody
cares".
This weather was brought to you by our sponsors from Cortium
Cola. Make your day a Cortium Cola day unless you wish to anger
the dark ones further.
Now we move on to sports, and what better sport is there on this
warring planet than a blood sport?

3. Auraxis Radio
Pilot Episode
Today's blood sport tips and tricks comes to us from this humble
reporter himself and is meant for beginning players of the Vanu
Sovereignty. Do you ever feel like your gun is an abomination?
Do you feel like the developers are laughing at you by making
the default sniper rifle a semi-automatic version that requires
two headshots to kill? Well this tip is for you. Just slap a
silencer, forward grip, and 12x scope on your spectre and find
yourself a nice cliff with a view of a nearby base's vehicle
terminal. As enemies use the terminal you can put two bullets
into the side of their head and cash in on those sweet certs. As
the Vanu Sovereignty is the only faction with gravity-defying
lasers this is unfortunately not easily repeatable for the
Terran Republic who are stuck with an even more embarrassing
weapon as the infiltrator default.
In other news today, a terrible disease is sweeping across
Auraxis.
Planetmans with a GPU bottleneck have been experiencing a return
of the dreaded hitch sickness. This terrible sickness makes
doing anything in Auraxis, besides turning off the game and
playing something else, nearly impossible. Fortunately medical
officials have several treatments which they suggest. The first
and most common treatment is to buy a better graphics card for
your hardware. The second treatment is to enter treaty with the
dark ones in hopes that they will finally crack open the engine
and make it compatible with what the game demands. The third
treatment is to take the developer's X-Rated materials hostage
and demand their compliance on fixing the game. Officials have
admitted that the first method does have the greatest chance of

4. Auraxis Radio
Pilot Episode
success but the latter two are certainly tempting on both
humorous and practical grounds. Should you attempt either of the
latter two, a small sacrifice of human flesh is recommended in
order to parley for your life should anything go wrong.
That's all the news we have for you today so we'll leave you
with our weapon showcase!
This showcase is sponsored by the New Conglomerate. The NC6
Gauss SAW. I'm told that this gun is one of the hardest hitting
in all of Auraxis if you can handle it. The massive recoil makes
it very difficult to control even with its slower fire rate.
Definitely not a gun you want to use without attachments. When
asked why this gun was the default for new Heavy Assaults, who
would naturally not understand attachments very well,
Conglomerate officials responded with "We're simply trying to
get everyone used to the role that they're going to play in this
war. This will allow newer members to experience the full
freedom of the NC." They then whispered to me "it's mostly the
team killing potential" and left. We at Auraxis radio thank you
for that enlightening insight into the minds and soul of the New
Conglomerate.
Check more Auraxis Radio out at:
https://youtu.be/r9ibfCzZgh8?list=PLt9BSUlcI-QaRMLjbKS4Su5kuACBepiWQ