This document discusses challenges military families face during deployment and reintegration. It provides tips for staying connected during deployment for partners and children of different ages. Suggestions are given for pre-deployment preparation and reconnecting as a family after deployment, including allowing time to adjust, focusing on communication, and seeking help from community resources if needed. Habits of successful versus unsuccessful military families are compared. The presenters specialize in counseling services for veterans and their families.

1. RECONNECTING
AS A FAMILY
James McAuley, MA LAMFT
Rebekah Miller, MA

2. INTRODUCTION
Introductions
Presentation Overview
Pre-Deployment Preparation
Staying Connected During
Deployment
Reconnecting with Family
Who’s in the Audience

3. IMPACT OF DEPLOYMENT
ON FAMILIES
Pre-Deployment
Increased stress on family and individuals
Emotional and behavioral withdrawal
Deployment
Systemic change and changes in roles
Increased stress
Communication issues
Emotional and behavioral problems
Re-deployment
Systemic change and changes in roles
Expectations – met and unmet
New stressors

4. CHALLENGES FOR ALL
MILITARY FAMILIES
Plan and prepare for deployment
Handle stress of separation and long deployments
Take care of health and well-being
Know of and access services when needed
Cope with children’s reactions to deployment
Manage family finances (in some cases, income change)
Carry out new family roles and responsibilities
Cope with transition period once member returns

5. RESILIENCE IN
MILITARY FAMILIES
Active coping styles
Family Readiness for deployment
Strong community support
Ability to adopt gender roles
Optimism
Acceptance of military lifestyle

6. UNSUCCESSFUL
MILITARY FAMILIES
Habit 1: You say, “I can’t do it.”
Habit 2: You don’t know what’s important in your life.
Habit 3: You spend time doing what is not good for you.
Habit 4: You think if someone wins, someone always has to
lose in relationships.
Habit 5: You talk first and listen second.
Habit 6: You do not work with others.
Habit 7: You do not take care of yourself or your family.
Franklin Covey 2007

7. SUCCESSFUL
MILITARY FAMILIES
Habit 1: You’re proactive. You say, “I can do it.”
Habit 2: You identify and prioritize family values.
Habit 3: You put first things first. You do what’s best for you
and your family first.
Habit 4: You think win-win. You think everyone can win in
your relationships.
Habit 5: You seek first to understand, then to be understood.
You listen first and talk second.
Habit 6: You synergize. You celebrate differences and work
together as a team.
Habit 7: You sharpen the saw. You make time to care for
yourself and your family. Franklin Covey 2007

8. PRE-DEPLOYMENT
PREPARATION
Family Time
Identifying & Mobilizing
Resources
Early plans & preparation
for deployment connection
Self-Care & Physical &
Mental Health Commitment
Video Clip

9. PRE-DEPLOYMENT
PREPARATION
Family Time
Navigate temptation to become
distant from family members
Plan weekly times with each
family members and possibly a
special family trip
Acknowledge your grief, but
enjoy the time together
Other ideas?

10. PRE-DEPLOYMENT
PREPARATION
Identifying & Mobilizing Resources
Military Family Care Initiative:
www.militaryfamilies.state.mn.us/
Daycare & Other childcare providers
Proactively enlist help from teachers and childcare
providers.
Connect with other military families
Other ideas?

11. PRE-DEPLOYMENT
PREPARATION
Early plans for deployment connection
Write cards for holidays and “down days”
Make picture book
Discuss ways to stay connected: USB
drive, skype, phone, journaling, letters,
Have realistic expectations about
communication plans
Deployment wish list for service member
Other ideas?

12. PRE-DEPLOYMENT
PREPARATION
Self-Care and Physical & Mental Health Commitment
Non-deployed parent/caregiver: Needs time off
Non-deployed parent’s mental health symptoms correlate
with their children’s symptom severity.
Preventative: Seek professional help to work through
difficulties with children or relationship prior to the
separation
Other ideas?

13. STAYING CONNECTED DURING
DEPLOYMENT - PRE-SCHOOLERS
Video Clip
Talk with your children at there level
Use your family like a security
blanket for your children: Wrap
them up in family closeness
Limit the amount of news your
children watch
Map out a routine and stick to it
Make sure you take care of yourself

14. STAYING CONNECTED DURING
DEPLOYMENT - PRE-SCHOOLERS
Use play to help your children express their fears about what
is happening
Tell your children that they will be alright
Watch your children for signs of mental health concerns
Enlist your children's help
Put things into a “+” perspective for your children

15. STAYING CONNECTED DURING
DEPLOYMENT - ELEMENTARY
Talk with your child
Make home a safe place emotionally for your child
Limit the news they watch
Realize the stresses of war may heighten daily stresses
Map out a routine and stick to it

16. STAYING CONNECTED DURING
DEPLOYMENT - ELEMENTARY
Make sure you take care of
yourself
Tell your children that they will
be alright
Watch your children for signs of
mental health concerns
Enlist your children's help
Put things into a “+” perspective
for your children

17. STAYING CONNECTED DURING
DEPLOYMENT - ADOLESCENTS
Talk with your child whenever you can
Make your home a safe place for your child
Limit the amount of news
Realize the stresses of war heighten daily stresses
Map out a routine and stick to it

18. STAYING CONNECTED DURING
DEPLOYMENT - ADOLESCENTS
Make sure you take care of
yourself
Tell your children that they will
be alright
Watch your child for signs of
mental health concerns
Enlist your child’s help with a
chore or an opinion on a family
activity
Put things into a “+” perspective

19. STAYING CONNECTED DURING
DEPLOYMENT - ADOLESCENTS
Talk with your teen whenever you can, even if it seems he or
she doesn’t want to talk to you
Make your home a safe place emotionally for your teen
Encourage your teen to take “news breaks”
Realize that the stresses of war heighten daily stresses
Make a routine and stick to it

20. STAYING CONNECTED DURING
DEPLOYMENT - ADOLESCENTS
Answer questions honestly and dispel
rumors
Give age-appropriate explanations
Watch your teen for signs of fear and
anxiety that he/she may not be able to
verbalize
Enlist your child’s help, whether it’s a
chore or an opinion about a family activity
Help your teenager find ways to handle
stress

21. STAYING CONNECTED DURING
DEPLOYMENT - PARTNER
What will work for your
family?
Two Examples
Letters/Packages
Holidays?
Emails
Phone/Skype
Video
Other ideas?

22. REUNITING WITH YOUR CHILDREN
The Dream

23. REUNITING WITH
YOUR CHILDREN
Infants: Cry, fuss, pull away from you, cling to your spouse or the caregiver
they know. Talk to them while holding, hugging, bathing, changing, feeding,
playing, and relaxing with them.
Toddlers: Be shy, clingy, not recognize you, cry, have temper tantrums,
return to behaviors they had outgrown (no longer toilet trained). Give them
space and warm- up time. Be gentle and fun. Sit on floor at their level and
play with them.
Preschoolers: Feel guilty for making you go away, need time to warm-up to
you, intense anger, act out to get attention, be demanding. Reinforce that
they are loved unconditionally, listen carefully, accept their feelings, find
out new things they are interested in, play with them, control attention-
getting behavior.

24. REUNITING WITH
YOUR CHILDREN
School Age: Excitement, joy, talk constantly to bring you up to
date, boast about you, guilt about not doing enough or being
good enough. Review pictures, school work, family scrapbook,
praise for what they did during your deployment, do not criticize.
Teenagers: Excitement, guilt about not living up to standards,
concern about rules and responsibilities, feel too old or unwilling
to change plans to meet you or spend extended time with you
upon your return. Share what’s happened during deployment,
encourage them to share, do chores together, listen, respect
privacy and friends, don’t be judgmental.

25. RECONNECTING WITH
YOUR PARTNER
It is normal to be nervous
Take it slow
Plan a retreat/getaway together
Remember what you like about each
other
Share joys and hardships experienced
during the deployment
Seek professional support if necessary

26. RECONNECTING WITH
FAMILY
Allow at their own pace
Help provide structure
Attend social functions
Use family & community resources
Feeling a “Part” after being apart
Go Slow

27. RECONNECTING AS A
FAMILY
Discover the new family strengths
Don’t leave disagreements unresolved
Define the new norm
Ask family about what happened
during deployment
Ask children to show you what
you missed
Ask what their favorites are?
Show an interest

28. QUESTIONS?

29. SPECIALIZING IN SERVING
MILITARY FAMILIES
TO EVERY VETERAN &
MILITARY FAMILY:
THANK YOU FOR YOUR
SERVICE. James McAuley, MA LAMFT
Claddagh Counseling
Airforce Veteran
Web: www.claddaghcounseling.com
Email: james@claddaghcounseling.com
Phone: 320-223-0015
Rebekah Miller, MA
Wellness Counseling Services (WCS)
Army Veteran
Web: www.wellnesscounselingmn.com
Email: Rmiller@wellnesscounselingmn.com
Phone: 651-399-6920