1. n Use language that’ll engage the listener. A
productive conversation doesn’t need jargon
or to show how you are more knowledge-
able than the listener.
n Treat others as you would like to be treated.
Good communication is respecting others
and letting them speak their mind too. Don’t
nag, lecture or interrupt.
n Show interest in others by asking open-ended questions,
such as ‘What are your thoughts?’
n Slow down and speak with clarity. Fast talkers are difficult to understand.
n Use ‘I’ messages to avoid meltdowns and blame, or to give feedback to
someone on their behaviour. ‘I feel anxious when there’s no phone call or
message’ instead of ‘Why didn’t you call me last night?’ is likely to lead to
a more meaningful conversation.
For better conversations
WORDS & MORE
Whether you’re
trying to cajole a
miffed spouse or
present a novel
idea at work,
attempting to get
an errant child
to behave or
establishing an
acquaintance over
email, how you
say it makes all
the difference,
believes
Suja Natarajan
weaknesses. One must learn how to talk
to people who are difficult. As a good
communicator,youneedtouseadifferent
technique with each person. If you’re
communicatingwithapessimisticperson,
set aside the notion that he’s unpleasant.
Ask questions to draw out what’s on their
mind – ‘What would it take to make you
feel good about this?’ or ‘How would you
do things differently?’ Remember the
purpose of the conversation and keep
emotionsat bay,”maintains Maya.
Good communication is the essence of
any relationship, especially marriage. It
thrivesontheexchangeofdesires,beliefs
andemotions.Itcrumbleswhenpartners
stopcommunicating.“Toomuchfocuson
one’s view, lack of empathy, tendency to
blame, being sarcastic, being too critical
are some barriers to an effective couple
communication,” says Sadia. “It’s
importantnottakeastand.Treattheother
personasanequalandusealotof‘I’state-
ments, like, ‘This is how I feel...’ rather
than asking, ‘Why did you do this?’Try to
express without attacking, blaming,
judgingorsayinganythingwhereyouput
the other person in a defensive mode.
Maketheotherpersonopenupandlisten
to you,”she adds.
One of the cornerstones of strong and
healthy families is sound parent-child
communication. Parenting is enjoyable
The single biggest problem in
communication is the illusion that
it has taken place.
– George Bernard Shaw
P
icture this: Anita, a sales
manager, reminds John, her
colleague, about a meeting.
“Don’tforgetthemeetingtime,”
she says. To John, it sounds like
Anita considers him to be disorganised
and unprofessional. Perhaps, if she had
said, “Remember the meeting time”
instead, the response would have been
more positive.
Mostoften,despiteourgoodintentions,
the message that we try to put across is
lost in translation. It is possible that you
saysomethingandtheotherpersonhears
and understands it as something else.
Words are the invisible weapon that can
either make or break a relationship. Be it
at home or work, your personal space or
public arena, your communication does
pack a punch.
Itismorethanjustadialoguebetween
two or more people. Communication is a
two-way process, where you convey a
message,whichshouldbereceivedbythe
otherinthewaythatyoumeant.Youalso
need to listen to the other person, who
should feel heard and understood. “An
effective conversation needs to keep the
listener in mind. One needs one to be
empathetic. You don’t have to cut people
out or invalidate their views,” says Sadia
Seed Raval, founder and chief
psychologist, Inner Space, Mumbai.
Whetheryou’representingyourideain
a meeting or writing an email to a team-
mate, what you say leaves an impression
on people and speaks about your overall
character.“Atwork,it’snolongerthrough
authority that you get things done. The
aimofgoodcommunicationistogetthings
done,maintainrelationships,energiseand
influencepeoplethroughthewaywetalk,”
says Maya Balakrishnan, consultant
trainer based in Bengaluru.
Difficult talks
“We can’t choose who we want to work
with. We’ll find positive and negative
people, and they have their strengths and
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Saturday, July 25, 2015
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Living
Channel your inner peace with some graceful Tai Chi moves. P2
ONE WILL
BE AT
EASE TALKING
TO YOU IF YOU
FOCUS ON THE
PERSON, MAKE
EYE CONTACT,
SMILE AND
NOD WITHOUT
SHOWING
IMPATIENCE
when there’s lots of positive interaction
withyourchild.“Mostofthetimes,achild
is repeatedly made to feel that she is too
littletoberespected,heardorunderstood.
So, s/he learns to show disrespect to the
parents in the same way. Establishing
respect is quite important. Parents are
responsible to create healthy boundaries
thatencourageeffectivecommunication,”
says Sadia. Few ways to foster open
communication with your child include
incorporatingpositivestatementslike‘I’m
interested!Iwouldliketohearmoreabout
it,’ ‘Would you like to talk about it?’, ‘Am
listening,’‘What do you think about it?’in
your daily conversations with the child.
Mind over body
Do you realise that your body
languageisaspowerfulasyour
words when you communi-
cate? Your body posture, eye
contact, facial expression and
the tone of your voice convey
volumesaboutyourfeelingsto
theotherperson.Researchby
Albert Mehrabian, professor
of psychology, University of
California, Los Angeles, on
verbal and nonverbal
messages shows that 55 per
cent of communication is
throughbodylanguage,38per
cent through tone and 7 per
centthrough words.
“Thesinglemostnonverbal
toolthatyouhaveinyourhand
isthetoneofyourvoice.Every
conversation has an emotional climate,
andthetonedeterminesit.Whenyouhave
to speak to someone who has a history of
hostility, visualise that you’re talking to
your friend. You’ll notice that the entire
bodylanguage,including the tone, is now
moreopen,”saysMaya.Asmile,nod,open
posture and forward lean soften your
communication.
“Being a good listener is just as impor-
tant. The other person will be at ease
talking to you if you focus on the person,
make eye contact, smile, and nod without
showingimpatience.Hewillopenup,and
the conversation can go to deeper levels,”
she suggests.
When you’re under stress, the style of
communicationchangesandyoumaynot
usetherightwords.Recogniseyourstress
triggers, take a moment to calm down or
find humour in a volatile situation. When
you can maintain a relaxed state, even in
an agitating situation, you can communi-
cate effectively. If something makes you
upset,findpositiveaspectsinthesituation
and avoid complaining or whining.
When you write
Whether you’re writing an email,
complaint letter or a persuasive memo,
communication involves skillful writing
and knowledge of how people respond to
words. Since words are perceived differ-
ently in different contexts, the receiver of
the message can completely miss the
intended meaning.
“Emailisacomplicatedwayofcommu-
nication. Your email gives all kinds of
impressionaboutyou,apartfromthemail
content. It’s important that emails are
faultless, wherever and whoever may see
it.Thisneedsalotofknowledgeandplan-
ningbeforeyoutypeanemail,”saysMaya.
If you want your listener(s) to under-
standandrespondfavourably,itiscritical
that you understand your audience, their
background and needs. It is important to
tailor your communication according to
your audience. You can communicate in
one way to the juniors; you need another
way with the middle managers. Keep in
mind the culture of the person that you
are speaking to, warns Maya, because
that’s the filter through which they
understand you (especially in communi-
cations across countries).
So, no matter what the medium, you
need to watch your words. They have
immense power.
Losingitintranslation...