Our journey of infertility, a ten year journey that took us on a roller coaster of emotions. A little something to encourage others facing similar heart breaking situations or for the ones who are fortunate enough never to have had faced such a challenge but are open to understanding the painfully, heartbreaking road some are travelling on. .

1. After a few years of being married and not becoming pregnant, we decided it was time to see a specialist. Little did we know that we were about to embark on years of tests, probing and prodding, medications, day surgeries and much more that resulted in no answers or reason for us not becoming pregnant. When we thought we had done all the tests, examinations, scans etc.. The specialist would get us to do the same tests all over again. We would go back to the specialist to hear the results, but nothing could be explained as all tests would always come back clear.

2. Years of doctors, specialist, procedures, tests with no results nothing all our specialist could tell us was ...... IDIOPATHIC INFERTILITY Although words never do justice in ones challenge, pain, adversity or hardship. Let me share with you some facts and the journey we encountered for 10 years and what so many others have, are or will face. Although these words will explain some emotions, situations we went through, and many will appear bleak and without hope, my hope would be that this will help people who have friends and family facing similar struggles that they may better understand the struggles and challengers that their friends or family are facing.

3. Many couples are unprepared For the journey of Infertility The financial, physical and emotional stress can separate a loving couple

4. One in eight couples in Australia have difficulty becoming pregnant and are considered infertile In about one in five infertile couples the problem lies solely in the male partner. In about another quarter of cases, there are problems with both male and female partners. In a further one in six infertile couples, the cause of the problem cannot be identified (idiopathic infertility).

5. Our unforseen Journey........ Years of tests No answers No results No pregnancy No baby to hold in our empty arms No words can express the heartache

6. Rollercoaster Feelings of: Hopelessness Despair Shame Depression Anticipation Anger Restlessness Resentment Hope Emptiness Guilt Loneliness Loss Strength Infinite sorrow Hatred Desire Longing

7. Infertility is a life crisis it has a rippling effect on all areas of your life. Sometimes there’s a glimmer of hope but this turns to sorrow.... with each disappointment it feels like a little more of you is dying inside.

8. Five years of disappointments and finally an unspeakable joy comes into our lives We are told we are pregnant Such a joy that can’t be explained We prayed and thank God for this wonderful gift and blessing We are on top of the world After years of pain and sadness, it all disappears with such wonderful news that we have desperately longed for

9. Nothing could go wrong........ so we thought......

10. A few short months later this joy was ripped from us...... Total despair, devastation, numbness, speechless, heartbreaking, grief that hits so hard you can’t breathe..... Disbelief that God, nature would allow this to happen

11. Ectopic pregnancy is what it was Doctors tried to consol us by saying I was lucky to be alive, but this was no consolation as at this moment I barely wanted to exist myself People tried to consol us by saying it was meant to be or at least you know you can get pregnant.........words which were meant to help but only added salt to the wounds

12. Absolute Sorrow Grief Anger Despair Hopelessness Heartbreak

13. Tears of Never being able to hold our baby in our arms, to kiss their cheek, to say I love you, to laugh and play with them, to watch them grow. People didn’t know what to say and even months later they moved on as if our baby never existed but for us the pain was still unbearable.

14. Our precious little gift was ripped away from us Our joy was stolen from us We lost our little baby A little life taken too soon

15. We love you little one and wish you could be here with us but we know you are safe in heaven and you will never have to cry any tears of pain or suffering on this earth. You are safe in the Father’s arms, safe from heartache safe from the cruel things of this world. We look forward to the day when we can hug and hold you when we come to be with you in heaven. You are our child and we will never forget the joy that you brought to us knowing you were there as short as it was.

16. Four years on we are pregnant again Excitement and joy again fill our lives

17. 6 weeks pregnant and my specialist calls to tell me some bad news My progesterone levels are two low for our baby to survive Out of desperation I ask what can I do He said, “nothing, I can prescribe progesterone but you will be taking it in vein”. He said, “this is a non viable pregnancy”.

18. I hung up the phone, gutted again, my breath taken from me, I felt weak and numb and said to myself not again.......... At that moment I turned to God and said a prayer. God you have the final say in this, you are God of the impossible, you are a God of miracles and I ask you to allow our baby to live. I remember saying to God that He is the one that gives life and no human can say differently regardless of any circumstances or scientific facts

19. That day I refused to accept what the doctor said and I prayed life into my womb and my baby Ten years of tests, exams etc and then the thought of losing another baby was crippling and heart wrenching I took the progesterone and still my levels were to low for our baby to survive. My specialist continued to tell me this was a non viable pregnancy the nurses told me the same Rollercoaster of emotions and a fight inside of me knowing the reality of the situation but trying to have faith in God.

20. On Monday August the 31st 2009 at 7:24pm Our “non viable pregnancy” was born Emily Lorraine Iven Our precious gift from God We thank God every day for our miracle little girl