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Chapter 5 Nvc
Notas do Editor
- NVC has many characteristics, which distinguish it from verbal communication. Like other forms of communication, NVC is influenced by gender and culture. Characteristics: it’s always present when we communicate (whether we are physically present or not) provides great value in conveying information about others (and much of the information isn’t something we intentionally reveal) it’s useful in helping to make suggestions about how we are feeling (however the message is more ambiguous, it provides clues) Cultural Factors -some NVC is universal, but culture and gender determine how we express ourselves NV Functions -you can repeat, punctuate and emphasize words spoken with NVC, it can sometimes substitute for verbal communication, sometimes it contradicts what we say, and deceives others Many forms, some obvious… posture, gesture, facial expression, eyes, voice, touch, physical appearance /attractiveness some subtle…personal space/distance, use of time, physical environment 7% of our words, 38% of vocal characteristics : tone, volume, inflection, 55% of body language and facial expressions
- Do this is groups. Role play through each statement. Role players try to visualize and be in the moment – be real. Observers, take note of the following – what messages are you receiving, what do you understand this person is saying about this event? Follow-up with a role play adding words. Observers – how accurate were the messages you received from NVC and the message the role player stated? Debrief – what does this exercise tell us about NVC? What is revealed about your own NVC? What is revealed about how you sensitive you are to others NVC? What’s inside of this exercise for us as teachers?
- Rules out sign language and written words, but includes vocally transmitted messages that don’t involve language such as sighs, laughs, etc. NVC is a CLUE, not a FACT.
- If you sat in the AdHum pit downstairs, or the FNUC Student Commons, and watched people for a short time you would see the ways that people communicate nonverbally. Have you ever done this? Do you have an example you could share from as recent as today? Some would argue that unintentional behaviour provides information but should not be considered communication. Consider: sometimes we blush, stammer, sweat without meaning to – it just happens (physiological response to a situation). Is this communicating something? Has this happened to you? Using NVC is the way we manage our identities and define the kinds of relationships we want to have with others. Consider: You want to make a good impression on a new friend.... You wouldn’t begin by stating all of your desirable qualities, “Hello, I’m fun-loving, down-to-earth, have a great smile, well organized,...” however, you will use NVC to try to convey these qualities to others. As well, NVC helps us to convey emotions we are unwilling or unable to express in words – or those we may not even be aware of – examples are, you are bored, you find someone very attractive, you are interested in something someone has to say, you are opposed to something someone has to say, you are nervous about a new task. Sometimes we think we’re getting a message from NVC of others, but we discover it’s way off the mark. This is the ambiguity factor. Consider the photo on the slide. What message do you receive from this image? It is a photo taken of Rev. Jesse Jackson at the inauguration of Barack Obama, first Black US President. Other info: some emotions are just naturally easier to decode. In studies, people were generally able to accurately decode positive expressions (happiness, love, surprise, interest) than negative (sadness, anger, disgust, fear). In real-life NVC happens quickly and spontaneously and so it becomes a guessing moreso than a true identification of messages conveyed. Some are more skilled than others – people who are better senders of NVC can usually read it in others more easily. Women seem to be better at this than men. Regardless, no one is perfectly accurate in reading NVC. Always best to get clarification. When trying to decode NVC be aware of the following: Context – a joke has been told, a tragedy has occured History – what is your history with this person (good terms, arch enemies) Mood – what mood is this person in at this moment? Feelings – what are the feelings you have as you enter this moment? Insecure, threatened, afraid, insecure?
- NVC is different from VC – verbal messages are typically intentional, NV are usually not and often unconscious expressions. Emotional Intelligence: Developing skills in decoding NVC is important – good NVC skills are valuable to you in your personal, and professional life. They are a strong predictor of popularity, attractiveness, socioemotional well-being. How will this help you as a new teacher?
- Even children who have been blind since birth use facial expressions to reveal these feelings. Take note of the fact that there is a syndrome called NVLD which makes reading facial expressions, and other NV cues very difficult. People with NVLD will have a hard time making sense of NV messages. Children with NVLD will misinterpret humor or sarcasm (and so will many others, as this is tricky and ambiguous). These individuals will have difficulty knowing how to behave in social situations and so rely on others to model appropriate behaviours, ie. When meeting someone for the first time, how do we teach children to behave? Specific Cultural Differences: see next slide
- The lesson, when in Rome... Know what the Romans do. Next slide.
- Personal boundaries are invisible. Stop to consider what your own personal boundary is. In groups of three, find a space in the room to stand with an arm’s length between you and the others in your group. Begin chatting about your day for a few minutes. Stop. How comfortable are each of you with this distance? Okay, now take a step in toward each other and continue talking, “what is your favorite tv show?”. Stop, how comfortable are you now? One more step in toward each other and discuss your favorite childhood memory.... Stop. How comfortable is this? What does this exercise tell you about your own personal boundaries. What is most comfortable for you. What if someone began to touch you while you were talking? Of course, there are several things to consider in this exercise (how well you know the people you are talking with, ie). Women tend to be more apt to make eye contact, are more vocally expressive, smile more often (and use facial expressions more), and more likely to be comfortable interacting at closer distances. Men on the other hand will be more likely to lean in as they talk, and require (and are usually given) more personal space. Why do you think this is so? Another example, is the elevator: how do people tend to handle the space in an elevator? Often, they do not make eye contact, which indicated personal space but is also influence by culture. In Western cultures, direct eye contact is seen as a way of being direct, honest, truthful but in many cutlures, this is seen as disrespectful. Many First Nations cultures view direct eye contact as disrespectful. This is also true in Latin America and Arab countries. People tend to become less critical (more tolerant) as they build understanding of others’ unique circumstances.
- If internet is available show this video.
- Repeating – someone asks you for directions, you state the way and reinforce by pointing. Pointing is what scientists call an emblem (a deliberate nonverbal behaviour with precise meaning know to everyone within a particular cultural group. In First Nations, many people recognize and chuckle at the way people will point using their lips. This is a cultural emblem. Other emblems are nodding the head (yes), shaking head (no), waving (hello or goodbye), hand to the ear (didn’t hear you). Substituting – Emblems may replace or enhance verbal messages. Someone asks what’s new? You shrug and say nothing. How’s it going? You sigh, or shake your head and frown. Complementing – the verbal message and nonverbal cues are congruent.. Your friend is very late, and when she arrives she offers an apology along with a sincere facial expression OR she apologizes and shrugs. These complementary behaviours are illustrators to support spoken words. Ie, you are watching a horror movie, and your eyes are wide and your hands go to your mouth. You just figured something out and snap your fingers. Accenting – this is the NV italics used to emphasize a verbal message. “This was your bright idea!” (pointing at the person). Regulating – controlling the flow of verbal communication.. For example, when you are signalling that you are finishing a point your voice begins to fall, you hold up your hand to indicate you are not finished speaking, you take a breath or draw out a word, aaaand, to signal you are continuing a thought. Contradicting – deliberately sending a mixed message to make a point, ie a visibly frustrated friend blurts, “No, I’m not frustrated at all!” Your partner has been going on and on and you don’t want to say you don’t want to keep listening, so you, say “yes...uh-huh, Oh?” etc but at the same look around, turn away, begin fidgetting . Deceiving – interesting way we communicate to avoid telling the truth. This could be deliberately malicious but often is used to avoid hurting someone, or saving one’s own face. Women become more successful at deception as they grow older, as is someone who is highly self-aware. Liars who have good NV skills (highly expressive, articulate) are judged as more honest that those who are subdued. People who work in fields where they have to behave in ways that contradict how they feel are generally better liars. How does this apply to your role as emerging teachers? FBI Agent discusses how to tell if someone is lying on this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3PAW7zjgPw&feature=related
- Posture and Gesture – what does our position say nonverbally about how you feel? This is the power of kinesics (the study of body movement, gesture and posture). Many of our postural cues are subtle, but send powerful messages. Research into “posture echoes” shows that we can be perceived as being more caring, emphatic or respected by copying the posture of those who we are listening to. Consider this in the teaching role you are entering. Other research into victims of violence shows that criminals sometimes target their victims through their postural cues – ie an easy target is someone walking slow, tentatively, looking at the ground. Those who walked with purpose and were aware were less likely to be targets. Scientists call gestures “manipulators”. These movements can sometime be referred to as fidgetting – one part of the body manipulates another body part (pinch, pick, rub, hold, etc). We often do this without even being aware we are doing it. Fidgetting has been associated with deceptive behaviours, but this is a false generalization. Did you know that even those who have been blind from birth fidget? Face and Eyes – most noticed in people and most impactful. Consider: servers who smile more earn larger tips than those who don’t. Our emotions can cross our faces in a split second. Others may notice and make interpretations. Six basic emotions have facial expressions reflect – surprise, fear, anger disgust, happiness and sadness (ekman and Friesen). Different emotions show up on different parts of our face: happiness/surprise in the lower face and eyes, anger in the lower face and brows/forehead, fear and sadness show in the eyes, and disgust in the lower face. These emotions cross cultural boundaries. It’s possible to have combinations of emotions (fear and surprise, disgust and anger, ie ) These are called “affect blends”. People are usually pretty accurate at judging facial expressions, and this increases when we know the sender. Eyes, especially, send many messages. Meeting someone’s gaze indicates involvement, looking away signal avoidance. Panhandlers, sales persons, politicians etc try to catch our eye to establish involvement, making it more difficult for us to draw away. Voice – “paraphrasing” is the term used to describe nonverbal, vocal messages. Consider how we use our voice to change the meaning of a statement by shifting emphasis from one word to another: “THIS is a fantastic text!”, “This is a FANTASTIC text!”, “This is a fantastic COMMUNICATION text”, etc. Consider the use of sarcasm: we use emphasis and tone to change the meaning of the statement to its oppose verbal message. Try these statements, first as a regular statement, then with sarcasm: “Thanks for waking me up.” “My date last night was awesome”. “I can hardly wait to finish my research paper”. Tone, speed, pitch, volume, number and length of pauses and disfluencies such as stammering (uh, ummm) are other ways we use our voice to communicate nonverbally. All of this paralanguage contributes a great deal to our message and to what is understood about our message. Listeners often pay more attention and can interpret our attitudes through what we verbalize without words. Also, people tend to listen more to people who speak at the same rate as their own (and will often comply with those who speak more like them than not). They will often also feel more positive generally about those more likely to verbalize as they do. Our voice will give away our emotion (anger, high pitch, louder whereas sadness-quiet, lower-pitch, slower). Touch – this is our earliest means of communication and is essential to our health development. You may have heard of children who die in orphanages from lack of touch. This “wasting away” is called marasmus. Research into this changed healthcare practices. Human touch is significantly linked to other areas of child development, including such illnesses as asthma and allergies, and to higher IQ. Researchers have identified 12 types of touches – positive, playful, control and ritualistic. Some touch indicates degrees of aggression and others indicated types of relationships, ie. Functional/professional (dentist, hairstylist), Social/Polite (handshake), Friendship/Warmth (slap on the back, high five), Love/Intimacy (caress, hug), Sexual Arousal (kisses, strokes). How does touch vary connection/meaning? Depends on the part of the body that is touching/touched, length of the touch, amount of pressure used, movement after contact, if someone else is present, the situation the touch is made, the relationship of those involved in the touching. Typically, in our society, touching is more appropriate for women than men. Why is this so? Societal stigmas around homosexuality could be one reason. Physical Attractiveness – we try to believe that looks don’t matter, but often people prefer others who they find attractive. Attractiveness in our society translates to being perceived as more sensitive, kind, strong, sociable and interesting than those less attractive. Even height matters. Men who are shorter are less likely to be hired for a job. Taller men receive higher salaries. What constitutes attractiveness in our society? How do we learn and internalize these beliefs about attractiveness? What is the influence on First Nations? It starts early in life. Watch: A Girl Like Me. http://www.mediathatmattersfest.org/watch/6/a_girl_like_me Clothing – convey many messages including economic status, education level, social status, moral standards, athletic ability and interests, belief systems (political/relig/philosophical), level of sophistication. We make constant assumptions and judgments based on what people are wearing. Think of a time you did this. How did you begin the process of forming your judgments? Some clothing carries influence/power – uniforms ie. Others carry power in a workworld – the business suit (emulating the men’s power suit). As we get to know people, the importance of their clothing decreases, which suggests that how people are dressed is particularly important in the first stages of a relationship. What does this mean to you as a new teacher?