1. Jane Mitchell October2016
Welcome home? – Facilitating Transitions in Adoption and
Fostering
In this article I am going to explore the reasons behind transition planning and how this can be
managed to reduce the stress and trauma experienced by some children.
There can be no doubt that transitions – change of any sort – is hard for a majority of children in the
system, whatever their care structure. Whether the child is entering the system for the first time, or
whether they are moving on to an adoptive family from foster care this is likely to mean trauma and
triggering of fearful reactions on the part of the children. Our aim is to be mindful of the child’s
experiences both past and present and to create an environment of safety and belonging which has
elements of familiarity. We need to have a range of skills, strategies and understanding to enable us
to support the child or children.
Firstly it is helpful to examine our own expectations:
There may be a range of ideas associated
with adoption and fostering and our own
perception of what this may mean for us:
 Parenthood
 Family

2. Jane Mitchell October2016
 Desire to make a difference
 Excitement
 Anxiety
 Love
 Caring
 Expectation of happiness
 Feeling complete
 Recreating our childhood
 Fun and adventures
 Parental expectations
For the child or children entering our homes however, this may feel very different:
For the child, they are entering an unknown,
unfamiliar environment. The child may have had
experiences which lead them to mistrust adults
and be inappropriately self-reliant. The terms
Mum, Dad, and family may have fearful
associations for them. Change itself may be
terrifying. Their feelings may be:
 Ambivalent
 Fearful
 Angry
 Excited
 Passive
 Low expectations
 Expectation of failure
 Shame
 Feeling they are betraying their parents
 Missing their family (even after abuse)
 Mistrust of adults
 Need to control (to get needs met)
We can be very sure that our experience and emotions as we welcome a child are unlikely to be
mirrored by the child. Their experience and perspective unavoidably colour their thoughts, feelings
and actions.
To be a foster carer or an adoptive parent requires acquisition of new skills. These include therapeutic
parenting techniques –such as PACE - (Dan Hughes)- creating an environment which is Playful,
Accepting, Curious and Empathic; naming the need for the child; rebuilding early attachment bonds;
being patient, reassuring, repetition of key ideas, sticking to routines and being consistent. Below I
give an outline of some of the main issues:

3. Jane Mitchell October2016
Step One: Build Familiarity
Remember that this is a process, not an event!
1. Create a welcome pack for the child with your photos, photos of your home, things you like,
etc.
2. Allow the child to build his/her trust of you. This is highly unlikely to be automatic, as their
experience will necessarily be one where adults are not trustworthy and possibly are very
scary. Find ways to engage in play and activities with them, and try not to overwhelm them in
your own excitement. Be gentle and calm.
3. Talk to the child! About anything and everything. Show them your interest in them and that
they are important to you.
4. Get as much background information as you can from previous carers
5. Take your time with introductions (where this is possible – foster carers may not always get
this privilege)
6. Ask about favorite items – toys, food, games to play, tv programmes, activities.
7. Is the child used to a routine? What is it? Follow the structure as closely as possible. It will be
easier for your child if you fit around their needs for now. This will help them to feel more
secure in their new home.
8. Children enjoy sensory familiarity – what are their favorite tastes, smells (including smelly old
blankets, toys etc! Hold off on washing these items). Use the same detergents etc as the
previous placement if possible. Get some menu ideas. What are their favorite clothes?
9. Be consistent! Every house has different rules, so also be patient – it is hard to adjust. Pick
your battles wisely and give time to settle.
10. Be patient with yourself – this is a time of massive adjustment.

4. Jane Mitchell October2016
Step Two: Routines and Boundaries
1. We need first to remember that our child or foster child having not grown up in our house will
not have an immediate knowledge or understanding of our rules and boundaries. Firstly,
prioritise which are the most important things to you, and then work out which of those you
can let go of – just for now.
2. De-escalate – step back from unnecessary conflict. If you ask a child to brush their teeth, and
they refuse – don’t make a battle of it. Just keep trying again the next day, and the next, and
the next. Repetition builds brains, but arguments create huge divides. Parents get locked in
an idea that they need to be in control (ie win battles) when sometimes you can make a
different parental choice that recognises your child’s need on a more empathic level.
3. Use empathy to help the child to manage their feelings in disputes – this also names the need
and lets the child know you can “see” them and that they are important to you – “I can see this
is very hard for you… “ “I can see you are very angry about this…” “It looks like you might be
very scared..” At these times, quiet calm “time in” may work better than punitive measures or
sanctions – this is because using time in regulates and calms. Punitive measures feed in to the
child’s sense of failure and shame and causes escalations. (Punitive measures work where
children have a secure emotional bond which enables them to manage the shame and
disappointment with help from their parents).
4. To help with routines, create a visual timetable (if the child is old enough) to help them to keep
track. Encourage them to help choose activites, but build in plenty of rest and processing time
which should also be a time for you to be quietly with the child so that they get used to your
safe parental presence.
5. Use natural consequences – try not to rescue the child. If they will not wear their coat, they will
get wet. If they are not getting ready for school, they will be late.
6. Have a “Plan B” such as more flexible working hours, Employers have to make reasonable
allowances for parents.
7. Avoid overwhelm – keep things simple, and introductions few and far between. Avoid huge
welcoming parties.
8. Be proud of your child, thank them, notice them doing things well or helping out.
9. Give them regular small chores to help them to feel they have responsibilities in the home.
10. Keep your boundaries and expectations developmentally appropriate.

5. Jane Mitchell October2016
Step three: Care Plan and Therapies
1. Is there ongoing medical care? Medications?
2. Schooling provision? This will need additional transition planning.
3. Is there a care package?
4. Have any needs been identified for ongoing therapy?
5. Are there any aids in use or which might be helpful? PECS system; visual timetable, weighted
blanket, sensory toys etc.
Step 4: Settling in
1. If possible, familiarise the child with their new home. Use photos or a video if necessary.
Include photos of a few of the people they may meet immediately but keep the list very small.
2. Take adoption leave, and do not immediately start school transition.
3. Plan a transition into the new school which is gradual and child focussed.
4. Manage the excitement of yourself and your families – attend first to the child’s need to settle
and familiarise themselves
5. Be patient! This is all new to them.
6. Don’t be in a hurry to replace clothes, toys etc – let them tell you about their possessions. Let
them help unpack – that way they can go at their own pace, and tell you more about
themselves.
7. Give the child a say in the colours and decoration of their room, bedding and so forth.
8. It may feel strange and overwhelming for you at first, dealing with a child 24/7. Remember
they are also experiencing these same emotions.

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9. Have some sort of structure in mind, but be prepared to adapt it as you get to know and
understand the needs of your child.
Step 5: Build a support system
Think about your friends and family, and how they can help. Who can pop over for a chat and a
coffee, or go out for a beer? Who might be able to babysit so that you can get a break? Do you have
Post adoption support in place? Are you a member of an adoption or fostering group? It is essential
to know how you will manage emotionally and to have this in place. Unfortunately, many adopters
have the experience that their expectations of support do not match the reality. To help avoid this
situation, involve family and friends in appropriate information sharing about the issues facing parents
of children with developmental trauma and the importance of therapeutic parenting, perhaps
attending some preparation courses and reading relevant books or articles.