Conflict and resolution disputes

1. PROFESSIONAL
COMMUNICATION SKILLS FOR
EFFECTIVE RESOLUTION OF
CONFLICTS AND DISPUTES.

2. One of the deepest needs of all human
beings is to feel understood and be
accepted by others. Offering
understanding to another person is a
potent form of empowerment. We need
not agree with others to empower them in
this way; we need only to make it clear
through our eyes, body posture and tone
of voice that we want to see the world
from their perspective.
THE POWER OF COMMUNICATION.

3. Our interactions with others must come
from a point of deep, non-judgmental
interest. The key is to grasp the why
behind what is being said or done in
order to gain insight into the deeper
interests and needs of the person with
whom we are communicating. From the
moment that people feel you are truly
seeking to understand, they begin
dealing with problems and other people
more constructively.

4. Good listening skills are used
throughout any process designed to
constructively resolve conflict. Good
listening is, perhaps, the most
significant skill a mediator or facilitator
brings to assist parties in conflict.

5. Active listening is a communication skill
used by mediators and facilitators to aid
communication by helping parties
deliver clear messages and know that
their messages were heard correctly. It
is also an indispensable skill for
interest-based negotiators.
ACTIVE LISTENING

6.  To show the speaker that his/her message
has been heard.
 To help the listener gain clarity on both the
content and emotion of the message.
 To help speakers express themselves and to
encourage them to explain, in greater detail,
their understanding of the situation and what
they are feeling.
 To encourage the understanding that
expression of emotion is acceptable and
that it is useful in understanding the depth of
feelings.
 To create an environment in which the
OBJECTIVES OF ACTIVE LISTENING

7. 1. ‘The head’: listening for facts and other
forms of information.
2. ‘The heart’: listening for feelings. Conflict is
often associated with strong feelings such as
anger, fear, frustration, disappointment, etc.
Strong feelings often block the way to rational
discussions and therefore have to be
identified and dealt with before proceeding to
substantive matters.
THE FOUR LEVELS OF LISTENING
Active listening takes place on four
levels:

8. 3. ‘The stomach’: listening for basic
human needs. Identify what basic
needs are driving the conflict and
distinguish between needs and
satisfiers.
4. ‘The feet’: listening for intention or
will. Identify in which direction the
person/group is moving and how
strong their commitment is.

9.  Acknowledge that you are listening,
through verbal and non-verbal cues.
 Listen at all four levels and reflect your
impressions through using the various
active listening skills.
 Let the speaker acknowledge whether
or not you have reflected their
communication and its intensity
correctly. If it is not correct, ask
questions to clarify and reflect a
modified statement to the speaker.
PROCEDURES FOR ACTIVE LISTENING

10. 1. CREATE a good environment for the speaker
to express herself or himself is safe,
especially in terms of reducing the risk of
future negative consequences for messages
delivered.
2. FOCUS on what the speaker is trying to
communicate to her/him.
3. BE PATIENT and do not jump to conclusions
about the message.
4. SHOW genuine empathy for the speaker.
5. VERIFY OR CORRECT the emotion and
content of the message.
SIXTEEN PRINCIPLES
OF EFFECTIVE LISTENING

11. 6. DO NOT judge or make value statements
about what the speaker is feeling.
7. Be ATTENTIVE.
8. Be ALERT AND NON-DISTRACTED.
9. Be INTERESTED in the needs of the other
person, and let them know you care about
what is said.
10. Be a NON-JUDGMENTAL, non-criticising
“sounding board”.
11. DO NOT USE STOCK PHRASES like “It’s
not so bad”, “don’t be upset”, “you’re making
a mountain out of a molehill”, “just calm
down”.

12. 12. AVOID being emotionally hooked,
angry, upset, argumentative.
13. DO NOT LET YOUR VALUES/BIASES
INTERFERE with what you understand
is being said.
14. DO NOT REHEARSE in your own head.
15. DO NOT JUMP to conclusions or
judgments.
16. DO NOT interrogate or give advice.

13. 1. USE BODY LANGUAGE to create a positive
atmosphere with your non-verbal behaviour.
i.e.:
 appropriate eye contact.
 nodding the head, facial expressions,
gestures. body oriented toward the
speaker (head, arms, legs).
 tone of voice.
Some researchers say that 80% of
communication is body language, that is, what
we do with our bodies, our faces, our eyes, and
our tone of voice as we are speaking. Every
culture has its own body language and mediators
must think critically about how to use body
HOW TO LISTEN EFFECTIVELY:

14. 2. ENCOURAGE RESPONSES. “Tell me
more” or “I’d like to hear about ...”
3. SUMMARISE the basic viewpoints of the
speaker as you've heard them. A
summary is an extended restatement of
the key points of information offered by
the speaker. Use summaries to focus the
speaker in terms of issues and solvable
problems, instead of personalities.
4. Make BRIEF NOTES on your pad to
keep track, but don’t bury yourself in
them!
5. PARAPHRASE or restate in your own
words.

15. Paraphrasing or restating what the speaker
has said in your own words is a powerful tool:
 for communicating understanding to
others.
 for moving the conversation to deeper
levels — a good paraphrase often brings
further, more reflective responses from
others.
 for slowing down the conversation
between the parties.
 for “laundering” vicious or insulting
statements so as to be less inflammatory
PARAPHRASING.

16. 1. Focus on the speaker.
“YOU felt...”, “You’re saying...”, “you believe...”
NOT - “I know exactly how you feel. I've been
in situations like that myself.”
How to paraphrase:

17. 2. Paraphrasing can be effective at all four
levels:
Restate facts: “Your installations have
again been destroyed by community”
Reflect feelings: Body language and
tone of voice will clue you to feelings.
“and you feel angry, bitter and worried
about cost of replacement and loss of
revenue”
Reflect needs: “You need financial
compensation and you need convincing
assurances that this will not happen
again (security)”.
Reflect will or intention: “You want to

18. 3. A paraphrase contains no judgment
or evaluation but describes
empathetically:
 “So you believe very strongly that...”
 “You were very unhappy when she...”
 “You felt quite angry with Mr. X in that
situation...”
 “The way you see it then...”
 “If I'm understanding you correctly,
you...”

19. 4. Act like a mirror not a parrot.
Paraphrase mirrors the meaning of the
speaker's words but does not merely parrot
the speaker; e.g.:
 Speaker: “I resented it deeply when I
found out that they had gone behind my
back. Why can't they come and talk with
me, and give me a chance to sort things
out with them?
 Paraphrase: “You were quite hurt that
they didn't come directly to you to resolve
things”.
 NOT: “You resented it deeply that they

20. 5. A paraphrase should always be
shorter than the speaker's own
statement, and is used after specific
points. A summary is similar to a
paraphrase but is longer and is used
to summarize all the key points that
have been made by one party in a
statement.

21. 6. Paraphrasing and other communication skills
e.g. questioning can be extremely useful in:
 laundering language, i.e. rephrasing the statement
so that insulting words are omitted. Speaker: “He is
a liar”.
 Paraphrase: “You find it difficult to believe him.”
dealing with generalities and moving parties to
specifics, e.g. “He always comes in late...”
Response: “When does he come in late?” “What is
he late for?”
 Uspecified noun/verb e.g.: “I just don’t like that sort
of thing”. Response: “Tell us what you dislike”. “He
always talks with two tongues”. Response: “When
did he make contradictory statements.” “What is it
that he said and to whom?” speaking for others, eg.
”I happen to know that no-one around here trusts
him.”

22. Aims of honest communication.
 To communicate clearly and cleanly
my perception of and feelings about
a problem without attacking, blaming
or hurting the other person.

 To open a discussion without
eliciting defensiveness from the
other person.
HONEST COMMUNICATION

23. In addition to good listening, conflict
management depends on honest talking.
When people are confronted with a situation
that makes them very uncomfortable, they
normally respond in one of two ways. Either
they flee or they fight - flight or fight. There
are times when it is necessary to flee (e.g.
when attacked by violent protesters) or to
fight (when one’s life is threatened). But on
the whole these typical responses are not
very helpful to resolve problems.
FLIGHT, FIGHT AND ‘ I LANGUAGE’

24. For example: Mrs Bello is a Head of
Compliance trying to explain a complex
set regulatory guidelines to her staff.
She has a headache and feels very
tired. Oke, a member of staff does not
quite understand the new regulations,
gets frustrated and bored and starts
talking to another staff – in spite of the
fact that the HOD has asked them to
concentrate.

25. The flight response is as follows: Mrs Bello
adjourns the meeting, storms out of the
conference room, goes to her office, drinks
a headache pill and sits down to wait for
the end of the day. She has avoided a
confrontation with Oke, but has the
problem been solved?

26. The fight response: Mrs Bello shouts at Oke:
“You are a disobedient and difficult staff. You
will not go far in this department and in this
organization. I will teach you a lesson you will
never forget if you continue to disrupt this
meeting” Mrs Bello has confronted the
problem, she has attacked. But again, has
the problem been solved?

27. The third way to handle this situation is for
Mrs Bello to deploy the ‘I language’
strategy. The ‘I language’ strategy involves
communicating exactly how you feel without
avoiding the problem, but also without
attacking, blaming or insulting the other party.
She may, for example, say: “Oke, I have a
headache and I am very tired. When I see
you talking while I am trying to explain these
difficult concepts I feel deeply irritated. I feel
as if you are not respecting me. Can you help
me to understand why you are doing this?”
THE ‘I LANGUAGE’ STRATEGY

28. In this type of ‘honest talking’ or ‘I language’
two things need to happen:
 focus on your own feelings and thoughts
and communicate them as yours.
 do not blame or attack the other party,
nor accuse or insult them. You are saying
to the other person that you have these
thoughts and feelings because of his or
her behaviour, and you create an
openness for them to respond.

29.  Is my message ‘clean’ in the sense that I
am not blaming, accusing or insulting?
 Am I stating the problem accurately and
honestly?
 Have I stated my feelings clearly and
honestly?
 Have I made the statement in such a
way that it will lead to an open
discussion or have
 I closed the matter through what I said
or the way I said it?
QUESTIONS TO ASK WHEN
CONSTRUCTING AN ‘I MESSAGE’:

30. FRAMING AND REFRAMING
HELPING PARTIES MOVE BEYOND
RHETORIC AND THREATS

31. When talking about framing and reframing it
is necessary to describe what we mean by
the term frame. Think of it as a picture frame
which surrounds an event or interaction.
Within this frame is the picture we are trying
to communicate. A piece of artwork such as a
painting may show us a picture of a person, a
landscape, or perhaps something more
abstract. When we use the term frame in a
conflict setting, we are talking about the
words, gestures and emotions a party uses to
describe the event, what they want or how
they feel.
WHAT IS A FRAME?

32. FRAMING is what parties do to ‘paint
their picture’ of the situation. Framing
is also used by interveners to help the
parties give richer meaning to this
picture. This often includes getting a
clearer definition of events, feelings
and needs and helping parties
understand the symbols they are
using to create meaning.

33. REFRAMING is often used by
interveners to assist parties in
redefining their ‘picture’ in ways which
help move them beyond rhetoric,
threats or other types of
communication which impede
progress towards resolution of the
conflict. It may include rephrasing
issues in a way which helps parties
move from guarding their positions
and towards cooperative problem-
solving.

34.  Define or re-define the way parties describe
events, emotions and needs.
 Add clarity to the meaning parties are trying to
relate to the intervener and other parties.
 Help parties gain a better understanding of
events and their own feelings and needs.
 Change the perspective on certain events or
understandings of the situation.
 Help move parties away from positional
negotiation to interest-based negotiation.
 Break negotiation deadlocks by breaking down
the issues or making them more general.
 Soften or strengthen demands or threats.
 Change the perspective of emotional or value-
laden messages to enhance understanding.
PURPOSES OF FRAMING AND REFRAMING.

35. Reframing is often used when the
communication between parties is
building tension or moving them
towards a deadlock. It is used to help
them re-define the situation to remove a
problem-solving blockage.
FOUR WAYS OF REFRAMING MESSAGES.

36. 1. Change the person delivering the
message. There are times when people
cannot listen to a message delivered by
another individual. They may, however, be
able to hear the same message if it is
delivered by someone else. It may only need
to be communicated by another
representative of the party, another party
involved in the negotiations, the
facilitator/mediator or a respected outsider.
2. Use active listening skills to paraphrase,
restate, clarify, validate and
summarise.Active listening skills form the
foundation for reframing because these
techniques are designed to aid the
communication process. They can be used to

37. 3. Change the meaning of a message. Reframing
is often used to help parties identify interests
which underlie their positions in a conflict. It can
also be used to increase the manageability of the
issues to a conflict by making them smaller and
easier to resolve or making them more general so
that it is easier for parties to identify common
ground.
4. Change a party’s perspective. Reframing is
also used to change the perspective a party has,
permitting them to see things is a new way. This
can be done by changing the context of the
situation and having parties reconsider how they
might handle a similar situation in a different
context. Also, interveners can try to get parties to
consider the situation from the other party’s
perspective, or they sometimes help parties keep