1. Curriculum Vitae
Jacob Cracker
c/o The Tin, Crackow
Cheese Road, Crackertown, CH3 3SE
Tel:0800cheese
Email:cheeseisamazing@cracker.com
ROLES, INTERESTS AND SKILLS
 I like poo – can tell a poo face from up to five miles away
 Professional sheep wrestler. World champion 100 times
 Pig racing in some of Africa’s most dangerous places (fun!)
 Baby sock tying champion 75 times.
 Can eat 562 doughnuts in one second without using hands, licking lips or
being sick
EMPLOYMENT HISTORY
Smelling people’s feet – 8 years experience
Eating other people’s eaten cheese – 10 years experience
Building a ladder to the Moon with only wooden boxes – 7 years
Professional coffee spiller and ruiner of clothes – 5 years
Hardcore speed knitter – 10 years
Consumer of cheese from people’s feet – 2 years
Spelling people’s names massively incorrectly and badly – 3 years
Trainee brick eater – 3 months (due to teeth falling out)
sword swallower – 1 month (due to sore throat)
Cheese – 1 week (really boring)
Bannans – 2 days (booorrriiinnnggg)
Food testing- 2weeks (wwwwhhhhhyyyy did i choose this job)
Crash test dummy-1 day (nearly died)
Grape eater-7777 days (too full i ate 78,987,847,875,788 grapes in one
day)
Shop- 1 hour (this job is
poooooooooooooooooop)poooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop)
wee taster – 3 years (tasted horrible but well paid) i got 10,000,000
pounds every day but I spent it all on breath mints and CCC DDDSSS

2. Curriculum Vitae
Jacob Cracker
c/o The Tin, Crackow
Cheese Road, Crackertown, CH3 3SE
Tel:0800cheese
Email:cheeseisamazing@cracker.com
Part time hammer – 89 seconds because I got a sore head
 Employment history prior to January 2010 available on request
SUMMARY OF QUALIFICATIONS
Sitel 2009 NVQ Adult Learning Level 2
University of Whales 1999 - 2003 BSc Cracker Eating First
Cream Crackered 6th
Form
1997 - 1999 3 Z-levels A-E
Cannon Fodder School 1992 - 1997 6 GCSEs in badd spielllign A-C
REFERENCES
Laura Brandreth
Owner – Miss Fortune Clothing
Email: info@missfortune.co.uk
Tel: 01332 258321
Paul Francis
Owner – Paul the Welder
Email: paulfrancis023@gmail.com
Tel: 07596 421535