The screenplay based off Jack Bristow 2016 Saturday Evening Post story, "Joe's Coffee House."

1. JOE'S COFFEE HOUSE
by
JACK BRISTOW

2.
EXT. DOWNTOWN LAS VEGAS - NIGHT
We see the less glamorous side of Las Vegas--downtown,
filled with whores and sleazy motels.
Whores litter the streets. Destitute mothers trundle
shopping carts, filled with food bought with their
foodstamps. Government assistance. Sirens wail hauntingly
in the background reminding us that a crime--or several
terrible crimes--have just occurred. As the camera skims
through these streets the voice over cuts in. The voice
reeks of Brooklyn, the nasty side. It sounds tough and
jaded. You can tell by listening this guy grew up on the
very wrong side of the tracks.
JOEY SAMENTO
In my line of work, all that
really matters is promotion.
You’ve gotta move up. You have to
elevate yourself, by whatever
means necessary. Sucking up to a
boss, especially by making a lot
of money for him, usually with a
very good score, is one of the
best ways to accomplish this goal.
EXT. DOWNTOWN LAS VEGAS - CONTINUED
We see homeless people; kids touting baseball bats down the
streets, felonies in their eyes. All the while, Joey
Samento’s voice resumes.
JOEY SAMENTO
V/O
That scorching hot summer night in
Las Vegas, we had it all planned
out, too. Meet the weapons dealer
at Joe’s Coffee House. Get to know
the guy a little bit. And then,
after you get to know him — after
you feel the guy out, as it were —
make the deal.
INT. 2009 CADILLAC CTS
We see thirty-three-year-old man, with brown hair, driving
the Cadillac, good-looking, Joey Samento. Joey Samento
wears a World War 2 pilot bombers aviation jacket, as he
drives along, at a reasonable speed. He wears dark rayban

3. wraparound sunglasses. We hear his narration continue as we
see him driving.
JOEY SAMENTO
That scorching hot summer night in
Las Vegas, we had it all planned
out, too. Meet the weapons dealer
at Joe’s Coffee House. Get to know
the guy a little bit. And then,
after you get to know him — after
you feel the guy out, as it were —
make the deal. This all sounds
pretty simple, right?
EXT. DOWNTOWN LAS VEGAS - CONTINUED
We see a young man, twenty-ish, being assaulted by two
police officers, who rain their billyclubs down upon the
poor, unfortunate wretch's head. We do not see his crimes;
nor his transgressions. However, nothing our imaginations
can conjure up could possibly warrant the merciless beating
that is ensuing. Samento whizes past the scene of police
brutality in his Cadillac.
INT. 2009 CADILLAC CTS - CONTINUED
Joey is still driving, oblivious to, or uncaring of, the
beating transpiring outside.
JOEY SAMENTO
(CONTINUED)
But not really. In La Cosa Nostra,
you have got to be extremely
careful about the type of people
you do business with. You say the
wrong thing, you set off the wrong
signals, and that’s it — you’re
toast. The whole business
transaction might go down the
tube, or worse yet, somebody might
snuff you out right then and there
in the parking lot. It didn’t help
matters much that it was now 3
o’clock in the morning, and that
Joe’s Coffee House was on the
seediest side of Las Vegas: the
infamous West Side, a mecca of
greed and corruption.
2.

4. EXT. DOWNTOWN LAS VEGAS - CONTINUED
We see two hookers, one black, dressed in leopard-colored
leotards; the other white, dressed in a faux-fur mink coat
and cheap leather shorts. Joey parks beside these two
street workers near the stop sign. They blow kisses at him;
they beckon him closer with their hands. Joey smiles, then
speeds off, leaving a plume of exhaust in his wake, in the
hookers’ faces.
JOEY SAMENTO
You are supposed to be a good
earner, and you’re supposed to be
a real stand-up guy. So why are
you dealing with all the dregs of
the underworld? Why do you have to
go 3,000 miles away from home, New
York City, the Big Apple? Patsy
tells me why I have to.
INT. NEW JERSEY MOTEL ROOM - DAYS EARLIER
We see Joey Samento sitting beside his work associate Patsy
Bravo, forty-two, on a seedy-looking motel room.
PATSY BRAVO
357 Magnums have been selling like
hotcakes here, Joey. You gotta
hightail it over to Las Vegas and
make this here transaction with
this fellow I tracked down. The
guy seems totally legit; he seems
to be on the up-and-up. Southern
guy, speaks with a twang. A real
country bumpkin type of good old
boy, you know?”
Joey Samento’s voice over returns once again, as we see
Joey and Patsy speaking to one another in the room.
JOEY SAMENTO
(V/O)
But I had a few reservations about
this here score.
JOEY SAMENTO
I don’t think I wanna go through
with this deal, Patsy. I mean, I’m
out there all alone; it sounds too
risky.
3.

5. PATSY BRAVO
Look, Joey. I already told Mr.
Spirochete about this deal. His
heart’s already set on having
those guns. You don’t want to
break the old man’s heart, do you?
JOEY SAMENTO
Hell, no. I don’t want to break
the old man’s heart. That’s the
last thing I would want to do,
Patsy. Believe me.
EXT. JOE'S COFFEE HOUSE
JOEY SAMENTO
And so, there I was the next
night: Standing in front of Joe’s
Coffee House, scoping the joint
out. There were only four cars in
the parking lot at this late hour:
an old Coupe de Ville, which
looked like it came straight out
of the 1970s; a nice 2009
apple-red Porsche with tinted
windows; a Subaru from 1992 with
dents galore; and, in the back
alley of the parking lot, the 2009
Cadillac CTS, which I had rented
just a few hours before. The two
old junkers, I concluded, must
have belonged to the cook and the
waiter or waitress. The Porsche,
especially with its tinted
windows, must have belonged to our
weapons dealer, Roy.
Sirens blared outside as Joey Samento slowly and cautiously
made his way inside the open-24-hour-a-day coffee shop.
INT. JOE'S COFFEE HOUSE
To say Joe’s Coffee House was a dump would have been an
overstatement. It wasn’t as bad as you’d imagine it to be,
looks-wise. It was a competent little coffee place.
An old lady who appeared in her '70s--but who looks much,
much older--popped her head out from the kitchen. The woman
was a tweaker, undoubtedly.
4.

6. WAITRESS
What would you like to drink, sir?
Can I interest you in a
Multi-Latte, brewed with the
finest Colombian beans?
Joey looks up at the ancient-looking lady, startled.
JOEY SAMENTO
Sure. I'll try your Multi-Latte.
The old lady flashed Joey a smile, exposing her crooked
teeth.
JOEY SAMENTO (CONT'D)
Say, I’m looking for this guy, he
was supposed to meet me here. But
I don’t see anybody. Are there any
other customers in here?
The old lady’s face tensed up. Clearly, Samento had said
the wrong thing. After all, this wasn’t the greatest part
of town. She probably had him pegged as a stick-up man, a
rapist, a thief, or some other nefarious character.
If she only knew.
The old crone stammered.
WAITRESS
Why do you want to know, know
that?
Just then, we hear a toilet flush, and this guy with short
brown hair, wearing a loud, dark blue sharkskin suit, makes
his way out of the john.
The fellow, sounding affable enough, asks the old lady for
another Multi-Latte.
UNIDENTIFIED MAN
That sure hit the spot,
sweetheart. You mind making me one
more?
Joey pointed his finger at the man, facing the waitress.
JOEY SAMENTO
See. This is the gentleman I was
supposed to meet, for our business
transaction.
The old lady looks at both of us, and then, once again, a
huge smile engulfs her face. “
5.

7. ROY
Two Multi-Lattes.
WAITRESS
Yes, sirs.
INT. JOE'S COFFEE HOUSE - CONTINUED
Joey Samento's voice over, back again, as we see the two
men shake hands then sitting down on their respective
stools.
JOEY SAMENTO
(V/O)
The country bumpkin, Roy, and I
made our way to the stools and
parked our asses down.
Roy looks over at Joey; he was an interesting-looking
specimen, all right. A decent-looking guy. Middle forties,
probably. He had a nice, red tan — the kind that drives the
ladies wild — light brown hair that verged on blonde, and
dark blue eyes.
He smiles at Joey, finally.
ROY
You ordered the Multi-Latte too,
huh?
JOEY SAMENTO
Yeah, it’s the first thing she
mentioned to me. "Would you like
to try our Multi-Latte?" "Sure," I
says. "Why not?"
Roy smacks his arm on the counter as though this were the
funniest thing he has ever heard. And then he bursts out in
laughter. He had a loud, cackling laugh. Something about it
is very disturbing to us, the viewers.
ROY
No kidding? She pushed the
Multi-Latte on you? That’s what
she did to me, too.
JOEY SAMENTO
Yeah, I said. That’s what she did,
all right.
Roy laughs once again, like this was the greatest thing he
had ever heard. The guy was sure jovial. You had to give
him that.
6.

8. ROY
Well, I know your buddy Patsy.
He’s from New York. I’ve only
spoken to him a few times, but he
seems to be good people. Any
friend of Patsy’s is good people
too, as far as I’m concerned.
The old lady returns with the two Multi-Lattes.
Roy smiles at the old dame.
ROY (CONT'D)
Thanks, darling.
The old woman returns his smile with a toothless one, and
then she scuttles away, off toward the kitchen.
ROY (CONT'D)
Well, I’m glad you’re here,
partner. What say you and I go
outside and complete the
transaction. You brought the
briefcase, right?
JOEY SAMENTO
Look, I know you’re a good guy,
but if you don’t mind, I’d like to
make sure everything is on the up
and up.
Roy had this quizzical expression on his face.
JOEY SAMENTO (CONT'D)
Before we make this here
transaction, I gotta make sure
you’re not wearing any mics.
Roy doesn't laugh at this one, as well he shouldn’t have.
On the street, accusing somebody of being a snitch is one
of the gravest insults — it’s tantamount to saying
something nasty about somebody’s mother, but a million
times worse.
JOEY SAMENTO (CONT'D)
Hey, don’t worry about it, my
friend. This is all just a proper
precaution. We do this with
everyone we do business with
outside of New York City.
7.

9. ROY
Well, hell, you East Coast boys
sure are mighty thorough, ain’t
you? Well, why the hell not,
partner?
Roy pulls up turquoise-colored dress shirt, exposing his
flat-as-a-board chest to Joey Samento.
No wire, we see.
JOEY SAMENTO
Okay. Everything looks good. Let’s
go outside and do some business
together.
EXT. JOE'S COFFEE HOUSE
Joey Samento's voice over returns, once again.
JOEY SAMENTO
First off, we stop in front of the
2009 apple-red Porsche, which is
parked near the front of Joe’s
Coffee shop. It’s not obscured in
the back parking lot like my car
was.
JOEY SAMENTO (CONT'D)
Let’s see what kind of hardware
you’re peddling before I hand you
over the briefcase.
Roy looks around furtively a few times, making sure there
aren't any cops around, nobody who was planning on busting
them; then, with one press on his keychain, we hear a light
toot emitting from the car, and then the trunk pops open.
Whoosh.
Roy hands Joey a flashlight, and he flashed it inside the
trunk.
We see this big pile of metal: guns, guns, and even more
guns. There had to have been 100 of them in all — all .357
Magnums, too.
Joey whistles impressively at the sight of these beauties.
JOEY SAMENTO (CONT'D)
Where’d you get all this hardware?
Roy beams proudly, brightly, like a proud father, boasting
over his newborn, ten-pound baby.
8.

10. ROY
My partner and I, we burglarized
an ammunition warehouse just
outside of Gilbert, Arizona. We
took everything we could get our
hands on, by the truckload:
AK-47s, shotguns, bullet-proof
vests, and these .357 Magnums you
see here.
Joey grabs one of the Magnums. The Samento voice over makes
its comeback.
JOEY SAMENTO
(VO)
The thing was heavy all right. It
just felt mean. You could tell how
strong it was just by holding it.
ROY
That’s what I have been trying to
tell our friend, Patsy — if you
guys ever need any more weapons,
we can definitely help you out on
that front. We have still got a
bunch of AK-47s left, if your
people in New York are interested.
JOEY SAMENTO
I’ll let you know if we need
anything more. First Patsy’s gotta
run it by the old man in New York.
He’s the boss, not us. What he
says goes.
Roy flashes one of his movie star smiles at me.
ROY
Sounds good, partner
JOEY SAMENTO VOICE OVER
We made it to the back of Joe’s
Coffee Shop to the part of the
parking lot where my rental car —
the 2009 Cadillac CTS — was
parked. This time around, I
pressed the key-chain and, like
magic, the trunk of the car
whooshed open.
JOEY SAMENTO
Abracadabra.
9.

11. JOEY SAMENTO - VOICE OVER - CONTINUED
I grabbed the briefcase from out
of the trunk and handed it over to
Roy, my jolly country bumpkin
friend.
JOEY SAMENTO
Twenty-five grand. It’s all in
there. But if you want to, you’re
free to count it
Roy smiles brightly as he looked down at the case.
ROY
Anybody connected with the
Spirochete clan in New York is
okay by me, partner.
INT. MOTEL ROOM - NEW JERSEY
Joey Samento and Patsy Bravo are sitting across from each
other in the seedy motel room. As far as we can tell, it's
the same one they were speaking to one another in earlier,
at the beginning of the movie.
JOEY SAMENTO
The transaction went as smoothly
as you can imagine. No problems on
my end over here, my friend.
Patsy gushed.
PATSY BRAVO
Mr. Spirochete is gonna be so
happy. Nice work, kid.
JOEY SAMENTO
What about our friend, Roy?
PATSY BRAVO
Forget about it, Joey. The guy’s a
hick, and a small fish, in the
grand scheme of things. I’m not
worried about him. If we have to
make a move on him later, then so
be it. But for right now, let’s
just focus all our time and energy
on nabbing Mr. Spirochete.
JOEY SAMENTO
10.

12. (V/O)
I thought about what my
three-year-long deep cover partner
“Patsy Bravo” was telling me:
Let’s just focus on our big man in
New York City for right now. And
if we have to do another sting
operation to nab our arms dealer
friend Roy and his tacky sharkskin
suit, then so be it, we’ll do just
that. But for right now at least,
let’s focus all our talent and
energy on the Boss of Bosses, the
Capo di Tutti Capi, Johnny A.
Spirochete — the most bloodthirsty
mob boss in all of New York City,
maybe in all the world.
PATSY BRAVO
I can’t wait to see that old
buzzard finally go down. It’s been
a long time coming.
JOEY SAMENTO
Absolutely. And not only that, but
there’s this one other thing I’m
really looking forward to, once
the old man finally goes down,
once we finally nab him on these
weapons charges.
PATSY BRAVO
What’s that, Joey?
FBI AGENT JOEY SAMENTO
Promotion. I can’t wait till the
day when I’m Special FBI Agent
Joey Samento.
THE END.
11.