A presentation to Saskatchewan's Public Service Commission

1. Enhanced Management
Training Program
23 November, 2016

2. On Writing Well
Part Two

3. Tom Wicker, New York Times

5. Why this worked
• Got to the point quickly;
• Information structured logically;
• most important items first;
• background later.

6. Tom Wicker imagined
what the audience
wanted to know

10. Why this worked
• Brought in people;
• Brought in empathy;
• re-written.

11. “The first draft of everything is shit”.
Ernest Hemingway

12. To Review—

13. It’s time to radically
re-imagine how we
write.

14. A special emphasis
on audience needs.

15. A special emphasis
on brevity and
clarity.

16. A special emphasis
on logical structure.

17. I can’t solve all
your problems.

18. Important tools
• Positioning statement;
• Flesch-Kincaid readability score;
• Vernacular eloquence review.

19. Our Problems

20. Our sentences
are too long.

21. We structure our
information
poorly.

22. We fail to imagine what
our audience needs.

23. Implications

24. We’re not
engaging our
readers.

25. No one wants to
read what we write.

26. No one needs to
read what we write.

27. We don’t have a
point of view.

28. We don’t present a
range of options.

29. We don’t explain the
implications of various
options.

30. People don’t need to
grapple with our point
of view.

31. We’re not
communicating
effectively.

32. We’re not doing
our job.

33. Why do we write
too much?

34. We don’t know what people
want…
so we give them everything.

35. We’re trying to
protect ourselves.

36. We think no one is
reading what we write.

37. We don’t talk about the
value of clarity and
power.

38. No narrative…
no voice…
no story…
no point…
no interest.

39. Exercise One.

40. Discuss and report
• What’s important in the document ?
• What’s not ?
• What are they really trying to say ?
• How would you fix it ?

41. Report back

42. Lessons learned:
• If you say everything, you say nothing;
• Keep sentences short;
• Structure is important.

43. Data dumps…

44. ..are hard to
structure.

45. No narrative…
no voice…
no story…
no point…
no interest.

46. Readers have to
hunt for useful info.

47. Long, ponderous
sentences
harm clarity.

49. When structuring a
document,
apply critical thinking.

50. Ask three
important questions:

51. 1) What problem are
we trying to solve ?

52. 2) What does “good”
look like ?

53. 3) How will we know
when we get there ?

54. Tools

55. Measuring text

56. readability-score.com

57. Govt. of Sask. briefing note.
Average Score = 30-36

58. Good score

59. Bad score

62. Aim for:
• A score of 50 or better;
• 10 - 15 words per sentence;
• Grade level between 6 - 8.

63. Grade Six readability is hard to
achieve, but it’s not “dumbing
down”.

64. 0
22.5
45
67.5
90
B. Obama
M. Obama
H. Clinton
D. Trump
Readability Scores
Major Convention Speeches
July, 2016

65. 0
2.25
4.5
6.75
9
B. Obama
M. Obama
H. Clinton
D. Trump
Grade Level
Major Convention Speeches
July, 2016

66. Text Analysis of
recent govt. writing.

67. cominglements
unitization
re-locatables

68. Fall 2014

71. 12 -15
words per sentence

72. Reading Ease score:
50 or better.

73. Readability grade level
6 to 8

74. Parting thoughts

75. In your
documents/presentations
….
• convey a big idea;
• covey what’s at stake;
• Convince me I should care.

76. Exhibit a clarity of intent
• What problem am I trying to solve;
• What does ‘good’ look like;
• How will I know when I get there ?

77. Rejected opportunity cost
• What happens if I do nothing ?

78. An audience transformed
• The highest goal;
• Now that I’ve read this, I know this;
• Now, I have to do something.

79. A presentation
template

80. We had a big idea
• It’s important because—
• This idea came from—
• We talked to these people, and they said—

81. Here’s how our big idea
changed
• We were surprised to discover—
• New information created these new insights—
• Here’s why these insights are valuable—

82. The value proposition
• Our big idea will improve a process/save money/
• make life better for people in the following ways—

83. Rejected opportunity cost
• If we do nothing, here are the consequences—
• Here’s what they are doing on other jurisdictions—

84. No that you now all this
• You must—

85. questions