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Skills and Tools for Building Healthy Relationships including developing empathy, understanding the art of compromise, understanding the love languages, and preventing relationship sabotage
Beyond the EU: DORA and NIS 2 Directive's Global Impact
Relationship skills and Relationship Saboteurs
1. Relationship Skills
and Relationship Saboteurs
Presented by: Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes
Executive Director, AllCEUs
AllCEUs.com Unlimited CEUs and Specialty Certifications $59
2. Objectives
Tips for Sweetening Your Relationship
Steps for Building Empathy
Tips for a Closer Relationship
Tips for Compromise
Tips for Getting Your Needs Met
Tips for Giving Emotional Support
Tips for Being More Thoughtful
3. Tips for Sweetening Your Relationship
Love is a combination of emotions and actions including
talking, compassion and trust.
Rewrite your vows/promises
Have a re-commitment ceremony
Imagine what life would be like if your partner were gone
Communicate to your partner in his or her love language
Receiving gifts
Quality time
Words of affirmation
Acts of service (devotion)
And physical touch
4. Sweetening
Make an effort
Write down a list of things your partner could do that
would make you feel loved/happy and exchange them.
Remember (or get Google to remind you) of birthdays,
anniversaries, or just happy occasions and celebrate
Celebrate for no reason
If you have a disagreement, take a step back and try to
see it from your partner’s point of view
5. Sweetening
Don’t let fear of being vulnerable or
abandonment undermine you
Share hopes, dreams and fears.
If becoming vulnerable makes you also become critical
and defensive, identify and work through the reasons
Think back to hopes and dreams you shared when
you were dating...make it happen
Remind you partner of the qualities you love
about them.
6. Building Empathy
Empathy vs. sympathy
Put yourself in their shoes (with their experiences)
Identify 3 alternate reasons you partner may be feeling/acting the
way he or she is
If your child was going through this situation, how would you feel?
Remember that what you would want and need is not
necessarily what your partner wants and needs.
Allow yourself to listen as if your only job is to understand
Without preconceptions
Knowing that you know nothing
Free from trying to create consistency between your
feeling/perceptions and your partner’s feelings and perceptions… for
now just focus on understanding the unique experience of your
partner.
7. Empathy
Think of a difficult time that you experienced and
answer all the questions
What was your perception of the occurrence?
What was troubling about this occurrence?
What were the emotions that you felt at the time of the
occurrence?
What emotions are being expressed in this moment?
What do you need from you (which is often just to be
empathetic)?
Start by taking time by yourself to practice using
these skills on yourself… your ability to understand
your own emotions will directly affect your ability
to empathize with your partner.
8. Empathy
When your partner is relaying a difficult
experience, listen to be able to understand:
What was his/her perception of the occurrence?
What was troubling about this occurrence?
What were the emotions that he/she felt at the time of
the occurrence?
What emotions are being expressed in this moment?
What does he/she need from you (which is often just to
be empathetic)?
This can also be practiced in group or at home
using media clips of people arguing.
9. Tips for a Closer Relationship
Use relationships to teach you how to be whole (and not
require another person to complete you)
See (and accept) your partner for who he or she really is
Be willing to learn from each other
Be willing to compromise
Get comfortable being alone
Develop awareness of why you fight
Own who you are
Embrace ordinariness
Let go of expectations and embrace what is
Converse…Plan conversation starters
10. Tips for Compromise
Create a win/win
Compromise based on priorities
Compromise based on needs
Compromise between extroverts and introverts
Compromise between detail oriented and big
picture people
Compromise between rationally focused vs.
emotionally focused individuals
Compromise between structured vs. spontaneous
people
11. Tips for Getting Your Needs Met
Know what you need and define it in observable
terms. “I want to be happy,” isn’t helpful.
Don’t expect mind reading
Assertively state and own your feelings wants and
needs
Communicate in the person’s preferred learning
style
Remember it is about balance.
Sometimes you have to meet your own needs
12. Giving Emotional Support
Not everyone is comfortable with feeling words.
Reflect their vocabulary.
Don’t assume you know why someone feels a certain
way.
Emotional support can be shown through actions, not
just words.
Giving gifts--- Emotional support cards
Quality time – Taking a break or celebrating
Words of affirmation
Acts of service – help lighten the load
Physical touch– hug, backrub
13. Being More Thoughtful
Pay attention and ask what he or she likes (and
dislikes)
Do things you don't want to do
Keep A running list of gift ideas
Write sweet notes/sms, or just a thank yous
Remember important dates
Truly listen to what your so has to say
Be there during tough times, even if you're busy
Start some personal rituals for the two of you:
Daily, Weekly, Annual
14. Saboteurs
Insecurity
Needing to control
Fear of intimacy
Needing to win
Pessimism
Needing to be center stage
Addictions
Martyrdom
Defensiveness
Breaking trust
Prior abandonment issues
Low Self-Esteem/ Fear of
Rejection
Fear of failure/Conditions of
worth
Emotionally unavailable
partner
Projection/Transference
Global, internal negative
attributions
15. Saboteur Sabotage
Abandonment issues
Identify why you fear abandonment from this partner
Use the challenging questions worksheet to explore your
thoughts and feelings
Identify what would need to be different for you to not fear
abandonment
Low Self Esteem
Complete the following sentence…I am a good person
because…
Identify all of your strengths and weaknesses
Of the weaknesses, identify which ones will help you be
more like the person you want to be.
16. Saboteur Sabotage
Fear of Failure/Conditions of worth
Many avoid relationships because they fear failure.
What does it mean if a relationship fails?
What can you learn?
What would you tell a child who felt this way?
Emotionally unavailable partner
Communicate your need for an emotional connection
Help him/her learn what being emotionally available
looks like to you. (love languages)
17. Saboteur Sabotage
Projection/Transference
Identify who this person reminds you of and how you are
trying to rewrite that story
Become fully aware of who this person is and force yourself
to stop comparing them with others.
Global, Internal Negative Attributions
Examples
People always…/never…
I am…
Make the attribution more specific
Find exceptions to the statement
Avoid extreme words like all, always, never
18. Summary
Relationships are complicated.
Basic areas to focus include
Compassion/Emotional Support
Effort/Thoughtfulness
Compromise
Embracing what is good instead of focusing on what is
wrong.
Awareness of relationship saboteurs can also
prevent a great relationship from falling apart