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Sex and pornography addiction are real problems facing an increasing number of people from adolescents to adults, men and women. This presentation goes over some of the issues that may have started or be maintaining the addiction and provides a few tools to help clients start moving toward recovery.
2. Define Sex Addiction
Identifying the Negative Messages
Understanding Addictive Triggers (Original and
conditioned)
Mindfulness and Purposeful Action (Silencing the
inner critic)
Getting to Know Yourself
Regaining Control: Essential DBT
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3. Any person, substance or activity
Used to escape from negative feelings (Emotional
and Physical)
Continues to be used despite negative consequences
◦ Emotional
◦ Mental (self esteem/thought processes)
◦ Physical (health and neurochemical balance)
◦ Social Relationships
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4. Obsessions are repetitive thoughts
Compulsions are activities done in order to
escape negative feeling states
It is the only way the person currently has to stop
or escape the negative feeling state
All addictions are compulsions, but all
compulsions are not addictions
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5. Dopamine rush
◦ Brain shuts off receptors to prevent overload
◦ Normal amounts of dopamine don’t produce
the same feeling
Chasing the High/Tolerance
◦ Requires artificially increasing dopamine
through increased amount/intensity
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6. Addictive behaviors have:
◦ Been the most reliable tool to help you escape
◦ Served a survival function
◦ Become the one thing that won’t let you down or
abandon you
Addictive behaviors and negative messages
can be altered
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7. Children are born with a blank slate
As they grow, the zone of proximal
development and the more knowledgeable
other influence what the child attends
to/learns
Early learning is egocentric and dichotomous
Inconsistent or negative messages can be
internalized by the child
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8. During each stage of development, the child must
accomplish certain tasks to avoid developing a
negative self-image (Hecklers in the amphitheater)
If the person develops a negative self-image, and
fails to develop healthy coping skills, then
addictive behaviors may be used to escape
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9. Negative messages drive feelings of despair,
anxiety and insecurity
When you want to use
◦ Listen to what your addicted voice is saying to you
◦ Identify other voices or messages you hear
◦ Dialogue with the voices to learn more about where
they came from (and how to shut them up)
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10. Cognitive Behavioral Theory
◦ Thoughts, feelings and actions are all related
◦ Everything you do is the result of a prior learning
experience
Action/Event Beliefs/Thoughts Consequence/Reaction
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11. Mindfulness
◦ Focus on the present moment not the past or the
shoulds or coulds
◦ You are not your thoughts
◦ You are not the same person you were 10 years
ago, or… yesterday
◦ Mindfulness will help you become aware of your
triggers
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13. Emotion
Smell
Taste
Touch
Sound
Time of day
Anniversary/ Date
Habit
Sights
Places
People
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14. Distract
Ride the wave
Choose an alternative (less harmful) behavior
Countercondition the trigger
Dialogue with yourself
Write a goodbye letter to the voice
Complete the faulty beliefs activity (Next slide)
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15. It is harder to deal with life on life’s terms
when you are:
◦ Sick
◦ In pain
◦ Exhausted
◦ Malnourished
◦ Bored
◦ Isolated
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16. For each trigger, identify how you can deal
with it or avoid it
Make a plan for taking better care of yourself
Create an emergency plan for dealing with
relapse
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17. Activities
to Help People Move Through
the Recovery Process
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18. Alone and Still
◦ You may try to stay busy when you are not using to
give yourself something to focus on besides the
voices, the habit or the pervasive discomfort.
◦ What happens when you are still?
◦ What positive activities can you do to stay busy
while learning to silence the voices?
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19. What is the evidence for my thought?
Is there evidence contrary to my thought?
Do I have all the evidence?
Is this based on feelings or facts?
What would a friend think about this?
If I look at the situation positively, how is it
different?
Will this matter a year from now?
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20. Market yourself– Write a 1 page sales pitch
about yourself
Refining your ideal image:
◦ Spend 20 minutes writing a list of all of the
qualities of your ideal self.
◦ Mark off any qualities that you do not care about
◦ Make a plan to achieve the ones you do
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21. Recovery involves saying goodbye to your
hecklers
◦ Your addict
◦ Other negative people who have been living rent
free in your head
Loss & Grief
◦ Denial Anger | Bargaining | Depression |
Acceptance
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22. Part of intimacy is vulnerability, both physical
and emotional
What has happened in the past when you have
been vulnerable?
What did you internalize from that experience?
Is that internalized message
◦ Valid
◦ Overgeneralized
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23.
Vulnerability means trust and letting go of some
control
Think of 3 situations/ways in which you would
like to be vulnerable
Remember that not everyone is trustworthy
• Situation (Past)
• Negative Outcome
• Blame Assessment
• Situation (Future)
• Positive Outcome
• Action Plan
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24. Part 1: Be the Parent
◦ Spend 30 minutes identifying the 10 most
important messages for your child to receive and
WHY.
◦ Review those messages. Which ones did you fail to
receive? How can you internalize those messages
now?
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25. Ongoing guilt, shame, self-blame and loathing is
the result of ineffective past learning experiences
Addiction is used to escape from these feelings
You have 3 options
◦ Sabotage yourself/relapse
◦ Deal with the issue
◦ Choose to not invest anymore energy in it
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26. The skills and tools you have developed have
allowed you to survive until now.
Your experiences have shaped who you are,
but do not have to negatively impact your
future
The 35 year old man has many more tools,
experiences and supports than the 5 year old
child
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27. Give yourself permission to grieve. It sucked and
it isn’t fair.
Continuing to keep your demons locked up
drains precious energy.
◦ What would happen if you accepted the past?
◦ What does it mean if you quit holding on to it?
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28. Sex and pornography addiction is real
Like other addictions it was the last ditch
effort to survive.
There are certain real fears that must be
confronted when forming a genuine
relationship with
◦ Self
◦ Others
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29. It is important to identify your self-
sabotaging behaviors
Addressing cognitive distortions like all or
none thinking can help you be more tolerant
of imperfections in yourself and others.
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