Self confidence course

2. Self Confidence
“Its all about confidence” Eric Cantonna
Dave Rainbow
November 2015

3. Interview your partner. Find out their
name and where they work, how long
they have worked there.
Ask them one random question, and
report back to the group.
Pick a photo that best illustrates
your feelings relating to self
confidence. Tell the group why
you chose that picture

4. Objectives of the course:
Evaluate your current level of self-confidence
Explore what your confident self will look like
Explore self-esteem, self-image, self-motivation
Consider self-confident communication, Dealing with criticism
Tools and strategies to develop self-confidence

5. What is self confidence?

6. What is self confidence?
• Self- assured; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or
reliability of a person or thing: We have every confidence
in their ability to succeed.
• Belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-
confidence; self-reliance; assurance: His lack of
confidence defeated him.
• Certitude; assurance: He described the situation with
such confidence that the audience believed him
completely.

7. What is self confidence?
In pairs…..
From the picture you chose, what are the characteristics of a confident
person?

8. Characteristics of confident people:
Truly confident people don't mind being proved wrong
They listen 10 times more than they speak- Good
communicators
They are assertive!
They freely ask for help
They think, "Why not me?"
They don't put down other people. They are kind.
Feel good about themselves and make others feel good
about themselves.- Self esteem !
They are ambitious and are goal oriented.

9. What is self confidence?
Characteristics of unconfident people:
They can be fearful of change. Many people with low confidence in the
future come from a basis of lack and live their life in fear of ‘what if’…..
They are pessimistic and tend to see the glass as half empty.
They often have difficulty communicating what they really want from
life. They have no clear idea of what they value and are muddy about
goals and desires.
They may want to please others more than be true to themselves. The
desire to have peace at any price is more important than discovering their
own potential. Almost as chameleons or lizards that change colours to fit
the environment they are in.

11. Self Confidence Questionnaire

12. What could be happening
in your life if you were at
point B or point C?
∞ Write down three
benefits to you if your
confidence
could increase by 10
percent.
∞ Imagine one activity or
scenario that would
happen if you had more
confidence.
∞ Imagine how you ’d
feel if you didn't ’t make
any attempt to increase
your confidence.

13. 13

16. How do you feel?, what are you thinking?

17. What is self esteem?
How Baby Elephants Are Trained
Elephants in captivity are trained, at an early age, not to roam. One leg of a baby
elephant is tied with a rope to a wooden post planted in the ground.
The rope confines the baby elephant to an area determined by the length of the rope.
Initially the baby elephant tries to break free from the rope, but the rope is too strong.
The baby elephant "learns" that it can't break the rope.
When the elephant grows up and is strong, it could easily break the same rope. But
because it "learned" that it couldn't break the rope when it was young, the adult
elephant believes that it still can't break the rope, so it doesn't even try!
Humans operate in a similar way. We learned something about ourselves at an
early age and still believe it as an adult. Even though it may not be true, we operate
as if it is.
Fortunately, humans are born with the ability to make conscious choices - an
important step in changing how you perceive yourself.

18. What is self esteem?
Everyone holds opinions about the type of person that they are. These opinions are at the heart of
self-esteem and they affect how you feel about and value yourself. Self-esteem is not static and
fixed; your beliefs about yourself can change throughout your life as a result of circumstance and
experience.
If you have low self-esteem these beliefs will often be negative. You may focus on what you feel
are your weaknesses, and mistakes that you have made.
If you have high self-esteem, you will generally see yourself in a positive light.
You might find that life events such as losing your job, ending a relationship or being bereaved
give your confidence a huge knock, but high self-esteem can act as a buffer to absorb these
knocks and help you bounce back.
Your beliefs make the difference between high and low self-esteem. It is important to realise that
these are only opinions, they are not facts. They can be biased or inaccurate, and there are steps
you can take to change them.

19. What is self esteem?
: Complete the “What I believe” worksheet

20. Self esteem – 10 little tips
10 practical tips to boost your self-esteem
These 10 ideas summarise some of the techniques in the handout, and can be really
helpful to refer to throughout the day to keep you positive and engaged in boosting
your self-esteem:
1. Stop comparing yourself to other people.
2. Don’t put yourself down.
3. Get into the habit of thinking and saying positive things about yourself to yourself.
4. Accept compliments.
5. Use self-help books and websites to help you change your beliefs.
6. Spend time with positive supportive people.
7. Acknowledge your positive qualities and things you are good at.
8. Be assertive, don’t allow people to treat you with a lack of respect.
9. Be helpful and considerate to others.
10. Engage in work and hobbies that you enjoy.

21. Imagine seven people lined up in a row.
Now imagine that each person represents a day of the week.
Now for the potentially scary part. Imagine that each day of the week represents
a decade of your life.

22. Questions, questions, questions!
• Which day of the week are you on? How does that make
you feel?
• How determined are you to make the most of the
rest of your journey?
• What has a lack of self -confidence prevented you
from achieving so far?

23. “How we spend our days is how we
spend our life”.
Importance of Goal Setting !
SMART is an acronym for:
Specific: by making your goals specific, you bring clarity
and focus
Measurable: helps you keep track of your progress
Attainable: keeps your goals realistic and you motivated
Relevant: keeps the focus on something you truly want
to accomplish
Time-Bound: helps you set targets with deadlines

24. Top Tips
Write
them
down
Share
your
goals
Celebra
te

25. Stepping outside of your comfort zone

26. Key Points
•Goal setting is a method of deciding what
you want to achieve in life
•Goal setting helps you focus on what is
important
•Goal setting motivates you
•Goal setting builds your self-confidence
•Small steps

27. Body language
• How can we show with our body language that we are
confident?
27

28. Harvard research

31. Assertive communication
Assertive communication
Assertiveness is based on balance - it requires being forthright about your
wants and needs while still considering the rights, needs, and wants of
others. When you are assertive, you ask for what you want but you don't
necessarily get it.
Aggressive communication
Aggressive behaviour is based on winning - it requires that you do what is in
your own best interest without regard for the rights, needs, feelings or
desires of others. When you are aggressive, you take what you want
regardless, and you don't usually ask.

32. Assertive communication
Passive communication
Passive behaviour is based on losing. A passive person denies their
feelings, does nothing, feels hurt/frustrated/resentful, allows others to
choose and does not achieve goals

33. Self Confident Communication-
Assertive communication
In groups of 2 : Discuss and list the key characteristics of:
Aggressive communication
Passive communication
Assertive communication

34. What are the key features?
Passive Assertive Aggressive
Communication
Style
Not expressing needs
Self-devaluing
Waiting to be led
Honest, open, direct
Recognises own rights
Listens to others’
needs
Domineering, insisting
Win / lose
Not listening
Talks over others
Non-verbal
behaviour
Slouches/ withdraws
Quiet, hesitant voice
Little eye contact
Shows little or no expression
Upright, balanced pose
Firm, clear voice
Steady eye contact
Good eye contact
Interrupting
Loud
Staring, pointing
Stands rigidly
Involves the personal
space of others
Language Sorry to bother you …
I can’t seem to …
It’s only my opinion
Your ok, Im not
I believe/need/I’d like
No (when appropriate)
Open questions
Keeps to the point
That won’t work
You can’t be serious
Your problem / fault
Im ok your not

35. Assertive communication
In pairs:
Share a situation where you would have liked to have been more assertive.
What might you have said? What could you have done differently?
Look at the case studies – choose one to discuss or role play

36. 36
Avoid acknowledging that you think their stupid
Ask a straight forward question

37. "He who asks a question
remains a fool for five
minutes.
He who does not ask
remains a fool forever."
37

39. Here are some really useful questions to ask
when weighing up criticism:
 How valid is that comment?
What were the other person ’ s motives for giving it?
Can I understand their perspective?
What part of the criticism (if any) could I agree with?
 Although natural, how is my defensive response helping this
situation?
Would I do anything differently next time?
 Am I prepared to thank my critic for their comments, even if I don ’ t
agree with them?

40. Weigh up but don ’t be weighed down by
criticism
Ignore It
Dwell on it
Be defensive

41. What do I already do with confidence?
In pairs:
Discuss something you feel very confident doing (work or home related)

42. Practical strategies for self-confidence?
In 2 groups :
Write/draw practical strategies you can use to help you feel more confident.

43. Practical Strategies
• Ask yourself: What’s the worst that could happen?
• Try something new to help your self confidence
• Make a plan to do something . Then follow through!
• Face a fear to keep your self confidence.

44. • Take it into the future with self confidence.
• Positive thinking will help you keep your self confidence
• Compare yourself to yourself. Not to others.

45. What next?.......