 Eric Berne defined a stroke as the “fundamental unit of social action”. A stroke is a unit of recognition, when one person recognizes another person. A stroke Can be Physical, Verbal or Non-verbal; Could be A hand shake, A compliment or A nod of the head;Could also be “Hello”, “Go away!” or A dismissive wave of the hand. (All of these acknowledge that the other person exists.)  Berne defined certain socially dysfunctional behavioural patterns as "games." According to Berne, Games are “sets of ulterior transactions, repetitive in nature, with a well-defined psychological payoff.” These repetitive, devious transactions are principally intended to obtain strokes, but instead they reinforce negative feelings and self-concepts, and mask the direct expression of thoughts and emotions.  In his book Games People Play, which achieved wide popular success in the early 1960s, Berne describes a series of games and gave them instantly recognizable names as:  "Why Don't You, Yes But"  "Now I've Got You, You SOB"  "I'm Only Trying To Help You".

1. Compiled by Col Mukteshwar Prasad(Retd),
Mtech(IITD),CE(I),FIE(I),FIETE,FISLE,FInstOD,AMCSI
Contact -9007224278, e-mail –
muktesh_prasad@yahoo.co.in
for book ”Decoding Services Selection Board” and SSB
guidance and training at Shivnandani Edu and Defence
Academy
Transactional Analysis – Part II ( The
Strokes and The Games We Play)

2. Strokes
 Eric Berne defined a stroke as the “fundamental unit of social action”.
 A stroke is a unit of recognition, when one person recognizes another
person.
 A stroke
 Can be
 Physical,
 Verbal or
 Non-verbal
 Could be
 A hand shake,
 A compliment or
 A nod of the head.
 Could also be
 “Hello”,
 “Go away!” or
 A dismissive wave of the hand.
(All of these acknowledge that the other person exists.)

3. Strokes
 Berne introduced the idea of strokes into Transactional Analysis based
upon the work of Rene Spitz(A researcher who did pioneering work in the
area of child development. ) who observed that
 Infants deprived of cuddling, touching and handling (in other words,
not receiving any physical strokes) were more likely to experience
emotional and physical difficulties.
 Berne took Spitz’s observations developed theories about the needs of
adults for strokes.
 He postulated that
 Adults do need physical contact just like infants, but have learned to
substitute other types of recognition for physical stimulation.
 So while an infant needs cuddling, an adult craves
 A smile,
 A wink,
 A hand gesture, or
 Some other form of recognition.
 Berne defined this requirement of adults to receive strokes by the term
 “recognition-hunger” or “stroke-hunger”.
 He said that we are all desperately seeking strokes from others and
that a lot of what we do is in order to be stroked.
 Understanding how people give and receive both positive and negative
strokes, and changing the unhealthy patterns of stroking are important

4. Strokes ….Types of Strokes
 Variety of stroke needs and styles is the result of
differences in wealth, culture and parenting methods –
but all these can be divided into two big categories :
 Positive strokes and
 Negative strokes.
 These can be
 Conditional, or
 Unconditional.
 Need for strokes is driven by recognition.
 Ideally we want to receive positive strokes
constantly
 But positive recognition is not always possible
 So we have to choose between getting
 Negative strokes (negative recognition) or
 No strokes at all.

5. Strokes ….Types of Strokes
 Berne reasoned that any stroke (positive or negative), is better than no stroke
at all.
 For example, if you are walking out of your house and you see your
neighbour,
 You will most likely smile and say “Hi.”
 Your neighbour will most likely say “Hello” back.
( This is an example of a positive stroke. )
 Your neighbour could also say nothing, but just frown at you.
(This is an example of a negative stroke. Better than no
Stroke)
• Your neighbour ignores you completely.
(No stroke at all)
 Getting some sort of recognition is more appealing than being ignored and
feeling as if we are not being seen at all
 So a child who doesn’t receive enough positive strokes will
 Develop behaviours that will at least attract negative strokes.
( Anything is better than nothing!)
 “conditional” and “unconditional”
 Berne stated that
 Unconditional strokes are related to what you are (strokes for
being),while

6. Strokes ….Types of Strokes
 Strokes can be further classified in a number of ways by
differentiating between:
 Verbal and Non-verbal strokes,
 Physical or Psychological strokes
 Internal (strokes from self as in self-praise and other
ways of self-stimulation) and External (strokes we
receive from others).

7. Below are some examples of the different types of strokes:
Positive Strokes
(Compliments)
Negative Strokes
(Insults)
Unconditional
(What you are /
Being)
“I love you.”
“I like you.”
“You’re wonderful!”
“I hate you.”
“I don’t like you.”
“You’re an idiot!”
Conditional
(What you do /
Doing)
“I like you when you
smile.”
“I like your coat.”
“You look pretty!”
“Well done on taking
the exam.”
“You’ve done a great
job!”
“I don’t like you when
you are sarcastic.”
“Your clothes look
grubby.”
“You are really stupid
for getting fired!”
“Your work is
unacceptable!”

8. Important Concepts to understand
Stokes
 1.Stroke Filters
 People often have a stroke filter – a mental filter that operates
unconsciously all of the time.
 This filter only allows some strokes to reach the person, while distorting
or completely blocking others.
 They only let in strokes which they think they are allowed to let in.
 For example
 If we have always been told we are the clever one and our brother is
the creative one, then we are likely to accept strokes for being clever,
but not for being creative.
 In the same way, we might allow ourselves to receive strokes for being
clever but keep out strokes for being good looking.
 If a girl considers herself to be intelligent, but (falsely) believes she is
ugly, the filter will allow the intelligence strokes to pass, but will block or
distort any positive strokes relating to her beauty.
 A comment such as, “I see you have a new coat” can also be changed to
either a positive or a negative stroke depending on the receiver’s filter.
 For example, when a person says to him or herself, “He likes my coat”, it
is a positive stroke.
 When the person says to him or herself, “He doesn’t like my coat”, it
becomes a negative stroke.
 What is significant about stroke filters is that each person maintains his or

9. Important Concepts to understand
Stokes
 2.Stroking Profile
 When it comes to giving and receiving strokes most of us use a series of
repetitive, unconscious patterns – never thinking about what we are doing.
 Since strokes are fundamentally involved (directly or indirectly) in
everything we do, it can be of great help to become aware of what is
known as our ‘stroking profile’.
 The stroking profile helps to measure how a person gives and receives
strokes in four categories:
 Giving strokes is ok
 Saying no is ok
 Taking strokes is ok
 Asking for strokes is ok
 The profile takes the form of a table to be completed and makes us think
about how we give and receive strokes.
 This can be an effective therapeutic tool as a person can then decide if
they would like to change any part of their stroking profile.
 For example, a person may decide to stop discounting positive strokes
and to ask for more of them.

10. Important Concepts to understand
Stokes
 2.Stroking Profile…..For example,…..strokes and to ask for more of them.
 The profile can also help people understand their pattern.
 A person may not have understood why they receive so many
negative strokes.
 The profile can help them to realize that they’ve been constantly
asking for these negative strokes on an unconscious level.
 That may be because these kinds of strokes are familiar to them and
they know how to react, whereas receiving positive strokes makes
them feel extremely uncomfortable. (Of course, it could also be for a
number of other reasons).
 Maybe some people complete the table and realize that they have
difficulties in giving strokes.
 By becoming aware of this, they can make a small conscious effort to
gradually offer more strokes.

11. Important Concepts to understand
Stokes
 3.Completing Your Stroke Profile
 1. Using the table below, rate yourself in each of the four profile
categories as to how often you do these things.
 Remember that any “transaction” (exchange) between two people
represents a stroke.
 2. Look at the overall picture.
 If you score too low or too high in one section and are not happy
with this, consider how you wish to change and in which direction,
then experiment with doing this.
 For example,
 If you think you don’t receive enough positive strokes, you could
experiment with asking for some the next time you feel like you need
(more) recognition.
 For example, if you have just received a compliment about your
standard of work you could share that with a friend.
 So you could say, “I was so pleased today - my boss told me that he
has never had such a detailed report before and is very impressed
with my work. Isn’t that great?”

12. How often you give positive stoke
Give positive
strokes to
others?
Refuse to
give the
positive
strokes
others
expect from
you?
Accept positive
strokes?
Ask others for
positive
strokes?
Usually
Always
Frequently
Often
Rarely
Almost Never

13. How often you give negative
Give positive
strokes to
others?
Refuse to give
the positive
strokes others
expect from
you?
Accept
positive
strokes?
Ask others for
positive
strokes?
Usually
Always
Frequently
Often
Rarely
Almost Never

14. Implications of Strokes
 It is important to recognize
 Each person’s need for strokes and
 The impact strokes have on each of us.
 Most of the time we don’t even think about it but get
recognized
 When we greet someone,
 When a stranger smiles at us,
 When someone moves their chair slightly in a
restaurant so we can pass through etc.
 Every time someone does anything to recognize another,
that person is offering a stroke.
 Most of the time, between people, there are several
strokes going back and forth simultaneously.
 In a way, needing strokes is the same as needing people
to acknowledge that we exist.
 If a person is not being stroked, is that person’s
existence real?

15. Implications of Strokes
 Its roots start growing from the moment of birth (or, according
to some theories, from even earlier on),
 Infant’s survival depends on his existence being
acknowledged
 We must understand that our stroke-hunger is a powerful
driving force.
 It is interesting to note that although many people propound
the death sentence to be the worst form of punishment, it is
not.
 Solitary confinement is.
 Numerous studies have documented the negative effects
of solitary confinement on prisoners.
 If prisoners are not mentally ill when entering an isolation
unit, by the time they are released their mental health has
been severely compromised.
 However, this is not true for those on death row.
 Our need for recognition is vital to our survival.

16. Games
 Berne defined certain socially dysfunctional behavioural
patterns as "games."
 According to Berne, Games are “sets of ulterior transactions,
repetitive in nature, with a well-defined psychological
payoff.”
 These repetitive, devious transactions are principally intended
to obtain strokes, but
 instead they
 Reinforce negative feelings and self-concepts, and
 Mask the direct expression of thoughts and emotions.
 In his book Games People Play, which achieved wide popular
success in the early 1960s, Berne describes a series of games
and gave them instantly recognizable names as:
 "Why Don't You, Yes But"
 "Now I've Got You, You SOB"
 "I'm Only Trying To Help You".
 Games involve us saying one thing and doing another in an
attempt to achieve intimacy, but resulting in a reinforcement of a
negative belief we have about ourselves.

17. Games …
 Berne wrote a formula for how this happens and he
called it formula
 G: C + G = R > S > X > P
 Con + Gimmick = Response > (then can pull) Switch >
(which causes) X Crossup > (then both can claim their)
Payoff
 It plays out as follows:
 An opening con (C), an invite from person A to person B
into the game, has to hook person B’s gimmick (G).
 When B responds (R) the game is on.
 With B hooked, person A can pull the switch (S) which
sends person B into complete confusion or crossup (X).
 Once the crossup has happened then both parties can
claim their payoff (P).

18. Games …
 An example of how this might look in everyday life.
 Azad and Kumkum are a couple. Azad likes to play
“Yes, But” and Kumkum’s favourite game is “I’m Only
Trying To Help You”.
 Azad’s opening con is complaining that he hates his job
(C).
 This hooks Kumkum’s need to make everything right for
people (G) and
 She begins to suggest things that Azad could do to solve
the problem (R).
 After a good while and several attempts withmAzad turning
down every suggestion Kumkum comes up with, Azad
throws the switch (S) and tells Kumkum she is not helping
at all.
 Kumkum feels confused (X) and claims her payoff (P)
which for her is the familiar feeling that she is
inadequate.
 Azad claims his payoff too, the familiar feeling

19. Games …
 Intimacy – this is an open and honest relationship that is
game free.
 Both individuals give and receive freely without
exploiting the other at any point.
 It’s what we all want but
 It is what feels most dangerous to us as we are at most risk
of being hurt.
 We also play many games between these positions, and
there are rituals from simple greetings to whole
conversations (such as about the weather).
 We can even take a different position for different events.
 These are often 'pre-recorded' as scripts we just play out.
 They give us a sense of control and identity and reassure
us that all is still well in the world.
 Other games can be negative and destructive
 We play them more out of sense of habit and addiction
than constructive pleasure.