2. “True vision is always twofold. It
involves emotional comprehension
as well as physical perception. Yet
how rarely we have either. We
generally only glance at an object
long enough to tag it with a name.”
– Ross Parmenter
3. SEXUAL VIBES
•An erotic form of emotional
contagion - the interpersonal
broadcasting of emotions found
in many species.
•They can be non-consensual (ex:
feeling someone creepy
undressing you with their eyes)
•They can sometimes exist
without eye contact (ex: sensing a
strangers presence in an
elevator, that awkward feeling
during the silence)
•When is the last time you felt
that with your partner?!
4. THE NEWLY WED GAME!
HOW WELL DO YO U AND YO UR LOVER KNOW EAC H OTHER?
HOW WELL DO YO U KNOW YO URSELF?
1
2
3
4
5
What part of your body (can not be your
genitals), when touched or kissed, gives you goose
bumps a.k.a. produces sexual vibes?
What do you fear most about being in a relationship?
How did your parents meet?
What body part are you most insecure about?
What do you like most about yourself? And if you
could change one thing about yourself what would it
be (can be physical, a skill, or a personality trait)?
6. HOW TO C-O-N-N-E-C-T
1 Mastering the anxiety triggered by new
sexual activities or styles: Change it up!
2 Mastering yourself while mastering
“something new” - Get to know what you like
and get good at it! Confidence booster!
3 Mastering a variety of sexual styles:
Have
plenty of tools in your tool bag so you are
prepared to go with the flow. Feel your
partner out, instead feeling them up. Slow it
down, keep it cool!
7. EYES OPEN SEX
• We need to reach a
point where keeping our
eyes open bring us to
arousal rather than
causes anxiety.
• The Combination of
sensory and emotional
stimulation brings total
stimulation.
• If you have mastered the
emotional connection
during foreplay more
likely to keep your eyes
open during sex.
Uhhh..
Not
weird…
8. FACIAL EXPRESSION
• Facial expressions allow for visual
communication.
• Eye contact begins the sexual experience
„flirting‟.
• Tantric sexual positions and the kabbalah
discuss prolonged eye contact to
gain spiritual transcendence.
• Its all about being seen and
seeing yet we fear it so much.
9. TERESA AND PHILIP
• Teresa had never watched Phillip give her
oral sex.
• Philip doesn‟t look at Teresa‟s face during
sex.
• Experimentation led to reduction in
anxiety and increased connection.
• They recognized the significance, which
made them excited and created a change
in pace and a smoother, slower
connection.
10. EYES OPEN ORGASM
• There are those people who have never
experienced it and don‟t know it can happen
and those who don‟t know that other people
have never experienced it.
• Looking into each others eyes the same time
as climaxing can be electric, tender, forceful
and nurturing at the same time.
• Requires emotional transparency which would
require a high amount of self acceptance.
Differentiation allows you to let him in, invite
him in, without blinking.
11. TERESA AND PHILIP
• Teresa is determined to have an eye open orgasm
which weakened the connection for a while.
• Teresa recognizes the patterns instead of becoming
down on herself gets back on track.
• Instead of trying, she continues to feel the
connection.
• Began to focus on foreplay and increased the time
involved in foreplay They focus on the tone of their
encounters matching their sexual fantasies
• Both soon after have eye open orgasms!
13. “When a girl marries,
she changes the
attention of many men
for the inattention of
one.”
– Helen Rowland
14. WANDERING MINDS
AND SEXUAL FANTASIES
• What should you think about durring
sex?
• Partner replacement fantasies
• = Very Common
• Lets use partner replacement
• fantasies to bring your partner in
not
ice your partner out.
–
15. THE CASE OF FLORENCE AND STAN
• Current fight: Stan fantasizes
of other women in bed.
• Florence feels „wounded‟ and
„used‟.
• Partner replacement fantasies
– extension of the monogamy
principle and partner
validation.
• Tip: Poorly differentiated
people go crazy over their
partners sexual fantasies
predispose them to do the
same think themselves.
16. SEXUAL TRANCE
• Body sensation, feeling your self aroused ; feeling your orgasm about
to happen.
• In this dimension, sex is like an altered state of consciousness.
• GOOD SEX: is like a great vacation in a strange land to which you
are transpor ted on a magic carpet of sensations.
• GREAT SEX: is like discovering the sensual secrets of ages.
• PROFOUND SEXUAL EXPERIENCE can be almost hallucinator y; like
your body flowing in a river of petals.
• BAD SEX: is a lousy trip to an unpleasant place, where
transpor tation is unreliable. You may be on vacation but you can‟t
relax….you wonder if the trip was wor th the ef for t!
• If this is your preferred sexual style, you like sex in private settings
with few distractions. If you have your wish, the mood is relaxed
and serene.
• FANTASIES are hard to share if you like sexual trance; sharing them
doesn‟t necessarily let your par tner be there with you.
17. PARTNER ENGAGEMENT:
EMOTIONAL BOND LEVELS
1
2
3
4
5
6
Sexual predators
Opportunistic encounter
Narcissistic self-reflection
Sex partner as a real person
Unique connection
Oneness with each other
and humanity
18. PARTNER ENGAGEMENT
If you are into partner engagement, you
prefer:
• Affectionate sharing and mutual
pleasuring.
• You like foreplay with eye-gazing and lots
of kissing and hugging. You want fullbody contact and face-to-face prositions
(Although you may think that sex is more
romantic with your eyes closed)
20. ROLE PLAY
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Sexual drama and acting out erotic script -like fantasies.
Like to share fantasies.
The whole encounter revolves around fantasies.
Rather than whispering secrets desires, role -playing
involves ACTING ON them.
Settings: bedroom and bathroom, kitchen and other
places.
Involvement in the role-play: fit between the role and
your sexual self-image
The closer the fit, the easier is to become the role.
Awkward feeling: “that‟s not me!”
21. SEXUAL POTENTIAL:
PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER
• 3 Engagement Styles are not mutually exclusive.
• Sexual Development stops at our ‘nondysfunctional point”
• Inability to use your sexual style in depth
Limiting!
• Attaining simultaneous profound connection in all
three sexual modalities has some lovely qualities….
1 Arousal and orgasm – effortless.
2 Bonding is solid and profound.
3 the sexual space becomes sacred.
4 New experiences can be second nature to you.
22. USING SEX TO GROW
• Using sexual conflict in the relationship as an
opportunity.
• One partners sexual style domination =
nobody wins.
• Using, “What‟s wrong with the way I am”
defenses.
• Anxious Reptilian Brain – Not Sexy!
• Tip: The miracle of dif ferentiation is that the
path to being more than an alligator lies in
refusing to be a “one trick pony”!
• But taking that leap of dif ferentiation is scary!
• Bonus: development of
sexuality, personhood, level of intimacy with
your partner.
