1. Osher Lifelong Learning Institute
October 14, 2015
Cindy Petitt
Bridging the
Great Gender
Divide
2. Agenda
Is There Really a Difference . . . Due Diligence
So What?!
What Are the Differences
You Tell Me
What the “Experts” Say
Implications and What To Do
2
3. Same or Different?
We are more alike than different
One small difference can have a big impact
Context Matters
The Big Debate – Nature vs Nurture
3
5. So What
• It’s Fun To Talk About it
• Awareness Opens the Door to Understanding
• It is the Basis of Conscious and Unconscious Bias
• It Leads to Lots of Misunderstanding and Frustration
5
6. Men and Women in Separate Groups – Part I
What Are The Differences?
• How are men and women different? Two boxes:
• What does it mean to: “Act like a man?”
• What does it mean to: “Act like a woman?”
6
7. What Are The Differences?
Act like a Woman Box Act Like a Man Box
7
8. Men and Women in Separate Groups – Part II
What Are The Differences?
• How do you feel most misunderstood by other group?
• What are most significant challenges of being in your group?
• What do you find most challenging about other group?
8
9. Differences –
What Do The Experts Say?
More than 100 differences in brains of men and women – where blood flows,
structure, neural networks, hormones
Men have:
• Larger amygdala
• Smaller hippocampus
•More complex spatial centers
•More gray matter
Women have:
•Larger Hippocampus
•More pre-frontal cortex brain cells
•Larger language centers in both hemispheres and 40% more connections to emotional centers
•More white matter
Many differences stem from pre-historic gender roles
Scientific evidence of differences is substantial
9
10. Women Men
Brain Centers Verbal, Memory, Life Experiences –Focus on words emotions,
observations – constantly reassessing, personalizing
Let’s Talk – I want to know how you feel
Spatial
Focus on objects and actions – don’t remember, don’t pick up signals
Let’s Not – I want to go for a run
Information
Processing
Across Brain Centers
Multi-task
Explore all possibilities, context, implications
See patterns and connect dots
Store memory in more parts of brain
Within One Center
One task at a time – Focused Action
Isolate situations to problem-solve
Keep conversations on point
Isolate key points-focus on most important
Chemistry Oxytocin, Serotonin, Prolactin
Calming, Bonding, Stimulating Tear Glands
Accept Blame
Testosterone
Aggression, Territorial, Competitive
Deflect Blame
Rest States Never – 30% more blood flow in woman’s brains
Overwhelmed
Often
Zoned Out
Brain Differences Create Gender Differences
Differences
10
11. “You’re Not Listening” – It’s Not Personal
The Brain at Rest*
Female Brain Male Brain
Women Talk with Long Preambles and
Closings
Men Have a Word Limit Threshold Before
Brain Shuts Down
Speech Patterns
Preamble Content Closing
Females _______________I________I_______________
Males __I_________I___
Advice for Women: To Be Heard, Be Concise
Advice for Men: To Hear, Stay Awake
11
12. Women Men
Words Use more words
• Feel disrespected when the listener is not paying attention
• May talk more to regain attention
• Too many words may feel like micromanagement
Use fewer words.
• Feel disrespected when a person is wordy
• When their word limit(for listening) is reached they will interrupt, be
distracted, zone out or become irritable.
• Information shared is often vague
Criticism Criticize themselves
• To bond by minimizing differences and making another person
feel better about their mistakes
Criticize others
• To deflect negative feelings and establish status as a
form of competition
Action Drivers Are process oriented
• Slow down to think through actions
• Focus on the how
• Self esteem tied to relationships,
doing it all-perfectly.
Are goal oriented
• Rush to complete task
• Focus on the what
• Self-esteem tied to status, strength, quality
Accomplishments Ask questions about accomplishments of
others to provide support
Talk about their own accomplishments
• To position themselves competitively
Expression of
Emotions
Are typically most emotional about family and relationships Are typically most emotional about sports or other competitive
activity
Impact of Stress Are shut down. Stress stymies them
and blocks learning.
“Tend and Befriend”
Are revved up. Stress stimulates them and
enhances their learning.
“Fight and flight”
Negotiations Use a more relationship and deliberate approach
Persuade with emotional appeal (e.g., guilt)
Use a more aggressive and abrupt approach
Persuade with data
Differences
Bonding-Competition Differences Play Out in Many Ways
12
13. Body Language, Voice Differences and Communication Style
Can Affect Confidence
Women Men
Nod means she is listening Nod means he agrees
Condense space – elbows to side and legs
tightly crossed.
Expand space – stretch out arms and legs
Sound more emotional because they use five
tones when speaking – so there is more voice
variation. Women talk faster, peak more softly
and hear better than men.
Sound more commanding and confident because use
only 3 tones, and have deeper and louder voice. Men
talk assertively. They are more successful in taking
and maintaining the flour.
Communication style reflects focus more on
relationship than clarity and task.
Communication style reflects focus more on clarity
and task than relationship
Body language is likely to emphasize
enthusiasm and inclusion
Body language is likely to emphasize composure and
stature. They use more commanding gestures and
hold their heads straight.
Faces are expressive and they establish eye
contact and tilt their heads to show interest.
Minimize facial expressions
Differences
13
14. How it is defined . . .
Differences In How
Love is Experienced
Saying “I Love You”
Women
MenWomen = Attachment
Men = Lust and Infatuation
14
15. Differences - EYES
MENWOMEN
I don’t see any
clutter . . .I didn’t even see
that garage door . . .
Different proportion of whites
Better peripheral
Vision, easier to
connect and see what is
going on around you
Better tunnel vision,
easier to see straight
ahead and at long
distance
Vision illustration from Why Men Don’t Listen & Women Can’t Read Maps by Allan & Barbara Pease
15
16. Now that you know, what will
you do differently?
16
More alike than different – 99% of our make up same
Small differences – 1 degree=boiling/freezing
see green as blue – agree on color, someone will be very disappointed
nodding
when stressed – walk versus talk
Context Matters
Man crying – sensitive, boy crying – sissy
Hell has no fury like a woman scorned
Nature-Nurture – Most of 20th Century = nature/socialization
Since 1980’s science found significant differences – 100 differences in brains – some affects behaviors and in other cases use different parts of the brain to perform identical functions.
Man’s world – research based on men – set standard, anything below standard = inferior. 150 years ago Charles Darwin and other scientist – proof that women are of inferior intelligence because of brain differences.
Another big issue is that variation among women is greater than average difference with men, which is true. However, the ultimate variation among men and women is much broader than the variation within each sex.
Misunderstanding and Frustration
Make assumptions that see world the same, but don’t so take it personally/make judgments
Damages relationships
Scientist can’t agree so leave it up to us and media and we often get it wrong
Blind spots
Bias – Intuition
Man’s world – reearch based on men. If don’t meet the norm than inferior
Stereotypes- test taking, sciences, applications
Awareness leads to understanding
Colors green/blue if knew – what would you do differently
No emotion receptor, what would you do different
Allergy – peanut allergy, would eat dessert that you slaved over how would you react, but what if you knew allergic to nuts . . . (before and after examples.)
Fun
lots of books, we want to understand each other – better to laugh than be angry
This is a quick brainstorm – don’t need an exhaustive list – then we will share with each other.
What happens to men and women who act outside their box?
How does that relate to how feel most challenged.
Men have:
Larger amygdala (fight-flight, more physical risk-taking, binocular-view of world, systematic)
Smaller hippocampus (release emotions through activity)
More complex spatial centers (bias toward movement, action and solutions)
More gray matter (process information within brain centers)
Women have:
Larger Hippocampus (learning and memory and more connections to emotional centers)
More pre-frontal cortex brain cells (judgment, conscientiousness, impulse control)
Larger language centers in both hemispheres and 40% more connections to emotional centers
More white matter (process information across centers)
Men:
They attribute success to their skills, and failures to external factors
In intelligence test, stronger in science, visual spatial processing, math problem solving – over represented at both extremes
Talk more in meetings – dominance issue. Verbal fluency is contextual
Women:
better at detecting emotions in others
more likely to harmonize than compete – so down play their achievements and reluctant to talk about accomplishments to avoid having another person feel inferior.
Criticize themselves than blame others for mistakes.
Attribute success to external factors (luck, team) and failure to internal factors (not good enough)
In intelligent test, higher in verbal fluency, writing and perceptual speed.
Men’s direct communications come across a abrupt and inconsiderate. They willingly express their disagreement with opinions of others. In conflict, move to closure rather than involve others.
So they tend to be direct and factual (abrupt). In conflict they tend to make categorical statements about right and wrong.
Women Communication style:
disclaimer and hedge: perhaps, possibly
hedges
adverbs: very
inclusive pronouns: we, our
ask more questions.
Upward infliction at end of sentences and tag questions (don’t you agree)
If interrupt, it is to express support or agreement
In conflict seek to relieve tension, find common interest, and build consensus.
More likely to use examples of person experience to persuade others.
When it comes to seeing the colors of the world around us, scientists at Arizona State University have discovered that women not only see red more vividly than men but that they can also distinguish more subtle hues of it from one another, as mentioned in this article.
It’s thought that this difference goes far back in time to humans being hunter-gatherers. Women, being the gatherers, were more successful in collecting fruits and berries for the clan if they could accurately distinguish the shades of red that told the difference between ripe berries and varieties of poisonous ones.
White of eyes allow more movement and to connect withothers. Women more likely to have head on collisions and men from the side.
Women have greater variety of cones in retina so can see collors more vividly