Developing Targeted Emotional Intelligence (EQ) and Personal Effectiveness Competencies and Strategies

1. EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EQ) AND
PERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS
CHARLES COTTER PhD, MBA, B.A (Hons), B.A
MANHATTAN HOTEL, PRETORIA
17-18 MAY 2018
www.slideshare.net/CharlesCotter

2. 2-DAY, TRAINING PROGRAMME
OVERVIEW
• FUNDAMENTALS OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EQ)
 Defining EQ
 Building a business case for EQ
 The 5 competencies of EQ
 Measuring and Diagnosing EQ
• DEVELOPING AND IMPROVING EQ COMPETENCIES
 General advice
 Targeted strategies
• PERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS
 The habits of highly effective people
 Resilience
 Assertiveness
• CONSOLIDATION INTO A PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT PLAN

3. AGREE OR DISAGREE?
WHY?

4. DEFINING
EMOTIONAL
INTELLIGENCE
(EQ)
EQ is the skill to recognize different
emotions in yourself and the world around
you and to interpret and use these
emotions to enhance your quality of life.
EQ is a set of abilities that helps you
manage your emotions and relate to
others.
EQ is the ability to recognize your emotions,
understand what they're telling you and
realize how your emotions affect people
around you.
EQ is the ability to understand and manage
both your own emotions and those of the
people around you.

6. INTRODUCTORY ACTIVITY
• Individual activity:
• Complete the statement by inserting one (1) word only. In order to be an
emotionally intelligent at SAMSA, I need to/to be
.………………………………………………………………………….
• Now find other learners with the same word as you.
• Jot these words down on the flip-chart.
• Each learner will have the opportunity to elaborate on their chosen word.

9. IQ vs. EQ

11. THE BRAIN IS WIRED TO BE EMOTIONALLY
INTELLIGENT
• Reptilian brain (controls very rudimentary functions
e.g. breathing, swallowing and heartbeat)
• Limbic brain (can be expressive and intuitive, but it
doesn’t reason, isn’t logical and doesn’t respond to
our will)
• Neo-cortex brain (the ability to control your
actions in the face of strong emotions) - it’s the seat
of your thinking, logic and reasoning.

12. THE BRAIN IS
WIRED TO BE
EMOTIONALLY
INTELLIGENT

14. THE VALUE OF EMOTIONS

17. BUILDING A BUSINESS CASE FOR EQ
• “The single most important factor that
distinguished star performers was EQ.”

18. LEARNING
ACTIVITY 1
Group Discussion:
• Build a business case for
emotional intelligence at
SAMSA. Do the
advantages/benefits of
being emotionally
intelligent outweigh the
disadvantages?
Substantiate your position.
• Provide practical,
workplace examples of
how being emotionally
intelligent proved to be
decisive and/or beneficial.

19. THE FIVE (5)
COMPETENCIES
OF EQ

21. SELF
AWARENESS

22. SELF AWARENESS
• It must come first because if we don’t know ourselves and what we’re feeling,
how can we possibly know or understand someone else and how they feel?
• Self-awareness is about knowing what drives us and what we’re passionate about.
• The more we know about ourselves, the better we are able to control and choose
what kind of behaviours we’’ display in a work setting.
• Without self-awareness, our emotions can blind us and guide us to do things or to
become people we really don’t want to be.
• If we are aware of our feelings and thoughts, we can choose how we will act or
react in a given situation or to a certain person.
• With this choice comes power - the kind of intrinsic power that no one can take
away from us.

23. SELF AWARENESS
• People with high emotional intelligence are usually very self-
aware.
• They understand their emotions, and because of this, they
don't let their feelings rule them.
• They're confident – because they trust their intuition and
don't let their emotions get out of control.
• They're also willing to take an honest look at themselves.
• They know their strengths and weaknesses, and they work
on these areas so they can perform better.

28. SELF REGULATION
• The second step is to regulate those feelings and manage them so they do more good
than harm.
• Our passions can be contagious and energize others, but our ranting and ravings can
damage work relations beyond repair.
• Checking those emotions is what self-regulation is all about. It’s giving the rational side
time to temper our feelings when needed.
• When we are angry, we cannot make good decisions and often react inappropriately by
blowing an incident out of proportion - we lose our perspective.
• By learning to manage our emotions, we become more adaptable and innovative in
stressful situations.

30. SELF REGULATION
• Self-regulation helps us act intentionally rather than reactively.
• Self-regulation helps us act deliberately and not destructively.
• Self-Regulation is the ability to control emotions and impulses.
• People who self-regulate typically don't allow themselves to become too
angry or jealous, and they don't make impulsive, careless decisions - they
think before they act.
• Characteristics of self-regulation are thoughtfulness, comfort with change,
integrity and the ability to say no.

33. SELF MOTIVATION
• The third step is to direct the power of our emotions towards a purpose that will
motivate and inspire us.
• Self-motivation is about visualizing the achievement of a goal and taking the necessary
steps to get there.
• Athletes use their emotions to psyche themselves up for competition.
• The same technique is effective in the workplace to raise job performance.
• “Self-motivated people can envision reaching the goal which gives meaning to the
mundane.”
• “Stand firm even when you are buffeted by events and emotions.”

34. SELF MOTIVATION
• The strongly self-motivated workers also accept change and are more flexible.
New twists and unexpected turns don’t bend them out of shape.
• They have better attitudes, take more initiative and do balanced risk taking.
But most of all, self-motivated employees persist toward goals, despite
obstacles and setbacks.
• People with a high degree of emotional intelligence are usually motivated.
• They're willing to defer immediate results for long-term success.
• They're highly productive, love a challenge, and are very effective in whatever
they do.

36. EMPATHY
• Empathy is defined as an outwardly-looking approach to managing relationships that
enables people to see from another person’s perspective.
• It means responding to others appropriately with sensitivity and compassion.
• Empathy begins with listening i.e. with the purpose to understand and respond and
display sensitivity and concern.
• “Nobody in life will listen to us unless they feel we have listened to them.”
• A team leader, who is empathetic, listens and responds and naturally displays sensitivity
and concern - this makes a connection with people.
• It is important for team leaders to be attuned to different people’s needs and emotional
responses as well as reading these cues.

39. EMPATHY
“Empathy is the glue that will bind
the group together to work
successfully.”
The ability to model empathy is the
best way to motivate others.
Empathetic people are usually
excellent at managing relationships,
listening and relating to others.
They avoid stereotyping and judging
too quickly and they live their lives in
a very open, honest way.

41. THE VALUE OF SOCIAL AND
RELATIONAL CAPITAL
• “The new business currency is
human (social) and relational
capital, not financial capital.
Given the economic downturn,
the value of financial capital is
depreciating, whereas social and
relational capital is exponentially
appreciating and yields a
significant positive return-on-
investment (ROI).”
Charles Cotter (2016)

42. RELATIONSHIP/SOCIAL
SKILLS
• This fifth competency is about interacting with people successfully
and being adept at managing emotions in others.
• With heightened social skills, leaders are better communicators
and better collaborators.
• It's usually easy to talk to and like people with good social skills,
another sign of high emotional intelligence.
• Those with strong social skills are typically team players.
• Rather than focus on their own success first, they help others
develop and shine.
• They can manage disputes, are excellent communicators, and are
masters at building and maintaining relationships.

43. SUMMARY OF EQ COMPETENCIES

44. LEARNING
ACTIVITY 2
Group Discussion:
• By referring to the
five competencies of
EQ, provide a quick
summary of the
definition and
hallmark
characteristics of
each competency.

46. COMPETENCIES
• #1: Emotional self-awareness: Do you
notice your feelings and attribute them
properly?
• #2: Emotional expression: Are you able to
express your feelings and gut-level instincts?
• #3: Emotional awareness of others: Can you
intuit what others may be feeling from their
words, body language, or other clues?
• #4: Creativity: Do you tap into resources to
help you envision new ideas, frame
alternative solutions, and find effective ways
of doing things?
• #5: Resilience: Do you bounce back and
retain curiosity and hope in the face of
adversity, change, and challenge?
• #6: Interpersonal connections: Have you
formed a network of people with whom you
can be your real and whole self?
• #7: Constructive discontent: Do you stay
calm, focused, and emotionally grounded
during disagreements and conflict?

47. COMPETENCIES
• #8: Optimism: Do you keep a positive
outlook?
• #9: Empathy: Do you appreciate and honour
others’ feelings?
• #10: Intuition: Do you notice, trust, and use
your hunches, gut-level reactions, and other
non-cognitive responses produced by the
senses, emotions, mind, and body?
• #11: Intentionality: Do you say what you
mean and mean what you say? Are you
willing to forgo distraction and temptations
in order to be responsible for your actions?
• #12: Trust radius: Do you believe people are
“good” until proven otherwise while at the
same time not trusting in a naive way?
• #13: Personal power: Do you believe you
can meet challenges and live the life you
choose?

48. LEARNING
ACTIVITY 3
• Individual activity:
• Complete the
Emotional Intelligence
Self-Evaluation survey
i.e. Parts I (Rating) and
II (Scoring).
• Analyze the
results/findings and
identify your
strengths and
shortcomings i.e. Part
III (Interpreting).

50. EQ DEVELOPMENT
MAP/PATHWAY

51. HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR
EQ – GENERAL ADVICE
• Observe how you react to people
• Look at your work environment
• Do a self-evaluation
• Examine how you react to stressful situations
• Take responsibility for your actions
• Examine how your actions will affect others – before
you take those actions
• With appropriate education and training, you can
develop EQ throughout your life

52. TARGETED EQ DEVELOPMENT
STRATEGIES – 5 COMPETENCIES

54. TARGETED EQ
DEVELOPMENT
STRATEGIES – SELF
AWARENESS
• Learn the difference between
thoughts or feelings
• Ask yourself how you’re feeling
throughout the day and be
honest
• Be open to input from other
• Keep a journal
• Slow down

56. LEARNING
ACTIVITY 4
• Group Discussion:
• By referring to the
outcomes/ratings of
your EQ Self-Evaluation
survey, develop a
comprehensive
Personal Development
Plan in which you
identify strategies to
improve the following
EQ competency:
• Self-awareness

57. TARGETED EQ
DEVELOPMENT
STRATEGIES –
SELF CONTROL
Monitor your self-
talk
Accept responsibility
for your emotional
responses in the
workplace
Anticipate
emotional “triggers”
and prepare to
manage them
Reframe an irritating
situation into a
problem-solving
exercise
Use humour

59. TARGETED EQ DEVELOPMENT
STRATEGIES – SELF CONTROL
• Never underestimate the power of
taking deep breaths
• Remove yourself from the situation and
keep moving
• Know your values
• Hold yourself accountable
• Practice being calm

61. LEARNING
ACTIVITY 5
• Group Discussion:
• By referring to the
outcomes/ratings of
your EQ Self-Evaluation
survey, develop a
comprehensive
Personal Development
Plan in which you
identify strategies to
improve the following
EQ competency:
• Self-regulation

62. TARGETED EQ DEVELOPMENT
STRATEGIES – SELF MOTIVATION
• Be aware of how you explain
setbacks to yourself - stay
realistic
• Connect your goals with your
values to get energized
• Strive for reaching a “flow”
state while working on
projects
• Visualization
• Keep learning

63. TARGETED EQ DEVELOPMENT
STRATEGIES – SELF MOTIVATION
• Re-examine why you're doing this
• Make sure that your goal statements
are fresh and energizing
• Know where you stand
• Be hopeful and find something good

64. LEARNING
ACTIVITY 6
• Group Discussion:
• By referring to the
outcomes/ratings of
your EQ Self-Evaluation
survey, develop a
comprehensive
Personal Development
Plan in which you
identify strategies to
improve the following
EQ competency:
• Self-motivation

65. TARGETED EQ DEVELOPMENT
STRATEGIES - EMPATHY
• Look for nonverbal cues as well as listening
for verbal
• Pay attention to body language
• Share and be honest about your feelings
• Be consistent so that your spoken and
unspoken messages match

66. TARGETED EQ DEVELOPMENT
STRATEGIES - EMPATHY
• Take the kinder road whenever possible
• Try to see from the other person’s
perspective
• Respond to feelings
• Put yourself in someone else's position

67. LEARNING
ACTIVITY 7
• Group Discussion:
• By referring to the
outcomes/ratings of
your EQ Self-Evaluation
survey, develop a
comprehensive
Personal Development
Plan in which you
identify strategies to
improve the following
EQ competency:
• Empathy

68. TARGETED EQ DEVELOPMENT
STRATEGIES – SOCIAL SKILLS
• Share your passion and enthusiasm for your job and the
organization’s vision – it’s contagious!
• Create an inspiring work environment
• Engage in creative brainstorming
• Be willing to coach or mentor other and be open to being coached
yourself

69. TARGETED EQ DEVELOPMENT
STRATEGIES – SOCIAL SKILLS
• Learn conflict
resolution
• Improve your
communication skills
• Learn how to praise
others

70. PARENT-ADULT-CHILD (PAC) MODEL

71. INTERPERSONAL
STYLE

73. COVEY’S EMOTIONAL BANK
ACCOUNT

75. TRUST
ENHANCING
STRATEGIES
Open and transparent
communication
Mutual respect and tolerance
for individual differences
Demonstrated care and
sincere interest
Recognition for the value of
each individual team member
Co-operation and shared
commitment

77. LEARNING
ACTIVITY 8
• Group Discussion:
• By referring to the
outcomes/ratings of
your EQ Self-Evaluation
survey, develop a
comprehensive
Personal Development
Plan in which you
identify strategies to
improve the following
EQ competency:
• Relationships/social
skills

81. DALE
CARNEGIE’S
– HOW TO
WIN
FRIENDS
AND
INFLUENCE
PEOPLE
(1936)
PRINCIPLES

83. DEFINING RESILIENCE
• Resilience in psychology refers to the idea of an individual's
tendency to cope with stress and adversity.
• This coping may result in the individual "bouncing back" to a
previous state of normal functioning, or using the experience
of exposure to adversity to produce a "steeling effect" and
function better than expected
• Resilience is most commonly understood as a process, and
not a trait of an individual.
• Resilience is a dynamic process whereby individuals exhibit
positive behavioural adaptation when they encounter
significant adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or even
significant sources of stress.

84. RESILIENCE BUILDING STRATEGIES
• Positive (they see life as complex but filled with opportunity)
• Focused (they have a clear vision of what they want to
achieve)
• Flexible (they demonstrate pliability when responding to
uncertainty)
• Organized (they develop structured approaches to managing
ambiguity)
• Proactive (they engage with change rather than defending
against it)

86. DEFINING
ASSERTIVENESS
Assertiveness is the ability to
express one’s feelings and assert
one’s rights while respecting the
feelings and rights of others.
Assertive communication is
appropriately direct, open and
honest and clarifies one’s needs to
the other person.
People who have mastered the skill
of assertiveness are able to greatly
reduce the level of interpersonal
conflict in their lives, thereby
reducing a major source of stress.

88. THE ASSERTIVENESS CONTINUUM

90. ASSERTIVENESS RULER

91. CHARACTERISTICS
OF PASSIVE
PEOPLE
Have trouble saying no
Do whatever others ask, even if it’s
very inconvenient
Get “stepped on” a lot
Talk softly and don’t stand up for
their rights
They’re not even sure if they have
any rights
Do anything to avoid conflict
Are taken advantage of. They get
resentful but don’t tell anyone

93. CHARACTERISTICS
OF AGGRESSIVE
PEOPLE
• Are loud, bossy and pushy
• Get their way, no matter
what
• React instantly
• Like to get even
• Don’t care about feelings
• Give vice-like handshakes
• Believe that winning is
everything

94. CHARACTERISTICS
OF ASSERTIVE
PEOPLE
Are firm and direct
Don’t blame others but take full
responsibility for their own feelings
Concentrate on the present
Can express their needs and feelings
calmly and easily
Are confident about who they are
Speak firmly and make eye contact
Respect others’ rights and expect the
same in return

96. MEASURING
YOUR
ASSERTIVENESS
Do you have difficulty accepting
constructive criticism?
Do you find yourself saying ‘yes’ to
requests that you should really say ‘no’
to, just to avoid disappointing people?
Do you have trouble voicing a
difference of opinion with others?
Do people tend to feel alienated by
your communication style when you do
disagree with them?
Do you feel attacked when someone
has an opinion different from your
own?

98. LEARNING TO SAY NO – “WHO’S
GOT THE MONKEY?”

101. LEARNING
ACTIVITY 9
• Group Discussion:
• Describe how you can
improve your personal
effectiveness.
• Describe how you can
improve your
assertiveness skills in
the SAMSA working
environment.
• Describe how you
build resilience skills
in the SAMSA working
environment.

102. CONSOLIDATION INTO A PERSONAL
DEVELOPMENT PLAN (PDP)

103. LEARNING
ACTIVITY 10
• Group Discussion:
• By means of the
provided template,
consolidate your EQ
and Personal
Effectiveness learning
into a Personal
Develop Plan.

104. CONCLUSION
• Key points
• Summary
• Questions

105. CONTACT DETAILS
• Dr. Charles Cotter
• (+27) 84 562 9446
• charlescot@polka.co.za
• LinkedIn
• Twitter: @Charles_Cotter
• https://www.facebook.com/CharlesACotter/
• http://www.slideshare.net/CharlesCotter