domestic violence

1. Stages ForChange
“Anyattempttoimposeyourwillonanotheris
anactof violence.”
Gandhi

2. Stages forChange
Values
Attitudes
Beliefs
What
Happened
Before
Feelings
Body Talk
Up Talk
Violence

3. Stages forChange
Common Characteristics of The Batterer
Although thereisno single“batterer profile,” certain characteristicsconsistently differentiatebatterers
from non-batterers. Themorecommon characteristicsinclude:
• Controlling behaviors(seePower &
Control Wheel)
• Minimizesor denieshisviolence
• Viewsconflictsin termsof win-lose
only; lacksconflict resolution skills
• Blameshispartner
• Isoverly dependent on hispartner
• Haslow self-esteem
• Isgenerally unassertivetoward
anyoneelse
• Lackscommunication skills
• Rigid sex roles
• “Playful” useof forcein sex
• Often seen by friends/co-workersas
not battering type
• Abusesdrugsor alcohol; blameshis
violenceon them

4. Stages forChange
Common Beliefs of Batterers
• Anger causesviolence
• Women aremanipulative
• Women think of men as
paychecks
• I giveher thepaycheck so she
haseconomic power
• If I don’t control her, she’ll
control me
• Smashing thingsisn’t abusive,
it’sventing
• Sometimesthere’sno alternative
to violence
• Women’sLibbershatemen
• Women arejust asviolent asmen
• Women want to bedominated by men
• Somebody hasto bein charge
• Jealousy isnatural in men
• Violenceisoften abreakdown in
communication
• A man hastheright to choosehis
partner’sfriends
• A man can’t changeif thewoman
won’t

5. Stages ForChange
Domestic Violence 101
Domestic Violence:
Any assault, aggravated assault, battery, aggravated battery, sexual assault,
sexual battery, stalking, aggravated stalking, kidnapping, false imprisonment, or
any criminal offense resulting in personal injury ordeath of one *family o r ho useho ld
member by another, who is orwas residing in the same single dwelling unit.
Family or Household Member:
Spouse, former spouse, persons related by blood or marriage, persons who are
presently residing together, as if a family, or who have resided together in the
past, as if a family, and persons who have a child in common regardless of
whetherthey have been married orhave resided togetherat any time.

6. Stages ForChange
Domestic violence 101 – 2004 Hubbard House
Stats
6,375 Hotlinecallsreceived6,375 Hotlinecallsreceived.
20,744 Counseling hoursprovided20,744 Counseling hoursprovided.
1,150 Clientssheltered1,150 Clientssheltered
557 – Children under 18557 – Children under 18
589 – Women589 – Women
3 - Men3 - Men
26,586 shelter days.

7. Stages ForChange
Reasons ForStaying
She may love her
abuser since he may
be more often loving
than abusive.
She may fear he will
carry out his threats
to kill her or the
children.
She may fear losing
custody of her
children.
She probably suffers
from low self-esteem
because of his abuse
and feels like a failure
for not being able to
stop it.
She may feel that the
abuse is deserved or
it is her fault.
She may have cultural
or religious beliefs
that keep her in the
relationship.
She may feel that the
children need their
father or she is
incapable of raising
them as a single
parent.
She may believe that
she cannot survive
emotionally without
her partner and fears
being alone
She may be financially
dependent on her
partner and lacking in
job skills.
She may be so
exhausted from
dealing with the abuse
on a daily basis that
she is unable to make
major decisions or
changes.

8. Stages ForChange
When Talking with a Victim
Remain non-judgmental
Benon-confrontational
Validatefeelings
Don’t ask questionsthat appear to blamethevictim for theabuse.
Alwaysgivethevictim theright to decidewhat isbest.

9. Stages ForChange
What Not to Say
Areyou avictim of domestic violence?
What did you do to provoketheattack?
What wereyou doing right beforeyou wereattacked?
Why haven’t you left?or Why do you keep going back?

10. Stages ForChange
Effects on Children
PRENATAL INFANTS TODDLERS OLDER CHILDREN
 By 18 weeksof gestation,
brain development is developing
 In thewomb, it isbelieved that
character traits areformed
 A fetusbetween 10-15 weeks
feelsand reactsto violence
 Bonding and attachment before
and around birth havelifelong
effects
15% of USchildren enter life
without attachment
 Children rejected pre-natally
show developmental,
psychological and social
handicaps
 May cry more
often and bemore
irritablethan most
infants.
 May experience
sleep disturbances
and digestive
problems.
 May resist being
held or being fed
 May be
developmentally
delayed/Failureto
thrive
 May havelow self-
esteem and lack of self
confidence.
 May bemore
aggressiveOR more
withdrawn than normal.
 May exhibit high
levelsof anxiety and
fearfulnesswith
physical manifestations
such asstomach aches
And nightmares.
 May havelow self-esteem and
lack of self confidence.
 May feel inadequatefor not
being ableto protect their mothers
(thisisespecially truefor male
children).
 May besuicidal.
 May beaggressivewith violent
outburstsof anger.
 May lack social skillsand do
poorly in school.
 May resort to juvenile
delinquency and battering in their
own dating relationships.

11. Stages ForChange
Coping with Family Violence
• Fourout of five children from violence homes witness extreme violence
directed at themselves orothers in theirown homes
• 30 to 40% of women who are battered grew up seeing theirmothers
being abused
• 50 to 80% of men who batterwitnessed theirfather’s violence against
theirmothers
• Three to five children in each classroom may be witnessing violence in
theirhomes
• Violent relationships begin when teens are about 15 years old and
become involved in serious relationships

12. Stages ForChange
Teen Dating Abuse…
It’s More Common Than You Think

13. Dynamics of Teen Dating Abuse
• 36% of female high school and college students
surveyed, more than one in three have
experienced some violence in a dating relationship.
• 50% of dating women sufferphysical, sexual,
emotional, orverbal abuse from theirdating
partners.
• The majority of violence occurs during the “going
steady” orserious phase of the relationship.
(But I Love Him, Dr. Jill Murray 2000)
Stages ForChange

14. Dynamics of Teen Dating Abuse cont.
• 25% of Female Homicide Victims are between
15 and 24 years old.
• One in three women who are killed in the
United States are murdered by theirboyfriend or
husband.
• 90% of abusive men in prison come from
abusive homes.
(ButI LoveHim, Dr. Jill Murray 2000)
Stages ForChange

15. Why is Teen Dating Abuse So Common?
• Peerapproval
• Genderrole expectations
• Lack of experience
• Little contact with adult resources
• Less access to societal resources
• Legal issues
• Substance abuse
(Domestic andDatingViolence: Aninformationandresourcehandbook, compiled by the Metropolitan King
City Council 1996)
Stages ForChange

16. Continuum of Dating Abuse
Verbal Abuse
Emotional Abuse
Mental Abuse
Physical Abuse
Sexual Abuse
Stages ForChange

17. Characteristics of a Teen Abuser
• Calling her/him names
• Buying her/him a pagerorcell phone and expecting them
to return the phone call immediately
• Monopolizing all of her/his time
• Isolating her/him from family, friends, and outside
interests
• Making him orher feel insecure
• Blaming him orherforthings going wrong
• Jealousy, Control, possessiveness
• Saying “ILove You” too soon
• Using Drugs orAlcohol
• Forcing Sex
Stages ForChange

18. Stages ForChange
What is sexual violence?
Any forced sexual contact by oneperson with another
person.
Thisincludestouching on top of and underneath
clothing, includesforcing thevictim to touch the
offender sexually, includestouching sexual body parts
with objects.

19. Continuum of Sexual Violence
Obscene phone calls
Window peeping
Flashing
Sexual Harassment (verbal and/orphysical)
Fondling
Date Rape
StrangerRape
Multiple Assailants
Relative Assault (Incest)
Stages ForChange

20. Myths of Sexual Assault
1) “Sheasked for it.”
2) “It can’t happen to me.”
3) Sex offendersaremotivated by sexual
desire.
4) Sex offendersareretarded.
5) Sex offendersareacertain race.
6) Women frequently “cry rape”.
Stages ForChange

21. Prevention will only come with social
change:
 Hold offendersaccountablefor thecrime
 Recognizeavictim’s(anyone’s) vulnerability
 Demonstrateempathy toward victims
 Realizethat rapeisnot sexy
Stages ForChange

22. Consent versus Force
Consent meansboth personsagreeto sexual activity
without theinfluenceof drugsor alcohol, without
manipulation, promises, liesor blackmail, without
physical force, threats, or theuseof weaponsor
restraints.
Force robsanother of their freewill and their right to
refuse.
Stages ForChange

23. Patterns of Rape
• 70% are powerrapists - littlebodily injury,
pre-planned, repetitive, offender known to
victim
• 25% are angerrapists - great physical
trauma, impulsive, episodic
• 5% are sadistic rapists - kidnapping, murder,
torture, mutilation, calculated
Stages ForChange

24. Three Phases of the Rape Experience
(1) Threat of Attack
(2) Victimization
Occurs
(3) Aftermath
Stages ForChange

25. How Date Rape Occurs:
• Failureto get aclear consent
• Failureto stop when victim saysno
• Using drugsor alcohol
• Victim isunder 16 years
• Victim isunder 18 yearsand offender isover
24 yearsof age
• Usually during social occasions
Stages ForChange

26. Date Rape Drugs:
• Work in 5-20 minutes
• Offender can remain anonymous
• Render victimshelpless
• Cheap
• Cannot betasted in beverage
• Eliminatememory of victim
• Hard to detect in later blood tests
Stages ForChange

27. Most rapes are not reported by victims :
 Lack of understanding of what rapeis
 Fear of not being believed
 Fear of being blamed
 Fear of getting into trouble
 Fear of parent’sreaction
 Fear of offender
 Fear of getting abad reputation
Stages ForChange

28. Reactions to Sexual Assault:
Shock Disbelief
Embarrassment Shame
Guilt Depression
Powerlessness Disorientation
Re-triggering Denial
Fear Anxiety
Anger
Stages ForChange

29. Marital Rape
* Power
* Punishment
* Control
* Sadistic
* “Makeup” sex
* Forced unacceptableacts
* Multiplepartners
* Videotapessold on internet
Stages ForChange

30. Reduce yourRisk:
 Practicegood communication skills
 Trust your feelings
 Go out in groups
 Stay together
 Stay sober
 Becareful with beverages
 Alwayslet someoneknow whereyou will be
Stages ForChange

31. What to do when sexual assault occurs:
 Get to asafeplace
 Call afriend or relativewho can help
 Call 911 or acrisishot line
 Get medical help
 Do not shower
 Savetheclothing you werewearing
 Get support, such ascounseling
 And always remember, rape is neveryourfault
Stages ForChange

32. Hubbard House
Contact Numbers
Emergency
Shelter
354-0076
24 Hour
Hotline
354-3114

33. STATEWIDE HOTLINE NUMBER
1-800-500-1119