Collier-Hall Wedding

1
Collier-Hall Wedding
May 16, 2015
Introduction
Welcome! Thank you for joining us on this glorious afternoon. We are here to
celebrate the love that Jessyka Lauren Hall and Jesse Michael Collier share for one
another. We’ve all seen their relationship grow and develop, and now they have
asked us to serve as witnesses as they formally promise themselves to one
another.
Now, Jessyka and Jesse have asked me to make sure this moment is a reflection of
the lives that they want to live together. They are a vibrant and fun-loving couple
who share a deep faith in an ever-loving God, and they wanted their wedding to
balance their love for one another with their love of laughter and joy. In fact,
Jesse challenged me to keep you all laughing so you wouldn’t notice him crying. I
was honored to take on this challenge, but then they told me that I couldn’t wear
my spandex frog costume and sing ‘80s power ballads, so it looks like I’ll have to
go with something a bit more traditional.
Personal Story
Now, Jessyka and I have known each other since we were teenagers, and I’ve
somehow managed to avoid the trap that so many men have fallen into. Jessyka
has always been a quite catch—she’s smart, charming, witty, and breathtakingly
beautiful, and yet she’s grounded, kind-hearted, and geeky. Dozens, nay,
hundreds of guys have fallen for her over the years, but none, save Jesse, proved
worthy of her true love. Today is a day of celebration for us, but we should pause
for a moment and acknowledge the legions of admirers who are in mourning this
day, for even now I can hear them as they recite the lamentations of one of

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May 16, 2015
history’s greatest bards: You know I wish that I had Jessie's girl. I wish that I had
Jessie's girl. Where can I find a woman like that? Like Jessie's girl1
.
It’s a shame, really… Alright, moving on…
I met Jesse around the same time that Jessyka initially did about a dozen years
ago when he was but a toddler. Now, to his credit, Jesse was the most respectful
little munchkin that I’d ever met, and he remains so to this day. I rarely hear this
little tyke say “yes” or “no” to anyone a day older than him without a “sir” or
“ma’am” attached to it (and that includes Jessyka). Moreover, he is bright, caring,
unnaturally responsible for his age, and incredibly humble. That speaks volumes
about the type of household that he was raised in and about the man that he has
become. It’s no wonder that Jessyka fell for him… I did—the first time we
spooned, it was truly magical… *wistful look* ANYWAY…
Jessyka and Jesse—who have insisted that I refer to them at least once by a
cutesy collective moniker like “the Jess’s,” “Jess Squared,” or “J to the Max”—
built the foundations of their love on friendship and on service to one another.
From their first date at the Atlanta Zoo, Jessyka’s warmth, passion, and love of life
drew Jesse in, just as his kindness, thoughtfulness, and appreciation for her drew
Jessyka in. As their relationship blossomed, the love and respect that they both
felt for one another was evident enough that Jennipher here was able to predict
that we’d be here today long before Jessyka’s could even bring herself to dream
of it.

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May 16, 2015
Reading 1:
And so, on this occasion, it seems appropriate to read Jessyka’s favorite Bible
verses: First Corinthians Chapter 13: Verses 4-13:
Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It
does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in
wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes
all things, and endures all things. Love never ends.
Song Transition 1 (Huey Lewis & The News)
Now, that’s a beautiful Bible passage, and I understand completely why it’s
Jessyka’s favorite, but it’s really a cliché to read it at a wedding, isn’t it? Don’t get
me wrong, the power of love is a curious thing. It’ll make a one man weep, make
another man sing; it’ll change a hawk to a little white dove. It’s more than a
feeling. That's the power of love.2
On Love (“What is Love?”)
But seriously, love is more than the lofty ideals of First Corinthians, and it’s far
more than the cheesy-awesome song lyrics of Huey Lewis. Love is an intimate
glimpse at another’s truest self. Love is the willingness to put your life in the
hands of another; to expose your deepest, darkest secrets and fear along with
your wildest hopes and dreams with one another; and to change things about
yourself and become a better person for another.
Love can be shown through kind words, shared time, acts of service, the giving of
gifts, or a loving embrace. But love isn’t as simple, pure, or pleasurable as every

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May 16, 2015
Romantic Comedy makes it out to be. For love is also taking out the trash in the
rain so your partner won’t have to smell it; love is cleaning dog poop up off of the
kitchen floor, despite the fact that it’s not your dog; and love is staying home
from work to take care of your violently ill partner.
Song Transition 2 (“Silly Love Songs”)
Jessyka and Jesse are lucky enough to have found that complicated and
perplexingly beautiful form of love, and they know that they will have to work
hard to maintain it.
My advice is that you let These Words3
guide you in that: Love is More Than
Words4
. Love Lift Us up Where We Belong5
. I’m a Believer6
that When a Man
Loves a Woman7
and she loves him, they have found Heaven8
. But Every Rose
Has its Thorn9
, and Love Hurts10
if you ignore it or let it falter. God Only Knows11
what’s in store for you, but Wouldn’t It Be Nice12
if the Good Vibrations13
that
you feel right now last Forever14
? But Don’t Stop Believing15
; I’ve Got a Peaceful
Easy Feeling16
that, so long as you Cherish17
each other as you do Here and Now18
and Hold on to the Nights19
, tonight’s Summer Breeze20
will carry on through
those Endless Summer Nights21
, and you will Always and Forever22
be Happy
Together23
.
Reading 2:
And that brings us to our second reading. Jesse told me his favorite poem is
Robert Frost’s “The Road Not Taken,” and while it isn’t a traditional love poem, I
think it actually applies here.

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May 16, 2015
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

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May 16, 2015
Now, today you both stand on a similar diverging path, and we’re all here to
watch you make your choices. Each road has been equally traveled by the
multitudes that have come before you: many have taken the path of the wed, and
many others have walked the path of the unwed. You’ve come to this fork, and
you’ve looked down both trails as far as you can and imagined some of the likely
outcomes of each, but you’ve come to a point where you must choose. And as in
Frost’s poem, years from now, you’ll likely look back on today and ignore the
trivial imperfections and the trappings of reality. Instead, you’ll think back and see
only blissful perfection because in your hearts, you’ll know that you took the road
that you were meant to take, and that will have made all the difference.
I Dos
With that, I believe it’s time that you make your choices.
Jesse Katsopolis Collier, do you promise to love, support, and cherish Jessyka
unconditionally despite her inappropriate need to talk about poop at the dinner
table, her inexplicably random thoughts that lead to baffling and incomplete
conversations, and her unconventional name spelling? Do you promise to stay
with her when she is old, and fat, and wrinkly, when her hair has grown thin and
gray, and when all of her teeth fall out? Do you promise to continue to wash the
dishes, clean the bathrooms, and dust the house so she doesn’t have to? Do you
promise to tolerate her obsessions with mermaids, Disney movies, My Little Pony,
sloths, and Harley Quinn? And finally, do you promise to listen to her when she is
irrational, agree with her when she makes no sense, and ultimately, just let the
Wookie win?
[I do]

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May 16, 2015
And Jessyka Snarfblat Hall, do you promise to love, support, and cherish Jesse
unconditionally despite his inability to grow a real beard, get things off of the top
shelf in the grocery store, or buy a bottle of wine without someone accusing him
of having a fake ID? Do you promise to stay with him when he is old, and fat, and
wrinkly, when all of his hair and teeth have fallen out, and when you have to
change his diapers? Do you promise to continue to share your sensitivity to the
world, make your corny jokes, and cook your wonderful meals for Jesse so he
doesn’t die of malnutrition? Do you promise to tolerate his obsessions with
muscle cars, manly things that he—as a little tyke—has no business doing, and
being a fiscally responsible adult? And finally do you promise to listen to him
when he is overly-rational, agree with him on the rare occasions when he makes
no sense, and ultimately, let the little Hobbit win every now and again?
[I do]
Good. The suspense was killing me. I thought for sure that you’d balk at the
diaper thing. ANYWAY…
Vows & Ring Exchange
But seriously, a wedding is a sacred promise—a promise that you will make to
each other through God. The rings that you will now give to each other are
symbols of those promises, and they should be a constant reminder of the
responsibility that you have to consider your spouse above all others. Now, that’s
true even if you’re an idiot, like me, and you lose your ring. By the way, marriage
pro-tip: don’t lose your wedding ring.

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May 16, 2015
Now, Jessyka and Jesse asked me to write their formal vows for this afternoon,
but they also wanted me to tell you all that they plan on sharing their own private
vows with one another after the ceremony.
Jesse, please repeat after me: With this ring [] I pledge my eternal life to you, []
my love to you [], and my faithfulness to you. []
Jessyka, please repeat after me: With this ring [] I pledge my eternal life to you, []
my love to you [], and my faithfulness to you. []
Prayer
Now, if everyone would please join me in a prayer: Almighty God, you have given
us so many wonderful gifts. You created the Heavens and the Earth for us. You
gave us a plethora of natural wonders, the intellect to study and admire them,
and the free will to guard them or use them in your name. You gave us your son,
who in turn gave his life, so we may live ours here on Earth and then join you in
Heaven. And now, I am asking for yet one more gift: Please bless Jesse and
Jessyka as they walk together down the road that they have chosen to travel;
please guide them along this path and protect them from the more treacherous
pitfalls; please help them love, serve, protect, and embrace one another on their
travels; and please allow them to continue to bask in your love and enjoy your
beauty as they walk among your mountains, dance among your trees, travel
across your oceans, and sleep beneath your stars.
Amen

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May 16, 2015
Personal Blessing
And on a more personal note, I’ll add this traditional blessing: I hope life treats
you kind, and I hope you have all that you've dreamed of. I wish to you joy and
happiness, but above all this, I wish you [both] love.24
Song Transition 3 (Disney)
Can You Feel the Love Tonight?25
Love Led Us Here26
, and you’re about to seal it
with True Love’s Kiss27
. But before you do, I want you to look at all of the people
around you. We’re a Part of Your World28
, and we’re All for Love29
. Now, I Won’t
Say30
that everything will be easy. It won’t, so Be Prepared31
. Someday32
you may
find yourselves leaning on us for help. Be Our Guest33
; That’s What Friends Are
For34
.
But I will say this: for the First Time in Forever35
, I’m sure that this marriage will
Go the Distance36
. Just Listen with Your Heart37
and remember that Love is An
Open Door38
. There’s A Whole New World39
out there waiting for you, and you
can’t just Let It Go40
by you. You have to go out Into the Open Air41
and Touch the
Sky42
. Because in Love43
, When You Wish Upon a Star44
, life’s adventures are Just
Around the River Bend45
.
How Do You Know46
that this isn’t all Once Upon a Dream47
? Well, if A Dream is a
Wish Your Heart Makes48
, then your Love Can’t Be Denied49
.
Closing
Now, in a moment, I’ll be sending you all on your way to continue to celebrate
this happy couple. But given that the theme of this wedding is A Midsummer

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May 16, 2015
Night’s Dream and given the way that I’ve conducted it, I must take a moment to
apologize as The Bard once did:
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
If you pardon, we will mend.
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearnéd luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call:
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
And now, I have the distinct pleasure of presenting to you, Jesse and Jessyka
Collier! Now, go on and Kiss the Girl50
!
1
“Jesse’s Girl” by Rick Springfield
2
“The Power of Love” by Huey Louis & The News
3
Natasha Bedingfield
4
Extreme
5
Joe Cocker
6
The Monkees
7
Percy Sledge (famously covered by Michael Bolton)

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May 16, 2015
8
Bryan Adams
9
Poison
10
Nazareth
11
The Beach Boys
12
The Beach Boys
13
The Beach Boys
14
The Beach Boys (infamously covered by John Stamos)
15
Journey
16
The Eagles
17
The Association
18
Luther Vandross
19
Richard Marx
20
Seal & Crofts
21
Richard Marx
22
Heatwave
23
The Turtles
24
“I will Always Love You” by Dolly Parton (famously covered by Whitney Houston)
25
The Lion King
26
Muppet Treasure Island
27
Enchanted
28
The Little Mermaid
29
The Three Musketeers
30
Hercules
31
The Lion King
32
Hunchback of Notre Dame
33
Beauty and the Beast
34
The Jungle Book
35
Frozen
36
Hercules
37
Pocahontas
38
Frozen
39
Aladdin
40
Frozen
41
Brave
42
Brave
43
Robin Hood
44
Pinocchio
45
Pocahontas
46
Enchanted
47
Sleeping Beauty
48
Cinderella
49
Frozen
50
The Little Mermaid

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