1. Are personal relationships the
cornerstone of business and private
communication in China ?
Arnaud van der Veere
CEO Writing Educators

2. Dutch - China
DUTCH CHINESE
Straight forward Circle talking
Easy say Yes and No Never say No
Right to the target Circle around the target first
Do not waste time Spend time wisely
Wish to see results Wait till result come
Family oriented Family oriented
Love the good life Love the good life
Talk a lot Talk as less as possible
Short term results Short term results
Long term cooperation Often not sure what to expect
Money oriented Money oriented
Love Chinese food Do not like Western food

3. The Relationship
Most people decide to start a relationship based on
comparison. They look at the following points of interest.
• At how many points are we equally interested
• At how many points are we completely different
You make a sum of both and good and bad parts of your
partner. It becomes a clear calculation or equation. The
many plusses and minuses passes your logical reasoning
and you see that the many positive point do prevail. You
feel mentally better, the partner seems to be the best
possibility. But somewhere in the back of your mind you
feel some uncertainty.

4. What are your options ?
In every relationship no matter private or
business we will have to consider ;
• Be yourself.
• Looking for equal minded persons.
• A relationship cost time.
• Choose a partner with the right reason.
– You think this partner will have a great future.
– Your partner has money and fame.

5. The right start
When you are just starting a relationship, it is
important to:
• Build. Build a foundation of appreciation and
respect. Focus on all the considerate things your
partner says and does.
• Explore. Explore each other's interests so that
you have a long list of things to enjoy together.
Try things together to expand mutual interests.
• Establish. A mutual base of interest. Find topics
for communication or even create them.

6. When time pass by
As the Months Go By, Important Things to
Recognize as Your Relationship Grows
• Relationships Change. Since change is
inevitable, welcoming it as an opportunity to
enhance the relationship is more fruitful than
trying to keep it from happening.
• Check in Periodically. Occasionally set aside
time to check in with each other on changing
expectations and goals.

7. A healthy relationship
A healthy relationship is one where you:
• share responsibility
• share costs
• negotiate
• are safe
• are respected
• are honest
• are secure

8. From a Buddhist point of view
Noble Truths of Relationships
• 1. Relationships are deeply uncomfortable.
We’re afraid of being hurt, disappointed, overtaxed,
ignored. The interesting part is that all these things
happen.
• 2. Discomfort comes from trying to make the
relationship comfortable.
• 3. It is possible to work with the uncertainty skillfully.
• 4. Acceptation and patience is the foundation of a
good relationship

9. The foundation to use
• Open communication is the beginning of
stability
• Allow yourself to be human -- nobody’s
perfect.
• Put your energy into realistic potential.
• Trust unless you are given valid reason not to.
• Be patient -- impatience is a trap.
• Be honest with yourself and your partner.

10. Do and Don’t
• Avoid `ruts’ -- keep up the effort.
• Don’t take your partner for granted
• Use your memory to remind yourself of all
which has, and can be special.
• Be mutually supportive in all respects.
• Don’t try to change your partner to fit your
personal ideals.
• Do all you can to offset the growth of stress.