It will be uncomfortable – Conversations Required of Leaders in the Diverse Workplace
A talk by Ray Weaver CEO, ABOGE Coaching and Consulting, Inc. Leaders, I have been fielding calls on holding conversations on the events that have been happening in our nation. Specifically, the conversation around the subject of race. I too find it an uncomfortable conversation. It is a fact, it is uncomfortable because it has emotions, differing opinions, and high stakes; hence, it’s known as a Crucial Conversation. Conversations like these require us to be totally present, attentive, and open. Additionally, it will not get any easier, if we shy away from holding them. As I was journaling on the subject today, I reflected on my fear of having conversations about race. After a few hours, I found much of my fear was based on my feeling of not being an expert on race. I am an expert on how I feel, but not on the deep psychology and philosophy of the study of race. Later, it occurred to me, my fears were based on my thinking I needed to solve the problem (the expert); hence, I felt ill-equipped to do so. The realization of my fear, aided in my asking another question, “What if, to start the conversation, I just engage to educate myself on the feelings and insights of others from a learning perspective?” I immediately felt empowered and willing to have the conversation; with the intention to learn, listen, and grow. Face it, this is a large, deep, and complex issue; and it will take multiple conversations, reflection, intentioned efforts, and action on a personal, interpersonal, and national level to solve. But, additionally, it to requires a willingness to engage in dialogue, within your sphere of influence; no matter how uncomfortable. I am sharing this not as a simplification. It is to let you know, you are not alone in the uncomfortableness of it, and that you are equipped to have the crucial “learning” conversation if that is your intention. As leaders, it is necessary for us to open the dialogue and lead the way. Attached is a Crucial Conversation Checklist, which includes the visual model of the process. It provides the structure to hold the uncomfortable conversations, which is a requirement of the work of leadership. I am reminded of a quote on the opportunity. It is said, “…real opportunity, unlike magical thinking, often comes dressed in overalls, and looks like work.” I hope this will support your being open to learn, engage, and hold uncomfortable conversations; as part of your work in leadership. Stay Safe! Stay Healthy! Stay Strong! Watch REPLAY here: https://leading-in-crisis.turnkeycoachingsolutions.com/talks/it-will-be-uncomfortable-conversations-required-of-leaders-in-the-diverse-workplace/ **Leading in a Crisis Free Virtual Summit 40+ Speakers:** https://leading-in-crisis.turnkeycoachingsolutions.com/
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It will be uncomfortable – Conversations Required of Leaders in the Diverse Workplace
- 1. It Will Be Uncomfortable Conversations Required of Leaders in the Diverse Workplace Ray A. Weaver TurnKey Coaching & Development Solutions, LLC. Leadership, Strategy Execution, Culture Evolution
- 3. We are not designed to see things clearly. We are designed to keep ourselves safe. - Fred Luskin, PhD Director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Projects Associate Professor at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology Co Chair of the Garden of Forgiveness Project at Ground Zero in Manhattan.
- 4. Volatility - The nature and dynamics of change, and the nature and speed of change forces and change catalysts. Uncertainty - The lack of predictability, the prospects for surprise, and the sense of awareness and understanding of issues and events. Complexity - The multiplex of forces, the confounding of issues and the chaos and confusion that surround an organization. Ambiguity - The haziness of reality, the potential for misreads, and the mixed meanings of conditions; cause-and-effect confusion. …What makes someone successful in a particular role today might not tomorrow. So the question is not whether your organization’s employees and leaders have the right skills; it’s whether they have the potential to learn new ones. Claudio Fernández-Aráoz (2014). Why Potential Now Trumps Brains, Experience, and “Competencies”. Boston, MA: Harvard Business Review
- 6. OUTLOOK UNCERTAINTY NEW EXPERIENCES REPERTOIRE Life is a journey of learning: therefore… Life is a test: try not to look stupid, and… Accept Seek Build a Broad Have a Narrow Avoid Fear Growth Mindset Fixed Mindset Liedtka, J., Salzman, R., and Azer, D. (2017). Design Thinking for the Greater Good. New York, NY: Columbia Press.
- 8. Principle Skill Crucial Question 1. Start with Heart Focus on what you really want Refuse the sucker’s (fools) choice What am I acting like I really want? What do I really want? • For Me • For others • For the relationship How would I behave if I really did want this? What do I not want? • How should I go about getting what I really want and avoiding what I don’t want? 2. Learn to Look Look for when the conversation becomes crucial. Look for safety problems Look for your own Style Under Stress Am I going to silence or violence? Are others? 3. Make it Safe Apologize when appropriate. Contrast to fix misunderstanding. CRIB to get to Mutual Purpose • Commit to seek purpose • Recognize the purpose behind the strategy • Invent a Mutual Purpose • Brainstorm new strategies Why is safety at risk? • Have I established Mutual Purpose? • Am I maintaining Mutual Respect? What will I do to rebuild safety?
- 9. 4. Master My Stories Retrace my Path to action. Separate fact from story. Watch for Three Clever Stories • Victim stories – It’s Not My Fault • Villain Stories – “It’s All Your Fault” • Helpless Stories – “There’s Nothing Else I Can Do” Tell the rest of the story What is my story? What am I pretending not to know about my role in the problem? Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do this? What should I do right now to move toward what I really want?
- 10. Principle Skill Crucial Question 5. State My Path Share your facts Tell your story Ask for other’s path Talk tentatively Encourage Testing Am I really open to others’views? Am I talking about real issues? Am I confidently expressing my own views? 6. Explore Other’s Paths Ask Mirror Paraphrase Prime Agree Build Compare Am I actively exploring others’ views? Am I avoiding unnecessary disagreements? 7. Move to Action Decide how you’ll decide. Document decisions and follow-up. How will we make decisions? Who will do what by when? How will we follow-up?
- 11. DURING STATE My Path SHARED MEANING POOL of LearntoLook MakeItSafe Explore Others’Paths E THEIR MEANINGMY MEANING CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS MODEL BEFORE AFTER WORKON ME FIRST Get Unstuck StartwithHeart Master My Stories Who does What by When Follow up MOVE TOACTION Patterson, Grenny, McMillian, and Switzler (2012). Crucial Conversations. San Francisco, CA: McGraw-Hill
- 12. • Crucial conversations will have emotions, differing opinions, and high-stakes – work on your first • Maya Angelou said it best, “Once you know better, you can do better” – Growth Mindset • Be open to learning – it will allow you to better navigate the VUCA world (new normal) and the uncertainties in life
- 13. Crucial Conversations Checklist Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R. Switzler, A. (2012). Crucial Conversations – Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill Page 1 of 2 Crucial conversations are always prevalent in conflict. Crucial conversations are conversations that have: Opposing Opinions – High Emotions - High Stakes There is no change, without conflict – Patrick Lencioni, Author, Founder of the Table Group Principle Skill Crucial Question 1. Start with Heart Focus on what you really want Refuse the sucker’s (fools) choice What am I acting like I really want? What do I really want? • For Me • For others • For the relationship How would I behave if I really did want this? What do I not want? • How should I go about getting what I really want and avoiding what I don’t want? 2. Learn to Look Look for when the conversation becomes crucial. Look for safety problems Look for your own Style Under Stress Am I going to silence or violence? Are others? 3. Make it Safe Apologize when appropriate. Contrast to fix misunderstanding. CRIB to get to Mutual Purpose • Commit to seek purpose • Recognize the purpose behind the strategy • Invent a Mutual Purpose • Brainstorm new strategies Why is safety at risk? • Have I established Mutual Purpose? • Am I maintaining Mutual Respect? What will I do to rebuild safety? 4. Master My Stories Retrace my Path to action. Separate fact from story. Watch for Three Clever Stories • Victim stories – It’s Not My Fault • Villain Stories – “It’s All Your Fault” • Helpless Stories – “There’s Nothing Else I Can Do” Tell the rest of the story What is my story? What am I pretending not to know about my role in the problem? Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do this? What should I do right now to move toward what I really want?
- 14. Crucial Conversations Checklist Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R. Switzler, A. (2012). Crucial Conversations – Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill Page 2 of 2 As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our own presence automatically liberates others – Marianne Williamson – Author, Lecturer Principle Skill Crucial Question 5. State My Path Share your facts Tell your story Ask for other’s path Talk tentatively Encourage Testing Am I really open to others’ views? Am I talking about real issues? Am I confidently expressing my own views? 6. Explore Other’s Paths Ask Mirror Paraphrase Prime Agree Build Compare Am I actively exploring others’ views? Am I avoiding unnecessary disagreements? 7. Move to Action Decide how you’ll decide. Document decisions and follow-up. How will we make decisions? Who will do what by when? How will we follow-up?