This document provides guidance on understanding emotions. It discusses developing an emotional vocabulary to better understand feelings like joy, sadness, anger and guilt. It explains that emotions are complex and paradoxical, and advises becoming comfortable with these complexities. The key message is that having a more expansive emotional vocabulary allows us to better identify and express our inner experiences, and to build loving relationships with ourselves and others.

1. GUIDE TO UNDERSTAND
YOUR EMOTIONS
HER & ME

2. WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?
•GUIDE TO UNDERSTANDING YOUR
EMOTIONS
•LEARNING HOW TO REGULATE IT

3. WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?
•DEVELOPING EMOTIONAL VOCABULARY
•AND TRANSFORMING YOUR RELATIONSHIP
TO YOURSELF
•AND PEOPLE AROUND YOU

4. WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?
•LEARN TO NAVIGATE YOUR OWN
EMOTIONAL MAP
•WHEN FEELING LOST- NO CLEAR SENSE IN
EMOTIONAL LANDSCAPE

5. WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?
•WHEN YOU STRUGGLE TO NAME OR
UNDERSTAND YOUR FEELINGS
•WHEN SOMEONE/SOMETHING ALWAYS
PUSHES YOUR BUTTON

6. WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?
•IS THIS A DEEPER MEANING TO EMOTION OR
ITS SIGN TO TAKE REST
•YOU UNDERSTAND FEELINGS- BUT ITS OUT
OF REACH

7. WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?
•YOU’RE ROCKED BY EMOTIONS, BLOWN,
LOST, BEWILDERED, DESPAIR
•FEELING GROUNDED & CONTENT- GOAL
SEEMS ELUSIVE

8. WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?
•IT’S COMMON TO TALK ABOUT EMOTIONS,
VULNERABILITY AND DEPRESSION BUT
•DO WE UNDERSTAND THOSE WORDS

9. WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?
•DIFFERENCE BETWEEN JOY & HAPPINESS,
SHAME & GUILT
•LEARN TO NAVIGATE FEELINGS WITH
NUANCE & CLARITY

10. LEARN
•TO NAVIGATE FEELINGS WITH NUANCE &
CLARITY
•WHY HOPELESSNESS & DESPAIR ARE MOST
DANGEROUS EMOTIONS

11. LEARN
•HOW UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONS WILL
TRANSFORM YOUR RELATIONSHIP
•WHY HAPPINESS & JOY ARE NOT THE SAME

12. POWER OF AWARENESS
•HAVE YOU NOTICED ANYONE WHO
SUDDENLY GET ANGRY, HAVE EXPLOSIVE
TEMPER ALL THE TIME

13. POWER OF AWARENESS
•REQUIRE HEIGHTENED LEVELS OF
AWARENESS TO STAY UNDER THE RADAR
•BEING OBSERVANT- GIVE POWER TO
IDENTIFY PEOPLE’S SOFT SPOTS, “SHAME
TRIGGERS”

14. POWER OF AWARENESS
•FEW CHANNELS THEIR ANGER INTO
EVERYDAY MOMENTS, LIKE WATCHING
SPORTS OR ROAD RAGE.
•CHANNELLING THOUGH ARE COMPLETELY
UNRELATED TO MAKING THEM ANGRY

15. POWER OF AWARENESS
•NOBODY AT HOME TALK ABOUT SUCH
FEELINGS, ONLY ACCEPTABLE EMOTION IS
ANGER.
•EMOTIONAL AWARENESS IS REQUIREMENT
OF THE DAY

16. STOP WALKING ON EGGSHELLS, TAPED TO
YOUR FEET
•SENSITIVE TO MOODS OR REACTIONS OF
OTHERS IS WALKING ON EGGSHELLS
•BEING HYPERSENSITIVE- ATTUNED TO FEEL
EXCRUCIATING

17. STOP WALKING ON EGGSHELLS, TAPED TO
YOUR FEET
•FEW DROWNS THOSE FEELINGS THROUGH
PARTYING, SMOKING, AND DRINKING
•NUMBS THEIR FEELING AND MAKE THEIR
WORLD BLURRY

18. STOP WALKING ON EGGSHELLS, TAPED TO
YOUR FEET
•“TAKING THE EDGE OFF” THROUGH
ALCOHOL FOR THEIR FEARFUL AND
ANXIOUS FEELINGS
•HARD PROCESS TO REGAIN THE EDGE,
EMBRACE PAIN AND MESSY VULNERABILITY

19. STOP WALKING ON EGGSHELLS, TAPED TO
YOUR FEET
•GUIDANCE REQUIRED FOR PEOPLE, SCARED
OF PAIN, FEELING ALL THE THINGS, KNOW
INTENSE EMOTIONS, AND VULNERABILITY

20. EXPAND EMOTIONAL VOCABULARY
•LANGUAGE- BRIDGES OURSELVES AND
PEOPLE
•ALLOWS TO EXPRESS OUR FEELINGS, AND,
CRUCIALLY, GET THE HELP WE NEED

21. EXPAND EMOTIONAL VOCABULARY
•DIFFICULT TO DESCRIBE OR UNDERSTAND
OUR EMOTIONS

22. EXPAND EMOTIONAL VOCABULARY
•RESEARCHERS FOUND THAT OUT OF 87
EMOTIONS, PEOPLE IDENTIFIED AVERAGE
THREE EMOTIONS

23. EXPAND EMOTIONAL VOCABULARY
•SAD, ANGRY, AND HAPPY OR MAD, SAD,
GLAD
•AWARENESS OF PRECISE LANGUAGE OF
EMOTIONS IS CALLED EMOTIONAL

24. EXPAND EMOTIONAL VOCABULARY
•RIGHT WORDS ALLOWS TO IDENTIFY
FEELING AND THEIR SOURCE
•SO IDENTIFY YOUR TRIGGERS TO BE BETTER
EQUIPPED TO FIND WAYS TO COMFORT
YOURSELF

25. EXPAND EMOTIONAL VOCABULARY
•INSIGHT TO EMOTIONAL STATE ALLOWS TO
FEEL CONNECTED TO YOURSELF, INSTEAD
OF FEELING NUMB AND DISEMBODIED

26. EXPAND EMOTIONAL VOCABULARY
•CONNECTS WITH SELF CREATES LOVING AND
GENUINE CONNECTIONS WITH OTHERS
•ARTICULATE YOUR FEELINGS MEANS YOU’LL
BE ABLE TO ASK AND RECEIVE THE SPECIFIC
HELP YOU NEED

27. EXPAND EMOTIONAL VOCABULARY
•VOCABULARY OF SADNESS AND HAPPINESS
WILL HELP IN UNDERSTANDING AND
NAVIGATING INNER LANDSCAPE

28. PLACES YOU GO WHEN YOU’RE HURTING
•FEELING BAD DOESN’T MEANS FEELING BAD
AND
•SAD IS NOT SAME AS BEING DEPRESSED
•DEPRESSION IS CHRONIC CONDITION

29. PLACES YOU GO WHEN YOU’RE HURTING
•SADNESS IS A FLEETING FEELING IN
RESPONSE TO SITUATION
•FEELING SAD IS IMPORTANT PART OF
HUMAN BEING, A REACTION TO LOSS,
DEFEAT OR SOMETHING WE EXPERIENCE

30. PLACES YOU GO WHEN YOU’RE HURTING
•SAD CAN BE RECOGNIZES AND WE
EMPATHIZE FOR IT
•FEELING SAD ALLOWS YOU TO FEEL ALIVE,
CONNECTED TO OTHERS, HELP MAKE
BETTER DECISIONS

31. PLACES YOU GO WHEN YOU’RE HURTING
•SAD MOVIES MAKE US CRY ON THE COUCH
•OTHER EXPERIENCES OFTEN LABELLED SAD
ARE

32. PLACES YOU GO WHEN YOU’RE HURTING
•FEELING ANGUISHED OR GRIEF, OR
HOPELESSNESS, OR DESPAIR
•DIFFERENT QUALITIES REQUIRE DIFFERENT
REACTIONS

33. ANGUISH COMES FOR THE BONES
•ANGUISH FEELS SHOCKING, UNEXPECTED,
AND OFTEN TRAUMATIC
•IT CAN HIT US ON A PRIMAL, PHYSICAL
LEVEL

34. ANGUISH COMES FOR THE BONES
•ANGUISH “COMES FOR THE BONES” – IT
STRIKES US AT OUR CORE
•PEOPLE ARE RESILIENT, AND CAN HEAL
FROM THIS KIND OF TRAUMA BUT NEED
SUPPORT

35. ANGUISH COMES FOR THE BONES
•OTHERWISE, THEY MAY GO THROUGH THE
MOTIONS, WHILE REMAINING INTERNALLY
NUMB OR “CRUMPLED OR
•RESPOND TO THE PAIN BY BECOMING
RIGIDLY PERFECTIONIST OR

36. ANGUISH COMES FOR THE BONES
•SHUTTING OUT ALL VULNERABILITY TO TRY
AND STAY UPRIGHT
•GOOD SUPPORT ALLOWS TO EXPERIENCE
PAIN WHILE LEARNING TO REBUILD YOUR
LIFE

37. ANGUISH COMES FOR THE BONES
•ANGUISH IS SUDDEN, AND BEWILDERING,
AND PAINFUL
•NOT NEARLY AS DANGEROUS AS TWO
OTHER EMOTIONS- HOPELESSNESS AND
DESPAIR.

38. ANGUISH COMES FOR THE BONES
•THESE TWO ARE CONNECTED, BUT THEY’RE
NOT THE SAME
•FEELING OF HOPELESSNESS COMES WHEN
NOT ABLE TO SET REALISTIC GOALS FOR
LIFE OR

39. ANGUISH COMES FOR THE BONES
•YOU DO HAVE A GOAL, BUT CAN’T FIGURE
OUT HOW TO ACHIEVE IT
•YOU TRY AND FAIL, BECOME DISCOURAGED
AND START BEATING YOURSELF UP AND

40. ANGUISH COMES FOR THE BONES
•LOOSE FAITH IN YOUR ABILITIES, OR SENSE
THAT YOU HAVE FAILED IN YOUR LIFE
•FEELING HOPELESS OFTEN RELATES TO A
SPECIFIC SITUATION- RELATIONSHIP OR
FINANCES

41. ANGUISH COMES FOR THE BONES
•BUT DESPAIR ENCOMPASSES YOUR ENTIRE
LIFE
•FEELING THAT YOUR WHOLE LIFE IS
HOPELESS, AND WILL NEVER CHANGE

42. ANGUISH COMES FOR THE BONES
•YOU’RE STUCK AND CAN’T FIND A WAY OUT
•FEELING LIKE THIS OFTEN LEADS TO
SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND ATTEMPTS

43. ANGUISH COMES FOR THE BONES
•THERE’S NO WAY OUT, MAKES A DISTORTED
KIND OF SENSE AND ENDING YOUR LIFE IS
THE ONLY THING YOU CAN DO
•STRENGTHEN YOUR RESILIENCE IN THE FACE
OF HOPELESSNESS AND DESPAIR BY

44. HOPE IS A SKILL, NOT AN EMOTION
•COMBAT HOPELESSNESS AND DESPAIR, LET’S
START WITH HOPE
•HOPEFUL IS A SKILL THAT YOU CAN LEARN

45. HOPE IS A SKILL, NOT AN EMOTION
•BEING HOPEFUL BY SETTING REALISTIC
GOALS, FIGURE OUT TO MEET THE GOALS
AND BELIEVE IN YOUR OWN ABILITIES
•ENCOUNTERING ADVERSITY, AND
DISCOVERING THAT YOU CAN BE RESILIENT
IN THE FACE OF IT

46. HOPE IS A SKILL, NOT AN EMOTION
•TO LEARN HOPEFULNESS, PRACTICE SETTING
GOALS THAT YOU CAN ACTUALLY MEET
•YOU NEED TO BECOME COMFORTABLE WITH
FAILURE AND

47. HOPE IS A SKILL, NOT AN EMOTION
•BE PREPARED TO TRY NEW APPROACHES IF
THE FIRST ONE DOESN’T WORK
•LEARNING TO BE HOPEFUL IS THAT IT’S
INFECTIOUS

48. HOPE IS A SKILL, NOT AN EMOTION
•FOR EXAMPLE, RESEARCHERS HAVE SHOWN
THAT HOPEFUL PARENTS GENERALLY HAVE
HOPEFUL CHILDREN
•PRACTICING YOUR HOPEFUL SKILLS,
PRACTICE INCREASING YOUR RESILIENCE BY
WORKING WITH

49. HOPE IS A SKILL, NOT AN EMOTION
•“THE 3 PS”: PERSONALIZATION,
PERMANENCE, AND PERVASIVENESS.
•FEELING FLOODED BY DESPAIR, STOP TO
ASK YOURSELF THE 3 P’S

50. HOPE IS A SKILL, NOT AN EMOTION
•FIRST, PERSONALIZATION: IF YOU’RE TAKING
IT PERSONALLY, ASK YOURSELF,
•“IS THIS SITUATION REALLY ABOUT ME?
•WHAT OUTSIDE FACTORS PLAY A ROLE
THAT I HAVEN’T ACCOUNTED FOR?”

51. HOPE IS A SKILL, NOT AN EMOTION
•IF IT FEELS LIKE THE SITUATION WILL LAST
FOREVER – WHICH IS THE SECOND P,
•PERMANENCE – DO A QUICK THOUGHT
EXPERIMENT, AND ASK YOURSELF:

52. HOPE IS A SKILL, NOT AN EMOTION
•“WILL THIS BE A BIG DEAL IN FIVE MINUTES?
OR FIVE DAYS? OR FIVE MONTHS?” AND
•IF IT FEELS LIKE THE PROBLEM IS PERVASIVE
AND HAS CONSUMED YOUR WHOLE LIFE

53. HOPE IS A SKILL, NOT AN EMOTION
•TAKE A MOMENT TO STOP AND REALLY
CONSIDER ITS IMPACT.
•YOU MAY HAVE SCREWED UP AT WORK, BUT
DOES THAT REALLY MEAN YOU’VE
DESTROYED YOUR FAMILY AND ALL YOUR
FRIENDSHIPS?

54. HOPE IS A SKILL, NOT AN EMOTION
•STRATEGIES OFFER A PAUSE BUTTON WHEN
YOU’RE FEELING FLOODED AND
OVERWHELMED.
•IT OFFERS YOUR RATIONAL BRAIN A
CHANCE TO RE-JOIN THE PARTY, AND

55. HOPE IS A SKILL, NOT AN EMOTION
•HELP YOU TO PUT YOUR EXPERIENCES IN
PERSPECTIVE
•SADNESS, ANGUISH, AND DESPAIR ARE ALL
PAINFUL, AND DIFFICULT

56. HOPE IS A SKILL, NOT AN EMOTION
•BUT ARE ALSO INCREDIBLE TEACHERS
•AS RESILIENT HUMANS, YOU MOVE
THROUGH THESE FEELINGS, BECOMING
MORE ENGAGED AND
•EMPATHETIC AND COURAGEOUSLY
VULNERABLE

57. HOPE IS A SKILL, NOT AN EMOTION
•BUT YOU CAN’T DO IT ALONE
•YOU NEED TO BE ABLE TO ASK FOR HELP,
AND GET THE RIGHT KIND OF HELP THAT’S
APPROPRIATE TO THAT SPECIFIC EMOTION.

58. HAPPINESS AND JOY ARE NOT THE SAME
THING
•BECOME COMFORTABLE WITH PARADOX
•WE HAVE TRAVELLED TO TWO EMOTIONAL
PLACES:
•WHERE WE GO WHEN WE’RE HURTING, AND
SOME PLACES WE GO WHEN LIFE IS
TREATING US WELL

59. HAPPINESS AND JOY ARE NOT THE SAME
THING
•NEAT CATEGORIES OF “SAD” AND “HAPPY”
ARE BURSTING WITH NUANCE AND
CONTRADICTIONS
•SADNESS CAN MAKE US FEEL GOOD, AND
THAT HAPPINESS CAN BE LESS REWARDING

60. HAPPINESS AND JOY ARE NOT THE SAME
THING
•DISCOVERED THAT EMOTIONS CAN LODGE
THEMSELVES IN YOUR BODY, AS WELL AS
YOUR MIND
•YOU CAN INFLUENCE HOW YOU FEEL BY
PRACTICING SKILLS LIKE HOPEFULNESS

61. HAPPINESS AND JOY ARE NOT THE SAME
THING
•EMOTIONAL GRANULARITY IS MESSY,
COMFORTABLE WITH PARADOXES
•PARADOXICAL ELEMENTS SEEM OPPOSITE TO
EACH OTHER

62. HAPPINESS AND JOY ARE NOT THE SAME
THING
•LIKE LIGHT AND DARK. ONE DOESN’T
REALLY EXIST WITHOUT THE OTHER
•BE NAVIGATOR OF YOUR OWN EMOTIONS,
COMFORTABLE WITH EMOTIONAL
PARADOXES

63. HAPPINESS AND JOY ARE NOT THE SAME
THING
•CRAVE CLOSENESS TO OTHERS, BUT ACT IN
WAYS IN FAMILY THAT SHUT YOURSELF OFF
•LEAD A BOARD MEETING WITH CONFIDENCE,
BUT CRUMPLE EVERY TIME YOU NEED TO
SPEAK TO YOUR PARENTS

64. •HOLDING THESE PARADOXES WITH WARMTH
AND CURIOSITY
•JOURNEY TO DISCOVERING AND
CELEBRATING THE TERRAIN OF YOUR OWN
HEART
•JOURNEY WORTH TAKING, THERE ARE NO
SHORTCUTS

65. •CLAMBER OVER MANY OBSTACLES, AND
FIND YOUR SHARP EDGES
•LEAN INTO THE MESSY STUFF AND
CONTRADICTORY STUFF
•EMBRACE THE SHEER VULNERABILITY OF
BEING ALIVE

66. KEY MESSAGE
•EMOTIONAL GRANULARITY MEANS BEING
ABLE TO IDENTIFY OUR EMOTIONS AND
EXPERIENCES AND EXPRESS THEM TO OTHER
PEOPLE

67. KEY MESSAGE
•SPECIFIC WORDS WE HAVE FOR EMOTIONS,
THE MORE EXPANSIVE, THE MORE OUR
INNER WORLDS WILL BE

68. KEY MESSAGE
•BECOMING ATTUNED TO EMOTIONAL
STATES ALLOWS US TO BUILD LOVING
RELATIONSHIPS WITH OURSELVES, AND THE
PEOPLE AROUND US

69. THANKS FOR WATCHING
KINDLY SHARE, LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE
HER & ME