1. IC Kings
Interview page 21TT
What’sInside:
Section 1: News & Politics
Advertising rates 3
Letter to the Editor 3
NW IowaWedding and Event byAngela Geno-Stumme 5
Red Lipstick and Size 11 Heels byTehrene Firman 5
Financial PlanningAvailable for Same Sex Couples 5
Stigmata andViolence as Social Control byW.Blumenfeld 6
Remarkables by JonathanWilson 7
Minor Details by Robert N Minor 7
Just Sayin’ by Beau Fodor 8
Digging Deeper interview byAmber Dunham 8
Inside Out:Appalling Cruelty by Ellen Krug 9
Creep of theWeek by D’AnneWitkowski 10
Section 2: Fun Guide
Entertainment Picks for the Month 11
Out From Under Interview by ChrisAzzopardi 11
WiredThisWay by Rachel Eliason 12
Congratulations Class of 2012 13
Cocktail Chatter by Ed Sikov 14
2012 Matthew Shepard ScholarsAnnounced 14
FromThe Heart by Rev.Kathy Love,D.D. 16
I.C.Kings Drag KingTroupe byAngela Geno-Stumme 21
Your IowaWeddingAwaits 22
Hear Me Out by ChrisAzzopardi 23
Deep Inside Hollywood by Romeo SanVicente 23
The Bookworm Sez byTerri Schlichenmeyer 24
Comics and Crossword Puzzle 24-25
Out ofTown:Upstate NYVacations byAndrew Collins 26
Section 3: Community
FFBC by Bruce Carr 27
Cedar Rapids Pridefest 2012 27
Diversity Focus May Events 27
Why Marriage Matters Iowa 27
From the Pastor’s Pen by Rev.Jonathan Page 28
Celebrating Motherhood by Royal Bush 28
Tom Mahony Pride Prom for Omaha LGBTYouth 30
Be a Buddy,Not a Bully By Nate Monson 30
The Outfield by DanWoog 32
Business Directory 33-34
Page 5 Page 11 Page 21 Page 26
NW IA WEDDING continued page 4TTMGI continued page 4TT
Page 23
MATTHEW SHEPARD story on page 14TT
Vanessa Taylor is the owner and promoter of Miss Gay
Iowa USofA Pageantry. She is a Miss Gay Iowa USofA 2005
Titleholder and has been owner of MGI since 2011. The MGI
USofA 2012 Pageant was held February 23rd
-26th
. MGI USofA
is part of National Pageant Miss Gay USofA, which was first
held in 1986 with the coronation of Michael Andrews. Since
then many of the most well known entertainers have sought
and won the prestige title of Miss Gay USofA.
Thepageantrangedoverthreedaysandhadmultiple
levels of competition. Could you discuss some of the acts
that stood out Thursday, February 23rd during your All-
Star Show?
Even with the six inches of slushy snow that fell on
Thursday,mostoftheperformerswereabletomakeittoDes
Moines to entertain for the small crowd that ventured out in
the snow storm.
Among the entertainers were former Miss Gay Iowa
USofAs:MalloryMoore,NatashaCass,SashaBelle, andVanessa
Taylor. Alsowehadoutoftownentertainersincludingformer
Miss Gay USofA at-Large, Kitty Litter from St Louis, MO.,
Former Miss Black USofA, Amaya St James from Chicago, IL.,
MissGayIowa
USofA2012Pageant
InterviewbyAngelaGeno-Stumme
MatthewShepard
ScholarsAnnounced
Chad Simmons, Executive
Director of Diversity Focus, had
time to answer a few questions
about his organization. Diversity
Focus is a non-profit organiza-
tioncommittedtothepromotion
of diversity, cultural awareness
and inclusion located in Cedar
Rapids, Iowa.
You are Diversity Focus’s
newly appointed Executive
Director, what drew you to the
organization?
Iwasoriginallyinterestedin
DiversityFocuswhenIworkedat
theUniversityofIowaHealthCare. Initially,asaheadofHuman
Resources for Health Care and then ultimately when I was on
the Diversity Focus Board for fifteen months. I had the ability
and the assets to help shape Diversity Focus’s image and the
key was—I really believed in the mission. And the mission
was designed around retaining a diverse workforce within the
Corridor area.
My unique experience is that I lived here in Cedar Rapids
from 1988 to 1991. And back then, I realized there was a need
andIhadtheabilitytostartacoupleoforganizations. Onewas
called, The Iowa Black Network Organization. However, when
Diversity Focus
InterviewbyAngelaGeno-Stumme
Chad Simmons
June
Cedar Rapids Pridefest
Saturday, June 2nd, 12-6 PM
Greene Square Park, Cedar Rapids, IA
QC Pridefest
Saturday, June 2nd, 12PM-12 AM
Sunday, June 3rd, 12 PM-6PM
Downtown Davenport, IA
Capital City Pride
Friday, June 8th,
Pride Scavenger Hunt @ 6 PM East Village
Saturday, June 9th, 5 PM
Sunday, June 10th, Parade @ 1 PM
PrideFest @ 9 AM
2012 Pride Events
for the HeartlandSome events may not be listed.
PRIDE EVENTS continued on page 18TT
4. and former Miss Missouri America, Missouri
Continental, and Illinois Continental, Krista
Versace from St Louis, MO. This was a night
to remember to have all that talent on one
stage, on one night.
ThefirstPreliminaryNightwasFriday,
February24th.Whatwascompetitionlike
that night?
Friday we had twenty one contestants
arrive at contestant check in. Check in went
very smooth with the help of State Pageant
Director, Ross Wallace. As a thank you, each
contestant was given a gorgeous pair of
earrings sponsored by Stacey’s Prom and
Bridal in Urbandale. The contestants were
abletoviewthecrownandawardsforthefirst
timeastheyturnedintheirapplications,talent
music, and collected their contestant badges
anddancer/dresserpasses. Onceeverything
was discussed during registration, all twenty
one contestants went through the Personal
Interview category.
Friday night half of the contestants
competed in Evening Gown and the other
half competed in talent to a crowd of over
four hundred people. On Saturday night,
the contestants who did gown on Friday, did
talent and the girls who did talent on Friday,
did gown and competed in front of a record
breaking crowd of over six hundred and fifty
people.
What were the categories for
judging?
Personal Interview, Talent, and Evening
Gown
Whowerethewinnersfromthatnight
and why?
The twenty one contestants were split
into four groups. We held our group prelim
awardsceremonyonSundayafternoonatThe
BlazingSaddle. Bryan“Stinky”SmithandThe
Saddle staff treated us all very well and gave
usagreatplacetoholdtheawardsceremony,
whichwasaclosedceremonyreservedforjust
contestants,dancers,dressers,andIowaUSofA
Pageantry staff.
Preliminary night group awards were
as follows. Group One: Interview-Evian Cass,
Gown-Alexandria Steele, and Talent-Evian
Cass.GroupTwo:Interview-CocoBelle,Gown-
Chanel Cavalier-VanCartier, and Talent-Coco
Belle. Group Three: Interview-Kiera Cavalier
and Chi Chi Rodriguez, Gown-Kiera Cavalier,
and Talent-Kiera Cavalier. Group Four: Inter-
view-Nedra Belle, Gown-Roxy LeGrange and
Talent-Nedra Belle.
Final Night Competition was Sunday,
February26th.Whowerethefinalcontes-
tants?
Sunday afternoon we had Final Night
rehearsal following the prelim awards
ceremony. This is where we do a quick run-
through of how the night will go. After that
the contestants were allowed to get ready for
final night.
Final night started at eight pm at The
GardenNightclub,whichwasthehostvenueall
weekendanditwasbeautifullydecorated. Cy
andTonyandtheentirestaffreallysteppedup
andworkedveryhardtomakesuretheentire
weekend went off without a hitch.
Howdidthecontestantscompetethat
night?
The night started off with the reigning
Miss Gay Iowa USofA- Alexandria Markstone
performing a Broadway Melody with many
former Miss Iowa’s. After the opening, all
twenty one contestants were brought out in
their“RedPresentation”. Onceallcontestants
wereonstage,onebyone,weannouncedthe
toptwelveandtheygottodrawanewnumber
that would put them in the order they would
compete that night.
Onceallofthetoptwelvewasannounced,
they were dismissed to begin getting ready
for their Final Night talent productions and
EveningGown. Theonlycategorythatcarries
over from prelim nights is Interview.
Whatcategorieswerethere?Whowas
runner up?
At the end of the night after all twelve
contestants finished the competition, only
three points separated the top three place-
ments! Thisisveryrareandshowshowmuch
continued from page 1SS
MGI
MGI cont’d page 10TT
I moved back in 2009, it surprised me that a
lot has not really changed—other than the
population had increased. We started taking
a look at the number of businesses and the
thingsgoingon. Andwefound that there was
still a lot that had not changed and that really
surprised me.
I think that would be a big frustra-
tion.
Let’s say it was a big opportunity. When
I was here before, I remember there was an
African American radio station, and I came
back and the radio station was gone. And in
manycases,asmuchastechnologyhasmoved
us forward, in some cases you realize there
were some steps backward. I saw there was
anopportunitytocontinuetheworkIinitially
started when I moved here.
As Executive Director how do you see
Diversity Focus’s future now?
I’mreallyexcited,honored,andhumbled
tobeappointedExecutiveDirector. Ithinkone
key is that we connect with the community.
Andwehaveconversationswiththecommuni-
ties about what they see and what they want,
and how they want the community to grow
and evolve—and then for us to act as servant
leaderstohelpthem. DiversityFocushasbeen
aroundforsixyearsandwespentalotoftime
focusingonawarenesscampaigns. Whatwe’re
doing now, is we’re focus more on the action
part of our program. This is identifying what
ourcommunitieswantandbeingabletoeffec-
tively communicate that to our stake holders,
like our sponsors and our partners. And then
helping them shape programs, or helping
themtoworkwithustoshapeprograms,orto
highlightprogramsintheareathatallowusto,
orallowthecommunitytoachievetheirgoals,
their dreams, and their visions.
What types of programs and services
do you offer to augment that vision?
We want to engage with the community.
We’re in the process and have spent some
timeindevelopingcommunitycouncils,likea
community council for the LGBT community.
These councils give us feedback that helps us
decide what programs should be put in place.
And some of the things we have been having
dialogue around, is doing town hall meet-
ings. It is a way, again, that we can engage the
community to talk about the solutions that
are in place, and ask these communities, will
thesesolutionsactuallywork? We’vealsobeen
exploringotherpossibilities,likeourtelevision
show we’re putting on.
Howwecanhighlightdifferentcommuni-
ties,andgivepeopleabetterunderstandingof
thecommunity—thesimilaritiesandthediffer-
ences,andthechallengesthatthecommunity
is facing. So that people can start managing
and changing their behavior. But a lot of the
programs that we are focusing on putting in
place, other than some of our standard things
rightnow…likeourspecialspeakerseries,our
student leadership series, our training and
development(whichwecall,DiversityBeyond
Labels),andotherthanourinclusivecommuni-
ties (which is kind of the town hall meetings),
is really to listen to the leaders and listen to
thecommunities. Thenstarthelpingthemput
things in place that will meet their needs.
You mentioned one program specific
for LGBT communities. Are there others?
There are programs being developed,
where we’re having conversations, but the
programsarenotyetfinalized. Wearelooking
totrytodothingsthatcansupportsomeofthe
events that are happening this summer, and
we’re putting together our councils to help us
determine whether or not these developing
programs will make sense and will support
the community.
Someofyourpresentprogramsinvite
speakersintothecommunityareyouplan-
ning to have LGBT speakers?
We actually had our first Shift speaker
this past October. What we are looking to do
and explore, is bringing in speakers or people
that are members of the community, or the
community would like to hear or that they
wouldembraceandbeabletotalkabouttopics.
We’ve been exploring the concept around,
what we call the Shift Lecture Series. Our
continued from page 1SS
DIVERSITY FOCUS
DIVERSITY FOCUS cont’d page 22TT
MAY 2012ACCESSline Page 4
Section 1: News & Politics
5. The College for Financial Planning®,
located in Denver, is pleased to announce
that Bob Eustice, of Des Moines, IA, has
successfully completed the ACCREDITED
DOMESTIC PARTNERSHIP ADVISORSM or
ADPASM Professional Designation Program.
Individuals, who complete the educational
materials, pass a final exam, agree to abide
by the Standards of Professional Conduct,
andcomplywithself-disclosurerequirements
earn the right to use the ADPASM mark. Bob
isthefirstadvisorinIowa&Nebraskatoearn
the ADPASM Professional Designation.
BobEusticeisaBrokerageManagerwith
Insurance Designer-KC and has been in the
insurance and financial services industry for
34years.Hehasalsoearnedtheprofessional
designations of Chartered Life Underwriter
(CLU) and Chartered Financial Consultant
(ChFC). Bob presents informational work-
shops throughout Iowa and eastern NE for
brokers and prospective clients, covering
topicssuchas:Life,disability,&longtermcare
insurancesolutions,annuities,wealthtransfer,
&legacyplanningstrategies.Bobandhiswife,
Andrea, live in Des Moines, IA.
TheACCREDITEDDOMESTICPARTNER-
SHIP ADVISORSM or ADPASM Professional
Designation Program addresses the unique
financial planning needs of lesbian, gay,
bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) individu-
als,aswellasheterosexualcoupleswhohave
chosen not to marry. Specifically covered are
factors and situations that cause financial
planningfordomesticpartnerstobedifferent
from financial planning for legally married
spouses, including: Wealth transfer, taxation,
retirement planning, and estate planning
issues; as well as alternative planning solu-
tions for these situations.
Born and
raised in Iowa,
Brandon J
Hanson owns
and operates
N o r t h w e s t
Iowa Wedding
and Event. He
has over 7
years and 500
events worth
of experience
intheIndustry.
Hisexperience
includescompanyeventsofover4,000employ-
ees, GBLT social events, wedding ceremonies,
weddingreceptionsforupto500closefriends
andfamily,non-profitfundraisers,familygath-
erings, celebrations and more.
You were born and raised in Iowa but
spent some time out of state, what was
it about Northwest Iowa that drew you
back?
IcamebacktoIowaafteralittleover four
years in Minneapolis/St. Paul area because of
theunsteadyeconomy,butthatwasnotmyonly
reasoning.Ialsohavemyentirefamilyherein
NorthwestIowaandasturdysupportsystem,
frommyfamilyandfriends.Imovedbacktothe
farmhouseIgrewupin,tohelpmyfatherrun
things.ItusedtobeaworkingDairyFarm,but
since has been a crop producing farm.
Didyoufeeltherewasaneedinnorth-
west Iowa that your business could fulfill?
AtfirstIdidnotseeaneedforawedding
and event planner. When I moved back to
IowaInoticedmanylistingsofcouplesgetting
married in the area and that this was up in
numberfromwhenIhadmovedfromthearea
in2005.WhenIreturnedin2010Idecidedthat
maybeIshouldstartupasmallplanningbusi-
nesstohelpthecouplesmakethedayaspecial
one by providing a minimal consultation
service.WhenIstartedoutIwasthinkingthat
itwouldbejustafewweddingsayear—justto
help out with ideas and to help with minimal
problem solving. It has now turned into full
weddingsthatIamplanningforcouples,from
in or outside of Iowa, to weddings that start
with nothing planned at all.
How were you received by the people
and community in northwest Iowa?
The local community of my home
town and the surrounding area has been so
welcoming to me and the business I started.
Friends that I grew up with as a child, that I
went to church with, are hiring me to do their
weddings! I can’t honestly ask for a better
welcome from the area.
Tell me about your most spectacular
wedding?Howdidyoumakeittheirdream
day?
ThemostspectacularweddingthatIhave
done would have to be a couple in October
2011.Theycametothe2011Lite104.9Bridal
and Prom Extravaganza in January and had
entered their names into a drawing for Free
Wedding Planning Services from Northwest
Iowa Wedding and Event. In order to win
you needed to be present at the time of the
drawing. The couple was the 3rd
name pulled.
NW IA WEDDING cont’d page 32TT
Acasemanagementprogramservingthose
livingwithHIV/AIDSinnorth-centralIowa.
Living with HIV
226SE16thStreet
Ames,Iowa50010
515-956-3312
Financial Planning Available
for Same Sex Couples
AnnualCedarFallsDrag
ShowFundraisesinStyle
Everyyear,UNIProudholdsadragshow
to showcase the talented members of their
group and raise money for charity.
Once a year, every seat, ledge and open
spot on the floor is taken in the University
of Northern Iowa’s Maucker Union—no, not
for an educational lecture or speaker, but for
something a little more… glittery.
Red lipstick and size 11 heels filled the
room last night as UNI Proud hosted their
annualdragshow.I’vegottagivetheperform-
ers props—I don’t even know if I could walk
in5-inchheels,letalonedanceinthem.(Well,
without falling off the stage, that is.)
The night was full of excitement, and for
a good cause. The performers were not only
showingstudentsatUNItheyhavenothingto
hide with this year’s theme, “Transparency,”
but were raising money for a great cause
while doing so. Every crinkled dollar tucked
into a bra or taken out of a donator’s mouth
went toward Community Aids Assistance
Project (CAAP), a nonprofit group in North-
east Iowa.
The night couldn’t have gotten off to a
better start. When the show was about to
begin,anexcitedmemberofthegroupstrutted
past me in his low-cut black dress and heels,
shouting, “It’s gay time!”
Meanwhile, Courtney Michaels, Reining
Empress of the State of Iowa and the outspo-
kenhostofthenight,tookthestageandimme-
diatelyhadthecrowdcheering.Ifitwasn’ther
attitudethattheaudienceloved,itwasthefact
that she was shakin’ it like no other, making
the gold Mardi Gras-looking strings of beads
dangling off her dress go crazy.
The next performer of the night, “Lola
Luster,”stoletheshow.Seriously.Studentswere
actingliketherewasacelebrityintheirpres-
ence, and they were right. As Lola performed
toaBritneySpears
medley, flipping
her hair around
to choreographed
dance moves, the
crowd went wild.
In fact, she got a
standing ovation.
Lola wasn’t
the only celebrity
of the night. There
were appearances
by Justin Bieber
and Chris Brown,
LMFA-BRO(which
Imustsay,hadway
better hair and
was much more
entertainingthanLMFAO)andevenBeyoncé.
Yes, Beyoncé—backup dancers and all.
Manyoftheladiesflauntedtheirfake(but
very realistic-looking) facial hair, LMFA-BRO
strippeddowntosomeverycolorfulspandex
(whichtheaudiencedidn’tseemtomind)and
a rather buff member of the audience was
asked by Courtney Michaels to come up on
stage, where she proceeded to take his shirt
off and make comments about wanting him
to be her boyfriend.
And if you’re wondering, yes, he had
something close to an 8-pack.
As usual, this event was an extreme
success, just as it is every single year. In fact,
I’ve never attended a show put on by UNI
Proud that didn’t have people fighting for
seats. With a group as passionate as them,
they never do anything that isn’t completely
unforgettable.
TehreneFirman(CedarFalls.Patch.com)is
a 22-year-old obsessed with the glossy-paged
worldofmagazines.Herdreamistomakeitto
New York City and land a job in Hearst Tower
(where all the magic happens). Article and
photos courtesy of Patch Media, Patch.com.
Red Lipstick and Size 11 Heels
by Tehrene Firman
A performer poses during
Madonna’s “Vogue.”
Credit: Tehrene Firman
Patch.com.
NorthwestIowaWeddingand
EventInterviewbyAngelaGeno-Stumme
ACCESSline Page 5MAY 2012
Section 1: News & Politics
6. Officials in 17th-century Puritan Boston
coercedHesterPrynneintopermanentlyaffix-
ing the stigma of the scarlet letter onto her
garments to forever socially castigate her for
her so-called “crime” of conceiving a daugh-
ter in an adulterous affair. Stigmata include
symbols,piercings,orbrandsusedthroughout
recordedhistorytomarkanoutsider,offender,
outcast, slave, or an animal.
ThoughNathanielHawthorne’snovelThe
Scarlet Letter is a work of fiction, members
of several minoritized
communities continue
to suffer the sting of
metaphoric stigmata
forced onto their skin,
birth sex, sexual and
gender identities and
expressions, religious
beliefs and affiliations,
countriesoforiginandlinguisticbackgrounds,
disabilities, ages, and so on.
Many overt forms of oppression are
obvious when dominant groups tyrannize
subordinated communities. Prime examples
include the horrific treatment of People of
Color under the system of apartheid in South
AfricaandBlackAfricansinthetrans-Atlantic
slave trade, the mass slaughter of Jews and
other stigmatized and marginalized groups
in Nazi Germany, and the merciless killing of
Muslims during the Christian “Crusades.”
Many forms of oppression and enforced
stigmata (as well as dominant group privi-
leges),however,arenotasapparent,especially
to members of dominant groups. Oppression
in its fullest sense also refers to the structural
or systemic constraints imposed on groups
even within constitutional democracies like
the United States.
Stigmatizedgroupslivewiththeconstant
fear of random and unprovoked system-
atic violence directed against them simply on
account of their social identities. The intent
ofthisxenophobic(fearandhatredofanyone
of anything seeming “foreign”) violence is
to harm, humiliate, and destroy the “Other”
for the purpose of maintaining hierarchical
power dynamics and
attendant privileges of
thedominantgroupover
minoritized groups.
On February 26
of this year, George
Zimmerman, a neigh-
borhoodwatchleaderin
Sanford,Florida,shotand
killed17-year-oldTrayvonMartin.Martinwas
walkingonthesidewalktalkingonacellphone
to his girlfriend and carrying a can of ice tea
and a small bag of Skittles when Zimmerman
confrontedandshothim,andthenheclaimed
self-defense.Bymostreports,Martin’s“crime”
was walking while being Black in a predomi-
nantlyWhitegatedcommunityvisitingfamily
and friends. His stigmata included his black
skin and his youth while wearing a “hoody.”
Black parents from all walks of life
throughout the country engage with their
sons in what they refer to as “the talk” once
their sons reach the age of 13 or 14 instruct-
ing them how to respond with calm if ever
confrontedbypoliceofficers.Parentsofthese
youngmenknowfullwellthestigmataembed-
dedintotheirsonsbyaracistsocietymarking
them as the expression of criminality, which
perenniallyconsignsthemtotheendangered
species list.
In the wake of the killing of Trayvon
Martin, 32-year-old Iraqi American Shaima
Alawadi appears to be the victim of a brutal
hate-inspiredmurderinherSanDiego,Califor-
niahome.OnMarch24,2012,Alawadi’seldest
daughter, Fatima al-Himidi, found Aalwadi
“drowninginherownblood,”beatenwithatire
iron.AnotenearAlawadibloodiedbodyread,
“Go back to your country, you terrorist.”
Today, especially since September 11,
2001, we have seen growing numbers of
violent acts directed against Muslims and
Sikhs.TheCouncilonAmerican-IslamicRela-
tions (CAIR) released its 2006 report finding
that approximately 25% of U.S.-Americans
consider Islam as a religion of hatred and
violence, and that those with the most biased
attitudes tend to be older, less educated,
politically conservative, and are more often
to belong to the Republican Party.
During the single year of 2005 alone,
for example, CAIR listed a total of 1,522 civil
rights violations against American Muslims,
114 of which were violent hate crimes. The
report included incidents of violence, as well
asharassmentanddiscriminatorytreatment,
including “unreasonable arrests, detentions,
andsearches/seizures.”Forexample,theCAIR
reportincludedanincidentinwhichaMuslim
woman wearing a hijab (the garment many
Muslimwomenwearinpublic)tookherbaby
for a walk in a stroller, when a man driving a
truck nearly ran them over. The woman cried
out that, “You almost killed my baby!,” and
the man responded, “It wouldn’t have been
a big loss.”
There is an old tradition in our western
states of ranchers killing a coyote and tying
it to a fence to scare off other coyotes, and to
keep them from coming out of their hiding
places.That’swhatMatthewShepard’skillers
didtohimin1998outsideLaramie,Wyoming.
Shepard’s convicted murderers, Russell
Arthur Henderson and Aaron James McKin-
ney, smashed his skull and tied him to a fence
as if he were a lifeless scarecrow, where he
was bound for over 18 hours in near freezing
temperatures. The message to the rest of us
lesbian,gay,bisexual,andtransgender(LGBT)
people from these killers is quite clear: stay
locked away in your suffocating and dank
closets, and don’t ever come out.
We witnessed the brutal attacks on
Rodney King in Los Angeles, the barbarous
slaying of James Byrd, Jr. in Jasper, Texas, and
thefiercerapeandmurderofCheriseIverson,
a 7-year-old girl in a Las Vegas casino bath-
room.Andthesearesimplythemostextreme
examples of hate-related violence.
We must not and cannot dismiss these
incidentsassimplytheactionsofafewindivid-
uals,foroppressionexistsonmultiplelevelsin
multipleforms.Thekillersliveinasocietythat
subtlyandnot-so-subtlypromotesintolerance,
imposes stigmata, and perpetuates violence.
Theseincidentsmustbeseenassymptomsof
larger systemic national problems.
Inthesetimesofdecliningsocialmobility,
and as the gap between the rich and the poor
ever increases, dominant groups attempt
to divide the dispossessed by pointing to
scapegoats to blame. For example, vigilantes
sometimes calling themselves members of
the so-called “Minutemen” movement target
and hunt down anyone suspected of being
undocumented.
Wearelivinginanenvironmentinwhich
property rights hold precedence over human
rights.Inthisenvironment,thepolitical,corpo-
rate, and theocratic right are waging a war to
turnbackallthegainsprogressivepeoplehave
made over the years. One tactic they use is to
inhibitthedevelopmentofcoalitionsbetween
marginalized groups.
For example, on March 26, 2012, the
Human Right Campaign, an LGBT civil rights
organization,revealedaseriesofinternaldocu-
mentsfromtheconservativeNationalOrgani-
zation for Marriage (NOM), which laid out its
strategiesforrestrictingtherightsofmarriage
equalityfromsame-sexcouples.Accordingto
the“confidential”2008-09reporttotheNOM
Board of Directors: “The strategic goal of this
project is to drive a wedge between gays and
blacks—two key Democratic constituencies.
Find, equip, energize and connect African
Americanspokespeopleformarriage,develop
a media campaign around their objections to
gay marriage as a civil right; provoke the gay
marriagebaseintorespondingbydenouncing
these spokesmen and women as bigots….”
To disengage and reverse stigmata once
imposed can be difficult but certainly not
impossible. Whenever White LGBT people,
however, view Black and Latino/a people
through the stigma of criminality, whenever
heterosexualBlackandLatino/apeopleview
LGBT people through the stigmata of sin and
abuse of youth, whenever we view Muslims
through the stigma of terrorism, whenever
any group views any other through lenses of
stigmata, this horizontal stigmatization and
oppressiononlyfurtherentrenchesthevertical
hierarchical power structures.
Metaphorically, oppression operates
like a wheel with many spokes. If we work to
dismantle only one or a few specific spokes,
the wheel will continue to roll over people.
Let us, then, also work on dismantling all
the many spokes in conquering all the many
forms of stigmatized oppression in all their
many forms.
Inthefinalanalysis,wheneveranyoneof
us is diminished, we are all demeaned, when
anyone or any group remains institution-
ally and socially stigmatized, marginalized,
excluded, or disenfranchised, when violence
comes down upon any of us, the possibility
for authentic community cannot be realized
unless and until we become involved, to chal-
lenge,toquestion,andtoactintrulytransfor-
mational ways.
Warren J. Blumenfeld is associate professor
in the Department of Curriculum and
Instruction at Iowa State University in
Ames, Iowa. He is editor of Homophobia:
How We All Pay the Price (Beacon Press),
and co-editor of Readings for Diversity
and Social Justice (Routledge) and
Investigating Christian Privilege and
Religious Oppression in the United States
(Sense). www.warrenblumenfeld.com
The killers live in a
society that subtly and not-
so-subtly promotes intoler-
ance, imposes stigmata, and
perpetuates violence.
Stigmata and Violence as Social Control by Warren J. Blumenfeld
MAY 2012ACCESSline Page 6
Section 1: News & Politics
7. GayCivilEqualityComes
withaGuarantee
Iknowtheoutcomeofthedebateovergay
civilequality,includingmarriage. Iknowitfor
sure. Wewinand,indoingso,everyonewins.
The rapidity with which we are approaching
that outcome has thus
farbeenremarkable,and
the pace will only accel-
erate. There are several
coalescing reasons.
First, unlike most
other minority groups,
gay men and lesbians
have blood ties—in-
severable blood ties—into the majority. I
know; I know. I’ve heard the horror stories
about parents rejecting their children over
this issue. They are the distinct minority of
parents; they are violating the laws of the
Universe; and, in time, they too will come
around(iftheydon’tdiefirst). Thevastmajor-
ity of parents embrace their LGBT children
(oncetheyknow),asdothesiblings,theaunts,
theuncles,thecousins,thechildren,andinmy
case, the grandchildren. Those are powerful
multiples;youdothepoliticalmath. Thereis
a threshold beyond which there’s no turning
back, and we’ve crossed it.
Second, gay and lesbian citizens who
have served in the US armed forces from the
beginning of the Republic, can now serve
openly. The equal willingness to die, openly,
fortheprotectionofourrightsandfreedoms,
makes a compelling case for those rights and
freedoms being equal as well.
Third, virtually all the momentum is in
the direction of equality. In the span of just
fortyyears,I’veseenusgofrombelievingthat
homosexuality is a mental illness to learning
thatitisn’t,andhomophobiais. I’veseenusgo
fromsame-genderinti-
macy being a crime in
everystateintheUnion
to its decriminalization
ineverystate,barnone.
I’ve seen state courts
and state legislatures
weigh in to legalize
and/orrecognizesame-
gender marriage. And I’ve seen the federal
legislation saying otherwise challenged and
aJusticeDepartment—foronce,atleast,true
toitsname—refusetodefendthelaw. That’s
almost unprecedented, and it’s truly telling.
Fourth, ours is one nation. We cannot
have one nation and, at the same time, have
multi-statebusinesseshamstrungbyapatch-
workofdifferingstatelawswhentransferring
employees for promotion or otherwise. Just
ask the chambers of commerce or any such
company. Such a patchwork adds potential
reluctance to an employee’s willingness to
relocate. Beyond that, we cannot have one
nation and, at the same time, tolerate indi-
vidual rights and liberties fluctuating from
fully equal to none-at-all during a single road
trip across the country.
Fifth, we all know that money talks.
It was recently reported in The New York
Times (March 24, 2012), that extremely
wealthyindividuals—gay,straight,Democrat,
and Republican—are raising BIG money to
advance the cause. The momentum we’ve
already seen will not be going underfunded.
Andit’spayingoff;supportforgaymarriage—
theultimatetestofcivilequalityandgenuine
separationofchurchandstate—hascomfort-
ablysurpassedthe50%markinnation-wide
polling.
Sixth,asiffivecoalescingreasonsweren’t
compelling enough, the fact is that individual
freedom is irrepressible. As Martin Luther
King Jr. said, the arc of history is long, but
it bends toward justice. And I say, when it
bendsjustalittlebitfurther,it’sgoingtomake
a rainbow.
Finally, the explosion of right-wing hate
groups recently reported by the Southern
PovertyLawCenter,whiledistasteful,isactu-
ally a positive indicator on this topic. They
read the same writing on the wall that other
observant people do. Folks afraid of water
get agitated when they find themselves in
the path of a rising tide. They then become
vocal, but they don’t change the tide. It may
not be over, but the sound we’re all hearing
that accompanies the writing on the wall is
the fat lady warming up. Thank God, and
good reason(s).
Youcanreadinhistorybooksthenames
of bigots like Governor George Wallace and
Lester Maddox who, today, would almost
certainly be embarrassed about things they
said, positions they held, and things they did
duringtheearlyyearsoftheracialcivilrights
movement. Bycontrast,whenitcomestothe
gaycivilequalitymovement,you’regoingtobe
abletoreadsuchnamesinacurrenttelephone
book. Guaranteed.
Remarkables by Jonathan Wilson
Jonathan Wilson is an attorney at the
Davis Brown Law Firm in Des Moines,
and chairs the First Friday Breakfast Club
(ffbciowa.org), an educational, non-profit
corporation for gay men in Iowa who
gather on the first Friday of every month to
provide mutual support, to be educated on
community affairs, and to further educate
community opinion leaders with more
positive images of gay men.
It is the largest breakfast club in the
state of Iowa. He can be contacted at
JonathanWilson@DavisBrownLaw.com.
I’ve seen us go from
believingthathomosexuality
isamentalillnesstolearning
thatitisn’t,andhomophobia
is.
Ilostwhatwasleftofmynaivetéabout
the equal justice ideal of the Supreme
Court with their decision in Bush v. Gore
to select George W. Bush president by
suspendingFlorida’svoterecountin2000.
Thatpoliticaloverreachbytheincreasingly
activist right-wing majority, interfering in
a state’s right to count its own votes, was
so radical that in the decision itself they
forbid it to ever be cited in the future as
a precedent.
Harvard Law Professor, Alan
Dershowitz concluded: “[T]he decision in
the Florida election case may be ranked
as the single most
corrupt decision
in Supreme Court
history, because it
is the only one that
I know of where the
majority justices
decided as they
did because of the
personalidentityand
political affiliation
of the litigants. This was cheating, and a
violation of the judicial oath.” (Supreme
Injustice: How the High Court Hijacked
Election 2000)
I should have known. I’d read Howard
Zinn’s A People’s History of the United
States where he traces the essentially
conservative and pro-business history of
the Court. Even in the 19th
century, Zinn
documents: “the Supreme Court, despite
its look of somber, black-robed fairness,
was doing its bit for the ruling elite….
How could it be neutral between rich and
poor when its members were often former
wealthy lawyers, and almost always came
from the upper class?”
With“W’s”additionofultra-conserva-
tive favorites Roberts and Alito, the right-
wing justices became more radically activ-
isttoensurethatbusinesseshadincreasing
power over individual citizens. All their
carefully scripted talk in Senate confirma-
tion hearings about following precedent
and being “umpires,” not legislating from
thebench,wasnobetterthantoday’sright-
wing political strategy that lying is okay if
it promotes their ideology.
Decision after decision of the Roberts
Court has eroded individual rights and
increased the power of
corporations and the
police state. Eric Segall,
professor of constitu-
tional law at Georgia
State University, in
Supreme Myths: Why
the Supreme Court Is
Not a Court and Its
Justices Are Not Judges
goes so far as to argue
thattheCourt,unboundbyanycourtabove
it, set free by the vagueness of constitu-
tional text, and uninhibited through the
gift of life tenure, is operating like a free-
wheeling political “veto council” and not
like any court that we would recognize as
doing judicial work.
The activism of these right-wing
justiceswasblatantinthe2010decisionof
CitizensUnitedv.FederalElectionCommis-
sion. So intent were these justices on
changingthepoliticalpowerinthecountry
that they forced the case into doing so.
On June 29, 2009, in order to decide
not on what was being argued by both
sides but what they wanted to change
in American society to benefit the inter-
ests of big business, the justices issued
an order directing both sides to actually
come back and reargue the case months
later, saying they were really interested in
whether they could overrule precedents
that restricted corporate contributions
to political campaigns. As Justice Stevens
pointed out in his dissent, the Court
addressed a question not raised by the
litigants, and the majority “changed the
case to give themselves an opportunity to
change the law.”
Even former Republican-appointed
justice Sandra Day O’Connor questioned
the decision. Prophetically, she warned:
“In invalidating some of the existing
checks on campaign spending, the major-
ity in Citizens United has signaled that
the problem of campaign contributions in
judicial elections might get considerably
worse and quite soon.”
It was little surprise then that during
the Court’s April hearings on challenges to
the Patient Protection and Affordable Care
Act, Justice Scalia, for example, parroted
tea-party talking points about the govern-
mentforcingbroccolioneveryone.Carried
away with tea-party Republican propa-
ganda, Scalia criticized “the Cornhusker
Compromise” proposal in congressional
discussions even though that never made
it into the Act actually before the Court.
As if no facts matter at all, since he
already knew what his opinion should be,
Scaliaevencomplainedthatheshouldn’tbe
bothered with reading the actual bill that,
apingthetea-partyRepublicansagain,was
too long. “You really want us to go through
these 2,700 pages?” The questioning also
made it clear that Roberts hadn’t read it.
Working its way toward this Court is
Perry v. Schwarzenegger, the challenge
related to Proposition 8 in California.
Proposition 8 adds a new provision to
the California Constitution that provides
that “only marriage between a man and
a woman is valid or recognized in Cali-
fornia.”
On August 4, 2010, US District Court
Judge Vaughn R. Walker overturned Prop
8 as a violation of the Equal Protection and
Due Process clauses of the U.S. Constitu-
How could it be neutral
between rich and poor when
its members were often
formerwealthylawyers,and
almostalwayscamefromthe
upper class?
Robert N. Minor, Ph.D.,
Professor Emeritus of Religious Studies at
the University of Kansas, is author of When
Religion Is an Addiction;
Scared Straight: Why It’s So Hard to
Accept Gay People and Why It’s So Hard
to Be Human and Gay & Healthy in a Sick
Society. Contact him at
www.FairnessProject.org.
MinorDetails:WillTheseSupremesCareAbout“EqualJusticeforAll?”byRobertNMinor
MINORDETAILScontinuedpage29TT
ACCESSline Page 7MAY 2012
Section 1: News & Politics
8. Aging Gracefully
in Our Culture
As one goes through “the daily’s” on
this Ferris-wheel, thoughts of what it’s all
about and what does “it” mean will even-
tually permeate through all the clutter
and noise of life. And if it doesn’t, well,
there is the mirror. There is no escaping
that one...
As a gay man in Des Moines who is
wavinghellotomiddleage,andreluctantly
realizing that the days
of reckless abandon
have started to escape
his grasp. I observe
those who do not have
the life experience I
possess. Not that I’m
judging, because I’m
not, actually, it’s more like praying... and
thanking God the kids are still letting me
even get in the sandbox without throwing
sand in my face!
The worst part was I was so insecure
and unhappy during the 1980’s. AIDS
protests and memorial services are all
I remember. I was also assured that I
wouldn’tmakeitpastmy30thbirthdayand
I probably did think about suicide daily.
Now, having the unexpected good
fortune to prove them all wrong, and to
become known as “Iowa’s Gay Weddings
Planner”, I am honestly and truly humbled.
Among many of my other life-experiences
liketravelingthethreeAmericasandevery
Gay Mecca, as a young, wide-eyed model/
actor/dancer/waiter-at-Studio 54/coke
whore-turned-escort, (OMG, can we say
MESS) I can look at life and the younger
gay men with wonder and concern. Good,
bad, indifferent, or actually... it’s really just
“with-a lot-of-hope”.
Then, when I turned 30 (and three
Rehabs later), I met and was groomed at
the knee of a gay man’s Icon/Queen-Bee/
DIVA and Mentor, who
worked at a start-up
magazine publication
simply called “LIVIVG”.
Then my corporate
climb began. And I
learned about honesty,
integrity,afiercework-
ethic and to respect my elders, and well,
everything changed quickly!
It was really my late 30’s that trans-
formed me—along with moving to the
Mid-west and to a farmhouse in Clare,
Iowa. That came with a chicken-coop and
climbing roses growing all over it (BTW,
they cover up the smell of chicken sh*t).
Anyway, before I digress any further, I’ve
been tripping on this whole “aging-thing”
in our community.
Alongwithcelebratingmyhalfcentury
of life this year by hanging out with the
20 and 30-something crowd (they are so
fun and not bitter... yet). I just have found
these past few years of spending time with
youngerpeople“enlightening”andtobring
a “revival” of sorts to my thinking about
aging gracefully in our GLBTQ world. How
leading by example is all we have to leave
behind.Andthinkingabouthow,withAIDS
still being so prevalent in our young gay
community, one in five young gay men are
positive (OMG, it just makes me sick). It all
comes together with the message society
is still trying to sell of a hedonistic, nega-
tive and diseased “gay culture”. It is no
coincidence that I still need to daily affirm
my existence as a proud gay man in the
bathroom mirror.
I now have passed the point in my life
where I desire to be one of the hottest guys
intheroom.AsdiligentlyasI’vetried,Iwas
never the hottest guy in the room! But the
quest usually creeps into one’s wish list
at some point in life, especially after my
experiences at Studio 54! Now, if I’m the
hottest guy in the room, well, it’s time to
change rooms (unless it’s a room at the
Nursing Home). Not that I just crawled out
from under a rock by any means, but the
bridal-veil has been lifted on the need to
be the “it” guy. Now, I think, I just want to
be a wall-flower. And watch drama unfold
from the side-lines...
At this point in life (50), I think I am
holding it together pretty well, actually.
Thanks, Goddess, for good photographers,
video editing, skin care, hair color, teeth
whitening, spray tans, Lasik surgery,
waxing, mani-pedis … the list could go
on... but seriously, it all boils down to one
word—VANITY.
Author Jason Thomas, at the Dallas-
Voice.com, in Dallas, Texas, said it best last
year about turning the Big-Five-OH:
“The moments when I am jolted back
into reality if I drift into some false sense
JUST SAYIN’ cont’d page 29TT
I now have passed the
pointinmylifewhereIdesire
to be one of the hottest guys
in the room.
Just Sayin’ by Beau Fodor
Beau Fodor, owner of Gay Weddings
with PANACHE, is an Iowa wedding
planner who focuses specifically on
weddings for the LGBT community.
iowasgayweddingplanner.com or
gayweddingswithpanache.com.
In 2010, high school student Amber Dunham participated in a class assignment to ask someone 20 questions for an LGBT essay. The person Amber chose to ask was Alexis, a trans-
gendered woman from the Iowa City area. This is the second portion of The Interview and will include questions from several individuals. Most of these people have already read
the first interview, and I have asked them to think about more questions they might want answers to. Some are again from Amber. Some of the other questions have simply
unintentionally come up in ordinary conversations with people and were completely unplanned or unsolicited, but I consider them worthy of additional comment. Others simply
seek more in-depth information on one of the previous 20 questions. Any questions or comments for Alexis can be sent care of this publication to Editor@ACCESSlineIOWA.com.
1)Canyoushedsomeinsightintowhy
somepeople,likeyourself,aresimplynot
content with living in their birth sex?
Wow!! To give you a thorough answer
to this question would require a book in
itself. Keep in mind that when you use the
terms “girl” and “boy” you are assuming that
the gender and the sex of the person are
in harmony. Yet such isn’t always the case.
Virginia Prince, who recently departed us in
2009,wasatransgenderactivistwhoherself
underwent surgical body modification and
livedherlifefull-timeasafemalebeginningin
her later teens. She is often given the distinc-
tion of explaining it quite simply in that ‘sex
is what is between your legs, and gender is
what is between your ears’.
The development of a human fetus is a
very complicated interaction of numerous
chromosomes and genes. In perhaps every
200to500birthsitisnowfeltthatsomething
must happen in the earlier stages of a preg-
nancythatcausessomemannerofdisruption
tothenormalprocessofphysicalandmental
development. The exact timing and extent of
these inconsistencies with the development
of the embryo within the fetus is not under-
stood.However,asaresult,thoseindividuals
are born with varying degrees of a condition
wheretheyarebornwithoneanatomicalsex
and yet a different mental or brain sex. This
results over time in such individuals exhibit-
ing various forms of “gender dysphoria,” a
conditiondescribingtheinnerturmoilfeltby
thosewhostrugglewithfeelingsthattheyare
forced to live in one sex role while harboring
feeling within that tell them they should be
living in the opposite sex role.
For many years the common concep-
tion was simply that if you were born with a
vagina, you should be happy as a girl during
your life…if you were born with a penis, you
shouldgrowuptobeahappymale.Thosewho
didn’t fit the norms were often thought of as
mentally disturbed and psychiatric counsel-
ing was generally the treatment. It was not
until recently that the argument that sexual
identity was a result of socialization was
determinedtobeincorrectbymany,although
some psychologists and psychiatrists still
hold the belief that behaviors ranging from
cross dressing to transexualism are mental
illnesses. Indeed, the American Psychiatric
Association,intheircurrent4th
EditionofThe
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental
Disorders DSM-IV classification tends to
depict gender disorders, especially gender
diversity, gender transi-
tion and the post-op-
erative medical care as
forms of mental illness
and sexual deviance. In
preparation for the new
5th
edition, there is a
work group attempting
to more clearly explain
the gender issues in a
manner more friendly
to those coping with
gender dysphoria, but
that group has yet to
fully embrace revised
language that would
view us more tolerantly. As a result of that
reluctance to embrace change in the diagno-
sesassociatedwithgenderidentitydisorder,
those individuals will likely continue to be
punishedbymanytherapistswithtreatments
geared toward gender-conformity to one’s
birth sex designed to suppress their gender
variantexpression.ThenewDSM-5guidelines
are scheduled to be published in 2013, and
willlikelyaffectgenderdiverseindividualsfor
a decade or two. Barriers will likely continue
to exist for those who qualify for hormonal
treatment or even transitional surgery for
those in need, unless they have access to
private financial resources for themselves.
AndwhiletheAmericanPsychiatricAssocia-
tion has stated that the DSM itself is strictly
for purposes of diagnosis, it is difficult to
separate the diagnosis
and the treatment.
Many persons
begin to feel “different”
early in their lives. For
example, although I did
not understand exactly
what was going on, I
knew from approxi-
mately 4-5 years of age
that I did not want to
be a boy. It was nothing
thatIimagined.Ididnot
planthis.Itwasnothing
that I sought out. It was
something that I knew.
Regardless of how or when it happens in the
development of the embryo, one’s core feel-
ings about their sexual identity are the basis
ofwhotheyareasaperson.Whenthisgender
identityisnotinharmonywithone’sphysical
body,itcanleadtoatraumaticlifestyle.Social
lives can become difficult if not impossible.
The manner in which you relate to others is
compromised.
Society norms and standards do not
makeiteasyforapersontoexpressthefeeling
that they want to live and dress as a member
of the opposite sex. For a girl who feels like a
boy,itisofteneasyforthemtosimplybecome
For many years the
common conception was
simply that if you were
born with a vagina, you
shouldbehappyasagirl
during your life…if you
were born with a penis,
youshouldgrowuptobe
ahappymale.
Digging Deeper interview by Amber Dunham
DIGGING continued page 32TT
“Areyoukiddingme?It’sinsanethatcivilrightsarebeingdeniedpeopleinthisdayand
age. It’s embarrassing, and it’s heartbreaking. It goes without saying that I’m completely
in support of gay marriage. In 10 years we’ll be ashamed that this was an issue.”
—The Avengers’ Chris Evans, whose brother Scott is gay, in the most recent issue of
Playboy.
MAY 2012ACCESSline Page 8
Section 1: News & Politics
9. Things are getting crazy here in
Minnesota.
In November, the ballot will include a
proposed amendment to the state constitu-
tion mandating that marriage be restricted
to the union of “one man and one woman.”
Never mind that state law already contains
thesamerestriction;theChristianConserva-
tiveswanttogoonestep
further and get it in the
state constitution, too.
Theproposed“anti-
marriage amendment”
(as many LGBTQ people
call it) has triggered a
debatethatIowansknow
well. In particular, the
CatholicChurch—I’maformerCatholic,mind
you—has been very active. It even mailed
anti-marriageDVDsandpamphletstoseveral
hundred thousand Catholics.
Thankfully, the LGBTQ community isn’t
taking this lying down. A coalition of many
groups has organized under the banner
of “Minnesotans United for All Families.”
Their polling shows the vote in November
will be exceedingly close—right now, the
anti-marriage people are ahead by several
percentage points.
Minnesotans United has been raising
money (hint) and phoning across the state
usingthepitchthatthisbattleisn’taboutcivil
rights, but instead about love: that gays and
lesbians simply want to be able to express
theirlovethroughmarriage,justlikestraight
people. If children are in the picture, they
wanttheirkidstobeabletosay,“Myparents
are married, too.” We’ll see if this approach
workssincetodate,everystatethat’sconsid-
eredaballotinitiative—29atlastcount—has
rejected same-sex marriage.
Recently, I attended an actual debate
abouttheprosandconsoftheanti-marriage
amendment. On one side was the executive
director of the Minnesota Catholic Confer-
ence.Representingthe
pro-marriage point of
view was an articu-
late—and out—Uni-
versity of Minnesota
law school professor.
The event was attend-
edbyover100lawyers
and law students.
Forthefirsthourandahalf,thingswent
as expected. The speakers were polite and
well-prepared, and the audience respectful.
One speaker talked about how marriage
historically has only been between the
genders. The other discussed how society
has changed and so must the concept of
marriage.
Tohiscredit,theanti-marriagespeaker
initially made cogent, if very flawed, argu-
ments. He argued that men and women
were “different from the tops of their heads
to the bottoms of their toes” and that these
differences allowed each to “compliment”
the other. The purpose of marriage, accord-
ingly, was to procreate as much as possible,
something which gays and lesbians can’t do
easily (or so he argued).
The discussion moved to protecting
children.Thegaylawprofessorarguedthatif
the goal was protection of children, it is best
that people be allowed to live authentically,
rather than forcing them into the closet and
purported heterosexual marriages where
one of the parents is torn. Ultimately, the
marriage will disintegrate, leaving children
with divorced parents.
The anti-marriage speaker responded
with true ignorance. In his view (and appar-
ently in the view of the Catholic Church),
children are better off with a “Mommy and
Daddy” than with two mothers or fathers.
His rationale?
Statistics. Purportedly, statistics show
thatadoptedchildrenandchildrenofsingle-
parent households are not as successful in
life and have far more behavior problems
than children from intact heterosexual
marriages.
This wasn’t the first time I heard of a
Church official spouting that adopted and
single-parented kids are in some way defec-
tive. Earlier this spring, the (soon to be of
votingage)seniorsataMinneapolisCatholic
high school were lectured about the virtues
of marriage between a man and a woman.
Thelectureincludedremarksabouthowchil-
drenwhoareadoptedorfromsingle-parent
households aren’t quite normal.
It’s one thing to debate same sex
marriage. It’s quite another to make damn-
ingly ignorant public statements that only
certain children from certain relationships
(heterosexualmarriages)arenormal,andall
other children are somehow flawed.
For me, an adoptive parent who at one
time was in a heterosexual marriage, the
Church’s argument is appalling. And cruel.
If nothing else, imagine how such state-
ments make adoptees and single-parented
children feel.
IsurewishtheChurchwouldhavetalked
tomebeforeadvocatingsuchacrazy,hurtful
position. I’d have told them that I have two
daughters, each adopted when they were
five months old, who are now 22 and 20,
respectively. The oldest, Emily, lives several
states away and works as a writer at a well-
respected magazine. She graduated close to
the top of her class, and has won awards for
her writing. She’s a darn nice person, too.
The youngest, Lily, still a student, is
earning straight A’s. She lived with me for
several years—her choice—after I came out
as gay, and then as transgender. She wrote
about me when she applied to college. Now,
she’s active in Democratic politics. She has a
heart of gold and may be one of the wisest
people I know.
Inshort,I’ddareanyonetocomparemy
children—adopted, from a divorced home,
with a transgender parent—to the children
ofanyCatholicheterosexualmarriage.You’d
seenodiscernibledifference.Hell,youmight
even find a bit more enlightenment—along
withcompassionandunderstanding—from
those Krug girls. After all, isn’t that the idea
behind raising good, responsible members
of society?
It’s ironic that the Church would use
children as the excuse in the same-sex
marriage debate. Weren’t many thousand
children victimized by priests across the
world? Doesn’t the Church instill in children
theconceptoforiginalsin—you’resinfuljust
for having been born? What about “Catholic
guilt?” How many of us needed therapy
because of that?
The Minnesotans United group has
the right idea. The debate about same-sex
marriage—and, for sure, same-sex parent-
ing—really is about love. My daughters
are living proof that love and kindness can
trumpanykindofadversityorchallengethat
children may face.
TheLGBTQcommunityandourstraight
allies understand that love transcends
everythingelse. Itistrulyunfortunate—and
yes, cruel—that the Church chooses not to
acknowledge this.
Inside Out: Appalling Cruelty by Ellen Krug
Ellen Krug, writer, lawyer, human,
is presently completing her memoir,
“Getting to Ellen: Crossing the
Great Gender Divide,” which will
be published in 2012. She lives
in Minneapolis and works as the
executive director of a nonprofit
serving the underrepresented.
She welcomes your comments at
ellenkrug75@gmail.com.
This wasn’t the first time
I heard of a Church official
spouting that adopted and
single-parented kids are in
some way defective.
ACCESSline Page 9MAY 2012
Section 1: News & Politics
10. Rep.SteveKing(R-IA)
Oh, Steve King. You are a royal creep,
indeed.
A longstanding foe of LGBT people and
anyone who sees LGBT people as, oh I don’t
know, human, King has once again opened his
joker of a mouth to say something incredibly
dumb.
Readers of this column are certainly aware
thatanti-LGBTdiscriminationexistsinthework-
place. Making this issue even more exciting, in
many states, and Michigan is one of them, firing
someone or refusing to hire them based solely
on sexual orientation is totally legal.There is no
statelawagainstit,thereforeifyouareavictimof
suchdiscrimination,youhavenolegalstanding.
You cannot sue. Bummer for you.
Somepeoplehavesuggestedthatasensible
way to approach this issue is to include sexual
orientation and gender identity in state anti-
discrimination laws. Oh, those crazy dreamers.
King has a better idea: stay in the closet
homos.
On April 4, he told Think Progress, that
you can’t tell private business who they can’t
discriminate against. “You have private sector
businesseshereandtheyneedtohavefreedomto
operate,”hesaid.Inotherwords,firingsomeone
because they’re gay would strictly be a business
decision. Stop being so sensitive, gays.
“In the first place, I would think that unless
someone makes their sexuality public, it’s not
anybody’s business, so neither is it our business
totellanemployerwhotohire,”Kingcontinued.
“He won’t know who to discriminate against in
the first place.”
See, if people don’t know you’re gay, they
won’tdiscriminateagainstyou.Duh.Soforallof
thosehomosoutandproud,ifyoufacediscrimi-
nation, it’s all your fault. Quit yer cryin’.
This is hardly a new position for King.
In 2010 he said about gays in the workplace,
“If people wear their sexuality on their sleeve
and then they want to bring litigation against
someone that they would point their finger at
andsay,‘Youdiscriminate.’”Becauseprotecting
companiesfrombeingaccusedofdiscrimination
is far more important than protecting gays from
being discriminated against.
King also told Think Progress, “How do
youknowsomeone’ssexualorientation?Idon’t
know how you discriminate against someone
because of their sexual orientation.”
A good question, just how does one
discriminate against someone based on their
sexualorientation?Why,it’sacompleteandtotal
mystery! Let’s see if I can come up with some
offthetopofmybrain.Youcouldrefusetogrant
thempromotions.Youcouldfirethem.Youcould
kickthemoutofyourrentalproperty. Youcould
bully them until they drop out of school and/or
killthemselves.Youcouldrapethem.Youcould
kill them. The list goes on and on, with plenty
of documented evidence should you want to get
totally depressed. But as King pointed out, they
all brought it upon their gay selves.
Things were better before all this “out and
proud”crap.Allyouhavetodoislookathistory.
Travel back to the time before Stonewall when
gays were largely living in the shadows and
nobody ever bothered them and life was great.
Anditcouldhavebeenhappilyeverafterforever
if it hadn’t been for those meddling kids.
Wait,didIsaymeddlingkids?Myapologies,
IwasthinkingofScoobyDoo.Imeantmeddling
cops. The cops, who routinely harassed, beat,
jailed and otherwise took advantage of so many
sad, closeted queers.
Or, as King would call it, the good old
days.
NationalOrganizationfor
Marriage
Hey girlfriend, what are you wearing to
the race war? Some sexy camouflage chaps,
perhaps? A rainbow stripped Kevlar vest?
Wait, haven’t you heard? The National
OrganizationforMarriageissponsoringsome
big gay people vs black people thing. I hear
it’s going to be all the rage. Like, literally, all
of the rage.
HowdoIknowthis?Recentlyuncovered
court documents outline, in writing, NOM’s
national anti-gay marriage strategy to “drive
a wedge between gays and blacks.”
Now why would they want to do such a
thing? Well, because gays and blacks happen
to be “two key democratic constituencies.”
So, you know, it’s nothing personal. It’s just
politics.
The document reads, “We aim to find,
equip, energize and connect African Ameri-
can spokespeople for marriage; to develop a
media campaign around their objections to
gay marriage as a civil right; and to provoke
the gay marriage base into responding by
denouncing these spokesmen and women
as bigots. No politician wants to take up and
pushanissuethatsplitsthebaseoftheparty.
Fanning the hostility raised in the wake of
Prop 8 is key…”
Oh, how clever. How nice. Especially the
“fanningthehostility”part.Ifthere’sonething
America needs when it comes to the issue of
race, it’s a hostility fan.
Somepeopleare,forsomereason,upset
aboutthis.OneofthosepeopleisJulianBond,
former chairman of the NAACP. During a
recent interview with Anderson Cooper,
Bondsaid,“It’soneofthemostcynicalthings
I’ve ever heard of or seen spelled out in this
way.”
Bond also decried the idea that “these
people are just pawns that can be played
with, the black people who oppose gay
marriage, and the black people who support
gay marriage, just can be moved around like
pieces on a chessboard.”
So if I understand correctly, Bond is
saying that black people don’t appreci-
ate being pawns and having their beliefs
exploited?Huh.You’dthinkagrouplikeNOM,
always so forward thinking and considerate
ofeachperson’sinherentdignity,wouldhave
seen that coming.
NOM is, of course, banking on the argu-
ment that some people make against calling
the fight for LGBT rights a civil rights move-
ment. When Cooper asked about this Bond
said,“Itisexactlythesame.It’sarightthatall
Americans have, and no reason why gay and
lesbianpeopleoughtnottohavetheserights,
too. These are universal rights.”
Bond is, obviously, proof that not all
Black people are anti-gay. In fact, some Black
people are actually gay. Which means not all
gaypeoplearewhite.Whichmakesthiswhole
race war idea pretty convoluted.
ButitisworthnotingthatgayAmericans
arenotimmunetoracialdivisions.Acommen-
tatoronAmericaBlogGaywrote,“It’sallgood
andwelltopretendthatthesedivisionsaren’t
there while the mainstream is watching, but
those among us who are black and gay know
good and well that they are.”
In other words, yeah, it’s easy to point
fingersatNOM’sindisputablyraciststrategy,
butlet’snotallowNOM’shorriblenesstokeep
us from seeing that the fight against racism
is no more a thing of the past than the fight
against homophobia.
As Bond told the Human Rights
Campaign, “NOM’s underhanded attempts
to divide will not succeed if Black Americans
remember their own history of discrimina-
tion. Pitting bigotry’s victims against other
victims is reprehensible; the defenders of
justice must stand together.”
Of course, NOM would be the first to
declare themselves as the victims in this
rigmarole. And I’m sure this is all some kind
ofbigmisunderstanding.Hey,someofNOM’s
best friends are black! But definitely not gay.
continued from page 4SS
MGI
Creep of the Week by D’Anne Witkowski
competition there really was at the pageant.
In the end Second Alternate went to Coco
Belle,FirstAlternatewenttoChanelCavalier-
VanCartier, and winner was Lady Adawnis.
Lady Adawnis was crowned Miss Gay
Iowa USofA, what is next for her?
Top on her list is preparing for Miss Gay
USofA 2012, which is held in Dallas, TX May
twenty second through twenty fifth. She is
having benefit shows and raising money to
help with some of the expenses of being in
Dallas, TX for a week. Chanel Cavalier-Van-
Cartier as the First Alternate is also required
to compete in Miss Gay USofA in Dallas and
is actively raising money for the competition
as well.
What are her duties as Miss Gay Iowa
USofA 2012?
Miss Gay Iowa USofA has a variety
of duties. The first thing is attending and
competing in Miss Gay USofA. After that, she
will get a little time to relax, then it’s time
to start helping the pageant promoter with
organizingpreliminarypageantsandhelping
getnewpreliminarypageants. MissGayIowa
USofAgetstoattendeachpreliminarypageant
and gets treated like a queen for the night. In
additiontobeingglamorousonstage,shewill
overseethescoresateachpreliminarypageant
and make sure everything is accurate before
the winner of the preliminary is announced.
Being Miss Gay Iowa USofA, really is a job.
Does she have a goal for her reign?
IthinkeachMissIowahastheirowngoals
duringtheirreign. Mygoalduringmyreignin
2005wastohavemorepreliminarypageants
andcontestantsthanMissIowahadeverhadin
thepastandIaccomplishedthat. Ithinkmost
MissIowa’sjustwanttohavethebiggestyear
possible to make it a grand step down event
as they crown the next Miss Iowa.
Vanessa, how was it running the
pageant?
Wow, it was a lot more work than I had
anticipated. Even though I was co-promoter
for the 2001 and 2002 years, I had never had
the entire state looking at me and watching
everymovetoseehowIwouldbringMissGay
IowaUSofAback. Therewasalotofpressure
on me to make this an event that wouldn’t
soon be forgotten. Everything needed to be
perfect. Fromtheappearanceoftheclubwith
thedecorations,tothestaffofTheGarden,and
mystaffofIowaUSofAPageantry. Iamproud
to say that we did it. Everyone associated
with the pageant, made it a huge success and
everything was perfect.
What does the Miss Gay Iowa USofA
competition do until next year?
Wedon’ttakeabreakifthat’swhatyouare
asking. Next year is the twenty fifth Anniver-
sary of Miss Gay Iowa USofA. Our final night
venuewillbeinaballroomortheaterandwill
beagrandevent. Prelimnightswillstillbeheld
in a nightclub. The location of Miss Gay Iowa
USofA2013willbeannouncedattheMissGay
Iowa USofA at-Large pageant July Twentieth
and Twenty First at The Garden Nightclub in
Des Moines. We also are constantly in touch
with prelim promoters and getting dates
scheduled for preliminary pageants that are
held throughout the year.
Anyspecial‘shout-outs’orthanksyou
would like to repeat?
Thank you to the entire staff of Iowa
USofA Pageantry for helping to make sure
everything ran so smoothly. To David Miller,
thank you for always has my back in all of my
ventures. Alexandria Markstone, for step-
ping up and showing you are a true state title
holder, a true professional, and making sure
Miss Iowa was a success. Each and every
preliminary pageant promoter, without you
guys Miss Iowa would not be what it is, and I
thank you all. The Garden Nightclub, you all
were fantastic and showed you know how to
handleaneventofthissizeandnotevenstress
about it. THANK YOU! The Blazing Saddle
and Stinky, thank you so much for giving us
a place to hold our prelim awards ceremony
on Sunday afternoon. Juice Magazine and
AccesslineNewspaper,Icouldnothaveasked
formore. YourpublicityhelpedmakeMissGay
Iowa USofA a huge success. THANK YOU! All
of the judges on the judges panel, I would not
have wanted your job, thank you all for being
so professional. I could not have asked for a
better panel of judges. Tajma Hall, you are
amazing and so unbelievably professional,
thank you for Emceeing all weekend. And to
all of the former Miss Iowas, words cannot
describe my feelings for each of you. Your
supportanddedicationtothispageantsystem
is truly a blessing. Remember there are only
a few that can say they are/were Miss Gay
Iowa USofA and I intend to make you all feel
like you are part of something special every
year as we move forward. Thank you all for
showing me that I made the right decision to
purchase this pageant. And to all of the fans
of drag…..THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK
YOUforcomingoutandshowingyoursupport
for all the contestants competing!
MAY 2012ACCESSline Page 10
Section 1: News & Politics
11. Our Picks for May
5/1-9/30, Hall of History, Boys Town, Nebraska,
Baseball at Boys Town, boystown.org
5/3-5, Pella, Iowa, Tulip Time Festival,
pellatuliptime.com
5/4, Gallagher-Bluedorn, Cedar Falls, Crème de la
Crème 12, gbpac.org
5/6, Lincoln, Nebraska, Lincoln Marathon,
lincolnrun.org
5/11-12, The Garden, Des Moines, Iowa,
Mr Gay Iowa US of A, missgayiowa.com
5/11-6/17, The Blue Barn Theatre, Omaha, Nebraska,
Spring Awakening, bluebarn.org
5/12, Holland Performing Arts Center, Omaha,
Nebraska, Omaha Symphony:
Baroque Fireworks, omahasymphony.org
5/12-13, Figge Art Museum, Davenport, Iowa,
Beaux Arts Fair, beauxartsfair.com
5/13, Gallagher-Bluedorn, Cedar Falls,
Burn the Floor, gbpac.org
5/15-16, Civic Center of Des Moines, Des Moines,
Rain:A Tribute to the Beatles,
civicenter.org
5/19-20, Iowa Events Center, Des Moines,
Celebration Talent Competition,
iowaeventscenter.com
5/19-20, Boone, Iowa, Gladiator Assault
Challenge, gladiatorassaultchallenge.com
5/25-26, Winterset, Iowa,
John Wayne Birthday Celebration,
johnwaynebirthplace.org
5/26, Liberty Centre Pond, North Liberty, Iowa,
North Liberty Centre Blues & BBQ,
northlibertyiowa.org/bluesandbbq
5/26-28, Amana, Iowa,
Iowa Renaissance Festival, iowarenfest.com
5/31-6/3, Downtown, Waterloo, Iowa,
My Waterloo Days, mywaterloodays.org
...and June
6/1, Community Choice Credit Union, Des Moines,
Iowa, Matthew Shepard Scholarship
Awards Dinner, eychanerfoundation.org
6/1-3, Heartland of America Park, Omaha, Nebraska,
Taste of Omaha, showofficeonline.com
6/1-3, National Motorcycle Museum, Anamosa, Iowa,
Vintage Rally, nationalmcmuseum.org
6/2-3, Millers Landing, Omaha, Nebraska, Nebraska
State Chili Cook-Off, chilicookoff.com
6/7-10, Clarinda, Iowa, Glenn Miller Festival,
glennmiller.org
ACCESSline’s fun guide
Out From Under Interview by
Chris Azzopardi
Teen Kelby Johnson. Photo courtesy of The Weinstein Co.
‘Bully’ director and lesbian
teen talk controversial
documentary
LeeHirschwillneverforgetthebrutality
of his middle-school years, when he was the
victim of what, in recent years, has become
a tragic epidemic—
bullying. The punches,
tauntsandname-calling
were all wielded his
way. And the bullsh*t
justification for all the
above: that it’s just part
of being a kid.
But, as Hirsch’s
controversial docu-
mentary Bully argues, it
shouldn’t be.
“The driving force
behind the film was
to give a voice to that
experience for myself
and for others,” says the Long Island-raised
writer/director, who sensitively spotlights
the national issue in the film. “I made it for
all of us ex-bullied and once-bullied—the
coalition.”
And he did it by putting a face on the
ever-growing problem. Five faces, in fact.
Harrowing and heartbreaking, the docu-
mentary follows the teens—one of which
is then-16-year-old lesbian Kelby Johnson,
living in Tuttle, Okla.—as they’re victimized
within their own schools, often brushing
it off as just a part of
growing up.
“I was looking
for a way to change
something,”Kelbysays,
“and Lee gave me that
opportunity, and I was
excited to take that and
run with it.”
Tomanygayteens,
Kelby’s story of being
ostracized is devastat-
ingly familiar: She’s
the reject of her small-
towncommunity,which
doesn’t accept that
she’s a lesbian—or that she has a girlfriend.
Tuttle turns against not only Kelby but also
her family.
“KelbyandIdidn’tbondoveraconversa-
tionaboutsexuality,”saysHirsch,whodidn’t
want to discuss his own orientation with us.
“We bonded over the experience of being
bullied,andthatwasreallythesameasitwas
with all the kids. I feel like our relationship
began with a real conversation about what
I experienced, what I wanted to set out to
achievewiththisfilm,whyherstorymattered
and why what was happening wasn’t OK.”
TheymetviaTheEllenDeGeneresShow,
after Kelby’s mom, desperate to help her
daughter, reached out to the outspoken talk-
showhostthroughamessageboardbecause
shewasafraidherdaughterwouldsuccumb
tothesamefateofthemanygayteenswho’ve
killedthemselvesinthelastfewyears.Kelby
notonlydidn’t,butshe’snowhelpingothers
get through those hard years.
“I know that being gay, you can feel
very alone,” she says, “and I hope that when
they watch the movie, that goes away and
they realize there is someone standing with
OUT FROM UNDER cont’d page 15TTPhoto courtesy of The Weinstein Co.
“Iknowthatbeinggay,
you can feel very alone,”
she says, “and I hope
that when they watch the
movie, that goes away
and they realize there
is someone standing
with them who has gone
through that.”
12. Cyberbullying part two
Last month’s column was about the
growing problem of cyberbullying. We
talked about what cyberbullying was, who
cyberbullies and how they do it. (For those
who missed last month’s ACCESSline, old
editions are archived and available on
the website; ACCESSlineAmerica.com)
This month we will discuss what to do if
you, or someone you love, is the victim of
cyberbullying.
Cyberbullying is any form of bully-
ing done through
electronic means.
There are almost as
many ways to use
electronic devices for
bullying as there are
devices themselves.
Cyberbullying can be
particularly damaging
because it follows the
kidsintotheirownhome,ontotheirgames
andwherevertheygo.Thevictimandtheir
parents may feel powerless, but there are
things that can be done to prevent and to
stop cyberbullying.
Whatcankidsdoiftheyfindthemselves
a victim of cyberbullying?
You log into facebook and discover
someone has left a long flaming rant
on your wall. A comment on your latest
YouTube video contains insulting
language. You start getting texts asking
you personal and offensive questions.
What do you do?
The first and most important thing to
do about any cyberbullying attack is to put
down the mouse and walk away. Seriously,
get off line. Walk away from the computer.
Shut your phone and put it back in your
pocket. Take deep breathes. Go for a walk.
Anything.
Ourfirstinclinationistostrikeback,to
respond to the post, comment or text. That
is almost always the worst thing you can
do. You may eventually have to respond,
but you need to calm
down and think the
situation through first,
always.
Remember the
inadvertent bully?
Digital communica-
tion has many pitfalls.
Written messages
lack the emotional
undertones speech has. Even with emoti-
cons, jokes can be misconstrued. Typos
happen and those can completely change
the meaning of a message. People dial
the wrong number. I once received some
incredibly revealing pictures from a young
man hoping to hook up with another
girl named Rachel. Are you positive the
message was truly meant for you? Are
you entirely sure the message means
what it says?
Remember how some bullies work by
proxy? Are you sure the message is from
the person you think it is? Check the spell-
ing of names carefully. Check the spelling
onemailaddresses—misspellinghappens.
But they may also point to an attacker who
is trying to hide their identity. Check the
attacker’s profile. If there is only one or
two pictures and very few friends, that’s
usually an indication that the profile is
a fake. Look at how long the profile has
been active. If it’s been started recently
it could easily have been created just for
this attack.
If the attack comes from someone
who you counted as a friend, give them
the benefit of the doubt. Was their account
hacked?Havetheybeenmisledintoattack-
ing you? Contact them through a different
medium, or talk to them face to face to find
out what’s really going on. Remember that
bullies might be spreading rumors in your
name, or giving others partial information
about what’s going, to make you look like
the bad guy. A face to face talk can clear
the air and thwart that strategy.
Instant Messaging can be particu-
larly troublesome. It’s hard to know for
sure who you are really talking to on IM.
Bullies will choose confusing IM screen
names, hoping to trick you. If you are
being targeted, or if you are talking about
something sensitive, be sure you know
who you are talking to. Agree in person
with your friends when you’ll be online,
Wired This Way by Rachel Eliason
The first and most
important thing to do
aboutanycyberbullying
attackistoputdownthe
mouse and walk away.
Rachel Eliason is a forty two year old
Transsexual woman. She was given her
first computer, a Commodore Vic-20 when
she was twelve and she has been fascinated
by technology ever since. In the thirty years
since that first computer she has watched
in awe as the Internet has transformed the
LGBT community. Her collumn, Wired That
Way discusses how technology has fueled
and propelled the LGBT community.
In addition to her column, Rachel has
published a collection of short stories,
Tales the Wind Told Me and is currently
working on her debut novel, Run, Clarissa,
Run. Rachel can be found all over the web,
including on Facebook, Twitter, Google+
and Goodreads.WIRED THIS WAY cont’d page 13TT
MAY 2012ACCESSline Page 12 the fun guide
13. what screen name you will be using and
haveasmartphrasethatonlyyouandyour
friends know.
So you know that it’s really an attack.
You know who is doing it, or at least who
is not doing it. Now it’s time to respond,
right?Waitaminutelonger.Rememberthe
vengeful bullies? Don’t become one. Take
the high road, in the long run you will be
glad you did.
Finally,beforeyourespondremember
thelimitsofcyberbullying.Didtheydeliver
a believable threat of physical violence?
Did they post/share sexually explicit
pictures of you? Are they trying to lure
you into an unsafe situation? If your bully
has crossed the line into criminal activity
it might be time to go to the authorities.
Trying to deal with a serious situation by
yourself can be dangerous and may hurt
your case in court later if comes to that.
In adult situations the best strategy is
frequently not to respond at all. Block the
individual, delete them from your friend’s
list and move on with your life. Life is too
short to share with small minded people.
There are a few situations where you can’t,
ordon’twantto,getawayfromyourattack-
er.Theymight befamilyorco-workersand
you may have no choice but to continue to
deal with these people.
For kids these sorts of situations may
be even more common. If you go to a small
school you have to deal with everyone.
Blocking them online doesn’t prevent
them from spreading malicious gossip
about you, and you may be blind-sided by
it later. The block it and forget it strategy
mightnotworkaswell.Stayingonlinewith
a bully will mean that you will eventually
have to deal with the bullying. How can
you do that?
Ifsomeoneisusingoffensivelanguage
tellthemso,butwithoutusinginsultsback.
Explain what they said that was hurtful
and why. Don’t expect a well reasoned
argument to move the average bully. They
have made up their minds about you and
nothing you say will likely change that.
Why even give your reasoning then?
Because other people are reading/listen-
ing as well and they may not have made
up their minds.
Imagine this, someone at your
school posts some-
thing on your face-
book wall about your
sexual orientation.
You unleash a huge
emotional rant at
them, dropping the N
word in your anger.
They repost it. Now
you look a lot less like
a victim of homophobia and more like a
racist. This is how bullies operate. Don’t
fall for it.
Whileexplainingcalmlyandrationally
that what they said was hurtful and why,
set limits. Just because someone goes to
your school doesn’t mean they have to be
on your facebook. “I feel that the word
‘tranny’ is offensive to trans people and
if you use that word on my wall again I
will unfriend you.” What happens online
is public and you probably have an audi-
ence. Making your limits, and what you
intend to do to enforce them, public will
make it that much harder for your bully to
spread false information about why he/
she was blocked.
If the abuse is ongoing, and respond-
ing calmly isn’t stopping it, what’s next?
You’ve taken them off your social media
sites, but they keep posting stuff on the
school’s message board, in IMs and other
media you can’t control. You need to start
documenting what’s happening. Eventu-
ally you might have to involve some sort
of authority, whether its parents, school,
Internet Service Providers or police. Each
will have different requirements.
Internet Service Providers (ISPs) are
theeasiestbyfar.Anywebsitethatrequires
you to login (Facebook, Google+, Blogger,
Tumblr, Pinterest,
etc.) will have Terms
of Service that all
users have agreed to.
You probably didn’t
read them, but go
back and do so now.
Almost universally
these terms will forbid
hateful comments,
personal attacks and any illegal activity.
Some have policies protecting specific
groups, like LGBT folks, from harassment
and some do not. A few sites will protect
the right of anyone to use controversial
language or discuss controversial topics,
including how they hate the LGBT commu-
nity. Even on these sites, personal attacks
are typically off limits.
Reporting a violation of the terms of
service is as easy as clicking the mouse.
Most websites have a button marked
“flag” or “mark as inappropriate.” The ISP
will do the rest. Now aren’t you glad you
didn’t fight fire with fire? Do not engage
in “notify wars” or use this button inap-
propriately. Remember the ISP has access
to the entire log of posts and comments
(includingdeletedposts/comments).Ifthe
person you are flagging was responding to
something you said, it will come out.
If you are being harassed by email
create a special folder and save the offend-
ing emails there. That way you have them
later if you need to prove that the bully-
ing is happening, but you don’t have to
see them every time you open your email
account. If its texts, do the same if your
phone is capable of such a feat. Save the
number to contacts and give it its own
specialringtone,onethatwillletyouknow
it’s not a friendly call before you answer.
To prevent hacking of your account,
practice strong passwords. Do you know
how to make a strong password? Think of
a phrase that is easy for you to remember
(yes, I said phrase, not word) but wouldn’t
be obvious to someone who doesn’t know
you well but might, say, know the name
of your dog. Now take that phrase and
change some letters for symbols, ones
that make sense in context (1 for i and @
for a, for example). My password might be
something like: Rachel is so smart or R@
ch*l1ssosm@rt. (It’s not by the way.)
If you are being attacked on an IM
service that can be difficult because most
ISP’s don’t use permanent IM screen
names, require proof of identity or log
the exchanges. That allows one sneaky
person to create screen names that make
them look like someone else, use multiple
screen names to spread their attack and
later to deny they did anything.
Onlychatwithpeopleyouknowinreal
life. If you are the victim of a cyberbully,
continued from page 12SS
WIRED THIS WAY
WIRED THIS WAY cont’d page 16TT
If your bully has
crossed the line into
criminal activity it
might be time to go to
the authorities.
ACCESSline Page 13MAY 2012 the fun guide
14. El Nuevo Mojito
“We’re in the port of Old San Juan
/ We have a boat we can sleep on /
Hundreds of drag queens in full bloom /
Hundreds of fat men in steam room!”
My singing drives Dan nuts. I don’t
know why. Just because I can’t hit the
notes….But for once I
got a laugh. The Neue
Weimar, the VSOP
Caribbean cruise ship
we’d taken as our
belated honeymoon,
had a spa, and we
found that the “spa”
area was—how shall
I put it?—heavily
populated. There were
many men, a lot of
them shaped like our
planet. They could no
more wrap a bath towel around their
waists than could Kirstie Alley at her
greatest tonnage.
Spending a week with 2,000 men is
an anthropological experience: the size
of a flaccid dick varies greatly among the
general population and crosses all bound-
aries of race, ethnicity, age, girth and
intelligence. We required a lot of thermal
therapy; the hot tub became our second
home aboard the Neue Weimar. At one
point, a strapping young stud appeared at
the hot tub’s entrance; all eyes turned as
he strode to the towel rack and whipped
off his towel. There were murmurs of
appreciation at his godlike-butt, however
an audible groan of disappointment at the
sight of his Midget League meat. Moments
later, a stooped old man tottered in and
nobody gave him a second look until he
was halfway down the steps into the tub,
at which point the crowd suddenly gasped
athisabsolutelymammothshlong—proof
that one should never judge a cock by
its cover.
Even I was amazed by the alcohol
consumption on the cruise. Every hour
was happy hour, except that all the drinks
were full price. TheNeue Weimar had at
least 15 bars, and most were busy all day.
We were waking up over our granola at
8 a.m. when Dan’s jaw dropped at the
sight of something over my shoulder; I
turned around and saw a Bloody Mary
cart being wheeled toward us. Some
guys were tanked by noon, passed out
by 2, back at it at 5, flying high through
dinner, still drinking at 10, 11, and 12,
and staggering around the open top deck,
the ship’s equivalent of a back room, at
3. I’m not passing judgment, believe me.
The whole point of a cruise like this is to
ditch your everyday life and have nothing
but fun, fun, fun till
your bank takes your
credit card away. Still,
having had my share
of encounters with
the severely inebri-
ated, I must warn: too
much alcohol thwarts
the project. And
nothing is as hard-on-
dampening than the
sound of one’s trick
heaving into the toilet
in the next room.
Which is not the proper way to launch
into this week’s recipe, but a slap in the
face is an effective rhetorical device.
Our cocktail this week is Caribbean: the
mojito. A Cuban drink, the mojito is made
of rum, mint, a bit of lime juice and simple
syrup—rather like a mint julep, only with
rum instead of bourbon. But I’ve adapted
it. Like mint juleps, traditional mojitos
are easy to make if you have slaves to
make them for you. This one’s easy for
everyone.
El Nuevo Mojito
Put fresh, washed mint leaves into
a shaker with ice, and add a few
drops of simple syrup and a few
drops of lime juice.
Pour in as much rum as you like;
any type will do, since the mint
and lime will overpower the rum’s
subtleties. Shake hard and serve
over ice.
(Notes: 1) Most recipes call for mud-
dling the mint with a muddler or
a fork. I say phooey. It’s a waste of
energy, and the result is that you’ll
end up with bits of mint stuck to
your teeth.
2) If you use the repulsive Captain
Gorgon’s spiced rum—the “spice” is
obviously arsenic—I’ve got a voodoo
doll with your name on it.)
Cocktail Chatterby Ed Sikov
Even I was amazed
by the alcohol
consumption on the
cruise. Every hour was
happyhour,exceptthat
allthedrinkswerefull
price.
The Eychaner Foundation is excited to
announce Iowa’s 2012 Matthew Shepard
Scholars.
Arianna Dahlin from Ainsworth,
Chanse Dunn from Sioux City, Michelle
RobinsonfromMarshalltown,DerekStein-
auer from Cedar Rapids, and Fabio Vidal
from Des Moines have been named 2012
Silver Matthew Shepard Scholars. Connor
Ferguson from Wayland, Keaton Fuller
from Clinton and Hollie Wilson from Des
Moines have been named Gold Matthew
Shepard Scholars.
Iowa’s Silver Matthew Shepard Schol-
arshipisanawardofupto$9,000overfour
years and Iowa’s Gold Matthew Shepard
Scholarship is an award of up to $40,000
over four years.
Scholarships will be awarded at
Iowa’s2012MatthewShepardScholarship
Awards Dinner. Tickets are on sale now,
see ad on page 20.
2012 Matthew Shepard
Scholars Announced
“I want to see us do more in the future. I want
tomakesuretheDepartmentofEducationisdoing
all it can to inform and prepare school districts
to effectively deal with the challenges that occur
withbullying…It’snotaneasything,andIknow
maybe this is a difficult area for school districts.
Butitiscriticallyimportantthatwedoeverything
we can to make sure we have safety and security
for all of our students in the state of Iowa.”
~Iowa Governor Terry Branstad, April 23, to the Des
Moines Register.
MAY 2012ACCESSline Page 14 the fun guide
15. them who has gone through that. The world
is going to change and people are going to
get more accustomed to (LGBT people), and
they should be here to see it.”
Hirsch began filming in 2009, before
the rush of LGBT-related suicides was met
with national attention: Rutgers University
student Tyler Clementi, who jumped off the
George Washington Bridge; 13-year-old
Seth Walsh, who hanged himself; and Asher
Brown, who shot himself after being bullied
for coming out.
“They didn’t inspire the film, but it
informedtheearlystages,”Hirschsaysofthe
suicides. “You’re just overwhelmed by how
much tragedy there is. The suicides were
deeply moving, and people were writing
in response to them—and it seemed that
people everywhere were really struggling
with this issue.”
Youth selected for the film were all,
coincidentally, from rural communities and
not vast urban cities. “It wasn’t intentional.
Itwasthewayitfelltogether,andthestories
wefoundweremostcompellingthere.Alotof
it had to do with getting that access in Sioux
City(thehomeofthen-12-year-oldleadAlex
Libby)whichkindoflandedusintheMidwest
to begin with.”
Some footage was filmed in New York
and Minneapolis, but none as powerful as
what made the final cut, Hirsch says. “There
was something about
thelandscapeofsmall-
town America, the
quiet and incredible
heroismofthefamilies,
that I was really drawn
to. There are so few
outlets there; in big
cities, there’s more for
kids who don’t fit in or
are different, so I think
bullying in a small town can be more acute.
It can be a harder world.”
Once he had his subjects, shooting was
anotherchallenge.Kelby’sschool,unlikethat
of Alex, denied them access to film inside
the premises. And the scenes involving
bird’s-eye-views of bus rides and principal
office sit-downs were “incredibly difficult”
to capture.
One scene, on the bus, involves coarse
languagethattheMPAAdeemedtooobscene
foranythinglessthanahard Rrating.Disap-
pointed that the film’s message wouldn’t
reach those it intended to, the studio fought
thedecision—withMichiganteenKatyButler
leadingamovementthatralliednearlyahalf-
million supporters, including—no—Meryl
Streep and Johnny Depp. Just days before
its release date, Weinstein Co. decided to go
the unrated route, snubbing the MPAA and
leaving the decision to screen the film up to
individual theaters. But then, on April 5, the
MPAA and Weinstein Co. came to an agree-
ment: after making profanity edits, the film
received a PG-13 rating.
“We were just shocked,” Hirsch says of
the MPAA’s initial decision. “I guess I wasn’t
asshockedattheinitialR,becausetechnically
we knew that might happen, but the appeal
wasreallydevastatingbecausewehadsucha
strong,compellingargumentandotherfilms
hadbeenoverturnedand
hadmuchworseprofan-
ity. We really thought
they’d understand and
recognize the value and
the merit and the hope
that this film offers to
so many.”
One of them being
Kelby, who’s now 19,
just got her GED and is
living in Oklahoma City—somewhat less
close-minded, she mentions—with her girl-
friend. Her plan now involves becoming a
gay activist and working with LGBT groups,
like Do Something, to continue blasting the
bullying issue.
“There’s always going to be something,
but(thebullying)hascalmeddownalittlebit
formeafterthefilm,”shesays,“andthereare
a lot of things I can brush off now. The film
has helped me grow stronger and be more
aware of others around me. It’s definitely
been a positive experience, and I will carry
it with me for the rest of my life.”
ChrisAzzopardiistheeditorofQSyndicate,
theinternationalLGBTwireservice.Reachhim
via his website at www.chris-azzopardi.com.
“They didn’t inspire the
film, but it informed the
early stages,” Hirsch says
of the suicides. You’re just
overwhelmed by how much
tragedy there is.”
continued from page 11SS
OUT FOR UNDER
Documentary Filmmaker Lee Hirsch. Photo
courtesy of The Weinstein Co.
Alex Libby of Sioux City. Photo courtesy of The Weinstein Co.
ACCESSline Page 15MAY 2012 the fun guide
