Developing Software is a Team effort that includes communication, debates, disputes and conflicting ideas of what has to happen how. This is where Nonviolent Communication steps in and puts empathy with yourself and other persons in the center of communication. If your Job revolves around Teams and groups of Persons working together, Nonviolent Communication is a tool and philosophy that you should know. We try to have a small look into NVC in this talk.

1. Nonviolent
Communication
A rather violent Introduction
by Sebastian Schürmann
@sschuermann / sebs@2xs.org

2. about.me
• Scrum Master / Agile Coach
• Still Coding github.com/sebs
• 20k tweets @sschuermann
• Training Design Students of KHB Berlin in JS
• Open for permanent hire

3. Triggerwarning

4. NVC WTF?
• Conflict resolution process
• A philosophy
• A way to canalize the energy generated by rants

5. Communication process
that is likely to inspire
empathy
NVC WTF?

6. “Most people do not listen with
the intent to understand; they
listen with the intent to reply.”
Stephen R. Covey

7. “Most people do not listen with
the intent to understand; they
listen with the intent to reply.”
Stephen R. Covey

8. Why are we not
listening?

9. Moralistic Judgments
Blame, insults, put-downs, comparisons and (often)
diagnoses

10. Demands that imply
blame and punishment if
you fail to comply

11. Denial of responsibility
„I had to“

12. Comparisons

13. The premise of „I
deserve that“ …
Talent, fate etc.

14. Overview

15. Conflicts
==
Miscommunication

16. about
Human Needs

17. with coercion and
manipulation

18. Guilt, fear and shame
divert attention

19. 3 aspects of
NVC

20. Empathy
Listening to others

21. Self-Empathy
Self awareness

22. Honest
Self-Expression
Authenticity

23. The Idea
Not so tree hug-ish anymore!

24. Everyone has the
capacity for compassion!

25. We resort to violence
when we do not recognize
a more effective strategies

26. Violence is learned
through culture

27. All behavior stems from
attempts to meet
universal human needs

28. Restorative Partnership
vs.
Retributive, fear based
Domination

29. Some assumptions of
NVC

30. 1. All Humans share
the same basic needs

31. 2. The World has
sufficient resources to
fulfill those needs

32. 3. All actions are
attempts to meet needs

33. 4. Feelings point to
needs met or unmet

34. 5. Everyone has the
capacity for compassion

35. 6. We enjoy giving

36. 7. Human beings meet
needs through
interdependent relationships

37. 8. Human beings
change

38. 9. Choice is internal

39. 10. The most direct path
to peace is through self-
connection

40. Model

41. Model
1. Observations

42. Model
1. Observations
2. Feelings

43. Model
1. Observations
2. Feelings
3. Needs

44. Model
1. Observations
2. Feelings
3. Needs
4. Honest Request

45. Example:
You are the Teamlead.
Someone in fucks up the build build!
(repeatedly, weekends)

46. 4 Choices!

47. His Fault!

48. My Fault!

49. How do I feel about it?
What are my needs that are not
addressed in this situation?

50. What did/does he possibly
feel in the situation?
What are his needs?

51. Lets go through the
whole process!

52. What did we observe?

53. Feelings
afraid
enraged
furiousincenseddistracted
tendercurious
warm

54. Needs Acceptance
Belonging
Cooperation
Cooperation
Intimacy
Intimacy
Safety
humor

55. The Question is:
What is the Question?

56. NVC Process
Observation Feeling
Request Need

57. Conclusions
• Separate Observations from
Judgements
• Do you feel it?
• What do you really need?
• As honestly (but ask)