In 1994, in Rwanda, a country from the central East Africa; genocide was perpetrated against Tutsis by some extremist Hutus. In less than 100 days, over one million of Tutsis were exterminated and his family perished among them. Eleven years old then, He become an orphan. His struggle started then, commmemorating his lost family and the way they died, searching if any of his relatives survived, and fixing to earn everyday life as he did not hope for the future. This struggle took long. However, as time went on, he started gaining hope for the future. He started thinking beyond his-self

3. Love Above All
Forgiveness of a Young Rwandan
wan
w nd
Genocide Survivor
ivor
or
Jean De D Musabyimana
an
n Dieu

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2010
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5. Author’s Note
This is my true story, my life started from th year 1981 till
om the
h
now. First of all I am so sorry because I did not use the dates
use di
of everything that it took place. Was to hard to remember
. W too
them, especially during the Genocide, that is why I chose
he Genoc d
not to use the dates. But ev pe
every person and names I used are
real. I used some harsh words but my aim was not to offend
hw
any one who reads th boo I was trying to make the story
this book.
his
complete because I wa trying to describe what happened.
cau was
As you read, you w also find some good words giving hope
ead,
ad, will
for the fu ure LO
future. LOVE ABOVE ALL
uture.
e.
v

7. INTRODUCTION
Rwanda is a small country,only 26,338 k 2, located in
38 km
East Africa, in the region of Great L
Lakes It is also called a
Lakes.
country of thousand hills because of it high mountains. It
use its
e
was colonized by Belgium. This is my homeland because it
m. i
is where I was born and wh I live.
where
My father died only three months after my birth. He died
ly
with twins who were m elder brothers; then I was only left
ere my
with my mother a one brother in a very bad situation
y mothe and
of poverty. A my young age of six years, when I started
ert At
ty.
primary scho that’s when I was taught that Rwanda is
ry sc ool,
school,
inhabited b three different ethnic groups: Twas, Hutus and
d by
Tutsis. I learnt that Tutsis were very bad, that they did bad
things to other ethnic groups. I also later on learnt that I
belonged to that ethnic group of Tutsis. For this, I grew up
ashamed of being called a Tutsi.
When I was eleven years old, the genocide against Tutsis,
which had been prepared for a long time, started; it was in
1994. Tutsis in all corners of the country began to flee their
homes to different offices of the local government (districts
1

8. Jean De Dieu Musabyimana
and provinces), to churches, to schools, even in stadiums.
They went there just because they thought they would easily
get protection from local leaders.
After a very short period of time, Rwandan Defense Force
of that time, which would protect these refugees, started
firing and slaughtering them instead. Few of these refugees
who managed to escape these bullets, when they tried to flee
again. Their some neighbors Twas and Hutus were waiting
for them in villages with local weapons including machetes,
lances, swords and many others. The country w full of
y was
cries here and there.
My grandfather (my mother’s father) was a very old man
)
aged 82. For him fleeing was not his concern. He thought
h s con
that none would kill him because he w very old. We left
use was
e
him home and went to a neighbour of ours who was a Hutu
eighb
bour
and who had promised to protect and give us where to hide.
op
After three days, INTERAHAMWE (the name which was
ER
RAH A
given to those who were tr
o w trained to kill Tutsis) reached our
home. They me there my grandfather and started arguing
met here
whether to kill him or not. Some were against others for.
They ended up sa
nd d
ded saying that the one killing a snake doesn’t
show com ssion That’s how he was beaten a very big stick
compassion.
mpas
(named “ubuhiri” in my local language)
ub
In the chest and his dead body was thrown into the pit
latrine.
These killings became more and more serious. The one who
was hiding us told us to leave his house and find elsewhere
to hide. He afraid because it was possible for us to be killed
before him..I remember it was raining cats and dogs. We
then started hiding here and there in banana and sorghum
plantations, in forests and in pits.
2

9. Love Above All
After more than two months in such a hard life, my mother
was discovered. She was killed with that big stick and a
sword after being raped. I was then left all alone and I had
to continue hiding.
After one hundred days of the genocide against Tutsis,
Rwandan Patriotic Forces, most of them were Tutsis who
had fled the country in 1959 and 1973 together with some
Hutus who didn’t support the genocide, managed to stop
the genocide.
I was the only one left in my familyand I had t struggle
d to
for life at eleven years. I started looking fo jobs of being
ng for
a houseboy. One parent, whom I was working for, after
learning that I was bright at school dec
ool d cid to bring me back
l decided
to school. That’s how I joined scho again. I also started
oined school
being interested in the wor of G (Holy Scriptures) what
word God
rd
helped me to accept the life I was living. It relieved me and
he l
allowed me t accept what happened to me until I decided
pt
to forgive those who ki
ose ho killed members of my family. I visited
their families a told them how I forgave them from the
milies and
ilies
one who planned to kill me to the one who raped and killed
ho an nne
my mother. For the time being, sisters and children of the
othe F
her.
one who ki l my mother are among my friends.
killed
I have really forgiven them from the bottom of my heart and
thanks to the True Love from Almighty God and it is the
same Love that I tell everybody.LOVE ABOVE ALL
Uppercase: My First Day
My very first greatest day was November 08th, 1981 when I
was born. I think members of my family were very happy
that day when I was crying, my mother trying to sooth me
3

10. Jean De Dieu Musabyimana
saying, “don’t cry my baby”, others clapping and shouting
of happiness. This happiness didn’t last long because only
after three months my father and my two brothers died the
same day. These two brothers were twins and I was born
after them. I was told that that they loved my father very
much and he had to take them with him whenever he was
walking near home.
Only after three months I was an orphan. You can ask yourself
why I should be called an orphan when I had a mother. At
that time, a house without a husband was meaningless and
nin
it had no value in the Rwandan society. Even whe there
en w
when
was a party in such a family without a husband, it was not
usband
accepted for the mother to address her audience. They had to
udien
ask a husband in a nearby house to give a speech of the day.
give
This is why children without fath s w called orphans.
fathers were
hers
Remember that this is what I was t by my mother when
w told
I grew up after spending a very l
g long time asking her about
my family and telling m n
g me nothing. I was a stubborn and
curious child. I wanted to know everything. I was different
nte
ted
from my elder b ther who was calm and did what he was
er brother
told to do. He wa not talkative and he liked helping my
o. was
mother in diffe
r n differen activities.
erent
Being talkative, I liked asking my mother why we hadn’t
lka i
a father. She didn’t like me asking her such a question
and preferred not to tell me the truth. When she was in
a good mood she would tell me that my father had gone
somewhere and would be back very soon. But if she was sad
she would kick me telling me that I like asking nonsense
things. One day when I was at school, they asked me names
of my parents and I failed. My teacher told me to bring my
elder brother who studied at the same school for him to ask
him. When I brought him, my teacher asked him names of
4

11. Love Above All
my both parents. He answered and the next question was
to know if they were both alive. When he was asked this
question I was astonished to hear that my father had died
and I immediately said that my brother was telling lies. I
added that my father had traveled and that he would be back
soon. Both my brother and teacher laughed and my teacher
agreed with me but it was a way of cooling me down. By that
time the only thing in my head was to report my brother to
my mother as soon as I arrived home that he insulted my
father saying that he had died. When we got home I told
my mother that Fidele (my brother) had insulted m father
ed my
that he had died. When she heard this she laug laughed at me
ghe
and seemed to care less about what I was telling her. I got
telling
very angry and when she saw that I was ge i angry, she
as getting
revealed me the truth and said that my f
hat father was dead.
That is when I knew that my fath is no longer alive but
father
her
do not ask me the cause of his dea I thought he died a
s death.
natural death. For me I kn th the only cause of death
knew that
was sicknesses. The same for my father I thought he fell sick
mee
and died. It is clear that I w still very young.
r th was
A Heart Full Of S
O Sorrow Does Not Make Words Clear
When I g w ol I knew the reason why my mother had
grew old,
avoided talking about the death of my father. What I know is
alki
that they loved one another and my mother loved her twins
and this would be the only reason. He avoided remembering
them: care that she was receiving from my father, her beloved
twins and she must have suffered a lot when she was giving
birth to these twins. During the genocide against Tutsis,
when it was possible for us to die, that’s when she told me
that they were all poisoned.
When I became somehow old, my family was living at a
5

12. Jean De Dieu Musabyimana
place called RUBENGERA; a western part of our country
and their native place was KADUHA of GIKONGORO
which is in the Southern province of our country near a
very big natural forest called Nyungwe. After the death of
my father and my two brothers, life became very hard for
her, especially because they had died of poison, she was not
secure that is why she decided to shift from that place and
went to her paternal uncle who was living at Ruhango in
Gitarama. One may say that it was to my grandfather’s. That
is where I got my childhood nickname. I was told that at
that place of Ruhango, there was a fool who used to go to
d
the district office to accuse people who had eaten h cows
en his
(of course no one had eaten his cows it was beca
because of his
foolishness). His name was Sedede and I w named after
d was
him. I told you earlier that I was a stubb
stubborn boy, I used to
b
disturb my brother and he used to be me.Then I would
ed t bbeat
rush to my grandmother to aco accuse him. I used to do this
ccuse
every single day. That is w
s when they started saying that I
behaved like Sedede.That is h I got the name and I grew
That how
up being called like this.
et
To what I was told there were misunderstandings between
told,
t
this grandmother (the wife of my Grandfather’s brother) and
andmo
dmother
oth
my mother. This is the reason why my mother shifted from
othe
her.
Ruhango and went to Birambo in Kibuye where her paternal
a d
aunt (considered as my grandmother) was living. We lived
there and my mother got a job in a nearby organization
of Sisters. There was a sister called Mama Deo who was a
good friend of my mother. Time came when the Sister was
transferred somewhere else. This caused us also to leave
Birambo and we went to live at a place called Rubengera.
It is there that I grew up because I even started my primary
studies there. I was living together with my mother, my elder
brother and my grandfather (the father of my mother)
6

13. Chapter Two:
1989 STARTING MY SCHOOL
LIFE
I can say here that I was an alre
as already grown up child. I
remember almost everything th happened to me. What
th ng that
happened before that tim w told to me by my mother
t time was
me
when she was still alive a my uncle. As I said, I was a
l al and
stubborn, curious and sociable boy. It was therefore not a
urio
problem for me to get accustomed to school life whereas
other ch dr h problems and would spend the day
children had
hildren
ren
crying and wishing to go back home before it was time. I
nd wish
w
remember my life very well from when I was in primary 2.
I was clever, I liked playing football and I was very good
at singing. I was a members of a children’s choir at Sunday
School. We were trained to sing by Sisters who would put
us in different levels according to our voices. For me I was
singing a low voice and I was one of those who used to play
sketches about the birth of Jesus.
Even if my parents were Catholics, this did not prevent
me from growing in a Protestant Church. The school I
7

14. Jean De Dieu Musabyimana
was attending was also near the Church. On Wednesday,
it was a culture at our school to gather and pray before
leaving for lunch. All children at school liked that day and
everybody wished to be there and participate. Another day
that children liked was Friday when we would do different
physical activities like cultivating or collecting coffee from
school gardens. In the last hour we would sing and dance
cultural and traditional dances. Children enjoyed that day
very much because it was an opportunity for them to talk
y
about this and that. This was also a very good day to me as
I liked singing and was very good at interpreting s
ng songs that
were sung by singers.
I remember one day when we were sittin for an exam
sitting
of music. Every student, following the al
g alphabetical order,
would stand in front of students and s
ts a d sing a song that they
mastered well. The teacher wo
er would award marks according
ould
to how one had sung and accord
d according to how other students
enjoyed the song. When it w my turn, I started singing a
en was
love song, which was up to date at that time, and it was even
as
broadcast on Ra o Rw
Radio Rwanda. When my teacher heard it, he
stopped me for a wwhile and went to call one of his colleagues
who was teaching from an other hall to come and listen. I
as eacchi
did my be to sing and when I finished, my teacher asked
y best t si
est
other students to clap for me and he gave me ten out of
de
ten. Singing itself was not surprising. What was surprising
was seeing a very little boy singing a song full of sharp love
words. They could not understand how I took my time to
listen and memorize that song. All these were at the origins
of me being loved by my colleagues and teachers. I was even
very often named class monitor because of this.
Rwandans say that all things are not perfect! I had a very
big problem of hating girls. I didn’t cooperate with them;
8

15. Love Above All
I was even punished at least three times a week because of
beating them or throwing balls to them. I was beaten by
teachers many times because of that mistake some teachers
even remember me because of this. I remember one day
after the genocide, I met one lady who was my teacher in
P5, and we met in Kigali and talked for a while .She was
really happy seeing a child she taught had then become
grown up. Before we separated, she asked me if I still hated
ladies the way I used to hate them. I answered her smiling
that I no longer hate them because I then knew their value!
She also smiled at me and told me this: “ If you h
ou have now
known their value, it also requires you to pay atte
y attention and
tent
behave well.” She added that even if I had gro up,but I
d grown
ow
hadn’t changed very much I still had that sense of humor.
hat
She also reminded me that teachers loved me because I was
s ovedd
clever and she suggested that I kep up Even if my mother
kept u
pt up.
was very poor and we lived a ha li this didn’t prevent me
d hard life
ard
from doing well at school. I was often among the first five
ol.
l.
places. Sometimes I wou g home miss my mother and
would get
uld
miss food but this di
didn’t a ect my performance at school.
idn’t aff
I knew that my mothe struggled for our better life. If she
mother
failed,then I ha to accept it like that because she really
en had
n
loved me at an ext that she would sometimes, when food
e t an extent
was not enough, only drink water for me to find food the
ot enou
en ugh,
following d The situation was really very bad. We hadn’t
g day.
even where to cultivate for we were not natives of that place.
if may be better to give the place’s name since it may have
been mentioned far lardier. Even the house in which we were
living was not ours.
9

16. My childhood Choir.
10

17. Chapter Three:
MY FAMILY
Who was my Mother?
In all that difficult life, my moth tried her best just to
mother
take care of me. When she was back from fields (cultivating
he w
for others) whether she had got something or not, she had
had
to know where I was. Sh would call me trying to find me
S
She
everywhere and this surprised our neighbors. In normal
re is
circumstances, it is not surprising for a parent to take care of
stances,
ances,
ce
their child but fo people from remote places deep into the
child for
countryside lik where I grew up, parents seemed to care less
yside like
e
about their children. All they cared about was finding food
for them and that was enough. It was not the same for my
mother. When I reached P5 she was still washing my body
and clothes. All these didn’t prevent her from giving the
quality of education I was supposed to receive from a parent.
I had to go with other children in the neighborhood to fetch
water and firewood. From this poverty of my mother I learnt
something important and this is being patient, accepting
and managing life the way it is. My mother was very poor
11

18. Jean De Dieu Musabyimana
but she didn’t do anything wrong to the society. She didn’t
beg even a single day. She had learnt to use strength of
her arms for us to live because she had not even received
much education. The highest level of education she had was
only primary. Despite all these, my mother was a person
with integrity among others and the only tool that she used
to arrive at these was accepting and managing every life
that appears. This is the weapon and tool that my mother
inherited me and it helped me a lot as you will see as you
read this story.
Who was my Grandfather?
As I said above, I was living with my mother and
h m
grandfather. According to what I was told after the genocide,
as d f
my grandfather had been a traditional leader during the
radit na
itio
kingdom period known as a “ sous chef” to mean the one
s
who assisted a chief of a given region. When the hatred
grew stronger among Rw Rwandans, Tutsi were mistreated and
wand
almost all their lands were taken. He was left alone at home
dss
after his children had g
dre gone. He was left with a small land,
which couldn’t help him at all. Later on he decided to sell
ouldn’t hel
uldn t
that little land and follow his young daughter who is my
ttle an an
e nd
mother. This gra
r. s grandfather was very old because by the time
he was killed in the genocide he was eighty-two years old
ill d
(82). He was a smart old man and I think the smartness that
I have originates from him because I also like being well
dressed following my financial means. He had three suits
that he alternated and he requested that they should be kept
clean. He also wore glasses and even if he had a stick that
helped him to move he was still very healthy and strong.
His job was handcrafting traditional straws used to drink
banana beer. He was very fond of banana beer and he would
take these straws to local cabarets and exchange them with
12

19. Love Above All
bottles of banana beer. Above all, he liked praying God very
much; he was a Christian in the catholic church. If he was
not busy with his straws, he would spend most of his time
reading religious books. Some of the books that he liked
the most include Martyrs of Uganda, a Christian Book and
The Holy Bible. Sometimes I would be told that he left for
a crusade of the Virgin Mary or he went to pray at Kibeho.
If it was a matter of going to Kibeho, he had to spend five
days on the way because he had to go there on foot. This is
to show you that he really liked praying. Even the day he
was killed he was praying.
Who was my elder brother?
I didn’t live with my brother for a very lon time for when he
er y long
completed his primary studies, he wa refused to continue.
e was
as
He left Kibuye in the wester p
western province where we were
rn
living and went to Kigali a his u
li at uncle’s where he learnt the
profession of welding. I used to visit him in holidays. He
d
was very calm and didn’t like people who disturbed him.
dd
It wasn’t easy fo him t forget the fact that he was denied
y for to
going on with h s
n his studies while he was intelligent. As a result
of this he became a drunkard,and that worried my mother.
e eccam
The Rwandan po
wan n policy at that time denied Tutsis’s children to
ndan
go on with their studies in secondary schools. When they
th
finished their primary they had to go in lower professional
schools and it was also a sin being a Tutsi again poor. He
fulfilled all the requirements of not finding a secondary
school in Rwanda. In the evenings after working hours,
he used to spend his nights in pubs where he felt free and
he often used to fight Interahamwe (a Hutu militia group
belonging to a political party on power in Rwanda at that
time. The group had received military trainings and it is
this group which killed Tutsis during the genocide) These
13

20. Jean De Dieu Musabyimana
Interahamwe were characterized by rudeness and doing all
sorts of bad things to Tutsis. My elder brother couldn’t stand
all these for he was also strong. My uncle didn’t agree with
him, he was always preventing him from fighting them. I
remember one day when I was in holidays in Kigali with my
cousins. My brother took me at CND where RPF soldiers
were living. On our way back home my brother also took
me in a pub called KIGALI NIGHT. It was said to belong
to the former president’s son late Habyarimana. My brother
sat on a stool at the counter and he lifted me on another one.
He asked the waiter to give me a soda and he took a bottle
k
of beer. Like after two hours came a very short man he was
rt m
man,
moving around the place where we were sittin He was
e sitting.
also talking to the waiter as people who kn each other.
ho knew
The waiter asked that man if he n eded a bottle of beer.
neededd
He responded that he would prefer drfer drinking but he added
refe d
that he had nowhere to sit as the counter was occupied
s
by INKOTANYI meaning my b in
ng brother. My brother asked
him who was an INKOTANYI that he was talking about.
OT NY
TAN
The man said; “ You Tutsis aren’t you afraid? Do you see
u Tuts
where you are s ng an you dare saying these words?” He
e sitting and
added: “A child resembles his father, do you see such a little
A res
boy daring to sit at the counter?” He was pointing at me.
rin to s
ng
I was only nine years old. My brother went out and asked
ly ni
me to finish my soda while he was out. The other man
nish
immediately sat on the stool that my brother was using. He
pushed my brother’s beer in front of me. I didn’t know that
my brother had already got angry. He was verifying if there
were some other people out for him to come and beat that
man. He came in a hurry, took his beer and asked me to
get out. He took the man off the stool and beat him with
the bottle that he had. The man fell down and my brother
got out, took me and hurried to the road where we took
motorcycles and went home.
14

21. Chapter Four:
TWA, HUTU AND TUTSI
I didn’t learn things related to ethnic g
ethnic groups in Rwanda
among things I learnt from my par parents and neighbors. I
first heard about this when I wa i P4. It was in a history
en was in
lesson where we were told th three ethnic groups inhabit
ld that
hat
Rwanda. We were also ask d which group we belonged to.
so asked
k
These groups included T Hutu and Tutsi. According to
uded Twa,
that lesson they a riv in Rwanda in different periods of
n arrived
time. Twas w t first to arrive in Rwanda. They were
was were the
s
hunters and they lived in forests. Hutus followed them.
rs d the
They were fa
ere farmers and we were told that they had a very
good relationship with Twas. Tutsis who were the last to
arrive in Rwanda had broken this relationship according
to the same lesson. These Tutsis are said to originate from
Ethiopia, and they came breeding their cows along the river
Nile, which have its spring in Rwanda. When they arrived in
Rwanda they stopped and settled there. When they arrived,
according to the lesson, they became leaders of those who
arrived before and started colonizing or exploiting them.
They told us that Tutsi were very bad, they considered
15

22. Jean De Dieu Musabyimana
themselves superior to other ethnic groups and so on. Brief,
the history that we learnt at school aimed at making these
other said ethnic groups hate Tutsis. Each year we were
asked our identification; apart from our names, those of
our parents and birth time, we were also asked our ethnic
groups. Only P1 students are the ones who were not asked
such questions because their parents had to answer them at
the beginning of the school year.
You are a Tutsi!
In P4, that’s when our teacher asked each of us their
h o u
identification. He asked Hutus to stand up then Tutsis. As
then
I told you my mother had never told me ab about my ethnic
group before. First, I stood up in a group of Hutus because it
group of
was there that many of my friends and neighbors belonged.
nds and
s
My teacher knew my family, th why he hesitated seeing
ily, that’s
hat’s
me in a group of Hutus. H ask me if I was sure of my
. He asked
ethnic group. I said that I w sure but he sent me home
hat was
t
to ask my parents bebecause we were living near our school.
ecause
When I arrived home, I only met my grandfather and asked
ved me,
me why I was ear to get home. I answered him that I
early
was sent home to ask him our ethnic group. He laughed
nt om me
and told me to g and tell the teacher that we were Tutsis.
ld m t go
I went back to school and told our teacher that we were
ack
Tutsis. The teacher beat me three sticks on my buttocks
and told me never to tell lies. From that moment I knew
that I was a Tutsi and I was then standing in a group of
Tutsis. When we were told to stand up, we were ashamed of
being Tutsis especially because the former government was
fighting militias who attacked from Uganda. Most of these
militias were Tutsis who fled the country because of killings
aiming Tutsis in 1959. This caused some Hutus, extremists,
to take advantage of this situation to hate Tutsis who were in
16

23. Love Above All
the country. At that time being called a Tutsi was an insult
at en extent that someone who wanted to trouble you would
call you a Tutsi. This situation was the same even in schools.
Hutus were very proud to be Hutus but Tutsis were not. This
had even a bad effect on us who were Tutsis.
One day I fought with another child who was a Hutu at
school. Of course we fought like other children do; not
because one was a Hutu and the other one a Tutsi. I stroke
him on the nose and there was nosebleed and he went home
crying. After one hour, his father was at my ho home, very
angry, and with a very sharp machete. I was in an a
a avocado
tree, which was in the compound at home. I wanted to
ome.
collect some but I hadn’t started yet. He m my mother
met
outside preparing food. He asked h a her angrily: “ Where is
your son who beat my son?” Wh m mother saw that
When my
hen
machete glittering, he told him th I had gone to fetch
ld him that
water. He added that if he had see me, he would have killed
e h seen
me. He also added that we w “Inyenzi” cockroaches and
t w were
left the place. He ca
called us cockroaches because by that
alled
time all Tutsis were ca
sis re called so. It was a way of inciting all
Rwandans to hate Tutsis. They were also accused to support
ns ha
s
militias who h attacked the country because they were
s who had
also named “Inye
amed “I
ed “Inyenzi”. Being called “Inyenzi” had a meaning
that you we an enemy of the country. My mother thought
were
that I was at the origin of all these but it was not the case
because the government had done everything for Hutu to
hate Tutsis. On this she told me to come down the tree and
she stroke me seriously.
17

25. Chapter Five:
THE GENOCIDE
We were in the middle of second te h
d term holidays preparing
erm
ourselves to start the third one. For Christians, we were
ne. For
remembering the death of our Savi as we were approaching
Savior
Easter. As a member of a chi
children’s choir at a Presbyterian
hild
Church, we were rehearsing songs and sketches about the
hearsin
death of Jesus Christ t be presented on Easter. It was in
rist to
the morning whe my mother got up early preparing herself
ing when
to leave for f
r farm w
works. Before she left she also woke me
up and asked me to go to fetch water. Water was not from
da d
very far from my home because it was in a distance of
r from
about one kilometer. It was near a pub of someone called
UZARAMA who had a young brother called MAFEDI
who was a carpenter near the place where we fetched water.
Arriving there I met a group of people most of them being
young and few old men. I was curious to know what was
going on there. I approached them and they were listening
to the radio, which was broadcasting instrumental music.
I heard one person among the group saying this: “ May be
he was killed by those INKOTANYI who were brought in
19

26. Jean De Dieu Musabyimana
CND”(In fact the real name of the militias that we have
been talking about was FPR INKOTANYI. During that
time they were negotiating with the government in place.
They had even been given places in the Rwandan Parliament.
That’s why they had brought some of their soldiers to watch
over the security of their members of parliament. This means
that militias were already in Kigali- the Capital city of
Rwanda and they were the ones who were accused). Another
one said: “Tutsis are very serious. They have killed him.).
Immediately I heard on Radio Rwanda an announcement
saying that the President of the Republic had been k
en killed and
that all citizens were required to stay at their hom I was
r homes.
ome
afraid listening that Inkotanyi killed the Preside I knew
President.
that we were also concerned because even T
ven Tutsis who were
inside the country were also called INKO
INKOTANYI.
KOT
You may ask yourself the reaso w I was afraid and yet
reason why
on
I was still a child. I remembered two things. One is when
em
mbered
my brother came to visi u At that time my colleague
visit us.
sit
of class told me that he h
hatt heard his parents saying that my
brother had jo ed IN
joined INKOTANYI. The second thing, I
remembered the f
ered th father of the other child we fought. He
red
had called us INKOTANYI and the same INKOTANYI
lle u INK
ed
were being accus to have killed the president. These two
ng ac
accused
things made me afraid. I fetched water and went back home
ad
immediately. I found my mother had already come back.
She was in a nearby family all confused about this death. It
was a particular problem for my family because if all people
were asked to stay at home, it wasn’t easy for us because we
depended on our mother going out to work and earn our
daily food. Only after two days, Tutsis from MUSHUBATI,
a neighboring sector, started fleeing saying that they were
being killed and their houses burnt. The same evening,
20

27. Love Above All
we could stand on high hills and see these houses being
burnt.
In the following morning, young Hutus, extremists, stopped
some of those Tutsis who were fleeing and they took one
cow from them and ate it. In our region killings had not
yet started. Even many Hutus were not aware that the
government was supporting these killings that were taking
place in other sectors. The leader of our sector with other
young people started trying to find those who ate that cow
for them to be punished. I remember that they arr arrested one
who was called Sosthene and the went to show them where
w th
he had hidden meat in the bush. They put the s
ut the stomach of
that cow on his head and started beating him. They found
ng hi
Another one who was nicknamed Komini they found him
Komini,
i
in his house where he was hiding. They beat him and he
dingg.
died. A third one called Musonera was found also at his
usoner
home. He was hiding in the ro The meat that he had
n roof.
brought was already on fire. They put that pot of meat on
n
his head and took him to t road beating him. They asked
m the
him to drink th boili sauce. In the evening of the same
k that boiling
day, Tutsis from a
sis
is another neighboring sector called Gihara
also started flee
arted fleeing We were standing on the road from that
ted eeing.
sector. Am ng t
Among those who were fleeing, I saw a child who
mon
was my fri friend at school. We were together almost every
day for he was really my friend. He was called Claude. I
greeted him and he told me how these things started that
houses were being burnt and if you didn’t escape they were
also killing you. By the time we were talking, members of
his family had continued walking. He also left me just not
to be lost. All those were going to the office of commune
called MABANZA in which we were living. The following
day, Tutsis of our sector also started leaving their homes
going to the same commune office. My mother decided
21

28. Jean De Dieu Musabyimana
that we should also leave the place. When he talked to one
man who was our neighbor, a Hutu and a cell leader, he told
her that we shouldn’t leave. He added that if necessary we
would hide at his home. He was called NSHIMYIMANA.
The following day, killings were already taking place where
we were living. We went to that man and my grandfather
refused saying that he was very old, that no one would kill
him. He thought it was like in previous killings of 1959 and
1973 where sometimes children, wives and old people were
not killed. That’s why he preferred staying at home reading
his religious books.
When I find you, I will kill you
My mother was hiding inside the house and had to spend
house
the whole day inside. For me I us t be outside playing
sed
used to
with other children. One day, we w playing and a man
were
called ALOYS saw me. He asked me where my mother was
e
and the reason why we had n fled. I told him that I didn’t
e ha not
know. He asked me to tell this to my mother: “ If you don’t
et
flee and I see yo again, I will cut you into pieces.” I was very
you gain,
afraid and imm
nd immedi
d immediately left the place where we were playing
and joined m mo
ne my mother inside the house. The following day
ed
like at 2.00 p Nshimyimana came in a hurry and told
2.0 pm,
00
my mother that he hadn’t anything he could do for us that
er h
we had to leave his house. Killers were even searching into
houses where they thougth Tutsis were hiding for them to be
killed. My mother took a minute of silence thinking. I don’t
know what she was thinking of but I guess she was thinking
of a long journey ahead in order to join others. It was not
easy because other Tutsis were no longer at the commune
office. They had been sent at one stadium at a distance of 20
kilometers from the commune office. She took my arm and
we got out of the house. Immediately, there was a heavy rain.
22

29. Love Above All
It was a rain season that time. We had to pass where people
would not see us. We passed through a banana plantation
which was there and in a field of sorghum which was near a
house of an old man named NYIRUBUHINGWA towards
a small forest near a home of my former primary teacher.
When we arrived there, my teacher was with her husband
standing at the door. They didn’t recognize us because the
rain had beaten us very much. The husband called us and
asked who we were. We turned our faces and my teacher
recognized me. she called me in my nickname and asked
where we were going. My mother replied that we w going
e were
to the stadium where others had gone. The husband warned
usban
and
us not to approach the road to avoid being k lle because
ng killed
there were already roadblocks. My mother suggested that
other
we hid in that banana plantation and w for the night.
and wait
In the night we went back to Ns mNshimyimana’s house and
Nshi
knocked. They asked who were knocking and we kept
ho w
silence. Nshimyimana came to o
am
me open and was surprised to
see us again. He asked my momother the reason why we hadn’t
joined others to the stadium My mother replied that it was
e st
stadium.
not easy because of road
aus f roadblocks everywhere in the roads. We
entered into the ho
nto house and met them eating. They brought
us water for us to wash our hands and eat. My mother said
er r u
that she want fire instead to get warm. They took her in
he w nted
wanted
the kitchen. I approached other children to eat. I was very
en
hungry but I failed to open my mouth because of the cold
caused by the heavy rain that has beaten us. They told me
to get warm first. I approached my mother in the kitchen
in front of the fire. I immediately fell asleep. They wake
me up, brought food and I ate in the kitchen. After that,
they gave us a mat and we slept there. In the morning,
NSHIMYIMANA told his children to close the main gate
and open another one on the other side of the house. He
23

30. Jean De Dieu Musabyimana
also told me and my mother to spend the whole day in the
house.
No more compassion
Towards 10 am, I left my mother and went out to sunbath
in the back compound. This compound was built using
sorghum trees. It was easy then to see people passing behind
it but for them it was not easy to see you. After like thirty
minutes, I saw many people armed in traditional weapons
approaching the house we were living in. I was ab to see
as able
b
this easily because it was not far from where we were hiding.
we
Just a distance of some fifty meters. They saw my g
aw y grandfather
reading the Bible. A person named JEAN D’A N D’AMOUR cried
saying that he had seen Inyenzi(cockroach). The whole group
kroach
h)
went towards my grandfather and sto around him. They
d stood
oo
asked him where other members of his family were (me and
embers
my mother). He told them that w had gone to the stadium.
m we
Immediately, JEAN D AMO D’AMOUR beat him with a very big
A OU
piece of tree called UB
UBUHIRI in the chest. Another one called
BUHIR
MUPENDA, a young brother of NSHIMYIMANA (the
A, oung
one who was hiding us), arrived and prevented them saying
hi
hidin
that the man w very old. Jean d’Amour said that they had
e man was
no more com
re c mpas
compassion. He added that the one killing a snake
doesn’t show sympathy. He beat him twice in the chest and
ho
that was the death of my grandfather. Almost all of them left
the place leaving Mupenda, Faustin and Nshimyimana who
joined them later. They agreed on throwing him in the pit
latrine but Faustin refused because the pit latrine belonged
to his uncle. They argued for a very long time but finally they
decided to put him in that pit with all his books. My beloved
grandfather who liked praying was killed praying. When I
talked to Faustin in 2009, he himself told me that refusing
that they throw my grandfather in that pit latrine was not
24

31. Love Above All
love or compassion instead he wanted to save the space in
that toilet! Mupenda together with Nshimyimana left after
killing my grandfather. Faustin entered in the house and
took my school bag and a saucepan. He didn’t find there
many things for we had taken them to Murenzi’s house
(the father of Nshimyimana). Remember that we were also
very poor. The situation became worse when they found in
my schoolbag a booklet talking about RPF INKOTANYI.
Its title was “AMAHAME Y’UMURYANGO FPR
INKOTANYI”(Principles of RPF INKOTANYI) This was
a militia group that was fighting with the government. The
rnm
majority of its members were Tutsis. I had borr
borrowed this
rrow
booklet from my colleague of class called UWIM
UWIMANA. No
one among members of my family knew tha I had it. Many
w that
people were surprised to see the booklet and all wanted to
oooklet
know its content. One of them said my mother and me had
id m
to be found and killed by all means because we knew many
means
secrets of INKOTANYI. It was a very big problem for my
I. I
mother and me that eve evening. The same day young men
venin
including Faustin, th one who had found the booklet and
the
he
ATHANASE passed n
E p sed near Murenzi’s house shouting that
SEDEDE (me) an his mother were hiding at Murenzi’s
E and
that they had to be brought and killed because they were
hey d t
y
INKOTANYI. Luckily, we were not there; instead we were
OTA YI. L
ANY
at his son N
n Nshimyimana. They immediately went to an old
man called NYIRUBUHINGWA to eat a cow belonging to
a Tutsi called KAYUMBA. He had left that cow when he
was preparing to take refuge. In other words, that cow saved
us because after finding it they didn’t pay much attention
on us to be brought and killed. The following morning,
that’s when we heard that those who were in the stadium
and in the Catholic Church had been fired using guns and
grenades.
25

32. Jean De Dieu Musabyimana
As time went on, killers got more and more dangerous. And
we were also being told about Tutsis killed here and there.
The time came when they searched in houses of Hutus they
thought could hide Tutsis. This is the reason why
Nshimyimana told us to leave his house and go to hide to
his father Murenzi. It was not far. We went there, but we
didn’t spend much time there because extremists were saying
that another Tutsi called GAKWAYA,who used to pray with
Nshimyimana’s mother, was hiding there. We started
spending the day in bushes and go to that house in the
evening to eat and sleep. This also didn’t last because killers
ecau
started searching these houses even during the night That’s
e ni
night.
when we started spending the day and night in b
ght n bushes. We
also started eating non-cooked food like ban
e bananas, potatoes,
sorghum trees and others we could find where we were
uld nd
hiding. Days after days, killings beca intense and a big
gs b am
became
number of Hutus joined these extr extremists and participated
massively. At that time, H Hutus t trust were very few. We
to
had become animals bec because for us the day was very bad.
cause
We preferred the ni night a the rain because extremists
ight and
couldn’t look fo Tutsi under the rain. Again during the
k for Tutsis
night, they sea
hey search in houses not in bushes. The only
ey searched
problem was th for us the day had become longer than the
m was that
night. We use to hide in banana plantation near our home.
e used
ed
They started then searching there and my mother decided
rted
that we should change and go to hide near the river called
NTARUKA. This was separating my sector Rubengera and
Gihara. My mother used to go to cultivate there before the
genocide. To reach that place we had to go down a mountain
called KAMPEREZO. We hid in bushes on the bank of that
river during the day, during the night we had to go up the
mountain to find a family that could give us food. Then we
would sleep in banana plantations waiting first hours of the
morning for us to go back to the river. One day, it rained
26

33. Love Above All
when we were in that bush near the river. The river flooded
and reached where we were hiding. It was necessary for us
to leave that place and go up the mountain. We reached a
home of one man who was a believer in an Adventist church.
His name was NARCISE, The rain was so heavy that nobody
could walk under it expect us who were like animals. We
entered that house and inside we met his son called
DAMASCENE. When he saw us, he was very afraid but
showed us where to sit. The rain stopped in the evening. The
chief of the family arrived and he met us in the house. First,
he didn’t recognize us for we had spent more than a month
han
living in the bush, being beaten by the rain, sleep in the
sleeping
epin
mud and without changing clothes. We were lik fools. To
like
recognize us he had to come closer. That is when he asked:
h
“Are you still struggling for life?” He add that almost all
He added
dd
Tutsis had been killed. He told his so to light a fire for us
d is son
on
to get warm. They also cooked for us; we ate and went to
ookedd
bed. Towards the morning, we go up early and went to our
ngg, got
river. When we arrived, the ri was still overflowing. We
d, t river
went back and saw a pit ca caused by water flowing down that
mountain called KAM
le KAMPEREZO. When it rained, water on
that mountain wa very strong that it hit soil and passed
untain was
ntain
underground to r
gro d reach the river. The day was going to meet
ound
us out tha wh we decided to enter that pit. We went
that’s when
hat’s
through it like a distance of ten meters and stopped there.
ik
Being underground, it is not easy to have an idea of time. I
had to go near the opening time to time to check if it was
night yet. We were surprised to see that water had reached
where we were sitting in that pit. After ten minutes, water
was so strong that it could even take us to the river. We
started going back in the direction where the opening of the
pit was. We had to go in the opposite direction of water
otherwise we would find ourselves in the river. It was not
easy to get out of that hole. Even today I don’t know how
27

34. Jean De Dieu Musabyimana
we managed to get out. We sat on the opening of that pit
for some time. We were very muddy like pigs. We had to sit
there waiting for the night to come and being washed by the
rain. In the night we went up the mountain but now on its
left. We reached a house of someone called YOZEFU. He
was a Hutu and he had a child that we studied together. His
other three children were in the children’s choir I told you
at a Sunday school. We entered that house and met the
mother of those children. He took us in the kitchen for us
to get warm. She sat at the door of the kitchen p preventing
all children to get inside. When she finished cookcooking, she
gave us food and told us to spend the night the But we
there.
ere.
had to leave very early in the morning to find el elsewhere to
hide. It rained the whole night. My mother told me that we
ther
could go back neither to the river nor in the pit because
nor into
the problem of water was still there. W went to hide in the
here We
re.
banana plantation of another man again called YOZEFU.
ther m
This one, his wife was a Tu and she was a very good friend
Tutsi
utsi
of my mother. We spend the day in that plantation and in
nd
d
the evening we went to t
ent
nt their house. They put us in the
kitchen to get warm; we were given food and we spent the
et w m; w
night there. The following day, we did the same as the
here.
re. f
previous da In the night, YOZEFU told us that
us day.
ay.
INTERAHAMWE had said that they would come to kill
RA AMW
AHA
his wife. H suggested us to come, eat and leave in order not
He
to be found at his home. It was a way of protecting his wife,
who was also a Tutsi, because if we were found there
INTERAHAMWE would get good reasons to kill her.
Wives who had Hutu husbands were not killed first, but
they would be killed later after the burial of their president,
according to INTERAHAMWE. But this didn’t prevent
some of these wives to be killed before. Such husbands had
to behave in a way that was not to let INTERAHAMWE
kill their wives. They put our food in a plastic bag and we
28

35. Love Above All
returned in the banana plantation where we had spent the
day. The whole night, killers were moving in a path that was
near, hunting in houses where they thought they could find
people hiding. That plantation was not a secured place
because people most often children used to pass there to pick
avocadoes. There were many avocado trees. Near, there was
an old woman called DOMINA. She was a widow, Tutsi
who had a husband who was a Hutu. Interahamwe had not
killed her. She told us that she couldn’t hide us because there
were persons who used to pray from her house. She feared
that we could be the cause of her death. She put us i a house
in
that was still being built. It had a roof but no do
o doors. We
spent the day and the night in that house. The following day,
fo
oll
someone came running towards that house. W stood in the
use. We
corner just not to be seen. She heard our movement and she
d
was also afraid. We knew that she was a young sister of that
w
was
old woman called MUKARUGABA. she was also hiding
ARUGAB
near that house. There wa a path near the house and it
was p
hadn’t doors. That’s why my mother told me that we would
hy
leave the place the f following day because it was easy for
e follow
everybody to ge inside and see us. Early in the morning, we
get nside
went in the ban
he banana plantation that was near the home of my
primary teacher I talked about earlier. That day, it rained
y che
and snowed cats and dogs the whole day. I tried to cover
nowe
wed
myself using a banana leaf but it was no use. In the evening,
in
we had to leave that plantation. When my mother tried to
stand up, she failed because of spending the whole day
sitting and the rain on our shoulders. Later on, she stood up
and went. We were really exhausted. We had only eaten two
pieces of Irish potatoes in two days that we spent in the other
house. We took a direction towards a house that was near.
It was a house of a woman who was a hearing impaired. She
was living with her daughter. We knocked and the daughter
opened. She saw us very wet, but I could guess she knew that
29

36. Jean De Dieu Musabyimana
we were Tutsis who were still hiding. She welcomed and
showed us where to sit. My mother said that she wanted to
stand for a while because we had spent the whole day sitting.
Fire was off and they were about to eat. She lighted fire
again, gave us food and we all went to bed. At that moment,
we heard cars carrying INTERAHAMWE. They were
saying that once all Tutsis were extermnated, they would live
peacefully. They were also calling other Hutus to kill Tutsis
because the world and its content belonged to Hutus. That
girl told us those INTERAHAMWE were back from killing
Tutsis who were at BISESERO. The rain had stop stopped. We
p
weren’t afraid because it was late in the night; pro
probably they
obab
were also tired and needed to rest. Killing at tha time was
g that
taken as other jobs. It was even called “Guk
“Gukora” meaning
“to work”. The girl showed us where to sle but asked us to
re sleep
l
leave early in the morning to avo b
avoid being found there in
oid
possible searching the following da It was not a problem
lowin day.
ng
for us because it was already part of our life. In the morning
ad
dy
we left but we changed the d
ed t direction. We went back near
our house in the banbanana p
nana plantation of Nshimyimana, our
neighbor. There we had a serious problem: People came to
There e
cultivate near wher we were hiding, among them, there was
w
where
a young man w was Interahamwe. He was even among
g man who
n
those who we to kill my grandfather. One may say that
o went
God was with us. We were sitting in a pitch dug to prevent
w
soil erosion. We had brought there some dried banana leaves
to cover us once necessary. We lied in that pitch, covered
ourselves and small insects started stinging us. We kept
quiet to avoid being seen and killed. Luckily enough, towards
midday, it rained, these people went home and insects
stopped biting us. It rained until late in the evening. But to
say the truth, it was not easy for a day to finish. We went to
Murenzi’s house, stopped behind the compound near the
kitchen. We saw his daughter called UWAMUKIJIJE and
30

37. Love Above All
my mother called her in a low voice. She recognized us and
was surprised to see us alive. May-be they thought we had
been killed because it was a long time without going there.
She called other members of her family to come and greet
us. The mother asked them to bring us food. She added that
we should leave after eating because Interahamwe would
meet us there. At that time, Interahamwe were coming to
their house almost everyday because they were said to hide
Tutsis. I had in my pocket a plastic bag that I would use in
case someone gives us food. I took it out of the pocket, they
put food for us and we left. They told us not to h nearhide
the compound because, before searching in t house,
g the
interahamwe had to search its surroundings. We went back
gs. W
into the banana plantation where we had sp the day. On
ad spent
our way, we heard movements of someone and we ran away.
om
meon
I didn’t know how the plastic bag br g broke and the food was
ro
lost in the way. I realized that it wa empty later. We sat in
was
the bush waiting for the on who was running after us and
one
he never turned up. We even waited for someone who could
e ev
cry but no one did. We reali that it was a dog’s movements.
realized
We prepared ou bed u
d our using dried banana leaves and slept.
The night was ve short during the whole period of genocide.
ht very
In the morning, we did not leave that place. We waited for
mo ing w
the evening for u to go back to Murenzi’s. At that time we
enin f us
ng
didn’t find f food because they had already eaten. His wife
was very sad because she could not find anything for us to
eat. She entered in a room and brought dry sorghum grains
in a bowl. She told me to bring plastic bag and we used it to
keep these grains. Even if that bag was broken I didn’t throw
it. I had tried to repair it during the day. people were running
out of provisions in food. People were not cultivating. Some
were busy killing and they lived on what they took from
Tutsis, others thought that Inkotanyi would take the country
without them harvesting. We went back but we couldn’t
31

38. Jean De Dieu Musabyimana
even eat these grains because of chemicals preventing insects
to spoil them. We had to wait until we found water to wash
them. That was the second day without eating. We spend
the night there and the following day we were late to wake
up. When we woke up, the sun was already strong, and near
us were shepherds looking after cows. We were unable to
move because of fear. We couldn’t even find dirty water to
wash the grains. About 10:00 am, in a distance of like one
kilometer from where we were, we heard people crying that
they had seen a cockroach to mean a Tutsi. The shepherds
hurried towards where people were crying. We d e did also
didn’t
di
delay to leave that place because they were com
coming in our
ming
direction. We passed near Nyirubuhingwa’s, an we took
wa’s, and
the direction of the forest near the home of my primary
ome f
teacher. People were crying here an th
and there. At that time,
nd h
Interahamwe had even brought dog to help them hunt
ht d gs
dogs
Tutsis where they were hiding. For u the heaven had fallen.
ng. us
We were running but we had n neither where to hide nor a
definite direction. It was real hard for us. Imagine two
as really
days without eating or sl
ng sleeping appropriately. Again, we
were very tired a d wor
ed and worried. Imagine People crying here and
there and dogs hu
d hunting you! Even when birds cried, we
thought it wa jus because of us!
ht i was j
as just
Let us arrest them; they are Tutsis.
rre
When we arrived in the forest, we met the young brother
of my teacher’s husband who was called HITIMANA with
their shepherd. They were looking after cows in that forest.
When they saw us, they cried very much and saying “Let
us arrest them;they are Tutsis”. My mother told me that we
should take different directions to avoid being at the same
time. The shepherd ran after me and HAKIZIMANA after
my mother. I ran towards the coffee plantation that was near
32

39. Love Above All
that forest. I was so fast that the shepherd didn’t catch me. I
returned to the banana plantation of YOZEFU. I spent the
rest of the day there and in the evening I went to his home.
They asked me where I had left my mother. I told them what
had happened and his wife said that she had heard of two
persons killed near a professional school that was there. I
started crying thinking that no doubt my mother was one
of those two. They took me in a room, showed me where
to sleep but I failed to sleep the whole of that night. I was
thinking about my mother’s death and how I was the only
one remaining. The night was characterized by such t
uch thoughts
h
that I didn’t sleep. The fact that my mother would ha been
ould have
d
killed didn’t mean that I had to stop hiding. Ins
ng. Instead I had
to wake up very early in the morning and g i
nd go into bushes to
hide as usual. In the morning, the youn sister of the wife
ey
young
of YOZEFU came to wake me up bef e before it was morning.
b
She asked me my plastic bag as to g me food I would eat
s give
during the day. It was left in th coffee plantation when I
eft the
ft
was being run after. She promi me to come and see me in
he p
promised
the banana plantation brin
tion bringing food. I left that place being
n
very tired because of no eating and the sorrow caused by my
cau not
mother’s death. I w tired physically and mentally. In the
was
banana plantation I slept very deeply and I was woken up
a p tat
by cries ev ywh
es everywhere. I heard someone saying that “Abakiga”
very
had come. These were Interahamwe from the region of high
e
mountains. They were more dangerous than those of our
local area. They were interested in searching houses for them
to take the belongings of the family where they could find
a Tutsi. But they had to go where local people showed them
because they didn’t know the place. There were Hutus who
didn’t want to take active roles in killings but who were
directing these Interahamwe pointing at houses where they
thought Tutsis would be hiding. People were crying near
where I was. I stood up and started running. I was very tired
33

40. Jean De Dieu Musabyimana
and hungry that I was being brought by the wind. I went
back in the coffee plantation and luckily I found my bag with
sorghum grains. I took it and went in the pit that was dug to
prevent soil erosion. We hid there sometimes. Remember we
had not eaten these grains because of chemicals dangerous
to human beings. Still I couldn’t find water there, yet I was
starving to death. I opened the bag, started blowing on these
grains as a way of cleaning them and I started eating them.
They were very hard that I had to keep them in the mouth
for sometime to be wet. I the evening they were over. I went
to MURENZI’s again and I stood behind the co e compound
where we used to stand waiting for food. I calle t
called them in
led
a lower voice. They were surprised to see me al
e alone. They
asked me where my mother was and I told them what had
h
happened. They said that she might have b
t been killed. I gave
them the bag, they gave me food an I disappeared from
ood and
d nd
there. I went in the banana pl
na plantation, sat down, ate and
lanta
slept. The following day, AB
ABAKIG came back. People cried
ABAKIGA
here and there then I stood u and went to a bush in which
too up
od
we used to hide with my m
th mother. When I got in it, I saw my
mother lying as a dead body. I approached and touched her.
She moved and u
edd unable to talk she asked me if I were still
alive. She knew th I had been killed the day we separated
e knew that
our ways. I a told her that I was thinking that she had
ays. also
.
not escaped that day. It was her fifth day without eating.
ped
She had even failed to eat green bananas that she had with
her. She had a serious problem. She had been wounded by a
piece of tree in the thigh and the piece was still inside. She
was unable to move. In a very low voice of someone tired,
hungry and full of sorrow, she started telling me how she
escaped HITIMANA who wanted to kill her. When she was
running, she fell in a pit that was in the banana plantation.
The one running after her didn’t see the pit. He thought she
was still running. When she saw that the guy had continued,
34

41. Love Above All
she covered herself with dried banana leaves in that pit which
was not deep. After one hour, that’s when she realized that a
tree, which was still inside, had hit her and her clothes were
covered by blood. In the evening I left my mother and went
to someone called KABERA to ask for food. I was given
food very quick and they were very afraid because that man
had a wife who was a Tutsi. I left and joined my mother.
We started eating but she failed to continue. Later on, and
wind very much. It was about to rain. Down the bush, there
was an old man called ZEFANIA who lived there. We went
there and waited for them to go to bed. They had a kitchen
ad
d
without doors. We entered and luckily fire was still there
s sti
burning. We sat near the fire and it is there that I was able
ere that
to get that piece of tree out of my mother’s thigh. While I
her’s h
was doing this, it was very painful that sh cried very much.
that she
h
People of that house heard the cry, cam towards the door of
ry, c me
came
the main house but luckily they did get out. I had a small
y y didn’t
jacket and I used it to prevent her from continuing to bleed.
eve
vent
I took some ash just to co b
cover blood. Early next morning, we
over
went back to our bush.
ush.
35

42. HITIMANA and I.
36

43. Chapter Six:
My Mother’s Prayer.
My mother seemed to have lost hope of l She continued
ope life.
praying. She used to pray like th s if I try to translate,“
e this
Lord our creator, even if we are sinners you know that
a
we are being killed for nothing. But if you see that I am
noth
thin
towards the end of my lif I request you to protect my
f life,
if
son and receive me i your kingdom.” She prayed like
in
this almost every day. My mother asked me to do my best
st ay
and hide becaus she had to remain in that bush for she
de because
ec
couldn’t move. S feared that we could be killed at the
n’t ove. She
same moment. So I had to hide elsewhere and come to see
om
men
her in the night. Towards 2:00 pm we heard Interahamwe
with their dogs hunting Tutsis. My mother told me to leave
the place. I passed in the same coffee plantation and there
I found a girl called JOSEE. She was living with a nurse
called EDOUARD. She was together with a boy called
MODESTE both hiding in that plantation. I continued
again my way towards the banana plantation of YOZEFU.
There again, I found a child called NATANI. He was a
shepherd of the same nurse. He was also a Tutsi and he was
37

44. Jean De Dieu Musabyimana
hiding. We hid together the whole day and he stared telling
me how he went back to his home and met only dead bodies.
He seemed to have some mental problems because of the
death of his relatives. He was never at one place. He was
moving here and there and I was afraid of these movements
that’s why I asked him to keep quiet for us to hide. In
the evening, I went to see if my mother was still alive.
Remember that I had left her when there was Interahamwe
coming in her direction. I found her there and I went back
to Murenzi’s to tell them that she was still alive. They gave
me food in the same plastic bag, I went back t see my
k to
mother and we ate. One may say that my plastic ba it had
astic bag
c
become a metal! I had been using it for two mon carrying
o months
nth
all sorts of food and everything we put there h to smell as
had
if it was spoiled because it was itself spoiled In the morning,
f spoiled.
my mother asked me to leave and go to h elsewhere I went
d o hide
back in my banana plantation and m NATANI again. For
tion a met
him he had to go where he wor
e h worked before and slept with
cows. He told me that cows have become his friends. He
tc
showed me a tree in that banana plantation. We climbed
n
up and hid the We got tired very quickly soon and we
there.
didn’t stay ther fo a long time. He told me that he had
ay there for
y
ten Rwandan f
wan an fran that he wanted to go to a place called
ndan francs
n
“Imihanda iri
anda irindwi” to mean seven roads to buy an avocado.
da rindw
This is a juncture of seven roads. It was like 500 meters
ju
from where we were. I told him not to go but he refused.
He told me that he had even gone to his native place that
was very far and he came back. He told me that I had to fear
nothing that would be back. When he got out of the banana
plantation, in the road to the Presbyterian Church, he met
someone called DUSHIMIMANA. He was a good model of
INTERAHAMWE. People said that only three people were
missing in order for him to have killed a hundred people.
He had a machete and he stopped him. I was seeing them
38

45. Love Above All
from a distance, so I couldn’t hear what they were saying.
Immediately someone called NKIKO come. He was living
at that place. He asked DUSHIMIMANA what he was still
waiting for. He took the machete in order to clean the place
(killing that boy) according to him. DUSHIMIMANA
took legs and NKIKO the head. He covered the mouth
of that boy, stepped in his chest and then cut off the head.
They cleaned their machete using clothes of the dead body.
NKIKO put the dead body in the pit to prevent soil erosion
then put some soil and that was the death of NATANI. It
was my second time to see where someone was bein killed.
being
i
I stayed there until it was night. I went to YOZEFU’s, they
OZE
EFU
gave me food and I went to join my mother in h bush.
her her
In the morning I went in the same bana plantation and
e banana
spent the day in the same tree. A bo called EUGENE;
e. b boy
his father was a nurse, passed there from grazing cows. He
ssed t
greeted me and continued his w He was a very good
ued
ed way.
friend of mine. We studied together and we used to go
tud
died
to the cinema together. The family of this boy was also
geth
her.
Tutsi. During t seco republic, Tutsis were mistreated
g the second
that is why some of them had changed their identity to
hy som
get access to some benefits like studying or getting jobs.
ces o so
ss som
It was the same for this family; they were Tutsis who had
e sam
ame
become Hutus. This didn’t prevent Interahamwe to destroy
Hu
their house and kill the eldest child. After a short period of
time, Eugene brought me bananas. I started eating them
throwing leftovers down. After one hour, someone called
ATHANASE and his fiancée called NYIRAMANA passed
there. His mother was YOZEFU’s sister. When they arrived
under the tree they saw all these banana leftovers they raised
their eyes in the tree and saw me. ATHNASE had a gun and
asked me: “Do you live here?” and I said yes. He told me
to stay there that there weren’t any problem. ATHANASE
39

46. Jean De Dieu Musabyimana
knew me very much because I used to spend the day at
his uncle YOZEFU. They left but I was very afraid and I
decided to leave that place too. I went down, moved down
a bit, lied down and covered myself with dried banana
leaves. After thirty minutes, the INTERAHAMWE called
DUSHIMIMANA came with a machete. He looked up in
that tree, didn’t see me and he left. In the evening I went
to bring food and joined my mother. I told her how I was
going to be killed and she told me that I had to stay with her
the following day. At 9:00 am of the following day, people
y
came to cultivate in the coffee plantation that was near our
bush. After a while, we saw a big snake from a ho t was
hole that
ole
near us. It was like two meters long. I was very afraid and
as ver y
approached my mother. She whispered tel d telling me not to
lli
be afraid. The snake stayed there for a l
for lo time. Towards
long
midday, it came in our direction. M mother shook me
tion My
n.
against the soil preventing me to m
g move. It passed in front
of us very quickly to the c ee plantation. When they saw
e coff p
it they ran crying and th d
d they didn’t come back. My mother
hey
told me that she was spendi the day with that snake. After
as s
spending
like three hours, that sn
ur hat snake came back and entered into its
hole. My mother w not the same. She was tired but she
y moth was
was not afraid. Sh tried to talk to me and her face was very
t a aid. She
clear. And sh se
d she seemed to tell me things from the bottom of
he
her heart. Sh told me: “May be killings will stop or God
She
will help you to find your brother in Kigali. Don’t become
a drunkard like him. He will teach you to work but don’t
learn from him to like beer. Be wise. Try to find friends
and live peacefully with everybody because you never know
who will be important to you. Even if we are being hunted
to be killed at least sometimes there are friends who give us
food. It is because I have been living with them peacefully.
Listen and help those who need your help as you can. Don’t
forget to advise one another.” When she finished telling me
40

47. Love Above All
this, she said her usual prayer she used to pray. It rained at
that time until late in the evening. In the night, my mother
told me to go back into the other kitchen that was near.to
ZEFANIA’s home.
I left my mother and I went to MURENZI’s to ask for food.
They put food in my plastic bag and came back. When I
was preparing to get inside the compound, I saw my mother
surrounded by five men. They were talking to the girl in that
house through the window. They told my mother to go and
they followed her. I lost interest in life and I said I would
id
d
know the death of my mother. I left them to go a I went and
behind them. They took her in the road near th old man the
called NYIRUBUHINGWA. When they r hey reached to a wife
called ABUDIYA four of them entered itered into the compound
then the one called FIDELE nicknamed MAPIRONI stayed
kna ed
am
with my mother out. I was seeing t
as seeing them from a distance of
like a hundred meters. I wa hidi against stones that were
was hiding
on the road. I don’t know wh my mother told him before
now what
w h
the boy hit her with the bac of the machete and my mother
h th back
fell down. After a short moment, those four came back and
te
MAPIRONI told m mother in a frightening voice to stand
ONI to my
up and go. (After the genocide that is when the mother of
d g Af
that house to m what my mother had told MAPIRONI
ouse told me
se old
when he hi her.) My mother was telling him: “ Serve God
hit
and let me go I beg you do not kill me; at least I’ ll be cultivating
your fields.” My mother stood up and They took her in the
road leading to a place called RYANYIRAKABANO. They
were moving slowly because my mother’s thigh was still
paining. When they arrived where this road joins the one
of KIBUYE-GISENYI, the one called BIMENYIMANA
took my mother on the other side of the road then this
MAPIRONI said that it is was not accepted to kill a Tutsi
without raping her. They started fighting with my mother
41

48. Jean De Dieu Musabyimana
trying to take off her clothes. Of course she couldn’t defeat
them they ended up by raping her. When they finished,
the one called JEAN D’AMOUR who was sitting on the
road told them to bring her to the road. My mother asked
them not to kill her naked. She asked them to let her at
least put on a skirt. BIMENYIMANA brougth her dress
after they told her to lie down on the road. She obeyed and
BIMENYIMANA hit her twice with a very big piece of
tree commonly known as “ubuhiri”. JEAN D’AMOUR, the
one who killed my grandfather, also slaughtered her with a
sword. My mother cried only once. I turned and w to a
nd went
d
house that was near. I sat behind the compound wai
nd wwaiting for
these killers to leave. I wanted to go and see if m mother
if my
would be still breathing. They stayed there for sometime
ther
planning for the following day but later th separated and
they
went away.
After the five men left,I we to a small forest that was near
went
a house of someone else that w my teacher. Her name was
e th was
BEATA. I used to go there to play with her children who
o ther
were my friends. I hid i that forest. It was still in the night.
nds in
The following d in the morning, I saw a dead body of a
owing day,
wing
girl near me in th same forest. Her head was cut off and
ar the
they had p aced “igisongo” (a sharp piece of bamboo tree
placed
plac
that they uused to kill) in her sex. It was not easy for me to
recognize her for she hadn’t a head. Towards midday, three
dogs came and started eating that dead body. I couldn’t do
anything because there was a position of Interahamwe near
and a pathway used by so many people. I stayed there and
these dogs left when they were satisfied. I cant’ forget that
picture; it frightens me even today. In the evening, Beata’s
children were playing football.
The ball came towards where I was hiding. The youngest
42

49. Love Above All
came to pick it and saw me. He stared at me and wanted to
come and greet me but when he saw leftovers of that dead
body he was very afraid and went back running. After a
moment their houseboy came and told me that my teacher
wanted to see me. I went there, she gave me bananas but
added that I had to leave that forest because Interahamwe
used to go there. So they could find me there and kill me. It
was in the evening and I immediately heard people crying
at a place called Imihanda irindwi. I went where I could
see what was going on. It was a girl that they had found.
They had put her in the road. I was at a distance of like 200
e f
meters. Interahamwe called NSENGIMANA se A searched her
earc
and took off the piece of Kitenge that she had fa
e fastened on
her belly. He then stroked her with a humhummer on the face
and she was down. They left her there s
here struggling with the
last breath. I turned back waiting fo the night to fall so
ting for
g or
that I could leave that place. I we to MURENZI’s and
ace. went
they were aware of the d death o my mother because she
of
he road
was killed and left in the road. I spent this time the night
and the following da ins
day inside their house. We heard that
Interahamwe w ld se
e would search this family second night. That
is why I went to spend the night in the banana plantation.
sp
I stayed there five days but eating from Murenzi. There
d re v
was a pathway i that plantation and as time went on it
pathway in
thwa
became frequent. Many people were using it. I decided to
fre
shift from there and go into another plantation of banana
that was near my school. Apart from this, people were
aware that me, Josée and Modeste were still alive hiding
in those plantations. There was a child nicknamed TOTO.
He was a Hutu and we had studied together. At that time,
he was spending the day moving around these plantations
and bushes to find Tutsis who were hiding there. Once he
found a Tutsi, he would hurry to inform DUSHIMIMANA
who rewarded him for this according to what people said.
43

50. Jean De Dieu Musabyimana
I once heard his voice together with someone that I didn’t
recognize. I immediately left that banana plantation and
went to school. I passed through the playground and went
to sit behind the class of p6. Towards 2:00 pm people came
to play in that playground. I thought that some of them may
come my way and see me. I moved down a bit and hid in the
pit to prevent soil erosion that was near the road. After like
two hours, DUSHIMIMANA came with four Tutsis. When
they got near where I was, he told them to sit down. He
started killing them using a machete. No one of them cried.
It took him like five minutes to finish killing them. After
the
h
he left all these dead bodies lying there. Many peop came
people
y pe
to watch and this frightened me a lot. I left there and went
ft there
down the Presbyterian Church that was ther I used to pray
there.
from there and I was in the children’s choi I wasn’t walking
n s choir.
in the road instead I was down it. There I saw someone who
t. e
was not fully killed. He was sti br
still breathing and he was half
ill
buried. I took away soil on his he and when I tried to talk
n head
to him, he didn’t respond and I went on.
ond and
d
I sat in the bush behind the Church. After like thirty
bu beh
minutes, childre c
children came to play in front of the Church. I had
to leave again to a
e a ain avoid being seen. I went down through the
n
banana plantation and I arrived near the house of hearing
a plant
pl tatio
impaired wwoman. In that plantation, I found a girl who was
also hiding. She was younger than me. She was like eight
years old. I sat next her and she gave me one of two bananas
that she had. We didn’t greet one another, at that time we
had become like animals. After like five minutes, two dogs
passed down the road running. The one that was in front
had a head of a person. When they got near us like in twenty
meters, they started fighting just to own the head. The head
had its hair; it was easy to say that it was a woman. The girl
whom we were together was lying for a while. I told her to
44