This document provides an overview of relationship stress and strategies for managing conflict. It discusses common sources of stress like money, schedules, intimacy issues, and poor communication. The document also describes what conflict is, how to identify it, and healthy ways to resolve it, such as listening, compromise, and forgiveness. Additional sections cover maintaining boundaries, keeping intimacy alive in a relationship, and dealing with parental stress. The overall message is that stress and conflict are normal parts of relationships but can be managed using effective communication skills.
2. IntroductionIntroduction
Common sources of Stress.
Where are you now in your relationship?
Conflict:
What is conflict?
Conflict in relationships/ The emotional flight or fight.
Managing and resolving conflict.
Conflict resolution Skills.
Apologising/Forgiveness.
Boundaries.
Sex and Intimacy.
Parental Stress.
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3. Relationship StressRelationship Stress
Common Factors causing stress in
Marriage/ Couples Relationships.
Money.
Children.
Busy schedules.
Conflict: Spouse/SO.
Intimacy and Sex.
Poor communication.
Bad habits.
In a Rut?
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4. SCOT AnalysisSCOT Analysis
A simple exercise to take a snapshot of your
relationship at the moment:
Strengths. (internal)
Challenges. (internal)
Opportunities. (external)
Threats. (external)
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5. SCOT AnalysisSCOT Analysis
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In relation to my
relationship:
What are its….
List below a description of you in relation to the headings.
Key words or bullet points.
Strengths ? Communication Appreciation Flexibility
Outlook Presence Love
Passion Intimacy
Shared Interests Humour
Boundaries Freedom
Expressing feelings Connectedness
Challenges?
Baggage/ Past
Personalities
Attitude (Grumpy/Flighty)
Perception
Opportunities?
Growth (business/ personal)
Creativity (Business/ Personal)
Change
Increased awareness of Feelings/ Emotions/ Responses
Threats?
Economic/ Financial.
Mind V Heart : Fear (Past/Future).
Family.
6. What is Conflict?What is Conflict?
Conflict is a normal part of healthy relationships.
Conflict arises from differences. More than just a
disagreement (Threat). Trigger strong emotions.
Conflicts fester when ignored. Repetitive /
Prolonged conflict: higher number of health
conditions. (Portland)
Unacknowledged Conflict can still hurt: People
who never argue. Anger suppressed is unhealthy.
Couples die younger.
Response is based on perceptions of the
situation.
Conflict an opportunity for growth if resolved in
the right way.
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7. Emotional Flight or FightEmotional Flight or Fight
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8. Managing and ResolvingManaging and Resolving
ConflictConflict
List Unhealthy responses to conflict.
List Healthy responses to conflict.
How you resolve conflict depends on how you
interact.
Win/Lose: I Win, You Lose.
Lose/Win: I Lose, You Win. Please or Appease.
Lose/Lose: 2 Win/Lose individuals. Adversarial.
Win: It doesn’t matter if the other wins or loses.
Win/Win: Solutions are mutually beneficial.
Win/Win or No Deal: Agree to disagree agreeably.
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9. Conflict Resolution SkillsConflict Resolution Skills
Poor skills:
Going along to get along/ Avoiding conflict altogether.
Keeping quiet on feelings/ Suppression.
Shutting down/ Being defensive.
Over-generalising: “You always”, “You never”
Being right: Right and wrong is a matter of perspective.
“Psychoanalyzing”/Mind Reading: “knowing” instead of
asking.
Forgetting to listen/ Stonewalling.
Playing the Blame Game.
Trying to “win” the argument.
Constant Criticism of partner’s character
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10. Conflict ResolutionConflict Resolution
Exercise: List some poor skills.
Listen to what is felt as well as said.
Seek a solution.
Make conflict resolution the priority rather than winning or
"being right.”
Focus on the present.
Rather than looking to the past and assigning blame.
Pick your battles.
Is the issue is really worthy of your time and energy.
Be willing to forgive.
Know when to let something go.
If you can’t come to an agreement, agree to disagree.
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11. Conflict Resolution SkillsConflict Resolution Skills
Manage and relieve stress in the moment.*
Emotional awareness.
Nonverbal communication.
Humour.
Get in touch with your feelings.
Hone Your Listening Skills.
Proactive assertive communication.
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12. ApologisingApologising
How to apologise sincerely.
Know when to apologise.
Take Responsibility.
Express regret.
Make amends.
Reaffirm boundaries.
Apologise for the right reasons.
Let go of results.
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13. ForgivenessForgiveness
Forgiveness is a challenge.
Can be seen as condoning what’s been done.
Its hard to let go of what happened.
Why is forgiveness important?
Its good for the heart and has a positive impact on overall
health.
Restores positive thoughts and feelings towards offending
party. Also towards others.
How to forgive.
Express yourself.
Look for the Positive/ Cultivate Empathy.
Protect yourself and move on.
First time, shame on you; Second time, shame on me.
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14. BoundariesBoundaries
What is a boundary in a relationship:
Where you end and others begin.
How emotionally close you let people get to you.
Setting Boundaries and Stress:
Maintaining Balance.
Keeps conflict minimal.
Promotes closeness.
The boundary Quiz:
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15. Sex and IntimacySex and Intimacy
How many times do you make love in a week?.
On average how long do you make love for?.
How many minutes per week do you make love
for?.
There are 10,080 minutes in a week.
What are the keys to Maintaining Intimacy?
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16. Relationship In a Rut?Relationship In a Rut?
Have a date night once a week.
Try new things.
Participate actively in each others lives.
Have more fun.
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18. Parental StressParental Stress
Reduced social support: Maintain a social network.
Time management Techniques.
Stress management Techniques.
Creative outlet.
Take care of your body.
Be smart with your finances.
Enjoy your children.
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Conflict is a normal part of healthy relationships. Conflict arises from differences. It occurs whenever people disagree over their values, motivations, perceptions, ideas, needs or desires. A conflict is more than just a disagreement. one or both parties perceive a threat (real or not). Conflicts continue to fester when ignored. Response to conflict is based on perceptions of the situation. Conflicts trigger strong emotions. Conflicts are an opportunity for growth. Conflict can affect your health: Portland State university on aging studied over 650 adults 2 years. Repetitive or prolonged conflict associated with lower self-rated health, greater functional limitations and a higher number of helath conditions. Immunity.
Unhealthy responses to conflict An inability to recognize and respond to the things that matter to the other person. Explosive, angry, hurtful, and resentful reactions. The withdrawal of love, resulting in rejection, isolation, shaming, and fear of abandonment. An inability to compromise or see the other person’s side. The fear and avoidance of conflict; the expectation of bad outcomes. Healthy responses to conflict The capacity to recognize and respond to the things that matter to the other person. Calm, non-defensive, and respectful reactions. A readiness to forgive and forget, and to move past the conflict without holding resentments or anger. The ability to seek compromise and avoid punishing. A belief that facing conflict head is the best thing for both sides.
Poor skills: Going along to get along/ Avoiding conflict altogether. Keeping quiet on feelings/ Suppression. Shutting down/ Being defensive. Over-generalising: “You always”, “You never” Being right: Right and wrong is a matter of perspective. “ Psychoanalyzing”/Mind Reading: “knowing” instead of asking. Forgetting to listen/ Stonewalling. Playing the Blame Game. Trying to “win” the argument. Constant Criticism of partner’s character
Poor skills: Going along to get along/ Avoiding conflict altogether. Keeping quiet on feelings/ Suppression. Shutting down/ Being defensive. Over-generalising: “You always”, “You never” Being right: Right and wrong is a matter of perspective. “Psychoanalyzing”/Mind Reading: “knowing” instead of asking. Forgetting to listen/ Stonewalling. Playing the Blame Game. Trying to “win” the argument. Constant Criticism of partner’s character Good skills Listen for what is felt as well as said. When we listen we connect more deeply to our own needs and emotions, and to those of other people. Listening in this way also strengthens us, informs us, and makes it easier for others to hear us. Make conflict resolution the priority rather than winning or "being right." Maintaining and strengthening the relationship, rather than “winning” the argument, should always be your first priority. Be respectful of the other person and his or her viewpoint. Focus on the present. If you’re holding on to old hurts and resentments, your ability to see the reality of the current situation will be impaired. Rather than looking to the past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the here-and-now to solve the problem. Pick your battles. Conflicts can be draining, so it’s important to consider whether the issue is really worthy of your time and energy. Maybe you don't want to surrender a parking space if you’ve been circling for 15 minutes. But if there are dozens of spots, arguing over a single space isn’t worth it. Be willing to forgive. Resolving conflict is impossible if you’re unwilling or unable to forgive. Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish, which can never compensate for our losses and only adds to our injury by further depleting and draining our lives. Know when to let something go. If you can’t come to an agreement, agree to disagree. It takes two people to keep an argument going. If a conflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on.
Quick stress relief: The first core conflict resolution skill. Manage and relieve stress in the moment is the key to staying balanced, focused, and in control, no matter what challenges you face. If you don’t know how to stay centered and in control of yourself, you will become overwhelmed in conflict situations and unable to respond in healthy ways. Stress interferes with the ability to resolve conflict by limiting your ability to: Accurately read another person's nonverbal communication. Hear what someone is really saying. Be aware of your own feelings. Be in touch with your deep-rooted needs. Communicate your needs clearly. Emotional awareness. Conscious of your moment-to-moment emotional experience and manage feelings appropriately. Nonverbal communication. The most important information exchanged during conflicts and arguments. Emotionally-driven facial expressions, posture, gesture, pace, tone and intensity of voice. Get in touch with your feelings. How / Why ( Journalling). Hone Your Listening Skills. Understand the other’s perspective for resolution. Other person feels heard and understood. Good active listening bridges the gap. Listen for what is felt as well as said. Proactive assertive communication. Communicate your feelings and needs clearly.
Maintaining Intimacy: Communication. Connect. Be present. Be Aware. Set aside time. Vary the routine. Be aware of the power of touch. Express yourself. Let go goal orientation: Fear of failure/ orgasm.
