1. GETTING MEN OUT OF THEIR
HEADS (AND INTO THEIR
LIVES)
Jason Fierstein, MA, LPC
Counselor for Men and Couples
Saturday, May 2, 2009

2. GETTING MEN OUT OF THEIR
HEADS (AND INTO THEIR
LIVES)
Jason Fierstein, MA, LPC
Counselor for Men and Couples
Saturday, May 2, 2009

3. GETTING MEN OUT OF THEIR
HEADS (AND INTO THEIR
LIVES)
Jason Fierstein, MA, LPC
Counselor for Men and Couples
Saturday, May 2, 2009

4. WHAT’S IN STORE TODAY

5. WHAT’S IN STORE TODAY
Why I Counsel Men
On Relationships with Women
Myths and Messages about Men and Masculinity
How Men Usually Cope
Men and Anger
The Gestalt Therapy Approach
Counseling Men

6. MEN ARE FROM EARTH,
WOMEN ARE FROM EARTH
Guys are Emotional
Beings; We Want What
You Want!
Connect/Disconnect
Cycle and its Problems
Autonomy vs.
Avoidance
The Critical Tools and
Right Languaging

7. THEMES OF MASCULINITY
Boys to Men
Cultural Schizophrenia
Denial of Authentic Self
Video Clip: Disney and
Masculinity

8. FATHERS AND SONS
Father/son relationships as seeds for growth/
stagnation in relationships
Understanding our roles and needs as sons; the
concept of learning to parent ourselves.
The Role of the Absent Father
Harry Chapin clip:Cats In The Cradle

9. MESSAGES (AND MYTHS)
ABOUT BEING A MAN

10. MESSAGES (AND MYTHS)
ABOUT BEING A MAN
Not “being a man” by asking for help
“I’m weak if I have to ask for help.”
Reducing your “image” to friends, family
“Strong, silent type” of man (Tony Soprano)
The OWC Philosophy (“Only Women Cry”)
“I can handle it myself/I’m in control of it.”

11. HOW GUYS OFTEN COPE
Avoidance of people, situations, and self
Seven Deadly Sins:
Sports, Alcohol, Drugs
Pornography, Intellectualization
Work, Gambling
The use of control
Depression
Repression of anger

12. HOW GUYS OFTEN COPE
Avoidance of people, situations, and self
Seven Deadly Sins:
Sports, Alcohol, Drugs
Pornography, Intellectualization
Work, Gambling
The use of control
Depression
Repression of anger

13. MEN AND ANGER
Bad Phone Call
2 traditional ways men
get angry: Stuff it (the
internalizer), or build
up and explode (the
powderkeg)
Cultural messages +
learned behaviors +
personality = problems

14. MEN AND ANGER
Bad Phone Call
2 traditional ways men
get angry: Stuff it (the
internalizer), or build
up and explode (the
powderkeg)
Cultural messages +
learned behaviors +
personality = problems

15. MEN AND ANGER
Fear of anger is sometimes worse than the anger
Learning to access felt sense of anger
Talk talk - lessons of languaging
The Apple and Tree
Satisfying, not suppressing, our needs and feelings
Being vs. doing: sitting with & unfolding of “what is”

16. THE GESTALT THERAPY
METHOD

17. KEY IDEAS IN GESTALT
THERAPY
The Role of Awareness The Paradoxical Theory
of Change
The Here and Now -
The Present Moment A short clip with Fritz
Perls: The Gestalt
The Use of Creative Prayer
Experiments
How, Not Why
Identifying Polarities

18. APPLYING GESTALT TO
WORKING WITH MEN
Keep them in their experience, not in their head
Work with the resistance
Compassionate Feedback
Invest in the “I/Thou” relationship; counselor authenticity
Analysis “feeds the beast”
Collaboration, not collusion
Tease out the polarities (i.e. Top Dog/Underdog)

19. POWER AND KNOWING
Residing in the unknowing place
Power/control vs. being: gender differences
Working with “what is” in discovery of the emptiness
Control as a defense against pain, sadness,
helplessness

20. MORE ON WORKING WITH
MEN IN COUNSELING
Interpersonal homework assignments
Risk taking in session, and at work and home
Exploring what works, and what doesn’t, and how
Identification of values, and how authenticity arises from
living in synch with them

21. WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY

22. WHAT WE LEARNED TODAY
On Relationships with Women
How Men Negatively Cope
Myths and Messages about Being a Man & Masculinity
The Role of Anger in Mens’ Lives
The Gestalt Therapy Approach
Working with Men in Counseling

23. THANK YOU, AND HAPPY
COUNSELING