How to have successful marriage? Steps which help towards a successful marital life in Islam.

1. Essentials of
Successful Marriage
11 F’s

2. The Definition of Marriage
(Nikah) in Islam
 Sheikh Muhammad Abu Zahrah (a modern scholar)
defines it like this:
"A contract that results in the man and woman living
with each other and supporting each other within the
limits of what has been laid down( in Islam) for them
in terms of rights and obligations."
Sheikh Ibn Uthaimeen takes an even more
comprehensive view of the institution of marriage:
"It is a mutual contract between a man and a woman
whose goal is for each to enjoy the other, become a
pious family and a sound society."

3. Marriage-source of love
and mercy
"And among His signs is this, that He created for you
mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in
tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy
between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs
for those who reflect." [Noble Quran 30:21]
Your wives are a garment for you, and you are a
garment for them." (2:187)

4. Marriage a way to
procreation
 And Allah has made for you your mates of your
own nature, and made for you, out of them, sons
and daughters and grandchildren, and provided for
you sustenance of the best." [Noble Quran 16:72]

5. Importance of Marriage
in Hadith
 "O you young men! Whoever is able to marry should
marry, for that will help him to lower his gaze and
guard his modesty." [Al-Bukhari]
 Modesty was regarded as a great virtue by the
Prophet. He said, "Modesty is part of faith." [Al-
Bukhari]
 "Marriage is my sunnah. Whosoever keeps away from
it is not from me.
 When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his
religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining
half."

6. 11 Essentials of Successful
Marriage
3-
2-
1-Faith Friendship
Forbearance
with spouse
4-
5-Our
Friendship 6-Fun
friends
with in laws
7-Financial 8-Respect
9-Freedom
plan for family
10-Plan for 11-
future Fulfillment

7. Characteristics of good spouses
 For Muslim men and women for believing men and
women for devout men and women for true men and
women for men and women who are patient and
constant for men and women who humble themselves
for men and women who give in charity for men and
women who fast (and deny themselves) for men and
women who guard their chastity and for men and
women who engage much in Allah's praise for them has
Allah prepared forgiveness and great reward. 33:35

8. 1-Faith (Iman)
 The most essential attribute of a Muslim
marriage is the common faith that binds the
couple.
 Since Islam is a way of life and not just a
religion confined to weekly worship it becomes
an integral part of a Muslim's life.
 The religious frame of reference shared by
the couple creates an ease of communication
 This helps in sharing of values that is not
possible in an interfaith marriage.

9. Faith
 Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said that when a
husband feeds his wife, he gets a reward
for this act and Allah increases the bond of
love between them.
 So when we love each other for the sake of
Allah (SWT) we actually increase our faith.
It is highly recommended that faith
play an important role in developing
a loving relationship.

10. 2-Forbearance (Sabr)
 Sabr is necessary tool to have in managing a
healthy lifestyle.
 Being patient and forbearing puts us in a proactive
frame of mind
 It brings us closer to Allah (SWT) through tawakkul
and reliance.
 We develop an inner mechanism that empowers us
to handle life's difficult moments.
 As Allah states in surah Al-Asr :
 "Surely by time humans are at loss, except those who believe
and do righteous deeds and counsel each other to the truth and
counsel each other to patience [sabr]."


11. 3-Friendship With Your Spouse
 We should develop a friendship with our
spouses.
 The relationship based on friendship is strong
enough to withstand outside pressures.
 We must honor, trust, respect, accept and
care for our friends, in spite of our differences.

12. Friends with mutual
respect
 Shariah has placed the husband in a
leadership role within his family and this
requires a certain mutual respect & decorum.
 Husband is not a dictator, but a shepherd who
is responsible to and for his flock.
 This is a position of grave responsibility and
places an enormous burden on the husband.
 Furthermore, the children need to see their
parents as friends who respect each other.

13. 4-Friendship With In-Laws
 We should have friendly relations with in-
laws.
 When couples compete as to whose parents
are more important it becomes a constant
source of grief.
 Much valuable time is wasted trying to
convince one another of whose parents are
most desirable.
 It is better if we accept that our spouses will
not fall in love with our parents overnight just
because we want them to.
 As long as they maintain relationships that
are cordial and based on mutual respect, we
should not force the issue.

14. 5-Choosing-Friends
 It is ok to have individual friends of the same
gender
 Couples must also make an effort to have
family friends so that they can socialize
together.
 If there is friction being caused by a certain
friendship it must not be pursued at the
expense of the marriage.
 Prophet Mohammad (SAW) advised us to
choose God-fearing people as friends, since
we tend to follow their way.
 Friends should be a source of joy and not
mischief.

15. 6-Fun
 Couples that do not laugh together have to
work on sharing some fun times.
 The Prophet was known to play with his
wives.
 A simple walk in the park can add much spark
to the relationship.
 Taking up a sport together
 Watching appropriate funny movies is another
way of sharing a laugh.

16. 7-Financial-Plan
 One of the most common points of contention in
marriages is money.
 Experts tell us that 80% of marital conflicts are
about money.
 Couple put serious time and effort in developing a
financial management plan that is mutually
agreeable and is reviewed every six months or so.
 Preparing a budget together is also a helpful and
wise way to handling household finances.
 It should be remembered that the wife's money in
Islam is hers to do with as she pleases and therefore
should not be considered family income unless she
chooses to contribute it to the family.

17. 8-Respect &
Priority For Family
 Parenting can be a stressful experience if the
parents are not well informed. This in turn can
put extra pressure on the marriage.
 Sometimes couples are naive about the
changes that come in lifestyle. This can cause
depression in some cases, and resentment and
misunderstanding in others.
 One golden rule that must always be the
guide is "family comes first." Whenever there is
evidence that the family is not happy or not our
first priority, it is time to assemble at the
kitchen table and discuss the situation with
open hearts and open minds.

18. Respect For Family
 Couples who have elderly parents have an
added responsibility to take care of them; this
can also be very stressful if the couple is not
prepared. A care plan must be worked out with
respective siblings and parents as to who will be
the primary care giver and what type of support
network they will have.
 In case of mental incompetence a power of
attorney must be in place. The making of a will
is essential.


19. 9-Freedom
 Marriage in Islam is a partnership and not
bondage or slavery. To consider the wife as
one's property is alien to the Islamic concept
of husband and wife.
 The team spirit is enhanced and not curtailed
when members of the team are free to be
themselves.
 Freedom in the common secular sense is to
be free to do as one pleases, or even to be
selfish. But what is meant by allowing
freedom to one's spouse is to be considerate
of her needs and to recognize her limitations

20. 10-Plan For The Future
 Smart couples plan for their future together.
 They work on their financial and retirement
plans.
 They make wills and discuss these plans with
their children.
 This provides peace of mind and secures the
relationship.

21. 11-Fulfillment
 To be all one can be to one's spouse is a very
fulfilling and rewarding experience.
 To be in love means to give one's all.
 The heart does not put conditions or make
stipulations; it gives without expecting
anything in return, but such selfless giving is
always rewarded ten-fold.