Another of my graded collegiate papers

5. Yolanda –
Frankly, I was a little perplexed to see that you ignored some of the suggestions I made (twice)
to smooth out your writing. Some of your sentences are too long and carry too much “weight.” Your
abbreviations on the story are astute, but sometimes your writing makes them hard to understand. As a
practical matter, cut down on your use of the present participle— ing words.