O SlideShare utiliza cookies para otimizar a funcionalidade e o desempenho do site, assim como para apresentar publicidade mais relevante aos nossos usuários. Se você continuar a navegar o site, você aceita o uso de cookies. Leia nosso Contrato do Usuário e nossa Política de Privacidade.
O SlideShare utiliza cookies para otimizar a funcionalidade e o desempenho do site, assim como para apresentar publicidade mais relevante aos nossos usuários. Se você continuar a utilizar o site, você aceita o uso de cookies. Leia nossa Política de Privacidade e nosso Contrato do Usuário para obter mais detalhes.
O slideshow foi denunciado.
Desbloqueou transferências ilimitadas no SlideShare!
The Book!• Based on The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. • NY Times Best Seller, 5 million copies sold. Marianne Sourial 2011
Quiz Time!• Answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to the following quesKons. • Turn over your sheet-‐ stay tuned! Marianne Sourial 2011
Why is love so important?!• Psychologists conclude that the need to feel loved is a the primary emoKonal need in all human beings. • For love, people will climb mountains, cross seas, traverse desert lands and endure total hardship. For love people even give their lives! • There is no one on the planet devoid of this need. • The need for love meets our need to feel wanted, and to feel like we belong. At the heart of mankinds existence is the desire to be inKmate and be loved by another. • IsolaKon is devastaKng to the human psyche (solitary conﬁnement). • Christ wanted love to be the disKnguishing characterisKc of His followers. • Even St. Paul exalted love when he indicated that any accomplishments that are void of love are in the end empty (1 Cor 13:13) • Most religions are about love. Marianne Sourial 2011
What is the love tank?!• heory is that inside each child is Tan “emotional love tank”.• his tank is waiting to be filled Twith love.• t follows into adulthood. I• here are many ways to fill the Tlove tank (God, spouse, family,friends).• elationships and marriage are Rone of the ways to meet our adultneed for love and intimacy.• o what are we running on? Full, Sempty or somewhere in between?• ow loved do you feel? H Marianne Sourial 2011
We fall in love!• And it will be forever, right? • Remember that euphoria you felt when you ﬁrst met your spouse? You went to sleep thinking of each other, they were the ﬁrst thing on your mind in the morning. You would day dream about them all day. You loved holding hands. You dreamed of marriage and bliss. You were going to make each other supremely happy! Remember? • It actually was a physical feeling too-‐ excitement. • We know intellectually we will have diﬀerences, but we are certain we will always reach agreement. • It ﬁlls our emoKonal love tank. • And then… Marianne Sourial 2011
What happened after thewedding? !• ou get married! Y• We descend from the clouds andfind that hairs are always in sink andthe toilet roll is always the wrongway. The lid is always up. Shoes donot walk to the closest and drawersdo not close themselves. Socks gomissing in the wash.• t is Ground Zero! I Marianne Sourial 2011
What happened after thewedding? !• The fact is, we could not remain obsessed with each other for long! • Psychologists now call these early years ‘limerence’-‐ not love (Peck, Tennov). According to science this stage in a relaKonship lasts about two years. • So you wake up from this two year utopia, and realise you and your partner are sKll two individuals who have not melted together. Marianne Sourial 2011
What are the options?!A. We are desKned to a life of misery with our partners. B. We jump ship and try again. C. We can recognise the in-‐love experience for what it is-‐ temporary and now pursue “real love” with our partners. (Disclaimer: OpKon 3 involves an intenKonal act of will, requires discipline and personal growth.) Marianne Sourial 2011
“Real love”"!• An intenKonal choice and adtude to ﬁll your partner’s emoKonal love tank. • “I am married to you and I choose to look out for your interests. I choose to love you, because you are worthy of my love.” Marianne Sourial 2011
Enter the Five Love Languages!• Words of AﬃrmaKon • Quality Time • Gig giving • Acts of Service • Physical Touch Marianne Sourial 2011
What is your primary lovelanguage?!• Back to your quiz! • Q1-‐7: Words of AﬃrmaKon • Q8-‐14: Gig Giving • Q15-‐21: Quality Time • Q22-‐28: Acts of Service • Q29-‐35: Physical Touch • Swap with your partner : what is their primary love language? Other ways to know: • Recall the most painful Kmes in your relaKonship, what were they about? • What have you most requested from your spouse? • In what ways do you regularly express love to your spouse? Marianne Sourial 2011
1. Words of Affirmation! “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” -‐Mark Twain • Psychologist William James said, “One of the deepest human needs is to feel appreciated.” • AcKons: • Compliments & words of appreciaKon • Words of encouragement • Kind words • Humble words • Not about verbal ﬂaqery to get what you want, but about doing something for the well-‐being of the one you love. • “Why is the garbage not out, the ﬂies will help you take it out” v’s “I appreciate when you help around the house, would you mind taking the garbage out also?” ReacKons: – Creates inKmacy – Brings out the full potenKal of your partner – Heals wounds Marianne Sourial 2011
2. Quality Time!• Giving your undivided aqenKon • Togetherness • AcKons: – Quality conversaKon (talking and listening) (Holy Hour) – Dead Sea and the Babbling Brook – Spend Kme together in joint and meaningful acKviKes (Date Night) • ReacKons: – Enjoyment of each other – InKmacy through deeply sharing and knowing each other. Marianne Sourial 2011
3. Gifts!• Adtude of love is always accompanied by gig giving in all cultures • AcKons: – Visual symbols of love – Purchased or made/ Expensive or inexpensive – Gig of self: presence and availability • ReacKons: – Demonstrates you care – Represents the value of your relaKonships Note to Savers Marianne Sourial 2011
4. Acts of Service! • Doing the things your partner would like you to do • E.g cooking, cleaning, sedng the table, dishes, mowing the lawns, ironing, taking out the garbage • Tasks take eﬀort, Kme and energy and express love • To be freely given, not demanded • ReacKon: • Sense of importance in the other • Creates a sense of team work, sharing in life together Marianne Sourial 2011
A note on Stereotypes" ! • earning this love language will require letting go of some L stereotypes about what is the female vs the male role. • ou will need to let go of what your mother or father did while Y you were growing up • here are no rewards in maintaining stereotypes, only pain. T • o what is necessary, even if it means changing diapers. D Marianne Sourial 2011
5. Physical Touch!• Signs of communicaKng love • TacKle receptors send impulses to the brain, causing pleasure • AcKons: – Touching – Kissing – Holding each other – Sexual inKmacy • ReacKons: – Being cared for – Being loved – Security • A note to men • “I didn’t grow up in a touchy family” • Limited by your imaginaKon! Marianne Sourial 2011
So you have different languages?!• His primary love language is Acts of Service, so he works hard to support the family, keeps the house and car in good repair, mows the lawn, and takes out the garbage. His wife thinks he doesn’t love her because he never brings her ﬂowers (Gigs) or tells her he loves her (Words of AﬃrmaKon). He feels unloved because her verbal praise and gigs are meaningless to him; he wants her to do things for him the way he does things for her. • Recognise they have diﬀerent love languages. • He must realise she does not need Acts of Service, but Gigs & Words of AﬃrmaKon to convince her she is loved. • She must realise he needs Acts of Service. • They both must choose to provide evidence to their spouse of their love through their love language, not their own. Marianne Sourial 2011
Choice!• What if my partners love language does not come easily to me? Answer-‐ So what! • I can choose to meet the needs of my spouse and ﬁll his/her emoKonal love tank. • True lasKng emoKonal love is a choice. • If each partner chose this for the well being of the other, would we not have this bliss we were ager? Marianne Sourial 2011
How to become multilingual!• You can learn to express all types of love languages • Look out for what language others speak • Then, do it! • Think of the beneﬁts-‐ spouse, parents, children and even at work and in your service. Marianne Sourial 2011
Christ was a Master" !• Christ was the master of love languages. • He did: • Physical touch-‐ think of the healing of the leper. • Gigs-‐ He gave us treasures on earth and heaven. He gave us the Holy Spirit. • Acts of Service-‐ He fed the mulKtudes and washed the feet of His disciples • Quality Kme-‐ His Holy Spirit present with us. • Words of AﬃrmaKon-‐His Word Marianne Sourial 2011
Some homework…!• Tank Check Game • “On a scale of 0-‐10, with zero being empty and 10 being “I am so full, I need no more love.” • “What can I do to help ﬁll it? • Swap over • Then do it! • PrescripKon, play twice a week unKl our next meeKng. Marianne Sourial 2011