Definitions of Conflict Resolution, Negotiation and Mediation. A detailed examination of all six steps of conflict resolution with an introduction to forgiveness.

1. CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Simon Priest
simonpriest.com
Negotiation & Mediation
( unfacilitated ) ( facilitated )

2. DEFINITIONS: CR related terms
CONFLICT:
RESOLUTION:
NEGOTIATION:
MEDIATION:
where PARTIES:
social friction, tension or resistance, caused by discord or
disagreement, between two or more parties. Typically, at
least one party finds the beliefs or behaviors of the other to
be unacceptable and escalates to act against that other.
reconciliation of the dispute, so that the above is no longer
present, by using these five methods with varying success:
1. DENY (avoid) 1+ party evades everyone & everything,
2. FIGHT (compete) 1+ party confronts everyone,
3. YIELD (accommodate) 1+ party concedes everything,
4. ASSIST (cooperate) 1+ party finds middle ground, &
5. COMPROMISE (conciliate) 1+ party gives to get back.
Ultimately, CR seeks a peaceful result (by using 4 & 5 more)
conflict resolution between 2+ parties that is unfacilitated
& the process is conducted by the participants themselves
conflict resolution between 2+ parties that is facilitated
by a neutral and objective (third party) intermediary
can be individuals, groups, or their chosen representatives
(2 parties = simple conflict & 2+ parties = complex conflict)

3. The COST of Conflict
Conflict outside an organization can cost in damaged relationships between
that organization and its: co-workers, partners, customers and community
Conflict within an organization and/or among co-workers can cost in terms
of: wasted time, diminished productivity/morale, sick leave, increased health
costs, turnover, role shift, and malbehavior (theft, sabotage, violence, etc.)
Unresolved conflict can lead to hostile workplace litigation & financial losses
One SOLUTION to Conflict
First, be willing and open to sharing thoughts and feelings regarding conflict
Second, build up communication and trust through talking & listening process
Third, collaborate to seek conflict resolution (CR) by exchanging perspectives
Fourth, compromise to find agreement as acceptable “win-win” middle ground

4. Here is a closer look at each of the steps

5. UNDERSTAND CONFLICT / NEEDS Answer these questions for each party…
1. is the conflict an isolated incident or a pattern of repetition among parties?
2. if one-off event, is it consistent with existing relationships among parties?
3. if repeating pattern, what is the underlying problem within the relationships?
4. what are their desired outcomes and how will obtaining each impact others?
5. what do they expect and do their expectations accommodate others’ needs?
6. what might they be willing to give in order to reach compromise / resolution?
7. what misperceptions and unreasonable anticipations might they hold on to?
DO HOMEWORK
Learn all you can about the conflict,
the parties involved, their needs &
backgrounds to their disagreements
CONVINCE EVERYONE
TO SEEK RESOLUTION
Explain how CR is in best interests of all
then: choose private & neutral location,
avoid “turf” (especially mediator office),
schedule sufficient time for discussion,
make the space & seating comfortable,
remove diversions, give food & drink?
PRECISELY DEFINE POINTS
OF DISAGREEMENT
Abandon fault-finding expedition, but
do recognize causality & perpetuation
Identify needs, desires & expectations
Pin-point disagreements & differences
Eliminate bias, prejudice & inflexibility
(rigid expectations can limit CR process)

6. GATHER VIEWPOINTS & IDENTIFY MAIN ISSUES FOR ALL DISAGREEMENTS
Probing deeper means interviewing about emotions and observing behaviors
Interview parties about their needs, expectations, and conflict backgrounds
Observe parties during conflict, if possible; note exceptions & corroborations
Pay particular attention to how conflict makes others feel and react to feelings
Remember (if facilitating or mediating): parties in conflict must offer their own
resolutions; avoid all temptations to rescue by suggesting on behalf of others
DO MORE HOMEWORK
Probe deeper into conflict,
parties, needs, expectations,
backgrounds & feelings
OPEN DISCUSSIONS
Provide sufficient notice of meetings
& remind all parties of what to expect
If needed, meet with parties separately
to prepare for CR process in advance
If any party is absolutely unwilling to
change their position, do not use CR!
CONSIDER OTHER’S POSITION
If negotiating, know what’s on other side
If mediating, know what’s on all sides
To reconcile, be ready to compromise
For your benefit, predict compromises
that other parties are likely to propose &
be prepared to counter with your offer

7. NEGOTIATE IN GOOD FAITH
Obtain consent to do so from all parties
Agree to adhere to certain ground rules
Be willing to convey initial intentions
Be willing to state desired outcomes
Acknowledge good in existing relationships
Use I Statements… SPEAK FOR SELF &
LISTEN TO OTHERS
Avoid putting words in others’ mouths
Listen actively; avoid pushing opinions
First seek to understand others, before
asking them to understand you
SHARE PERSPECTIVES
Encourage full disclosure
Describe behavior & express feelings
Clarify the heart of the issue
Paraphrase to show comprehension
Validate the gifts that were shared
“GROUND RULES” EXAMPLE:
ource:
alking (& Listening):
espectful:
dentify:
eelings:
ssential:
S
T
R
I
F
E
I will agree to…
…separate our conflict from its cause (without picking on people)
…actively listen and not interrupt or criticize speakers
…interact toward resolution with genuine consideration for others
…talk about specific, observable behaviors (not general dislikes)
…share how those behaviors made me feel (using “I” statements)
…express crucial needs to be satisfied & willingness to give / get

8. CHECK EMOTION
Prepare parties to cope with
stress & deal with emotions
Parties present their views, issues &
feelings; others restate as a summary
Parties request what they need
from others to reach resolution
Based on these 3, additional desires,
emotions & concerns are raised
OFFER OPTIONS & COUNTER
OPTIONS OFFERED
Dialogue: flow with meaning (logos)
Sustain a meaningful flow of options
offered among parties using dialogue
Reinforce gestures of reconciliation:
apologies, concessions & compliments
FOCUS ON COMMON GOALS /
MUTUAL INTERESTS
Start with problem: if parties can’t agree
on a crux, they won’t agree on a solution
(more initial CR practice than necessity)
Identify discussion priorities
Concentrate on issues in dispute
WORK WITHIN IDEAL LIMITS
Worst = conceding to all demands
Best = getting everything you require
Ideal = somewhere between the two
All parties should know the ideal limits of their willingness to change positions
One key here is to ensure less arguing and more communication & trust building
Get parties to move from debate (not heard) to dialogue (heard and understood)

9. SEEK WIN-WIN OUTCOME (litigation / arbitration will result in win-lose at best)
Benefits of compromise: quick (saves time & money), de-escalates arguments,
“saves face” (no loser, humiliation, or revenge) & maintains cohesive teamwork
Drawbacks to compromise: fails when gaps among parties’ demands are great,
requires high level of trust & can lead to lose-lose in dissatisfied circumstances
Benefits of collaboration: best for addressing animosity & reaching explicit goal
Drawbacks to collaboration: slow (spends time / money) & can manipulate trust
BE WILLING TO GIVE IN A LITTLE TO GET MORE IN RETURN
Trade-offs will be necessary to reach acceptable result that partially satisfies all
Best to initially give up something another party values, but your party does not
Sometimes, the gift one party gives most is the willingness to listen and hear
A key is to have all parties make perceived concessions of mutually equal value
COLLABORATE TO SOLVE
ARISING PROBLEMS
True collaboration, not just cooperation,
is unconditional sharing of all resources
and working together to create newness
FOR MOST EFFECTIVE METHOD, MERGE COMPROMISE WITH COLLABORATION

10. DOCUMENT & IMPLEMENT AGREEMENT
Once everything has been fully discussed
& completely resolved to the satisfaction
of all, summarize the agreements
Next, commit to an action plan (who,
what, when, where, why & how) for
each agreement with an overall
timetable for measuring progress
& adjusting the plan as necessary
Finally, determine a joint process to
address and resolve future conflicts
SIGN CONTRACT / RECORD STATEMENT
Put it in writing: make a contract & action
plan (or find another way of recording)
SEAL THE DEAL &
CLOSE DISCUSSIONS
Celebrate achievements
If appropriate, shake hands
Formally terminate all conversation
Disseminate copies of agreements
OTHER CONSIDERATIONS
Recognize the key to successful CR
lies in the pre-work & preparation
CR does not necessarily remove
grudges or a desire for revenge

11. If reconciliation hasn’t
removed grudges, or a
desire for revenge, try
Seven steps to
FORGIVEness:
F
O
R
G
I
V
E
eel the pain (discuss, write down)
wn your part (offer to forgive self)
eflect on others (reconsider them)
ive benefit of doubt (think causality)
magine the future (what’s different)
oid all debts (forgive all offenders)
stablish new relations (work together)
1 2
6 7
3 4 5

12. QUESTIONSConflict
Resolved