This letter is a request to be considered for the Man Booker Prize. The author provides background on themselves as an Indian citizen living in America who learned English as a second language. They discuss researching the Booker Prize online and having questions about its history and criteria. The letter introduces snippets from a possible novel focusing on childhood emotions and sexuality. It is written in a casual conversational tone with some humor and pop culture references.

2. I WANT IT
(now that, should win me the Booker)
~ A Novel
By
Anupam Dhyani

3. RIGI Publication
777, Street No. 9, Krishna Nagar
Khanna-141401
Punjab (India)
Email:info@rigipublication.com
First published by RIGI Publication 2012
Copyright © Anupam Dhyani 2012
All rights reserved
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the
product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously , and any
resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events or locales, is purely
coincidental
ISBN: 978-81-921311-15
Typeset by : Palwinder Singh
Printed at: New Simran Offset Printers
This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not by way of trade or
otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out, circulated, and no reproduction in any
form, in whole or in part ( except for brief quotations in critical articles or
reviews) may be made without written permission from the publishers.

4. To, all those who have crazy ideas, to all those who dream, and to all those
who have the balls to make a mockery of themselves for those dreams and
crazy ideas.

6. Index
Salutation 1
1) Meenakshi 9
2) Hi 15
3) Miss Whoever 16
4) The Jeep 25
5) Mohini 32
6) Letters 39
7) The Ankall 51
8) Innocence 60
9) Dilli 70
10) Liquid Courage & Stuffed Toys 82
11) Mohini returns 91
12) Killer love 109
13) Thol 117
14) Inginring 131
15) Parvati, Ganesh & Co. 141
16) Change of Plans 162
17) Gateway to the “New World” 171
18) Deceit 179
19) Allow Me 185
20) FEAR 200
21) Tying the ‘Knot’ 205
22) Coming to the point 208
Glossary
Acknowledgements

8. Dear,
Man Booker Prize Selection Committee,
Wherever you are based,
18th March 2010.
With the guilt of not winning a single prize in my life, I write these thoughts
to win the prize and be listed among the elite group of writers who have
been selected by you, over the years. My effort is to explain to you, how and
why I want to, and have to, and wish to, even if I don’t deserve to, win this
honor.
Having said this overly rehearsed sentence, I am thinking how I will convince
you to give away this prize to me. Presently, I am working in a company
where I have not been recognized as a good and important part of the
organization (even though I think I am, as I work a lot and very diligently too,
but my boss does not agree), so I have been submitting my résumé and cover
letter to numerous other companies. And this is the reason I am convinced
that I should write this letter to you, as I am very well practiced in résumé
writing and cover letter composition, which is a nice way to lie on paper and
try to convince selection committees to take you in, because you can lie well.
I thought to myself that if I cannot convince companies that I am a good
engineer let me try and convince them that I can at least write well as
opposed to lie well. And although writing a novel is not a lie, it’s not always
the truth, it is fiction, you see.
I read a lot these days ... actually, Google a lot (as the search engine has
earned a lot of money and can put lots of things together in an organized
manner).I don’t know whether you Google or do you still flip the pages of The
Encyclopedia Britannica to find answers. I Google, it’s easier, faster and
precise, you see. You can type in any question and a list of answers “pop up”,
including pornographic connections to the same ,which is kind of interesting
(in case you are getting bored of reading useful information, it kind of
distracts you a little and makes you alive and human again). And I don’t think
my Encyclopedia Britannica has the same entertaining information (but I
think I did not waste my money on the collection as I bought the set in the
1

9. “books by yard” manner, cheap you see). And these days we also have e-
books available, and instruments like the Kindle and the iPads where you can
read these e-books. I am only 27 and I see so much technological
advancement and feel amazed, I am sure you must be feeling the same as
you are probably older than I am and more “ book” educated and learned,
unlike me who is Google educated (was Google invented when you were
writing your books? I am sure not, because I think it started somewhere in
the 1990’s). I am also presuming (presumption is safe for me right now ,
because I don’t know you people and am not face to face with you, like in an
interview, so I think I am safe in writing this , because if I was in front of you I
might think otherwise and may not respect you as I would see your flaws
through your eyes) that you are old ,educated people , who make the
selection and have done some amazing writing yourself (that’s why the
company put you as judge, right?).
Anyway, the reason I mentioned everything I mentioned above, was that I
Googled “Booker Prize” and gathered some information on it. It was said that
not so long ago a company named Booker-McConnell sponsored the prize; I
wondered why the company did it, because it was a company that dealt with
sugar. Was there any connection between sugar and fiction back then? I still
have not been able to find out (please do tell me if there is any because I
spent a lot of my time trying to figure out this mystery and was convinced
that if I knew the answer and wrote something that would touch that topic, I
might win the prize myself). It was also mentioned that the committee
members are great writers, critics, academics and public figures (I feel proud
to write this letter to you as I have only once dared to write something to a
public figure, I will tell you about it later, as I am only starting my letter now).
You must be intelligent, I mean you are judges, and the first thing that comes
to my mind when I think of judges of any kind is that they are strict men (and
women). Pardon my putting “women” in brackets but someone once told me
that I am a male chauvinistic pig, MCP she called me, though it’s nothing like
that but just a figure of speech (it’s usually written that way, otherwise the
saying would be “practice makes a woman perfect” and not otherwise, LOL) .
I hope you know what LOL means (it means laughing out loud, but in this case
I am not laughing out loud, just giggling). So yes, I feel that since you people
are learned and were chosen to judge my letter, I will put my best foot
forward. I also understand that this year you are some different people than
2

10. last year because the search engine mentioned that the jury is a fresh jury
every year but sometimes one or two people are the same. If there is
someone who was also a judge last year, I say my hello to you. I am a little
nervous here but still, I will finish my letter; how bad can it be? You will read
it and throw it in the trashcan (dustbin is called a trashcan in America, I have
learned quite a few new words here which I would like to share with you
during the course of this letter, and not that you might not know them ,but
just to let you know that I know them too. Oh, by the way I am an Indian
citizen dwelling in America).
There is one more thing that I wish to share with you; since the prize is given
to the best novel in the English Language and English is not my mother
tongue, and I think in my mother tongue (Hindi to be specific) and write in
English. I am also using the Microsoft Word program and the latest version
too, so it corrects the spelling (I think sepllings and indentation are not a
criteria, or are they? And some grammatical mistakes in the sentence also?)
It shows red lines underneath the wrong spelling and a green line if the
sentence is grammatically incorrect. (Little secret: you can actually cheat
because it allows you to “add to dictionary” which means that if a word is
wrong you can actually make it a word and then when you use it the next
time, it will not show you the red wiggly line underneath it. LOL).But since the
program cannot think like us it might sometimes rule out some errors (in
your eyes of course, as you are the better judges of the language). I had a
question: does the novel need to be in British English or will any other form
of English do? Because I have learned many types (both in India and America)
which serve the purpose, but I am not sure whether they are the English that
you are looking for. In India I have had a chance to learn the British type of
English and also a mixed version called Hinglish (a combination of Hindi and
English) which has a Hindi name also, Hangrezi (as English is called Angrezi in
India). In America most of the English is the same but there are some local
words which have been used over and over again and added to the
dictionary. So when I use a dictionary, I use both the Oxford Dictionary and
the Webster’s one so I don’t miss out on any word.
I also understand that the work has to be original, so when I started to think
about writing this letter, I thought I must not read any other Booker Prize
winner book as I might tend to cheat a little here and there (as all of us do ,
3

11. but I am admitting I do at times) . Even though I know some of the titles, I
don’t know the content. I just take them at face value and wonder why
someone, who wrote on the life of π (a mathematical symbol) or about
almost extinct white tigers or for that matter, children who were born on the
stroke of midnight and on small gods, would win the prize. Then I thought
perhaps at that time there was a need to write all this as the tigers were
becoming extinct and there were only Big Gods like Brahma, Vishnu and
Shiva (the 3 most popular gods in India) and maybe mathematics was dying
with the advent of computers and only a handful of special children were
born at midnight, but trust me, since I have not read these, I will not
comment on them, it would be unfair to you, who are the judges, and the
writers who wrote them (in actuality I don’t have the time to do so as the
nominations will be announced soon and I want to complete my letter before
that). I will only be writing about my story (a collection of original events) and
about why I must have the prize. Just a thought- I already feel I am being
interviewed by you LOL!
And, by the way, I have written a thesis in America so I know how a letter, or
any other document, it needs to be organized so that the reader does not get
confused (and I don’t want you to be confused since I think you cannot talk to
each other and discuss when you get stuck, as you are independent judges
and each one will be reading alone). The only thing is that, in a technical
thesis one is allowed to use pictures and graphs to illustrate the point. I don’t
think it is possible here as I would have to paint the picture with my words
(one of the best lines I ever wrote ….paint the picture with my words), if I
could, then I would have used a latest digital camera and Photoshop to do
the job and used MS Excel for graphs (MS is Microsoft, by the way). Anyway,
let me paint the picture with my words. Waah ! (This is a typical example of
Hinglish, you see; waah means WOW in Hindi). I hope you are not getting
stuck already, if you are and need any help then please email me (I have
scribbled my email address along with this letter; located at the end).
I hope you don’t mind the casual flippant style I am using to address this
letter to you, I only use it because I think I will be able to explain to you
better, as apart from being judges you are humans too (men and women; I
purposely used “humans” which includes both sexes so no one gets offended
this time). But if you want me to use fancy literary terms, I would be more
4

12. than happy to do so as I can always do so now with Google online dictionary.
Wink wink!
Enough said, ladies and gentlemen, now let me tell you the basis of this
letter. I have picked up a few emotions and will demonstrate how these
affected a person’s life and I believe that since these are emotions and you
are emotional beings, at least one emotion will touch one of you, and then
you can unanimously decide on which emotion you would confer the honor. I
shall not mention the emotion right now because then the whole purpose of
this letter will be defeated. Is that ok with you? I am sure it is or else this
letter would not have reached your eyes and it would be lying in a trashcan
(see above). Also, please pardon me beforehand of the e-signs I use, as they
have become a part of my daily usage (you won’t believe I actually said LOL
at a joke in a gathering, instead of laughing!) And also, please do understand
that there are certain times, only obscene words like shit, asshole, up yours
and bitch can explain the correct state of mind and emotion, although I will
try to use these words as little as possible, please ignore them and please
look at the bigger picture. (Oh sorry, forgot to mention fuck; it has many
connotations and can explain a lot of emotions in a jiffy).
Let’s cut the bullshit (I used “add to dictionary” for all the above mentioned
profane words so this way no more red wiggly lines won’t show up (American
way of saying like: you ain’t going nowhere)). Let’s begin!
Once upon a time (is this still in fashion? Or do I need to start it in some other
manner, some fancy one liner which will catch your attention? Well, I always
read stories about a time which was once, so sorry to disappoint you) in
India, in a picturesque hill station a boy was born. Well not in the hill station
actually, because he was born in the valley which the hill station overlooked.
The father had gone on a business trip and the mother was in labor, so the
neighbors put her in a van and rushed her to the hospital, which was 30
kilometers away (I am using the usual system of units because I still don’t like
the mile system here in America and it will be easier for you to understand as
you are in Britain, I guess). It was an especially chilly winter that year and this
guy dared to come out. (I must tell you this that I read somewhere, that labor
5

13. pains are like a bad toothache; I wonder how the mother would have felt
because I have had many toothaches, and trust me they are killing). How I
wish there was a “fast forward” button to this episode of his childhood. But
anyway there are some interesting things in his childhood which are worth
mentioning here. Would you believe it, if I said that this boy, even at the age
of 2 was aware of his sexuality? (I hope you do because one emotion I am
going to talk a lot about in this letter is sex, I don’t know whether it even
belongs in the category of an emotion, LOL. Are any of you members Indian? I
hope not, or the first word that will come to your mind is Haw chhee. It is
hypocritical, not even ironic anymore, that how we Indians still consider
talking about sex a taboo and yet are only a few million shy of being the most
populated country in the world).The girls in the neighborhood would always
come to play with him as he was the only male around (I am sure the girls
also realized their sexuality early on, nice no?)
So yes, Raju (let’s call him that; easy, monosyllabic, and a common Indian
name) was the Kanahiya of the neighborhood. That italicized name is one of
the less popular gods (well I hope I don’t offend some Krishna bhakts) in
India. He always had girlfriends hovering around him as he was a chick
magnet (that’s what he did in his free time when he was tired of playing
GOD). Raju’s mother taught him about Gods and Raju learned how to be a
flirt from the stories (everyone learns what they want to learn; well, at least
he learned something from a God and did not fail his mother’s incessant
reminder to always be connected to our culture, LOL). Raju never failed to
wink at the girls and to look at their bodies, which got conveniently
camouflaged by his angelic smile. Growing up was easy- many ladies around
to care for him. He received training directly from the home makers- to-be,
by playing Ghar-Ghar (house) with them. (The most popular pastime for girls
in India, where they train themselves to be future home tyrants. Raju was
well treated though). Anyway, let’s not delve into his childhood here (I have
two hundred something more pages to write and more important things to
mention), well, but maybe.
OK wait, let's do this nicely, I mean in a more structured manner, let's divide
this letter into, say four to five chapters and take each phase separately, or
maybe not….. Let me inter-connect them at the end, like movies these days
6

14. (Hollywood and Bollywood both inclusive ~ the world knows of only these
two woods).
Here are the Phases:
1) Destiny (the childhood)
2) Dreams (Teenage)
3) Whatever ((what is age twenty- twenty three called?) (Inception)
4) Five more years plus “Whatever” ( Materialization)
5) Post “Whatever plus five” ( …. can’t think of any fancy thing right now
so will decide on this later OK?)
So now that I have divided Raju's life into five phases and have given you
some insight into his premature sexuality (I am sure all of you male judges
will be a little excited to read further, and women ones too :), by the way that
was a symbol for smile ok?).
Sirs and Madamjees. Let us begin.
Hey , hang on, let me also tell you that as you read , please do not dwell too
much on my Indianness. These words that I use are not to make you think
…... wow , omg ( oh my god ), omFg ( oh my fucking god), holy shit, this guy is
from India , must be incredible, (snake charmers and shit), just like they did
with Danny's movie........ India...hmmm...poverty....hmmm....Taj
Mahal..hmmm.. let's give him the Academy. No No, nothing like that. Btw (By
the way), male judges; do you remember the chick in that movie..sexy huh ??
I know, I know... five pages already and nothing, No plot, no characters, no
scenes and no fancy use of language, till now, a bummer, huh. And you,
saying to yourselves, “show us some meat you fool, get on with it, will you?”
(and here , like explained above... “dick” can be used by you to emote
perfectly:) ).
7

15. Cutting the bullshit Sirs and Madamjees and getting to the point.......
Please Turn over ….
8