Chapter Two: Interpersonal Communication and Self Rev 9/14
1.
2. SSeellff CCoonncceepptt:: MMaannyy sseellvveess
• Material self (you are your
possessions)
• Social Self – social situations
• Spiritual self – where do you
stand with your values
• How you play different
roles.
3.
4. WWhhoo iiss iinn tthheerree ddooiinngg tthhee ttaallkkiinngg??
IInnnneerr DDiiaalloogguuee
• WWhhoo aarree yyoouu??
• WWhhoo iiss iitt tthhaatt iiss aasskkiinngg tthhaatt qquueessttiioonn??
BBuuddddhhiisstt EExxeerrcciissee iinn ddeettaacchhmmeenntt aanndd sseellff aawwaarreenneessss::
Take the cardboard tube from an empty roll of paper towels or toilet
paper and go to a mirror and look only at your eye in the reflected
image. Ask the above questions after concentrating and relaxing for
several minutes.
This can get weird, so be prepared to find yourself embarrassing your
mind into silence.
7. SSeellff--ccoonncceepptt:: OOuurr mmaannyy ““sseellvveess””
Future selves or ""ppoossssiibbllee
sseellvveess"" represent
individuals' ideas of what
they might become, what
they would like to
become, and what they
are afraid of becoming.
11. SSeellff eesstteeeemm::
YYoouu ccaann cchhaannggee yyoouurr ““sseett ppooiinntt””!!
• A person with poor self-esteem
will feel the urge to
put down or condescend to
the person.
• A person with good self-esteem
when faced with a
person showing ignorance
or confusion or trouble will
try and help the person.
15. TThhee ppoollee--vvaauulltteerr eexxppeerriimmeenntt..
In an experiment where pole vaulters were given mismarked heights that they
believed were practice heights but were actually higher than their own personal
best marks, it was discovered that most of the athletes cleared those heights
because they believed they could do it from past performance.
16. ““HHooww hhiigghh ccaann fflleeaass jjuummpp??””
If you place a few fleas in a glass jar you can safely predict they will jump straight out
again. (You see, fleas are quite capable of jumping high. Fleas are the best jumpers in
the insect world. They can jump eight to ten inches high, many times their own height.)
Now, if you catch them, place them in the jar again and put a lid an amazing piece of
behavior reprogramming begins.
This time the fleas will learn that there is a limit to their freedom as they hit an obstacle,
namely the lid, over and over. After a while you can take the lid off and you will
discover to your amazement that the fleas keep jumping inside their 'prison' - just a
little bit short of freedom. And, if you are not compassionate enough to tip them out,
they will probably die within this 'safe space'.
The fleas' ability to jump high did not change - but their willingness did. And
that's what determines the difference. And this is pretty much the method of our own
programming too, isn't it
17. FFaammoouuss II..QQ.. EExxppeerriimmeenntt
In this field experiment, all the children in a primary school were
used as subjects. Each grade, or year, was split into three
streams (above average, average, and below average).
The experimenters told the teachers at the school that they were going to administer
an intelligence test that would determine which children would be academic
"bloomers". These children would stand the greatest chance of becoming
academically bright in the future. 20% of children in each of the 18 classes were
chosen at random and labeled as bloomers. Their classroom teachers were told
that these children were bloomers and therefore stood a good chance of becoming
quite academic, when in fact, on average, the children would have been no different
in academic ability than the rest of their classmates.
After eight months the test was administered again to all of the children and the IQ
gains were calculated. It was found that the children who had been labeled
bloomers had significantly higher gains in IQ . The greatest gains were seen in
the youngest children, grades one and two.
19. Calvin Coolidge
• “Nothing in this world can take
the place of persistence. Talent
will not; nothing is more common
than unsuccessful people with
talent. Genius will not;
unrewarded genius is almost a
proverb. Education will not; the
world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and determination
alone are omnipotent.”
If you place a few fleas in a glass jar you can safely predict they will jump straight out again. (You see, fleas are quite capable of jumping high. Fleas are the best jumpers in the insect world. They can jump eight to ten inches high, many times their own height.) Now, if you catch them, place them in the jar again and put a lid an amazing piece of behavior reprogramming begins.
This time the fleas will learn that there is a limit to their freedom as they hit an obstacle, namely the lid, over and over. After a while you can take the lid off and you will discover to your amazement that the fleas keep jumping inside their 'prison' - just a little bit short of freedom. And, if you are not compassionate enough to tip them out, they will probably die within this 'safe space'.
The fleas' ability to jump high did not change - but their willingness did. And that's what determines the difference. And this is pretty much the method of our own programming too, isn't it?