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Feeling hurt? Feeling disappointed?
Perhaps someone let you down. Perhaps something didn't work
out the way that you wanted it to.
Things will happen in your life that are outside your control.
When bad things happen to good people...
Perhaps you got rejected from that job you really wanted. Maybe
someone let you down. Maybe you tried to launch a business but
it didn't work out.
Those are all things that are outside your circle of control.
However, what is within your circle of control is how you react to
those situations. You have full control of how you choose to
respond to a situation. You have full control over how you perceive
that situation and what you do about it.
Unfortunately, most people don't make a conscious decision about
how to perceive a situation and what to do about it.
Instead, they allow their minds to run on autopilot - which
means that they take the situation and immediately jump to
conclusions that may not be in their best interests, such as:
• "I'm just not good enough”
• "People cannot be trusted"
• "Business is not my strength".
I'm here to tell you that you can choose to stop driving on
autopilot and make a conscious decision about how you feel and
what you do.
Instead of allowing yourself to feel limited, you can turn any
situation to make you feel empowered!
THE THREE STEPS
1 - Identify what you're feeling
The first step is to identify the emotion that you're feeling.
Be specific: "I'm disappointed because I really wanted that job but
I didn't get it", "I'm upset because I really expected him/her to be
there for me but s/he wasn't" or "I'm hurt because I put my all into
the business and it still didn't work out!”
By being aware of what you're feeling, you can then go ahead and
work at turning that around.
The first step...
2 - Attach a more empowering meaning to the situation
Two people can go through the exact same event and perceive it
completely differently. They will assign completely different
meanings to what happened.
One person can look at a failed business as evidence that he's
just not meant to be a businessman. This now becomes a limiting
belief that will stop him from ever launching another business.
Someone else will go through the same event and think, "I hate
having lost that business, but I've learned some important
lessons!" And then she will go through and discover those lessons
so that she can launch a better business - that's an empowering
perception / meaning.
Whenever you have a painful situation in your life, you can
look at it as a punishment or you choose to view it as a
lesson for future growth.
You can choose to believe that life is "unfair" ...that “life sucks“...
Or you can choose to believe that the difficulties in your life
are there to serve you...to prepare for something even better.
The former is limiting, the latter is empowering.
There is no "right" or "wrong" perception - just one that is
empowering and one that is not.
3 – Change your physiology
The previous step was about changing what meaning you attach
to the situation so that you can take control of your internal
communication with yourself.
This step is about taking control of your external self - your body -
so that you can put yourself into an empowering state.
When you're feeling down, it's because your body is "down".
Now imagine how you would stand if you were fully confident, if
you felt empowered, if you felt resourceful.
Imagine a time when you did feel those feelings.
• How did you stand?
• How did you walk?
• How did you move?
• How did you use your body?
When you have a clear picture of that, imagine yourself stepping
back into that state.
If you did that correctly, then you will suddenly find yourself
in a much more empowering state.
I have a need for perfection.
It took me two years to write my first book because I wanted it to
But the "perfection" held me back.
I was paralyzed by perfection.
I used to record daily YouTube videos, but then one day I woke up
and thought "these are not good enough, I need to make them
perfect". I stopped recording those videos after that day (but
resumed recently after I embraced my imperfect videos).
When good is good enough...
I almost didn't write this guide because I wanted it to be perfect -
and if it wasn't going to be perfect, then why bother?
There's nothing wrong with chasing perfection - except for
when you're not really "perfecting" and instead
Perfecting means having something DONE and then improving it.
It doesn't mean not starting at all.
It's time to be bold and take action:
Sing that imperfect song.
Write that imperfect book.
Create imperfect art
...because remember, done is better than perfectly not done!
FINDING PURPOSE IN PAIN
THANK GOD I WENT THROUGH THAT
I was extremely shy when I was in high
school. That led to some very painful
moments - such as the time when I was the
only kid in class not invited to the class party.
I lacked confidence. I was socially
awkward. I had very few friends.
Thank God for that!
As corny as it sounds, without that I would
never be doing what I'm doing now.
All that pain pushed me to want to change
It pushed me to study personal development.
It pushed me to improve myself.
It made me want to be better.
On emotional pain...
I now travel the world as a professional speaker. I help others
overcome their shyness.
I help others speak with confidence. I help them develop mental
toughness and resilience.
Conquering my pain prepared me for something greater than
I could have envisioned myself doing.
It may sound like a cliché, but it's true: Without my pain, I would
never have been the person I am today.
Pain can be an extremely powerful motivator. You just have to
listen to it. You have to find a way to use it instead of being a
slave to it.
Allow your pain to drive you, not depress you...Because it serves a
purpose - to make you better, to make you stronger, and to
prepare for more in your life.
CHANGE THE RULES
We all have internal rules about when to be happy and when to be
angry and when to be pissed.
Most of our rules are set up so that it's easier to be pissed
and upset than it is to be happy.
Consciously change your rules to make being happier easier and
being pissed more difficult!
I've set my rules so that something as simple as reading a book
will make me happy, whereas it takes a lot more to tick me off.
Your greatness is waiting for you!
Make this your best year yet...
Make it easy to be happy, hard to be sad
THE POWER OF FOCUS
There's a part of your brain called the reticular activating
system (RAS) that's responsible for filtering in / out
When you focus on a certain thing (e.g. "I want to start a
business"), your RAS begins to filter in information and business
opportunities you may not have noticed before.
Focus on possibilities
Haven't you noticed how, when you go shopping and buy a certain
item of clothing, then you begin to notice everyone else wearing it
That's your RAS at play!
Set your goals and your RAS will begin to guide you towards
Focus on possibilities rather than limitations, and that's what
you'll get (the opposite is also true).
Your Beliefs Make
You, And Break You
YOUR BELIEF SYSTEM
Your beliefs can make or break you!
If you believe "The world is a shitty place" or "All the good ones
are gone" or "The market just sucks", that's what you'll get.
If you believe, "In a tough market, those willing to do what it takes
thrive!" or "The world is an a gift", that's what you'll get.
This doesn’t mean lying to yourself and calling an unhappy
situation a happy one...
But it does mean that your belief system should be set in a way
that your beliefs empower you during both prosperous as well as
Are your beliefs empowering you or are they limiting you?
Governs your outlook
Want a shortcut to success?
Find someone who has achieved what you want:
Then model their beliefs, their physiology, their work ethic.
It's the quickest legitimate shortcut to success I know of.
It's a shortcut not in the sense that it's easy, but in the sense
that you'll achieve what you want far quicker than you would
Who can you model?
Who can you study?
Following the footsteps of success
Questions are the most powerful tool I have come across for self-
They guide your thinking, your focus, your energy.
However, questions also contain presuppositions - that is,
assumptions that are built in to be true.
For example, when you ask yourself, "Why does my boss / spouse
never appreciate me?” the presupposition is that they never
Your brain isn't going to challenge that presupposition - and
because you've asked it a question, it will be compelled to come
up with answers (even though they may not be accurate).
When you ask yourself, "Why am I such an idiot?” the
presupposition is that you're an idiot - and your brain will
come up with reasons to prove it.
Once you're aware of the power of presuppositions, you can
consciously challenge them and ask more empowering questions
that guide your life in the direction you desire.
The most powerful tool for guiding your focus
"Whether you think you can or can't you're right“
~ Henry Ford
Your beliefs determine what you will / won't achieve.
But, how are beliefs formed?
They're formed when we take a bunch of experiences we've had
and generalize them to represent how we think life works.
Whether you think you can or you can’t...
Some of your beliefs are
empowering ("I can learn
anything I need to learn to
achieve anything I want to
achieve") whereas others are
disempowering ("I'm just not
born a great public speaker").
So, how do you prevent
Simple (but not easy)!
Whenever you "fail" or
have a "negative
experience", DON'T let
your brain go into
automatic mode and
Whether you think you can or you can’t...
For example, let's say you missed your flight because you were
Your automatic reaction may be to generalize that you're
"disorganized" and "unreliable"!
DON'T allow that.
Yes, learn from the mistake - but don't allow the mistakes to
create labels that form your beliefs.
Great entrepreneurs fail multiple times, but do they allow those
experiences to form a belief that "nothing ever works out" or "I'm
just a failure?"
No, they never allow those experiences to become beliefs, and
therefore they continue persisting and thus, eventually, succeed.
I never allow my negative experiences to pile up to form beliefs.
Instead of grouping the negative experiences into a belief, I
treat each experience as an isolated version.
And I never allow anyone else to create my beliefs for me.
If I missed a flight, failed at a business, lost my keys, that does not
allow anyone else to label me - and I will fight to protect my beliefs
Never let anyone else create disempowering beliefs for you -
they don't have a right to do so, and neither do you.
You choose what experiences become beliefs - so choose beliefs
that empower you instead of limit you.
THEY DON’T “HAPPEN”
I continuously remind myself that I am responsible for my
We sometimes make the mistake of thinking that of our
emotions are things that happen to us.
But emotions don't "happen", they're created.
Emotions don’t happen to us, they are created by us
They're not some object or supernatural energy that is placed
into us; emotions arise from our thinking, our focus, our
Once you remind yourself of this truth, it takes you from being
powerless to being in control of your emotional destiny.
I make a choice every day to be happy, no matter what the
I don't say that from a theoretical perspective...like most people,
I've had my share of ups and downs - but I've always flexed my
emotional muscles and trained myself to feel empowered instead
I've trained myself, every day, bit by bit, to feel happy even
when it's easier to be grumpy or angry.
Does that mean that it's easy?
Absolutely not, and I'm still working at it...I'm working at it
because it's a skill that's worth mastering!
Keep reminding yourself that you have power over your emotions -
you not only control them, you create them!
Condition yourself to feel happy. When you want feel frustrated
at your coworker, flex your muscle and "try on" a more
empowering emotion. When you want nothing more than to feel
sorry for yourself, "try on" feeling empowered instead.
Yes, I know you don't know how to try on a more empowering
emotion...but if you did know, how would you do it? Try it now!
Don't think about logically - just "try an emotion" - try feeling happy
and BE happy; now try feeling excited - and BE excited.
When you act as if you know how, you'll be surprised at what
you're capable of!
Build your emotional muscle now so that when life decides to test
you - and it will - your emotional muscle is strong enough to
transform you from victim to victor!
Vulnerability and open communication creates deep, intimate
I've found that open communication is the key to creating deep,
When I talk about open communication, I am referring to the
type that makes you feel uncomfortable because it requires
you to reveal your feelings and be vulnerable.
The one where you have something nagging at you but you don't
want to talk about it because you're scared of revealing your
Instead of saying "I feel hurt" and making yourself
vulnerable, you lash out in anger.
Instead of saying "I don't feel connected in our relationship and I
want to improve it", you ignore it.
...creates meaningful relationships
But no matter how uncomfortable these vulnerable,
emotional conversations may feel...they are the ones
that make your relationship deeper and more intimate.
What conversation do you need to have tonight with your
spouse / friend / significant other?
What is it that gives your life meaning?
What purpose are you chasing?
What meaningful goals drive you?
I believe that you have a special gift or talent that's meant to be
developed and shared with the world.
Perhaps it's a gift of art, of music, of business, of teaching -
whatever it is, find time for it.
Don't get so caught up in making a living that you forget to
live out your gifts and talents.
What gives your life meaning?
When you work at developing your gifts, and you make it your
purpose to share them with the world, it gives your life a sense of
meaning and contribution.
When you have goals about sharing those talents and gifts, it
It allows you tap into the infinite amount of energy and
enthusiasm contained within you!
What talents and gifts do you have that you are interested in
Find time for them! Develop them!
You may not be good yet, but work at it - the better you get,
the more passionate you become. And when you become
passionate, you'll work at it even more - and soon enough, you'll
get good, and then great.
Don't get so caught up in making a living that you forget to
Don’t just read this guide, act on it! Find one thing
in this guide that resonated with you – and if you
haven’t already – commit to taking action on it
TODAY. To your greatness!
CLICK HERE IF YOU
Your One Thing.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Akash Karia is a peak performance coach who
has trained over 80,000 people worldwide, from
bankers in Hong Kong to senior executives in
Thailand to government members in Dubai.
He has twice been ranked the #1 Most Popular
Business & Money author on Amazon Kindle and
his books have been translated into Italian, Korean
His work has been featured
on Forbes, CEOTraining &
Day 1: Circle of control
Day 2: The perfection of imperfection
Day 3: Finding purpose in pain
Day 4: Your internal rules
Day 5: The magic of your R.A.S
Day 6: Your beliefs make you & break you
Day 7: Shortcut to success
Day 8: The power of questions
Day 9: A deeper look at your beliefs
Day 10: Taking charge of your emotions
Day 11: Open communication
Day 12: The power of purpose
Day 13: Your one thing
Images via Pixabay
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