Ideas and tips for dealing with challenging people

2. Dealing With Difficult People

6. A Process for Driving Collaboration Evaluation Identifying and assessing results 9 Conflict or Issue Option Overview 5 Follow-up Monitoring Implementation 8 Implementation Putting solutions into action 7 Collaboration 6 Goal Definition Picturing the Should Be 1 Fact Finding Searching for +/- facts 2 Issue Definition Prioritizing Problems 3 Collaboration Request 4

8. Collaboration Opportunities Issue Expertise Creativity & Innovation Experience With Issue People Power Values Check Additional Resources Skills Perspective

10. The Peacemaking Pyramid Correct Dealing with things that are going wrong Helping things go right Get out of the box / Obtain a heart of peace Teach & Communicate Listen & Learn Build the Relationship Build Relationships With Others Who Have Influence

11. The Choice Diagram Sense / Desire Seeing people as people with needs, cares, worries, fears that matter like mine Choice Honour the Sense I continue to see them as a person like myself Betray the Sense See others in ways that justify self betrayal. They become an object of blame My Heart Goes To War (Better-than, I-Deserve, Worse-than, Must-be-seen-as) View of Myself View of Other Feelings View of World

12. The Collusion Diagram I See They See I Do They do Allies Allies The Anatomy of Peace The Arbinger Institute

13. “ Better Than” Way of Seeing A heart at war needs enemies to justify it’s existence. It needs enemies and mistreatment more than it needs peace. View of Myself Superior Important Virtuous / Right View of Others Inferior Incapable / Irrelevant False / Wrong Feelings Impatient Disdainful Indifferent View of World Competitive Troubled Needs Me

14. “ I-Deserve” Way of Seeing View of Myself Meritorious Mistreated / Victim Unappreciated View of Others Mistaken Mistreating Ungrateful Feelings Entitled Deprived Resentful View of World Unfair Unjust Owes Me

15. “ Must Be Seen As” Way of Seeing View of Myself Need to be well thought of Fake View of Others Judgemental Threatening My Audience Feelings Anxious / Afraid Needy / Stressed Overwhelmed View of World Dangerous Watching Judging me

16. “ Worse Than” Way of Seeing View of Myself Not as good Broken / Deficient Fated View of Others Advantaged Privileged Blessed Feelings Helpless Jealous / Bitter Depressed View of World Hard / Difficult Against me Ignoring me

19. Conflict Reaction Profile Passive Assertive Aggressive

20. What do I think? Why do I think that? What evidence do I have? My example is… The evidence shows… Therefore, I think… Think Speak 1-4 seconds for “reflection” Responding Effectively in Impromptu Situations

21. Cushion Cushion Your Response Avoid Using I hear you saying … I understand you said… I appreciate your view on … That’s an interesting point of view … But … However … Nevertheless …

22. Evidence Demonstrations D E F E A T S Examples Facts Exhibits Analogies Testimonials Statistics Doubt

23. Disagree Agreeably What do I think? Why do I think that? What evidence do I have? My example is… The evidence shows… Therefore, I think… Think Speak 1-4 seconds for “reflection” Cushion

26. The Conflict Cycle Event Interpretation Emotional Response Physical Response Attitude Response Effect

27. Conflict Response Scale Avoid Win-Win Approach Dictate Oblige Compromise Stand Our Ground Collaborate

28. Sources of Conflict P R I D E Process Interpersonal Direction Roles External Pressures

29. Conflict Resolution Plan Specific conflict People involved Plan of Action Results expected Accountability Partner

33. You are simply guiding the other person through the uncharted territory of current reality.

45. Charting Conflict-Based Barriers Barrier? Who owns this? What’s in the way? When did this begin? Impact? How should we address it? Why is this happening?