3. Draft 1
The audience
said..
-There was too many shots of London
-Presenter’s clothing didn’t match the documentary topic
-The audience disliked the location of the presenter
-They also didn’t like the way the presenter looks directly at the camera
-The title doesn’t match the topic of the documentary
-They liked the location of the public interview but place the interviewees against a
wall
Targets -Reduce shots of London
-Change the presenter’s clothing to something dark and less distracting
-Change location of presenter’s scenes
-Ensure the title and topic of the documentary matches
-Change location of the expert interview so the background isn’t distracting
-Get more shots for the experiment to
What you
changed
from
previous
draft?
Why?
N/A
4. Draft 2
The audience
said..
-Presenter’s clothing still didn’t match topic of documentary
-The background of the scene with the sociologist doesn’t look professional
-Statistic was a bit random and didn’t link to topic
-The location of the presenter was distracting and too noisy
Targets -Don’t film in a park
-Make the 1 minute introduction clear
-improve editing skills in experiments
-Change clothing of the presenter
-Film during the day to get better lighting
What you
changed
from
previous
draft?
Why?
-Changed presenter’s clothing to a greenish jumper and a grey jacket because the
pastel colours she wore before was distracting
-Change location to a bigger park so we could have people walking in the
background
-included shot reverse shot on experiment so it flows better
-Used titles to introduce the experiment participants
5. Draft 3
The audience
said..
-Title ‘Games vs Reality’ doesn’t link to video game topic
-Liked the way how we used go animate to introduce different genres in the 1 min
intro
-The brick wall in the public interviews looked weird
-The background in the mid shot of the participant of experiment is distracting
Targets -Better lighting for the experiment
-Cut down on archival footage
-Refilm the public interviews elsewhere
-Film the participants on a blank wall so the background isn’t distracting
What you
changed
from
previous
draft?
Why?
-Changed location of the presenter to a canal as the previous locations were noisy
-Included subtitles to make the 1 min intro clearer
-Filmed the sociologist at a different angle so we wouldn’t get the distracting
background
-Got more public interviews so we could balance out our own footage with archival
footage
-Included a brief history of video games
6. Draft 4
The audience
said…
-The expert interview in the montage doesn’t fit in
-They liked our use of a split screen in the experiment
-The wind in the public interviews is distracting
-Public interviews are a bit long
-Go animate doesn’t fit into topic
-Liked our use of transitions
Targets -Refilm some of the public interviews
-Ask the public more focused questions so their responses are shorter
-Include more clips at beginning of montage
-Make sure go animate links more to the topic
What you
changed
from
previous
draft?
Why?
-Got clips of people using technology rather than random clips of London
-We didn’t have the presenter introduce the expert interview
8. Draft 1
The audience
said…
-The picture in the advert looks grainy
-The colour scheme doesn’t link to video games
-There’s too much space around the pull quote
-Both pictures for the advert and DPS doesn’t link to topic of video games
-They disliked the title for the advert
Targets -Use a different camera to take picture for advert
-Avoiding using copyright images in the double page spread
-Make the double page spread and advert more challenging
What you
changed
from
previous
draft?
Why?
N/A
9. Draft 2
The audience
said…
-Background of advert looks dark and a blurry
-Couldn’t tell whether the person was suppose to be a video game character or not
-Image in double page spread doesn’t link to video games
-The title ‘Betrayed or Portrayed’ was catchy but doesn’t link to our documentary
Targets -Change the headline
-Change colour scheme
-Take the advert image in a different locatin
What you
changed
from
previous
draft?
Why?
-Added in actual text rather than dummy text
-Changed the colour scheme
-Added the pull quote more professionally
-Changed the photo for the advert
10. Draft 3
The audience
said…
-Didn’t like the capital ‘D’ in the headline
-Too much space after the standfirst
-The layout for the DPS is basic
-It doesn’t make sense why the characters are outside
Targets -Place the scheduling info and title in empty space
-Take the advert images in a different location
-Make the layout for the DPS more challenging
-Change headline
What you
changed
from
previous
draft?
Why?
-For better lighting we took the picture outside
-Changed the colour scheme
-To be more challenging we placed the pull quote over the primary image
-We used two characters for our dps instead of one
11. Draft 4
The audience
said…
-Liked the choice in colour scheme for the adverts
-The double page spread is too busy, they don’t know where to look first
-Characters in the dps shouldn’t look at the camera
-DPS main image doesn’t look real
Targets -Change title for the advert
-Take image for dps in a different location
-Change the size of the logo in the tomb raider advert
What you
changed
from
previous
draft?
Why?
-Took the dps image in an indoor setting as the outdoor setting is confusing
-Tried to make the dps more challenging by changing the size of the font in the
headline
