This speech was part of a group presentation for Read 142. It should accompany the slide show, "Laura Wells Show". The rubric did not call for a serious attempt at campaigning. Rather, it was aimed at recognizing & using various forms of rhetoric. We had fun with this project at the expense of the candidate we were assigned, as well as some local representatives of the Fullerton area. IT IS A PARODY in case anyone takes offense to it. Laura Wells, from what we read, sounds like a very nice, well-meaning person and made for a welcomed third-party candidate.

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Louis Wischnewsky
Vina Melara
Cheryl Lyday
Maria Valasquez
Aubrey Sauls
Read 142
Hughes
December 8, 2010
We're not the “Brown” party, we're the real Green Party
Comments by Laura Wells
Oh, Oh, yeah! Fullerton, you make me feel like a woman! Yeeeaahh! Wow! I tell you, this
campaign stuff can put you in … drag … mode. It's been crazy. Like the last couple of days? I
haven't even had time to shave my legs … or my face! They said I should wear a nice dress, but
here I am in a t-shirt and jeans. I'm not even wearing a bra tonight! I don't know … I don't think
it's my panties all in a knot down here. My husband! I love him! He thought I should have gone
commando tonight and I think he was right.
Going all natural! That's what the Green Party is all about, right? Yes! My name is Laura Wells
and that's what I'm all about, too: going all natural.
Thank you, Sharon, for that wonderful introduction. I think the Aboretum is even more beautiful
than you told us it would be. Anne, this would not be possible without you. And Jane! We're
spreading the Green all over the state! Senator Lou, we won't be effective in Sacramento without
you!
In keeping with the Green Party's message of conservation, I'm only going to talk about one
plank on my platform. (This uses ideological line of reasoning).
I would like to remind everyone of a sad but true story. There was once a man that decided to
build a car that would last forever. Preston Tucker managed to design an automobile that was
more reliable than anything Detroit ever dreamed of. However, not wanting to deal with
competition, the automakers sent lobbyists toWashington, D.C. to convince Congress to come up
with all kinds of laws Tucker could not afford to comply with. As a result, we Americans have
missed out on better cars that would have had lower emissions and better fuel economy.
As reported by the Washington Examiner in July of this year, a poll by the Institue for Energy
Research shows that 70% of Americans reject cap-and-trade.

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I am an everyday person just like that 70% of you. (These comments use empirical line of
reasoning.)
We all know that cap-and-trade benefits only greedy corporations that are not being fair to the
little-guy.
I'm here to tell you why voting for me, Laura Wells, is a vote for Fairness and Equal Opportunity.
We'll look at three reasons I am against cap-and-trade:
A person we all know and love opposes cap-and-trade
What will happen if we don't oppose Cap-and-trade?
I am the only candidate like you.
So let me explicate why you want someone that will stand up to the established polluters.
Everyone knows who Angelina Jolie is. Her father is the very famous and loveable Jon Voight.
You might know him from the Mission Impossible movies that also starred Tom Cruise. Jon
Voight has written several letters to President Obama opposing Cap-and-Trade. Think of Laura
and Jon Voight as being in Preston Tucker's shoes decades later. (This is the use of transfer
appeal.)
Either everyone votes for me or California will disappear into a brown, LA haze (Either/Or
fallacy). Not to make a pejorative statement, but we don't want our beautiful, rose scented
Pasadena to become like the stinky Pasadena of Texas. Congress instituted CAFE standards on
the automakers and now global warming is out of control (Post hoc, ergo propter hoc fallacy).
You don't want to vote for Meg Whitman because, as a former CEO, most of her friends are
CEO's of the very companies causing all our pollution. We have to vote for Laura or we'll all feel
like Preston Tucker fighting a battle that can't be won against the system that can't be fixed. (This
paragraph uses comparative line of reasoning.)
Look, I am the only candidate that really understands you. I'm the only candidate that took a six
month vacation to drive around in one of those huge, old, vintage RV's – one of those more
reliable, pre-CAFE standard RV's so I could safely get to see people in 30 different states. Unlike
Jerry Brown, I have had real jobs outside of government (Ad hominen fallacy). I'm the only
candidate that, like all of you, understands we all want cleaner air. And I'm the only candidate
whose entire platform is built on going Green. We all know what Preston Tucker felt like
because, like me, you go to jobs with that same atmosphere every day (emotional appeal).
Let's stop living in the two-party axiom. I just gave you a lot of reasons to vote for me. First, Jon
Voight also opposes unfair Cap-and-Trade policy. Second, we don't want bad things to happen to
California. And finally, we need someone like the rest of us in Sacramento. Going back to that
poll in my introduction, we know that policies like Cap-and-Trade are fallacious attempts to

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trick us into benefiting only evil corporations (appeal to fear). So let's not find ourselves a bunch
of Preston Tuckers. Go vote for me, Laura Wells