1. October 1998 Volume 1: Issue 1
•More poop
than you
can handle!
• Pictures to
disturb you!
•UFO pic’s
whoo..scary.
•Exclusive
photos of
your mother
naked!
• The latest
O.J. photos!
•Articles to
entertain..
maybe.
•Letters from
readers!
•And words
from people
we’d like to
have as
sponsors.
Door From Hell
The

2. OUR STAFF
PUBLISHER..................................ED BURTON
PRESIDENT..................................ED BURTON
VICE PRESIDENT........................ED BURTON
PHOTOGRAPHY..........................ED BURTON
REPORTER...................................ED BURTON
WRITER.........................................ED BURTON
GRAPHICS....................................ED BURTON
SECURITY.....................................ED BURTON
ANIMAL TRAINER.....................ED BURTON
SPECIAL EFFECTS.....................ED BURTON
PROMOTIONS..............................ED BURTON
KING..............................................ED BURTON
KEY GRIP......................................ED BURTON
ASSISTANT TO MR. BURTON..ED BURTON
SCOUT............................................ED BURTON
MOST LIKELY TO GET SUED..ED BURTON
CAPTAIN OF THE USS
ENTERPRISE...........................JAMES T. KIRK
all photos are copywrited either by me
or someone else. 1998 by me, ealier by
others.

3. TABLE OF
CONTENTS
2. TABLE OF CONTENTS
3. MISC. PIC’S
4. LETTER FROM THE
PUBLISHER
5. UFO’S
6. FROM THE EAT’N’PARK
JOURNALS.
7/8. YER MOM.
9. EXPLANATION OF
TIME AND DIMENSIONS.
10. MISC. PIC’S
11. LETTERS FROM
OUR READERS.
12. O.J. PHOTOS.
13. RAMBLINGS.
14. LAST PAGE PHOTO.

4. MOVIES
Left: Gil
Gerard stars as
Buck Rogers,
with Erin “I’d
still do her”
Grey in the
run-away
smash hit
“Uncle Buck.”
Left: Princess Leia (Carrie
“I’d still do her” Fisher) and
Han Solo (Harrison Ford)
share top secret information
in the summer
disappointment “Cabin
Boy.”

5. A NoTe FrOm OuR
PubLiSheR
Welcome to the very first ever issue of “The Door From
Hell.” If you’re wondering where the name came from, well,
it was the title of one of the very first films I ever made, with
my good friend Matt Fuller. It was a horrifying story of a door
that kills people. I mean, sure, that’s possible, right? Wouldn’t
you get pissed off too if you just had to stand there all day
getting your knob fondled by every person that goes by? Ok,
well, sure, it sounds fine at first, but I think it would get really
annoying really quick-like. ANYHOW, the goal of the folks
here at “Door from Hell” is to bring you the weirdest things
we can. Some might be real, some might be fake, hopefully
you’ll learn something either way. Send us letters, and money,
and pictures of yourself naked, and we’ll continue to bring
you the most obnoxious stuff we can find, and possibly school
you in the ways of the unknown, and hopefully not get sued
in the process.
- ED BURTON
Publisher
This is a
picture of
Tom Baker,
(Dr. Who)
not our
beloved
publisher.
Photo courtesy of STARLOG

6. UFO Pic’s
Above and left: Clear
evidence that UFO’s do
exist. These photos were
taken by high ranking
members of society. They
do not appear to be altered,
or fakes.

7. FROM THE
EAT’N’PARK
JOURNALS
Eat’n’Park. The spot on the Busy. Oi. I’ve been in this
“Explanation of Time and spot for close to an hour
Dimensions Chart” that is now. Nothing exciting has
always constant. Its the happened. Ahhhhhhhh....
“Safety zone” to escape from coffee has kicked in!!
time. Once inside, Time will No..longer..able..to sit
stop. Its the dumpster on ...still...!!! No more patience
the Path. It moves along with with this writing
you. Everyone. Everyone has nonsense!Getting close to
the Eat’n’Park. They stop in, jittery! errrr! Need
then leave. For others, they calming...only one
stop in, and forget. They antidote..but no! ARRGHH!!!
stay. This place eats their I’m lost. Staring. Fidgetty.
sense of time, over a period, Keep checking the door.
it may even eat their souls. Why? I don’t know.
Sooner or later you are Suddenly want to destroy
immune to events outside things. Energy. I am Energy-
Man. Stand aside evil wrong
of Eat’n’Park. There is only
doers. My energy will
the “Park.” And now I am dominate. My secret super
here. Lost. Floating. I need serum - caffeine! Caffeine
to find my footing again. makes my mind working in
Girl. Girl in front of me. impossible ways. To think
Back to me. Don’t turn the unthinkable, to dream
around. I’m not interested. the impossible..hmmm..need
Must appear busy. more coffee.
END
2.25.97
10:35pm

8. Rare Photo of your Mom

9. The Explanation of Time and Dimensions

10. MUSIC
Above:
Members of
Oasis,at the
Justice of the
Peace, where
they were all
married to
each other.
Left: Garbage
performs for
local teamsters.

11. This is where the Letters from our
Readers would go, but this is the
first issue, so there aren’t any
readers at this point. Well, other
than me. I’m the proofreader. I read
everything. So I guess I could send
in a letter. I would say, this piece of
crap is not worth wiping your ass
with. Its full of horse-shit. The
articles are not informative, or
interesting at all. The only good
thing is that the words are all spelled
write. well, at leest thay were when
I cared. I doant give a rat’s ass
anymore about this rag, i’ve been
waiting for a raise four like, 5
months now, adn haven’t seen jack
shit. screw this. i’m going to get a
job somewhare where i’m
appreciated. like, NASA...or a REAL
publicashion. i don’t think this damn
thing even makes a profit. i’m outta
here....- the proof-readre.

12. Been Wondering What OJ’s
Been Up To Lately??
We Have The Answers.
Apparently OJ’s
been busy
chillin’ with the
Goldmans.
These pic’s are
the proof. It
appears Mr.
Goldman isn’t
really as angry
as he would like
us to believe.

13. The monstrous beast She reaches down and rips
lumbered towards the table the man’s head from his
of unknowing diners. Four torso and quickly devours
to be exact. Sitting together his cranium, like a ripened
for approximately five melon. Blood is everywhere.
minutes now. They talk The other two customers
pleasantly for a time. have decided they’re
“Can I get you something helpless at this point, and
to DRINK!?” the monster run for the door. They’re
bellowed taking all four by fast, but not fast enough.
surprise. The server is quickly
“Uh, sure,” starts one gaining. I thought fast.
customer, “I’ll just have a Glancing at their table i spot
coffee.” a knife. I grab the unsharp
“Tough shit!” replies the butter knife, and launch it
waitress and bites the entire at the creature. It finds its
head of the customer clean mark at the back of the
off. neck, the base of the skull.
“Anyone else?” she snaps, The evil being screeches in
whilst blood dribbles from horror, and falls. I walk up
the corners of her mouth. to the beast as it flails on the
The muffled crunching of floor in a pool of blood, and
skull is clearly audible. reach down to retrieve my
Horrified, the other three knife. I yank it out and
customers jump to attention. proceed to tear through its
One man grabs two forks tough flesh, until the head
and lunges for the beast. He is completely severed. I then
trips over the headless take the head in my hands
corpse of his friend and falls, sit down at my table, eat
landing at the feet of the it.and leave. No tip was
demon waitress. He looks up found at MY table. Fuckin’
at it’s bloody face, to see her waitresses.
throw her head back and let END
out a deafening bellow.

15. Mat Luschek
160 S. Fairmount St.
Apt 8
Pittsburgh, PA 15206
WATCH FOR IT!