2. The word "feelings" is used frequently
in conversation. If we're looking at
feelings and thoughts in relation to
changing our behaviors or establishing
new habits, we need to have an
understanding of what "feelings" are.
3. Understanding "feelings" is like
understanding the meaning of traffic
lights. Like traffic lights feelings tell us
when to stop, when to yield, and when
to go. Our feelings give us directions
and warnings.
4. If we don't heed our feelings, we miss
out on vital information. Ignoring our
feelings is like driving without paying
attention to traffic lights and
signs. Many of us live this way, without
accessing our feelings.
5. It may not occur to us that we even have
feelings about something, because we're
so used to ignoring them.
6. However, when we try to change our
behaviors, break habits or try new things,
if we ignore our feelings, we can get
stuck and not know why. We can become
frustrated, discouraged and resigned
without realizing why we can't make
things happen in our lives.
7. How does this happen? It happens when
we rely on our thoughts. Although we
may be very intelligent, with highly
developed mental skills, when our minds
are cut off from our feelings, our thoughts
can become a liability.
8. Our minds (or our thoughts) are
extremely powerful, useful tools that help
us understand the world, make effective
decisions and keep us alive.
9. But if we rely only on our minds, we're
missing a vital part of the picture. Using
our minds without our feelings can be
misleading.
10. For example, you may feel physically hungry
but not eat because you think you are fat or
think you have to wait until noon. So you
end up depriving yourself of nutrition when
you actually need it.
11. Or you may feel angry when someone
mistreats you but not tell anyone
because you think you're making too
much of it, or because you think you'll
only make them mad.
12. In these cases, though the intent is to
make yourself feel better, by relying on
your thoughts and ignoring your
feelings, you never solve the problems,
and you end up feeling worse.
13. Thoughts are based on rules, beliefs,
and judgments that we learn from others
or personally invent based on our own
experiences. Thoughts are not
necessarily based on fact…actually,
they are often not based in fact.
14. The tricky part is that our thoughts can
occur like they ARE factual. This can
add to the confusion or self-delusion.
16. While there are vast differences in our
thoughts and belief systems, everybody,
everywhere, experiences the same
primary feelings; happiness, sadness,
anger, fear, loneliness, and hurt.
17. Sometimes feelings are created by incorrect
thinking, formed from judgments, personal
history, cultural influences, etc. But they are
still your feelings and need to be
acknowledged and attended to.
18. Feelings are not right or wrong, they just exist
and need to be expressed in healthy ways.
19. How do you tell the difference between
thoughts and feelings?
20. Your feelings manifest in your body as
physiological experiences and reactions. For
example, when you are afraid, your stomach
area may tighten, your heart rate may
increase, or your whole body may
stiffen. These physical experiences tell you
that you are afraid. Likewise, when you are
angry, your face may get flushed, and you
may clench your jaw and or your fists.
21. "Good" and "bad" are not feelings.
They are judgments about feelings.
They are what we think about our feelings.
22. For example, maybe I lost something and I
am feeling sad. Suppose someone asks
me how I'm doing and I answer, "not good"
or "badly". What I am actually saying, then
(both to the other person as well as to
myself) is that I think my sad feeling is bad
and that I should not feel that way. But
sadness is neither good nor bad.
24. Sadness is a normal response to loss. It is
as natural to feel sad at times as it is to
feel happy. There are no good or bad
feelings. Feelings just are.
25. You can feel multiple conflicting things at
the same time. You can feel happy and sad.
You can feel intimidated and delighted. You
can feel angry and attracted, or angry and
loving. You can feel any number of and any
combination of feelings all at once.
26. Below are some common feelings.
Each feeling is followed by variations within
the same category.
