1. He doesn’t know me well..
He used to be the wall that I couldn’t break..a door that I couldn’t get out of..a key that I couldn’t unlock..he
used to be a password that I couldn’t guess to enter the world..
i’m a party girl. I love gimmicks, outings, hang-outs, bar hoppings.. just like all the niggas out there do. I want
fun. Who doesn’t wanna have?! KJ people!! I’m also a die-hard romantic girl.. I want cozy and peaceful place
too. Yeah, a place where I can find peace. Coz deep down inside of me, there’s a lot of pain.. that I couldn’t
tell.. I want a happy life. But I just can’t. Kasi lagi SYA andyan.. Andyan xa lagi, nakabantay. Naiinis ako
coz he won’t allow me to leave and enjoy. Naghihinanakit ako dahil hindi ako makasama sa mga outing ng
mga friends and classmates ko..the way that teenagers enjoy their life.. pero di nya ko payagang lumabas, lagi
sya nakabantay..lagi kasi sya ANDYAN. gusto ko sumaya kasi ayoko nang malungkot. Pero napakahigpit nya
sa akin.. kaya what I do is to ESCAPE. REBEL. And I turned a blind eye to the bottles of beer, etc. Nung
nagcollege ako, I wasn’t allowed to have a boyfriend, He wants me to finish my studies first. Pero sinuway ko
yon kasi nagmamahal na’ko nun! How could I cease a great feeling? Yet, I’m so immature then.
As years passes by, he still doesn’t know me well.
Kahit lagi sya ANDYAN, he still doesn’t know me well.
He doesn’t know me well. We seldom talk. I seldom see him smile. And yet he doesn’t know how I feel. He
doesn’t really know what’s happening to me. All I am to him is I was his little girl. Pasaway and a hard-
headed little girl. And I just couldn’t present myself nang hindi sya madidisappoint or magagalit. I was doing
exactly the opposite of what he wanted. Kaya andame failures, kahihiyan, konsumisyon, disappointments, esp.
gastos nya para sa’kin.. Lahat, pagkakamali lang. Kasiraan ko, na naging kasiraan nya. Hindi lang buhay ko
ang sinira ko, pati pangalan at buhay nya. Nakakahiya ako! Sorry for making it about me. I’m such a waste.
But why is this man keeping a trash in his house? Still saving me from all? Braving himself to live for me? And
dying just to give life for me? I hate myself how much I have been so selfish that all I think is too much for
myself. Partly, I wasn’t thinking that everything he does was for my own good sake. That everything has its
own time. And that you were right all the time. But I know you would be proud of me regardless of who I
became. And I know you observe my slow yet sudden change, I’ve been tryin to become ryt now..
Now that I’m old enough, he doesn’t still know me that well. Yet, it is now time. Time to set me free. He is
now trusting me away to go, and get a life of my own. “Go, fall in love and get married! Mahirap mag-isa.
Baka wala mag-alaga sa’yo! Pa’no ka na pag wala na kami ng mami mo?” oh shit!! I was tearin’ apart..I
don’t want to let him see that I’m slowly breaking that very moment. I act to stand firm, was listening and
composed. But not until those tears shed from my eyes. I’m getting weak to hear those words. I never wanted
to let him see that I’m a cry baby. Dad, kung noon, ayoko nandyan ka kasi I want a life outside, but now, I
always want you to be there by my side. Gusto ko LAGI KA ANJAN!! Kahit buong buhay mo ko bantayan.
Just don’t leave me. I don’t care if you doesn’t know me so well or we seldom talk. All I want is that you,
being there for me. Alive and strong, smiling. I couldn’t live without a father like you. What I could’ve ever do
without you?
I’m so blessed to have you DAD. Sorry and I love you.
I thank God for giving YOU to me..to us. Stay strong and let live!!