Helping Children Handle Stress

“Helping
Children Handle
Stress”
by: Dr. Imelda Villar

Everyday Stress
When they have to wait
 When they want something they can’t
have
 When they lose or break their toys or
valued items.


Common Sources of Stress
Early or rushed mornings, being hurried
 Exposure to new situations/starting
school/transferring school
 Too many expectations or demands
 Difficulties with peer/friendships


Common Sources of Stress
Transitioning from one activity or place
to another
 New beginnings/ frequent change
of/unavailability caregivers
 Difficult assignments/tasks
 Parents cannot be reached when they
need to get something for school


Sources of Long-Term
Stress
Separation from parents (especially for
younger kids)
 Fights or disagreements with siblings
 Being compared to siblings
 Being bullied by siblings


Sources of Long-term
Stress
Serious ongoing conflict between family
members
 Divorce or separation
 Serious illness or health condition
 Death of a loved one
 Frequent moves
 Being bullied or harassed over time


Sources of Long-Term
Stress
Dealing with unrealistic expectations
and demands (one’s own or from others)
 Being picked on at home
 Being compared with others
 Parental absence especially when in
trouble
 Physical/emotional/sexual/ financial
abuse


Factors That Help Prevent
Stress
Positive problem solving and coping
skills
 Close, supportive relationships at home
and school, with peers and adults
 Clear expectations
 Permission and ability to learn from
mistakes
 Developing competencies
(academic, social, extracurricular, and
life skills)


Factors That Help Prevent
Stress
Consistent, positive discipline
 Ability to express feelings appropriately
 Feeling physically and emotionally safe
 Good nutrition and exercise
 Time to relax or do recreational activities


 (www.nasponline.org)

How Parents Can Help Prevent
Stress
(www.nasponline.org)
Be aware of your child’s behaviors and
emotions
 Build trust with your child
 Be available and open to talk with your
child when he/she is ready
 Encourage the expression of feelings
 Teach and model good emotional
responses


How Parents Can Help Prevent
Stress






Encourage them to tell you if they feel
overwhelmed
Encourage healthy and diverse friendships
Encourage physical activity, good
nutrition, rest
Teach child to problem solve
Remind child of ability to get through tough
times, particularly with love and support of
family and friends
 (www.nasponline.org)

Signs of Being
Overstressed









recurring headaches, tummy aches or neck
pain
increased
irritability, sadness, panic, anger, anxiety
unusual emotionality or volatility
intensification of nervous habits like nail
biting, hair twisting, thumb sucking
pattern of overreacting to minor
problems, e.g., yelling, crying, shutting
down
trouble eating, relaxing or sleeping

Signs of Being
Overstressed









unusual sleep patterns or nightmares
increased dependency or clinginess
unusually low energy, or the opposite, very
high levels of energy or restlessness
going back to less mature behaviour
increased behaviour problems, such as
biting, kicking, poor listening,
acting out, impulsiveness
increased whining, crying, fighting
becoming withdrawn or listless

Signs of Being
Overstressed
Inability to concentrate
 Drop in grades or other functioning
 Toileting or eating concerns
 Unexplained fears or increased anxiety
(that also can take the form of clinging)
 Isolation from family activities or peer
relationships
 Drug or alcohol experimentation
(www.nasponline.org)


Signs of Need for Professional
Help
Anxiety significantly interfering in child’s
life, preventing doing important things
 Child constantly seeking abnormal
amounts of reassurance
 Child showing symptoms of stress and
clearly not coping well


Basics of How Parents Can
Help


Establish Connection: assure and
ensure someone will be there to help
them deal with their problems --> helps
children trust and listen to adult
supporting them.

Help


Provide Loving Home environment:
ensure healthy, balanced lifestyle
 good food
 lots of time for physical activity
 play relaxation
 daily routines that make their world feel

predictable and safe

Help


Comfort: comfort of physical contact
one of best stress relievers there is
positive brain stimulation from being
touched in early childhood helps build
brain’s pathways for coping with stress

Preventing and Managing
Stress
Plenty of unstructured play time
 Regular bedtime routine with
quiet, calming activities such as
music, reading or quiet play for half an
hour before bedtime
 Ensure 8-10 hours of sleep
 Vigorous physical activity - at least two
hours of physical activity every day


Preventing and Managing
Stress
Show love with words, hugs, kisses
 Play and laugh together


When Child Observed to be
Stressed
Ask how body feels (tummy, tense
muscles, etc.)
 Explain there is a connection between
the way bodies feel and emotions such
as worry, sadness and anger


Stressed
Wait for calm moment
 Encourage to describe his worries or
fears
 Listen very carefully
 Try not to interrupt or finish child’s
sentences
 Take worries or fears seriously, even if
they seem silly.


Stressed
Try to understand feelings and verbalize
what you read as his/her feelings
 Allow to talk about feelings: Point
feelings out and use words to help
identify emotions. “I guess you felt mad
when you were not chosen for the
school play.”
 Naming emotional state helps child learn
to express feelings in words rather than
acting out


Stressed
Don’t judge/take sides
 Don’t advice unless asked
 Don’t to pacify or preach
 Ask questions to clarify


Stressed
Restate important things he/she has
said
 Summarize what he/she has said
occasionally
 Ask what he/she would like to happen in
the situation
 Ask what he/she can do to feel better


Stressed
Involve him/her in activities enjoyed
such as playing with favourite
toys, reading a book, cuddling with a
stuffed animal
 Teach relaxation and stress-reducing
techniques: deep breathing (breathe in
through nose and slowly out through
mouth
 Model breathing for you to calm down in
stressful moments


Stressed
Spend extra time together and watch
him/her more closely than usual
 Offer extra physical contact: holding
his/her hand while walking or pulling
him/her up against you as you watch TV
together
 If child doesn’t want extra contact, don’t
force, but be there


Stressed
Limit TV, computer and video game time
and encourage kid to be active.
 Be active with them - go for
walks, runs, park
 Put on some music for a family dance
party (be sensitive to reactions)


Stressed


Give opportunities to make small
choices appropriate for age: “Do you
want to eat in Jollibee or McDonald’s
today?” to give them sense of control in
their life.

Stressed


Model effective stress-management
strategies e.g when feeling stressed
, stop yourself and say, “Wow, I’m
feeling stressed. I’m going to take a few
deep breaths to help me calm down.”

General Tips for Preventing and
Addressing Stress
Stop, Look and Listen


Stop
 Set the climate. E.g. “I know there are things that upset

you sometimes. Can you tell me about them?” Give time
to finish talking. Listen both words and feeling in words.

 Choose the moment. Any quiet time during the day or

at bedtime, but ensure you are relaxed and not feeling
rushed and can be together without interruption. Arrange
for privacy
 Find “little” opportunities to connect. Everyday activity

together like going to school, taking snacks (but not
dinner)

Addressing Stress


Look
 Once a day, check child’s face and body -

eye contact? relaxed or tense? eyes calm or
darting back and forth? Is there tension in
her body?
 Pay close attention to facial
expressions, mood, body language and
activity level
 Notice signs of stress

Addressing Stress


Listen
 Give your full attention. Show you are really

interested by facing child and making eye
contact. Try saying things like, “We all feel
worried or scared sometimes and it’s good to
talk about those feelings.”
 Listen without speaking. Nod head; give other
nonverbal signs of interest. Don’t finish his
sentences, even if you think you know what he
is trying to say. Give him time to put it into his
own words.

Addressing Stress


Just be there
 Respect child’s refusal to talk about what’s bothering

him/her- give space, but show you’ll be there when they feel like
talking. Whether they need to talk or just be in the same room
with you – make yourself available.

 Do something fun together. If child seems stressed or having a

bad day but doesn’t feel like talking, initiate activity you can do
together - read book, go for walk, watch movie, or bake, to
teach children that there are ways of taking care of self and
cheer self up.

 Give children time and space to unwind. Sometimes children

need time on their own with quiet activities such as blocks, play
dough or imaginative play

Addressing Stress
Keep child aware of anticipated family
changes.
 Monitor television programs that could
worry your child and pay attention to use of
computer games, movies, and the Internet.
 Use encouragement and natural
consequences when poor decisions are
made.
 Help your child select appropriate
extracurricular activities and limit overscheduling.


Addressing Stress
Make child aware of harmful effects of
drugs and alcohol before experimentation
begins.
 Monitor own stress level. Take care of
yourself.
 Contact child’s teachers with concerns and
make them part of team available to assist
your child.
 Seek assistance of
physician, psychologist, or school
counselor, if stress continues


Addressing Stress


Working with care provider
 Make sure child is understood and treated

well
 Ask how child was
 Check for abuses of care provider; observe
reactions to care provider

Caveat
Children differ in dealing with stressful
situation
 Some children experience more stress
than others
 Some are more sensitive to stress
 Some are better at handling it than
others.
 Big challenge: know your children, pay
attention to their stress and try to ease


Helping Children Handle Stress

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