Unforgiveness Drains Your Marriage: How to Forgive and Strengthen Your Bond

UNFORGIVENESS DRAINS YOUR
MARRIAGE
Unforgiveness in a marriage will eventually erode
the intimacy you have built between one
another. That's because hurt left unresolved
leads to a lack of trust and respect.
Kigume KaruriWednesday, July 29, 2020 1

Forgiveness is a gift that flows from grace. In
forgiveness, we give up our right to throw our
stones in retaliation for the hurt the other has
caused us. Forgiveness is only true forgiveness
when you forgive regardless of the person’s
response.
Wednesday, July 29, 2020 Kigume Karuri 2

Living in the hurt of the past allows you to brace
yourself to deal with the disappointments and
hurt in the future. You find your identity in your
resentment.
But forgiveness doesn’t excuse his/her behavior.
Forgiveness prevents his/her behavior from
destroying your heart. Forgiveness prevents
forfeiting your future by living in your past.
Forgiveness is pardoning someone when they do
something wrong to you, and giving them another
chance.

14 For if you forgive other people when they
sin against you, your heavenly Father will
also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive
others their sins, your Father will not forgive
your sins. Mat. 6:14-15
• Forgiveness prepares you to move from
ordinary to extraordinary.
• Forgiveness leads to healing, healing leads to
intimacy, and intimacy leads to extraordinary.

• We must never allow unforgiveness to
dominate our marriages. We must always
find ways and means to settle our
differences, forgive and not hold unto our
hurts. In not forgiving we fail to realize the
full effect of God's forgiveness in our own
lives.

• 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if
any of you has a grievance against someone.
Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Col.3:13
In marriage, unforgiveness is the sin that
introduces impurity to the relationship. Maybe
there’s something in your spouse’s life that you
have not forgiven. A past hurt or offense may
be affecting your ability to love each other as
you should.

• 1. Spiritual effects of unforgiveness
• a. God won’t forgive us
• This is a tough truth. Is it worth holding a grudge
against your spouse and having God not forgive
your sins? That’s a heavy price to pay. The servant
in Mat. 18 lost the forgiveness of the master when
he refused to forgive his fellow servant.
Unforgiveness affects us in these areas

b. Satan is given an opening in our lives
• What is the scheme of the devil? It is to keep
us from forgiving. When we allow
unforgiveness in our hearts, we have just
given the devil a wide open door to our hearts
and our marriage will be on the way to flop.

• 2. Physical effects of unforgiveness
• When we fail to forgive chemical imbalances are
produced in our bodies. Our bodies are not
designed to handle unforgiveness. Unforgiveness
will produce loss of sleep, fatigue, and ulcers and
many other physical problems.

• 3. Emotional effects of unforgiveness.
• Our emotions are also affected by
unforgiveness. We will experience many
negative emotions, anger, jealousy, bitterness.
The servant in Mt. 18 expressed these
emotions as he grabbed his fellow servant by
the neck.

• 4.Relational effects of unforgiveness
• Unforgiveness also affects marriage
relationships. Thousands of friendships are
broken today because someone failed to
forgive.
• Relationships with unforgiveness produce
hypocrisy. Artificial greetings and plastic
smiles replace genuine love. Hatred sets in.
We may not want to say that we hate
someone, but if we are bitter towards them
we are not loving them and anything that is
not love is hate.

Bitter effects if a spouse refuses to
forgive:
1.Unforgiveness is a sin. It will separate you
from God.
2.Unforgiveness will open doors for other evil
spirits and sickness to attack you.
3.Unforgiveness will invite the spirit revenge
and murder into your heart and hinder your
progress and blessings.
4.You will live an unhappy marriage life.

.
Friday, May 22, 2020 13Kigume Karuri
• Unforgiveness hurts your spouse, children,
family and other people around you. In other
words, when you do not forgive others, the
person you hurt most is yourself.

• Unforgiveness doesn’t just poison an
individual’s heart. It also poisons a marriage,
even if the unforgiven offense isn’t related to
the relationship. Harboring resentment or
bitterness toward others in your life will still
have a negative effect on your marriage. In
many marriages, I’ve seen one spouse
become the outlet for anger and frustration
unrelated to the marriage relationship.

• When we forgive others and especially a
husband or wife, we get rid of unhealthy
thoughts and feelings. Forgiveness cleans out
the house. It blesses a relationship.
• Forgiving your spouse is a serious issue with
God and one of the requirements of a
marriage.
• UNFORGIVENESS MEANS DISASTER IN MARRIAGE

Forgiveness results
1. Release
Release the guilty spouse from your judgment.
Do not keep replaying the offense in your mind.
Do not dwell on your hurt feelings or pain. Let
God be the judge and let it go.

• 2. Decide
Forgiveness is a decision. Make a decision to
love your spouse though you have been
offended, then let your behavior reflect that
decision. In cases of abuse or destructive
behavior, of course, you might have to limit
your exposure to him/her. But your spirit
toward him/her should be loving and not
hostile.

• 3. Bless
Pray for him/her. Jesus taught us to bless those
who curse us and pray for those who mistreat us
(Luke 6:28). This is one of the most powerful ways
to change negative feelings toward a person. This
is the most important step to take in healing the
hurts of your past.
• By the way, the refusal to bless or pray for a
person is proof-positive that you aren’t forgiving
toward them.

• 4. Move On
Refuse to bring up the hurt in the future. When
God forgives us, He removes our sins “as far as
the east is from the west” (Psalm 103:12). He
doesn’t simply forgive; He forgets. Though we
cannot erase hurts from our memories, we can
make the decision not to dwell on past offenses.
This decision alone can have enormous positive
impact on a marriage.

• 5. Repeat
Forgiveness is often a process, so repeat
these steps as many times as necessary. Keep
going through these steps until you sense a
genuine release of the unforgiveness in your
heart.
• Once unforgiveness has been removed in
your marriage, you can then enjoy your
marriage to the fullest.

• A successful marriage is one-hundred percent
possible if we follow God’s model for marriage. A
marriage must be one in which forgiveness is
present. As you walk in forgiveness, you’ll see a
marked difference in the atmosphere and
pleasure of your relationship.

Finally
• Forgive your spouse. Forgive those who hurt you.
Be diligent to remain pure, and God will bless
you beyond your wildest dreams.
• Unforgiveness will completely drain your
marriage. Let us forgive and enrich our
marriages.
Though we cannot erase hurts from our
memories, we can make the decision not
to dwell on past offences.

Unforgiveness Drains Your Marriage: How to Forgive and Strengthen Your Bond

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