5. Concise Wording
Revise your messages to eliminate wordiness.
Instead of this
Try this
We are of the opinion that
We think
Please feel free to
Please
In addition to the above
Also
At this point in time
Now
Despite the fact that
Although
7. Wordy Prepositional Phrases
Instead of this
Try this
We don’t as a general
We don’t generally cash
personal checks.
rule cash personal
checks.
Students in very few
instances receive
parking tickets.
She calls meetings on a
monthly basis.
Students seldom get
parking tickets.
She calls monthly
meetings.
8. Long Lead-Ins
Instead of this
Try this
This memo is to inform
you that all employees
meet today.
All employees meet
today.
I am writing this letter
to say thanks to
everyone who voted.
Thanks to everyone
who voted.
10. Needless Adverbs
To sound more credible and to streamline
your writing, avoid excessive use of adverbs
such as definitely, quite, really, and actually.
Instead of this
Try this
The manager is
actually quite pleased
with your proposal
because the plan is
definitely workable.
The manager is
pleased with your
proposal because the
plan is workable.
11. Fillers
Revise sentences to avoid fillers such as there
and it when used merely to take up space.
Instead of this
Try this
There are two
employees who should
be promoted.
It was Lisa and Jeff
Two employees
should be
promoted.
who were honored.
Lisa and Jeff were
honored.
12. Revise the following sentences to avoid a long
lead-ins, wordy prepositional phrases, outdated
expressions, needless adverbs, fillers, and/or other
forms of wordiness.
This e-mail message is to
inform you that in all
probability we will actually
finish in two weeks.
We will probably
finish in two weeks.
There are many brokers who Many brokers are
are quite certain that these
certain that these
stocks are completely safe. stocks are safe.
13. Revise the following sentences to achieve
conciseness.
Pursuant to your request,
there are two contracts that
are attached hereto.
As you requested,
two contracts are
attached.
All employees are hereby
informed that as a general
rule computers may not be
used for activities that are
personal.
Generally,
employees may not
use computers for
personal activities.
14. Redundant Words
Avoid unnecessarily repetitious words. What
words could be omitted in these expressions?
advance warning
close proximity
exactly identical
filled to capacity
final outcome
necessary requisite
new beginning
past history
refer back
serious danger
15. Jargon
Avoid technical terms and special terminology
that readers would not recognize.
Computer jargon
queue
Alternative language
export
transfer data from one
program to another
bandwidth
Internet capacity
list of documents
waiting to be printed
Is jargon ever permissible?
16. Slang
Avoid slang (informal expressions with
arbitrary or extravagantly changed meanings).
to “bag on”
clueless
turkey
chill/chill out
to tease, to nag, or to
complain
unaware, naïve
someone stupid or silly
relax
18. Clichés
Avoid clichés (overused expressions).
Substitute more precise words.
Instead of this
Try this
Last but not least, you
should keep your nose
to the grindstone.
Finally, you should
work diligently.
We had reached the
We could go no
further.
end of our rope.
19. Revise the following sentence to avoid slang,
clichés, and redundancies.
Ms. Miller, who shoots
straight from the shoulder,
demanded final completion
by January 1.
Ms. Miller, who is
straightforward,
demanded
completion by
January 1.
21. Precise Verbs
Revise your writing to include precise verbs
instead of general, lackluster, all-purpose ones.
Market researchers said that
sales would improve.
What more precise verbs could replace said?
Market researchers forecasted improved sales.
Market researchers promised improved sales.
Market researchers predicted improved sales.
22. Please contact their
sales rep today.
What more precise verbs
could replace contact?
Please telephone their sales rep
today.
Please fax their sales rep today.
Please e-mal their sales rep today.
23. Buried Verbs
Revise verbs that have been converted to
nouns.
Tip
Look for words ending in
Look for words ending in
tion or ment. Could they
tion or ment. Could they
be more efficiently and
be more efficiently and
forcefully converted to verbs?
forcefully converted to verbs?
24. Instead of this
Try this
The manager came to
the realization that
telecommuting made
sense.
A job seeker must
The manager
realized that
telecommuting made
sense.
make application
before May 1.
A job seeker must
apply before
1.
May
25. Instead of this
Try this
Once we have the
establishment of a
Web site, our
business will grow.
Please give serious
consideration to a
company intranet.
Once we establish a
Web site, our
business will grow.
Please seriously
consider a company
intranet.
26. Revise the following sentences by using more
precise verbs or by centering the action in a verb.
The seller said he would
contact you.
The seller promised to
e-mail [telephone or
fax] you.
We must give encourage- We must encourage
ment to our team.
our team.
Consumers show a
preference for buttered
popcorn.
Consumers prefer
buttered popcorn.
27. Revise the following sentences centering the
action in the verb.
Please make an
assessment of the
home's value.
Ann made a suggestion
that we hire Lee.
Please assess the
home's value.
Ann suggested that we
hire Lee.
28. Concrete Nouns
Revise your writing to include specific, concrete
nouns instead of general, abstract ones.
Instead of this
Try this
The man asked
for a raise.
Jeff Jones asked for a 10
percent salary increasey.
An employee
presented a
proposal.
Kelly Keeler, production
manager, presented a plan to
stagger hour.
29. Vivid Adjectives
Revise your writing to include descriptive,
dynamic adjectives instead of overworked,
all-purpose ones.
Instead of this
The report was
good.
The report was
bad.
Try this
The report was
persuasive (or detailed,
original, thorough).
Possible revisions?
30. What to Watch for
in Proofreading
• Spelling
• Grammar
• Punctuation
• Names and numbers
• Format
33. How to Proofread
Complex Documents
Allow adequate time.
Print a copy, preferably double-spaced.
Be prepared to find errors.
Read once for meaning and once for
grammar/mechanics.
• Reduce your reading speed.
•
•
•
•
34. For documents that must be perfect:
• Have someone read aloud the original
while someone else checks the printout.
• Spell names.
• Spell difficult words.
• Note capitalization.
• Note punctuation.
