6. How do we prepare ourselves? Start with Heart You can’t go wrong if you intervene from a place of genuine concern and care…
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20. NFF – “Model Program” The Domestic Violence Death Review Committee … the greatest need continues to be educating all members of the community about the warning signs of domestic violence and the appropriate action necessary to prevent it. One example…is the Neighbours, Friends and Families Campaign. (DVDRC 2005)
21. NFF – “Model Program” Dupont / Daniel Inquest - Recommendations “ to provide support to all workplaces to train all employees about the dynamics of domestic violence….as well as what to do if faced with a situation where violence enters the workplace … model programs such as Neighbours, Friends and Families may be expanded in Ontario and be more directly inclusive of the role of the workplace”.
30. Why Workplaces Need to Be Involved Perpetrators choose her workplace as a means to access her because often this is a factor in her life that remains unchanged and predictable. Even if she has changed residences to isolate herself from the perpetrator, she may still experience the negative actions at work. Zachary 2000
31. Documentary “What everyone should know about woman abuse.” Lived Experience
49. Final Thoughts You don’t have to be a hero or fix the situation . Caring about the people around us, paying attention to them when there are signs of trouble and responding appropriately is radical social change. Little things count.
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Editor's Notes
Update this slide as needed with the name of the group and the date. Before you begin – ask how many people have heard about NFF. This will give you a sense about the knowledge in the room. With large audiences, have them introduce themselves to the people sitting right around them. In a presentation about neighbours, friends and families, it is a good way to begin.
In any abusive situation – isolation is a key factor. Isolation of the victim, the abuser, the children and the bystanders. And as the situation gets worse, as it inevitably does without some kind of intervention, the isolation intensifies, people become more and more alone.
Our intervention strategy is to identify 3 bystander behaviours are designed to interrupt isolation. (read them) - “See it” – recognize the warning signs - “Name it” – name it out loud – respond without judgment- tell someone - “Check it” – check for danger, check your assumptions, ask questions, check with experts, refer 3 things you can do: the takeaway: See it – Name it – Check it
Before any kind of intervention – check yourself. You don’t have to be an expert, you don’t have to know what to do to express concern for someone you care about. If you start from a place of genuine concern, you can raise the issue. “I have noticed that you are getting upsetting phone calls and I am concerned for you…” “I have seen the bruises on your arm and I care about what is happening to you…I know where you can find help if you want it.” There are many ways to make a small gesture of caring and concern that could open the door for someone who is alone and afraid. Your goal should not be to ‘solve’ the problem but to open the door for you to support her.
Read the purpose and add – why are we talking about “woman abuse”?
Domestic Violence is a term we often hear. American researcher, Michael Johnson, has identified 3 types of domestic violence: Situational couple violence is the most common – it happens when an argument escalates to violence. In this type, the statistics (stats canada) show women are almost equally as violent as men. However, the kinds of violence that are reflected in this research include all forms of violence. It includes single, uncharacteristic outbursts of violence, as well as ongoing patterns of violent behaviour intended to control another person. This means that pushing someone and choking someone are counted equally. Both are violent acts but the seriousness of the injuries may be quite different. Johnson calls the second type coercive control, this is when the abusive partner uses violence to control and dominate the partner. This is not about fighting or losing one’s temper but rather it is the systematic control one person exerts over another. The victims of this type of violence often live in fear everyday. The 3 rd type is violent resistance and occurs when the victim of intimate terrorism fights back. Using the typology has allowed researchers a more precise interpretation of data and explains why in general population surveys, women are found to be as violent as men, while data collected from police stats and shelter surveys clearly indicate that men are more violent than women.
Coercive control is predominantly male violence against their female partners. Situational couple violence, with no pattern of control, is more equally perpetrated by men and women in intimate relationships. There are other significant differences as well. Coercive controlling violence is more severe, happens with greater frequency, and is more likely to escalate. It has much more serious health consequences and it has a much more negative impact on the relationship. If you think about a woman being constantly afraid of her partner, it is easy to understand why this type of violence affects relationships so negatively.
Let’s be clear. All three types of domestic violence are harmful, potentially dangerous, need intervention of different kinds, and create victims who need support. NFF is not intended to address all forms of violence, it is specific to woman abuse because this is the most lethal outcome of domestic violence.
NFF deals exclusively with the 2 nd type – coercive control. NFF refers to it as woman abuse. Let’s talk about why we want to make this distinction.
These points are taken from research into domestic homicides in Ontario. Prior to Johnson’s research, we couldn’t tell if children who grow up in a violent home are more prone to violence as adults. The application of the typology has revealed that yes, in fact, children who grow up in the home environment Johnson calls “intimate terrorism” these children are much more likely to becoming abusers or being abused themselves. The last point is a comment. If we call this systematic pattern of violence “domestic violence” or “family violence” the fact that the victims are most often women and children is hidden. We can’t change what we don’t understand. Naming the issue is an important development in changing the culture. This is a critical factor that led the organizers to be so specific about the type of violence they want to address with the campaign.
For the 5-6% of men who are abused – we also care about their welfare and want to support them. We are not so sure about how to do that, there has been little research on the differences between the experience of abused women and abused men, likely because of the small numbers but also because men are even less likely to report. Nevertheless, Neighbours, Friends and Families provides good information that can support the people around anyone who is abused.
Brian Vallee has written a book called the War on Women. He contends that “there is another war – largely overlooked but even more deadly – with far more victims killed by "hostiles." But these dead are not labelled heroes, nor are they honoured in the national media or in formal ceremonies. From time to time, they may attract a spate of publicity as the result of a high-profile trial or an inquest that will likely conclude that society let them down once again and recommend changes to prevent future deaths, though these recommendations will be mostly ignored. This war is the War on Women. Excerpt from The War on Women: We live on a planet beset by war. In North America alone, the most familiar wars – those spotlighted by the U.S. media – include the War on Drugs, the War on Terror, the War on Crime, the Gulf War, the war in Afghanistan, and the war in Iraq. Once the politicians decide that war will be waged – in a foreign country or on the home streets – the lives of the women and men in the military and in law enforcement are at risk. In the seven years from 2000 to 2006, 2,697 American soldiers were killed by hostile forces, mostly in Iraq and Afghanistan. Another 726 died there accidentally in "non-hostile" incidents. At home, 611 American law enforcement officers were "feloniously killed" in the line of duty (including 72 in the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001). Another 554 officers died on the job from traffic accidents, heart attacks, accidental shootings, suicide, and other "non-hostile" incidents. So, in those seven years, the total number of front-line military and law enforcement deaths was 4,588. In that same period, 44 Canadian soldiers were killed in Afghanistan, including four who died in accidents and six killed by "friendly fire." At home, 16 law enforcement officers were killed in the line of duty, while another 41 died from "non-hostile" causes (including 16 in car accidents, seven in aircraft accidents and three in motorcycle accidents). The combined total of all Canadian military and law enforcement deaths for that seven-year period was 101. We pay tribute to these fallen men and women, often with national television, newspaper, and magazine coverage. Whenever a police officer is shot or otherwise feloniously killed in the line of duty, hundreds of police officers from all over North America gather for the funeral. In June 2006, all of Canada mourned the death in Afghanistan of Capt. Nicola Goddard, the first Canadian female combat soldier to be killed in battle, and watched live national media coverage of her funeral and subsequent burial with full military honours at Ottawa's National Military Cemetery. In the United States, the Public Broadcasting Service has run a silent roll call of those killed overseas, and other networks periodically air similar tributes. And at the federal level in both countries, public ceremonies honour both war and law enforcement dead. Compare the raw numbers. In the same seven-year period when 4,588 U.S. soldiers and police officers were killed by hostiles or by accident, more than 8,000 women – nearly twice as many – were shot, stabbed, strangled, or beaten to death by the intimate males in their lives. In Canada, compared to the 101 Canadian soldiers and police officers killed, more than 500 women – nearly five times as many – met the same fate. Those are the deaths. Then there are the wounded. In the same period, about 24,000 U.S. military were wounded in Iraq and Afghanistan, while about 80 Canadians were wounded in Afghanistan. In the United States, it's conservatively estimated that in addition to the 1,200 to 1,300 women killed each year by intimate partners, another 5.3 million, age 18 and older, are victims of non-lethal domestic abuse. Based on those numbers, the violence costs the country more than $5.8 billion annually – nearly $4.1 billion in direct medical and mental health care, and $1.8 billion in lost productivity and lost earnings due to homicide. These numbers are believed to underestimate the problem for several reasons, and additional efforts are needed to determine more accurately the full cost of intimate-partner victimization of women in the United States. In Canada, the federal government estimates the annual cost of violence against women at $1.1 billion in direct medical costs alone. That figure rises to more than $4 billion a year when social services, lost productivity, lost earnings, and police, court, and prison costs are factored in. Wars usually produce large numbers of refugees: witness the United Nations camps scattered around the world. And the War on Women has its own refugee camps, in the form of the 2,500 or so shelters for battered women and their children across North America. In the United States, more than 300,000 women and children seek safety in shelters each year. In Canada, the number is between 90,000 and 100,000. These comparisons are meant solely to draw attention to the ongoing scourge that continues to take the lives and to damage the bodies and minds of thousands upon thousands of women and children living in fear of the domestic terrorists in their own homes. If our governments became aware of terrorist cells that planned to kill and maim thousands of their citizens, would they not muster the full resources of the state to go after and stop them? It is an outrage that this slaughter of women should continue in so-called progressive Western democracies, or anywhere else in the world. The War on Women has run longer than all of the conflicts of the last two centuries combined, including the Cold War. Only in the past 25 years has there been any significant movement to end the conflict. The fuel that keeps the war going is gender inequality manifesting itself in the abortion of a healthy female fetus in China, a female "circumcision" in Africa, an "honour" killing in Pakistan, or a man beating or killing his spouse in Toronto or New York. Those fighting to end gender inequality find themselves swimming in a sea of red herring, thanks to a conservative backlash determined to prove that women are just as violent as men and that solutions to the problem of domestic violence must be gender neutral – despite overwhelming evidence that the perpetrators of lethal and severe intimate partner violence, by a wide margin, are men. These days, "it's a sin to say `violence against women,'" says Eileen Morrow, co-ordinator for the Ontario Association of Interval and Transition Houses. "Only `family violence' will do. "And of course all of the (government) systems are terrified of not being gender neutral, so they say, privately, `Of course we know it's mostly women but we say family violence because we can't say violence against women.' "Well, you're not going to solve the problem if you even refuse to say what it is."
Woman abuse is about power and control. It is ongoing, systematic and patterned. It is not someone losing their temper and behaving badly. An abuser is not usually abusive to everyone, he can seem like a good guy to most people around him. This ability to control or hide abusive behaviour demonstrates a capacity to choose who is the target. And there are many forms of abuse – physical violence may be the easiest to see, but it is no more devastating for victims who suffer other forms such as psychological abuse, sexual violence, religious persecution or economic control. Neighbours, friends and family members may think that if there are no bruises, it isn’t abuse. And for many victims themselves, they do not recognize behaviour as abusive because it is culturally or historically normal and even acceptable.
Only a few of the warning signs are listed here. A more complete list is on the handout. This is not a comprehensive list or a definitive list. If you suspect abuse, it is important to ask questions and not jump to conclusions. These signs do not automatically mean a person is experiencing abuse, if you are going to ask about the signs, remember to start with heart and respect her need to respond in whatever way she does. It is really difficult to admit you are being abused.
The Domestic Violence Death Review Committee (DVDRC) was developed to assist the Ontario Office of the Chief Coroner to investigate and review deaths occurring as a result of domestic violence. Many consistent factors were found during several years of review: 2002 – 2006. The committee believes that with public education, some deaths are preventable. NFF was cited as a model program to engage the community and to provide the information about the warning signs and how to take action safely.
Note: Be sure to explain that Lori Dupont was a nurse who was killed at work (Nov 2005) by her ex-boyfriend, Marc Daniel, who was a doctor at the same hospital (Hotel Dieu-Grace Hospital in Windsor).
During the Dupont Inquest there were critical events that were identified through the testimony of witnesses. Critical events can be understood as events that are witnessed by others that should raise the possibility of danger. Lack of experience and hesitation to intervene in domestic relationships have resulted in “Missed Opportunities” to: Offer support to women experiencing abuse Engage in safety planning Share expertise and collaborate to prevent incidents Offer appropriate interventions to men who are abusive It is important to recognize that the whole system is unprepared to deal with woman abuse. Many people try to help but do not have the support they need to be effective.
This graph was developed by researchers at the Centre for Research at UWO and Dr. Peter Jaffe, an expert in the field of violence. The slide was presented by Dr. Jaffe at the Dupont Inquest. The shorter bars show the “critical events” and the tall bars show the “missed opportunities”. The escalation is clear – both the number of critical events and also the number of people who knew ‘something’ but who may not have had the support they needed or may not have appreciated what they were seeing or known what to do with the information. Ideally, we want to identify and respond effectively to situations at the low end of the graph , prior to the steep and inevitable incline. Abusive behaviour will escalate without intervention . This means we need to really understand the warning signs so that we can pay attention when we first notice a situation, when the warning signs first appear.
There is a growing body of research that defines the high costs of woman abuse. These statistics are Canadian national numbers from the late 1990s and represent only a partial list of costs.
We have to demythologize woman abuse – that it only happens to certain kinds of people. There is tremendous shame for people to admit that it is happening to them. From the bottom stat we see that the violence crosses into the workplace often.
We also need to understand that a woman is most at risk when she first leaves her abusive partner and that many women are stalked at their place of work. If you overhear or see signs that a colleague has an ex-partner who is exhibiting jealously, possessiveness and/or control, you need to understand that you are seeing the signs of a high risk situation that require intervention. Think about the graph of Critical Events and Missed Opportunities – we know that without intervention of some kind, the situation will escalate. Even if woman abuse doesn’t result in death, it causes untold suffering.
How the perpetrator may prevent or interfere with her ability to work.
With the murder of Lori Dupont at Hotel Dieu Grace Hospital, we have seen how unprepared workplaces are to deal with this type of violence. We also know that people around a victim are affected and may be at risk themselves. There are multiple and overlapping areas of concern in health, safety and productivity. Co-workers are frequently aware of the situation. This point underscores the importance of the NFF campaign in the workplace. All employees need to know how to recognize the signs where to find help. With pending changes this year to the Occupational Health and Safety Act, employers will be responsible for educating their employees. In making these presentations, there have been many stories surface about how employers and co-workers have made a difference by taking action of some kind.
Information about the video -The video was produced by the London Coordinating Committee to End Woman Abuse. Warn people about the content – that it is upsetting and difficult – the story of Sandra Schott who was murdered by her husband, from whom she was separated, in Ingersol in August 2005. After - let the credits play right through then take a few minutes for debrief. Focus the discussion with a question – what stands out for you in the video? What were the warning signs? Etc. If it is a large group – have them turn to the ‘neighbours’ they introduced themselves to at the beginning of the presentation and talk about the video. Again, focus their discussions with a question. After a few minutes – you can ask for comments as a larger group. You can also refer them to the purple brochure and ask them to pick out warning signs / risk factors heard in the video.
Many people ask about the warning signs that appear on a list in the Sandra Schott video. The list in the video is a police risk assessment tool, the information on that list has been included in this brochure, just in a different form. On the screen are some ways to support a woman who is being abused. Knowing how to support her can be more challenging if she denies that she is abused or when she stays in an abusive situation. It is important to find ways to support her and to respect that it has to be her decision about what she wants to do. Note – if you have time, this could be a good place to ask the audience how they might support a friend or co-worker who doesn’t want help. How can you be supportive and respectful of her wishes and not presume to tell her what to do? What would be important about your attitude? If there isn’t time for discussion – good things to note: You can tell her that she can come to you if she ever needs to talk You can pay attention to the signs – document situations where you witness or overhear abuse or threats You can tell her where to find safety planning information and community resource referrals (NFF website) if she ever wants to find the information You can support her and still let her know that you are worried about her, however the decision to leave has to be hers. Your attitude is most supportive when it is compassionate, thoughtful and respectful. Do not judge the situation or her.
Unless you have lived in an abusive situation, it may be impossible to understand why a women stays in the relationship. The best that we can do is to understand some of the traps that may keep her there. It must be her decision to leave – remember that she is most at risk when she is planning to leave or has left the relationship. The challenge for people who care about her is to find meaningful ways to support her that keep the door to help open.
Statistics are clear that there are women at even greater risk of abuse.
There are professionals in your community who will help with safety planning – you can find them by calling the Assaulted Women’s Helpline or by finding your local contacts (e.g., the local shelter, police and many, many websites). But you should also understand the basics of safety planning. Get to know the brochure: what are the things you need to know if someone you know is being abused.
Talking to abusive men is another innovative element in the NFF campaign. It is important to understand that the campaign is not advocating for you to confront abusive men, or to challenge people you don’t know. This brochure is intended to support the people who care about a person who is acting abusively. If your brother, your best friend or an uncle were behaving abusively toward his partner, you might be the best person to have the conversation and suggest he gets help. This brochure will give you ideas about how to do that. It is important not to take a confrontational attitude – which may be understandable, but rarely effective. We know that without some kind of intervention, abusive behaviour is likely to escalate. Figuring out how to intervene safely and effectively is the challenge. Call the helpline first if you find yourself in a situation where you want to talk to someone you believe is acting abusively – don’t be afraid to get help yourself.
The Assaulted Women’s Helpline phone number is in all of the brochures. The service is anonymous and confidential and is provided in up to 154 languages. Note to facilitator: Add your local resources – organization and phone number. Encourage people to use the professionals if they have concerns or questions about a situation.
5 communities celebrated their NFF Workplace Champions on Feb 12, 2010. February 12 th was chosen because it is close to Family Day. In total, over 80 workplaces were recognized this year.
Bill 168 will come in effect in June 2010. Employers may be unsure about how to meet the requirements. Given the prevalence of domestic violence, employers are well advised to take a pro-active approach to educating their employees. NFF can help with the Workplace Champion program.
As well, a new campaign has been developed at the Centre for Research and Education on Violence against Women and Children and is sponsored by the Ontario Government. All materials will be available on the website and have been designed to help employers create safe supportive workplaces. Brochures How to Create a Safer Workplace I Need Safety & Support at Work Audit Tools Checklist Self Assessment Quiz for Workplaces Protocols: Dealing with Disclosure and Confidentiality Communicating with Employees at Risk Establishing an Interdisciplinary DV Response Team Principles for Creating a Workplace Policy to Address Domestic Violence Security measures Threat Assessment and Risk Management Role of Police and Community Experts/Services Suggested Protocol for Unions
Change happens in everyday ways. We all have a role to play in creating the safe, supportive communities that we all want to live and work in. If we just use our existing networks of relationships to spread the information and to generate discussion on this complex issue - we will achieve our goals.
For every person who takes action of any kind – it is impossible to know how far the information will travel and who will be affected. Little things count. Tell someone about the campaign, carry the brochures, know what the resources are in your community. It all counts – the little things matter.
This is the campaign slogan – a good slide to leave up while answering questions or continuing the discussion.
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