1.
@TwankersUK
http://twankers.com
Social Media
Yet Another Over Hyped Presentation
We bet you’ve heard it all before
@TwankersUK

2.
Who Should Need This?
Two groups:
•The first is Digital Agencies/Agencies/Social
Media Gurus (You know who you are!)
•The ones who want to make a fast buck
•Those who’ve experience in other areas, but wish to
jump on the social media bandwagon
•Those who have no experience whatsoever, but fancy
a punt
•Very difficult to tell the difference between the above
•Those who have a level of self awareness and are:
•Fed up of presenting nonsense like this
•Feel guilty for doing so
•Can’t believe they can get away with this stuff
@TwankersUK

3.
Who Should Need This?
•The second group is Brands & Businesses
who are being pitched to
•To help spot the bullsh*t being presented to you
•Or are considering doing it themselves having
received a bit of “free” consultancy.
Enjoy!
@TwankersUK

4.
Agenda
•Introduction
• The usual cheesy & awkward round the table intro’s
• Make sure you big yourself up, appear important
• Embellishment goes down a treat here. No one will realise
• Followed by time wasting made up anecdotes and
false laughter
•Social Media Overview
• Put on serious business faces, maybe even some mild
frowning
• Use many sound bytes and nonsense abbreviations
• “Engagement” “Value Exchange” “Social Currency” are sure
fire winners
• Expect an over complicated outline to help the
presenter feel smart and to bump up the price
@TwankersUK

5.
Agenda
•Specific Recommendations for YOU!
• The same stuff that is presented to everyone else
• Making it sound bespoke and very, very innovative
and thought leading
• There will be a word cloud about what people are
saying about you....it’ll show absolutely nothing.
•Proof of Capability
• Name dropping of companies that we have never
worked with. With case studies to back this up.
• Expect “Dell” “Zappos” “Starbuck” “ASOS”
• Total fabrication of the ROI these companies have
achieved
•Questions
• Being answered by blatant lies. @TwankersUK

6.
Title You Won’t Read
The obligatory funny image to catch you off guard,
make you smile and warm to us. This will allow us
to get away with the ensuing bullsh*t @TwankersUK

7.
Social Media Today
OMG OMFG
WTF! @TwankersUK

8.
At This Point....
• We’ll move over to the flip chart
• (which we specially requested for the meeting)
• Write some words and draw some pictures
• They’ll mean nothing
We’ll also take a picture
of the page to embellish
the importance we want
you to think we have
placed on it
@TwankersUK

9.
This is what people are saying about
You!
•Our in-depth social listening looks pretty
• It means nothing! @TwankersUK

10.
Bespoke Recommendations
•This is what we tell everyone
• But we won’t tell you that
•Start a Blog, people love this stuff!
• Talk corporate shite
• Talk about yourself We’ll then show you the logos to
let you know we’ve seen them
• Get “key people” in your org to write nonsense before
•Get Your Face on Facebook
• Fans will flock to your fan page for no reason at all.
• Everyone will want their wall filled up by your content, at
least 10 times a day
•Get on Twitter
• Broadcast, broadcast, broadcast, me, me, me
• Don’t listen to anyone...they’re full of sh*t
• add “Tw” to everything you say, people will find this funny
@TwankersUK

11.
Bespoke Recommendations
• Film your offices, get the vid’ on YouTube
• Guaranteed to go viral
• Especially if it’s 10 mins long
• Take pictures and post them onto Flickr
• The more drunk you are the better
• Measure absolutely nothing
• It’ far too complicated
• That’s why Measurement Camp fell flat on it’s arse
• Community Management
• Try and manage what everyone says
• They will do exactly as you ask....not
• Create a “Content Calendar”
The logos are still here, but have
moved.
• Tell people what to talk about and when
• They’ll “conform”
@TwankersUK

12.
Proof & Testimonials
•Dell - Sold $81Bn through their Twitter outlet
channel in 2 weeks
• We’ve never worked with them
•ASOS- They have 60Million Fans on their
Facebook page and sold $56Trillion
• We’ve never worked with them
•Starbucks, Zappos,
• All do really fantastic stuff
• We’ve never worked with them
•Can you see the formula?
• We make stuff up to try and impress you
• Is it working?
• Or are we coming across as shallow as we feel? @TwankersUK

13.
ROI
Investment
• Fricking Loads.
• Our fees A pointless £ Sign
• Your time and resources
• More of our fees
• Contingency for all the cock ups and reputation management issues
we’ll cause
Return
• Huge! (when compared to a really tiny thing)
• We’ll set your expectation sky high
• With no idea how to measure it
• But we’ll talk about how many likes, tweets, followers, reach, positivity
etc. to bamboozle you
The Meaningless Ratio
• No one understands it, but we know it won’t be questioned as
no one likes to look stupid
1,000,000:1
@TwankersUK

14.
Any Questions
•The “know it all” in the corner will now ask
questions to
• Try and catch us out & make themselves look clever
•We’ll answer by telling lies and emphasise
• There is no right or wrong answer...this is social
media after all
•Should you want to take a punt and decide to
work with us:
• You won’t see any of us presenting again for dust
• You’ll work with Interns and temporary freelance
staff we know very little about
@TwankersUK

15.
Thank You
Twankers: Social Mediocrity
@TwankersUK

16.
In Summary
•If you’re a Brand/Business
• You’ll sit through four or five of these
• Then decide to do it yourself
•If you’re an agency/guru
• You’ll pick up a client in a one in five ratio
• You’ll earn an enormous “set-up” fee
• After three months the client will ask
• “What is all this achieving?”
• You’ll come out with some meaningless stats
• The client will eventually ditch you
@TwankersUK

17.
@TwankersUK
http://twankers.com
Social Media
Yet Another Over Hyped Presentation
We told you you’ve heard it all before
@TwankersUK